The erm........masturbation thread... - Page 4

03-09-2005, 04:20 PM

School has taught us many things.

log p · 03-10-2005, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

You masturbated during a fire drill?

with all the gaggled confusion associated with organized single-file marching i was able to duck behind a water fountain (i was about three feet tall at 11) and make sweet love to the sirens of puberty

Intrepid Homoludens · 03-10-2005, 12:25 PM

A....fountain, eh? How fitting.

log p · 03-10-2005, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

A....fountain, eh? How fitting.

well, i couldnt hide behind a pathetic, leaky faucet with a two-inch nozzle so the fountain will have to suffice as representative imagery

Intrepid Homoludens · 03-10-2005, 12:38 PM

I understand. However, it seems you forgot the emergency fire hose (it's quite long once you unravel it, and it sprays a great deal farther).

Royal Fool · 03-10-2005, 01:05 PM

...I picked the 2nd option.

gillyruless · 03-10-2005, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

I understand. However, it seems you forgot the emergency fire hose (it's quite long once you unravel it, and it sprays a great deal farther).

Oh, Trepsie, darling, you are the emergency fire hose of my dreams!

Intrepid Homoludens · 03-10-2005, 02:02 PM

You hot stud. I'd rather light your fire than put it out, babe.

Sage · 03-23-2005, 10:31 PM

Well, well, well!
Much more talk like this and I'll need some...(ahem)..."alone time" myself.

Intrepid Homoludens · 03-24-2005, 12:54 PM

How do you spell relief?

Sage · 06-07-2006, 06:46 PM

I still wonder who claims they don't do it.

GoT · 06-07-2006, 06:50 PM

looks like we've got about 12 liers...

using the detectabullshitartist method of dectecting bullshit artists i have deemed that at least 12 people on the poll lied about when they first wanked/fingered for the following reasons:

1. they're full of shit
2. its shit they're full of
3. full of shit they are
4. are of shit full they

i've told the truth.. just for the record....

errgh..

GoT

Sage · 06-07-2006, 07:07 PM

Possibly, but everyone matures at a different rate. Some people don't hit puberty until they're 18 or in extreme cases even older, whereas others are "early bloomers" and are 185 centimetres tall when they're only 12.

GoT · 06-07-2006, 07:12 PM

So does that mean you're saying their reason is number 4 on my list?

Sage · 06-07-2006, 07:23 PM

No, I'm saying that there are those who may actually have started "enjoying themselves" prior to reaching the age of 10.
Just because you don't have any ammo yet is no reason not to practice cleaning your gun.

Jeysie · 06-07-2006, 08:14 PM

*cough* Indeed.

I was probably about 7 years old or so when I discovered somehow that rubbing against a chair a certain way felt kind of good (much to the consternation of my parents, who caught me one time

).

Though it wasn't until I was 20 or so that I discovered *why* it felt kind of good... or that there were more, um, effective ways to approach the matter.

Peace & Luv, Liz

seebaruk · 06-08-2006, 12:55 AM

So you were rubbing yourself against chair legs until you were 20? That must have been awkward at family meals

As for me, I was born with my cock in my hand baby!

Dasilva · 06-08-2006, 02:32 AM

Wanking makes the world go round.

seebaruk · 06-08-2006, 02:50 AM

You can't beat it, so to speak

Chubby Brown, I'm A Wanker:

My mother said that I never should
Play with the naughty rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understand
And that's why I fell in love with my right haaaaand

And that's why...

I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And it does me good
like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pud

I was 25 years old before I was kissed
And then I found that I preffered a swift one off the wrist!
It's cheap and convenient,
you can't catch VD
It's available at any time
and it's absolutely free

And that's why....

I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And it does me good
like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pud

Oh Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters
Thank you for having me and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms and my donkey's growing shorter,
my knees have turned to water
and I think I'm going blind

Jatsie · 06-08-2006, 02:53 AM

You fat bastard!

View Poll Results: When did you start to masturbate????
0-10 yrs	17	17.17%
10-15 yrs	66	66.67%
15-20 yrs	10	10.10%
I DON'T DO IT - ITS DISGUSTING!	6	6.06%
Voters: 99. You may not vote on this poll

03-09-2005, 04:20 PM	#61
SamNMax Guest Posts: n/a	School has taught us many things. Share Share this post on Twitter

03-10-2005, 12:25 PM	#63
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	A....fountain, eh? How fitting. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

03-10-2005, 12:38 PM	#65
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	I understand. However, it seems you forgot the emergency fire hose (it's quite long once you unravel it, and it sprays a great deal farther). Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

03-10-2005, 01:05 PM	#66
Royal Fool Statement: Not a meatbag. Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Iceland Posts: 813	...I picked the 2nd option. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ .::Royal Fool::.

03-10-2005, 02:02 PM	#68
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	You hot stud. I'd rather light your fire than put it out, babe. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

03-23-2005, 10:31 PM	#69
Sage Bad Influence Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Birmingham, Alabama USA Posts: 5,547	Well, well, well! Much more talk like this and I'll need some...(ahem)..."alone time" myself. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Ignorance is bliss, denial is divine, and willful ignorance is a religious experience. Share the love. <3

03-24-2005, 12:54 PM	#70
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	How do you spell relief? Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

06-07-2006, 06:46 PM	#71
Sage Bad Influence Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Birmingham, Alabama USA Posts: 5,547	I still wonder who claims they don't do it. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Ignorance is bliss, denial is divine, and willful ignorance is a religious experience. Share the love. <3

06-07-2006, 06:50 PM	#72
GoT Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: GEELONG Posts: 470	looks like we've got about 12 liers... using the detectabullshitartist method of dectecting bullshit artists i have deemed that at least 12 people on the poll lied about when they first wanked/fingered for the following reasons: 1. they're full of shit 2. its shit they're full of 3. full of shit they are 4. are of shit full they i've told the truth.. just for the record.... errgh.. GoT Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Currently Reading: Ransom, David Malour Currently Playing:Tales of MI ep 3. Currently Watching: SG: Universe, Dexter season 4, V 2009, Defying Gravity season 1, Dollhouse season 2......

06-07-2006, 07:07 PM	#73
Sage Bad Influence Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Birmingham, Alabama USA Posts: 5,547	Possibly, but everyone matures at a different rate. Some people don't hit puberty until they're 18 or in extreme cases even older, whereas others are "early bloomers" and are 185 centimetres tall when they're only 12. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Ignorance is bliss, denial is divine, and willful ignorance is a religious experience. Share the love. <3

06-07-2006, 07:12 PM	#74
GoT Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: GEELONG Posts: 470	So does that mean you're saying their reason is number 4 on my list? Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Currently Reading: Ransom, David Malour Currently Playing:Tales of MI ep 3. Currently Watching: SG: Universe, Dexter season 4, V 2009, Defying Gravity season 1, Dollhouse season 2......

06-07-2006, 07:23 PM	#75
Sage Bad Influence Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Birmingham, Alabama USA Posts: 5,547	No, I'm saying that there are those who may actually have started "enjoying themselves" prior to reaching the age of 10. Just because you don't have any ammo yet is no reason not to practice cleaning your gun. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Ignorance is bliss, denial is divine, and willful ignorance is a religious experience. Share the love. <3

06-07-2006, 08:14 PM	#76
Jeysie Diva of Death Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Western Massachusetts Posts: 1,402	cough Indeed. I was probably about 7 years old or so when I discovered somehow that rubbing against a chair a certain way felt kind of good (much to the consternation of my parents, who caught me one time ). Though it wasn't until I was 20 or so that I discovered why it felt kind of good... or that there were more, um, effective ways to approach the matter. Peace & Luv, Liz Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Adventures in Roleplaying (Nov. 19): "Maybe it's still in the Elemental Plane of Candy." "Is the Elemental Plane of Candy anything like Willy Wonka's factory?" "If it is, would that mean Oompa Loompas are Candy Elementals?" "Actually, I'm thinking more like the Candyland board game. But, I like this idea better." "I like the idea of Oompa Loompa Elementals."

06-08-2006, 12:55 AM	#77
seebaruk Chris Barraclough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London Posts: 2,437	So you were rubbing yourself against chair legs until you were 20? That must have been awkward at family meals As for me, I was born with my cock in my hand baby! Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Games and Tech journo, and broke-arse author of Bat Boy (UK Authors Prize 2010 Winner), Crack (Page Turner Prize 2011 shortlisted) and Dead Dogs (nominated for the Dylan Thomas Sony Reader Award). Check out www.chrisbarraclough.co.uk for promotions and giveaways. Twitter: Seebaruk

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06-08-2006, 02:32 AM	#78
Dasilva Hitch-Hiker Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: The Mediterranean Sea Posts: 4,364	Wanking makes the world go round. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Regards, DaSilva "If you don't get out of the box you've been raised in, you won't understand how much bigger the world is." - Angelina Jolie _ <Susan falls through the floor and gets stuck> <Paco looks at her blankly> "Whats wrong with you?! Lassy would of had a firetruck here by now!" - Susan Mayer, Desperate Housewives

06-08-2006, 02:53 AM	#80
Jatsie Lovable rogue Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Great Britain Posts: 6,378	You fat bastard! Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "Jatsie is amazing." - Jazhara "My mental image of Jat is a gentleman sitting in a leather armchair, wearing a robe. The light in the room is dim and strangely he's not sitting in front of a computer, but next to a small, round table with a box of cigars on." - Jelena Gay-Nerds.com

06-08-2006, 02:50 AM	#79
seebaruk Chris Barraclough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London Posts: 2,437	You can't beat it, so to speak Chubby Brown, I'm A Wanker: My mother said that I never should Play with the naughty rude girls in the wood Their giggling talk I could never understand And that's why I fell in love with my right haaaaand And that's why... I'm a wanker I'm a wanker And it does me good like it bloody well should I'm a wanker I'm a wanker And I'm always pulling my pud I was 25 years old before I was kissed And then I found that I preffered a swift one off the wrist! It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD It's available at any time and it's absolutely free And that's why.... I'm a wanker I'm a wanker And it does me good like it bloody well should I'm a wanker I'm a wanker And I'm always pulling my pud Oh Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters Thank you for having me and being oh so kind I've got pains in my arms and my donkey's growing shorter, my knees have turned to water and I think I'm going blind Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Games and Tech journo, and broke-arse author of Bat Boy (UK Authors Prize 2010 Winner), Crack (Page Turner Prize 2011 shortlisted) and Dead Dogs (nominated for the Dylan Thomas Sony Reader Award). Check out www.chrisbarraclough.co.uk for promotions and giveaways. Twitter: Seebaruk