[Hammerite]

The ducks seem to like grey bread, if the survey I conducted is reliable.

[Squinky]

I like grey beards.

[Lee in Limbo]

Originally Posted by Squinky

I like grey beards.

Mine only looks grey in diffused sunlight. I'm starting to go grey on top (barely; you have to really look for it), but my beard is still a rusty dark brown. Also, I can't grow a full beard. It's kinda depressing.

Dear Aggie:

I'm procrastinating on the package design again. Just not feeling it today. I really need to get a new idea in my head for that, and fast. Also, logo ideas are swimming around lazily in my brain, but I still haven't settled on anything. Procrastinating on the sketchbook plan. Again, just not feeling it today.

In other news, Cayra has updated with a few new features. Nothing earth-shattering, but they have put in a fixed layout toggle feature, which might be useful. They also have a history feature now, though I'm not sure if I really want one yet. The software pretty much searches for the update automatically, so it's easy to get.

And finally, I'm feeling kinda crummy today. This is not good, since I have a number of things that need to be taken care of today. So I'm eating chicken soup with rice and veggies and listening to ancient Pink Floyd and trying to figure out how to make MetFall a more interactive story that can be broken up into manageable parts for future production and distribution.

I've gone back to thinking about my modular system. I don't know why, as it seems to present problems both for story arcing, asset management and just from a programming standpoint (compatibility with any future engine upgrades and such), but the idea of doling out sections of plot/subplot/setting in easily downloadable sections (not so much chapters or episodes as modules, although some serial fiction chapter conventions might be needed to make each segment rewarding in itself, as well as in conjunction with other modules) just sounds like a very cool idea to me.

I don't want it to be sandbox-like. Just a sort of DIY adventure assembly kit, where the designer's main input is on how many variations on the themes of the 'main' plot there are. The rest of it sort of has to be designed to fit together in any number of ways. So, an AG with a kind of story sampling engine built in.

Plus, I'm still thinking about how multiple modules can carry a payload of extra material that, when enough modules are assembled, amount to a finale module of sorts. It sounds like such a great idea, but as I'm not a programmer, I don't know how difficult it would be from that perspective. I just know that from a writing standpoint, it's a headache, but it's one I'm intrigued by. I don't know if I'll like the results, and I can already hear some folks arguing that episodic segments aren't as good as a full game. I just think there's a neat idea in here somewhere between casual-episodic gaming and a full-game assembly setup.

Of course, all of this is pie in the sky, since I have no budget and can't afford to pay anyone to work on this thing with me. MetFall may always be one of my unfulfilled ambitions. Just something about the idea seems so cool, and might teach me a lot about what to do with The Shadow Sygne and especially with Ashes someday.

[Merricat]

I fell hard while running in the park today. It was my own fault; I'd heard a cardinal and I was so busy searching the trees for him that I didn't see the largish rock in the path until I was too late. It must have been funny from a distance: the definition of head over heels. Not too painful, though; no swelling, and just a bit of tenderness where I scraped one knee and elbow. Well, I suppose that's what you get when your head is in the clouds for too long.

[tsa]

You were lucky Merricat! I fell over a little ledge a year ago and you can still see where my knee was scraped.

[Squinky]

To Blog-Man, with love:

A few people I work with have expressed the sentiment that a game designer ought to know how to program. I agree. This isn't to say they need to know x86 assembly or anything like that; just the fundamentals of thinking in a procedural fashion. Being able to understand not just the end product, but the systems that drive it. That sort of thing. Novelists and screenwriters don't really have to think about this, and some can argue that game writers don't either, but I believe writing must be fully integrated with design (to what extent are the two disciplines separated, anyway?) for it to have any measurable effect.

And there's the execution of ideas. I could be wrong, but I just can't imagine how it would feel to come up with a good idea and have no way of at least prototyping it. It seems like a handicap to me. If I were you, Lee, I'd come up with a much smaller story that could be told in a modular fashion, and build something around that to see what worked and what didn't. That's kind of what my games are like nowadays, especially Chivalry; they're pretty much just prototypes, which is probably a big reason why I give them away for free. But then again, that's just me. I'm impatient. I find it more logical to take baby steps than take great leaps -- everyone does the latter, and nothing ever gets done. And above all, I'm still learning. I'm not ready to create my magnum opus. Maybe I never will. I'm okay with that.

Above all, I hate the division we as a society have created between the sciences and the arts, the left brain and the right brain, reason and emotion, thinking and feeling. They tell me I'm gifted for being able to understand both, but I can't believe them, because it feels so normal to me. I get annoyed when people claim that since they're on one side, they can't possibly have anything to do with the other, like little kids who refuse to touch members of the opposite sex because they've got cooties. Grr.

Still, I wonder whether there's a threshold as to how good you can get at both. Like, if you're allotted a certain amount of experience points, RPG-style, and you can either use them all on Geekiness, or all on Artistry, or balance them equally, and the latter case always means being, well, less adept at a particular skill than your unbalanced counterparts.

Anywho, the Penny Arcade Episode One launch is tonight (or rather, tomorrow morning). There's going to be a bit of a réveillon at the office, and I'm thinking of dropping in, even though I didn't work on the game. I like taking every opportunity I can to socialise with these people, because I actually quite like them, and having experienced firsthand how rare that is for me, I feel I need to seize the day in that regard.

Ta for now,
Squanks.

[Jazhara7]

Dear Aggie,

House M.D. just took a bit of a dive in my appreciation (though really, it's just that one episode. House M.D. is still fun, but that's no reason why I can't dislike this particular episode.). I couldn't believe my ears when I heard him say the words "Ritalin...Cocaine for children.". My first reaction was to loudly shout "O NEIN!" (Literally "Oh no!" but pronounced in a way that makes it mean "You've got to be f*cking kidding me!"/"You can't be serious!"/"I can't believe they put that in there!"). Next reaction was running to the living room where my parents were watching the show too, while growling, and mimicking the readyness to throttle someone (sadly, the people I want to throttle are somewhere over the big pond, obviously).

I think my mother was prepared for that reaction. As I have ADHD myself, this is one of the annoying things that I hear sometimes. And I haven't had Ritalin prescribed for years, since I long since moved on to different, more advanced medication. The reason partly being because I not only have ADHD, but also am a non-responder, meaning that I don't show any reaction to lower doses of such medications, and thus have to take high dosages that would make anyone go wide-eyed. This is a common occurence with people that ADHD, as it often goes hand in hand with each other. I recently learned that finally after years another kid who gets a higher dosage than me had gotten treated at the place I get treated (I used to hold a kind of record with my dosage up till then. The other kid is a bit overweight though, and that also plays into the equation of how much medication a person needs before it shows any effect, so it's no surprise. And by the way, I didn't build up a tolerance for the drug. Being a non-responder means you don't react to low doses of it from the start.).

Anyway, the point is, that yes, Ritalin can have effects similar to Cocaine - if you crush it and snort it through your nose. You would get a drug like effect if you crushed Aspirin and snorted it through your nose, for Brian's sake! If you take the stuff as it's supposed to be taken, by swallowing it, the effect is much lower, and not even close to Cocaine at all. Keck, if you were to eat Cocaine, while not exactly healthy, it wouldn't get you all that high either, I think (though really, I have no experience with Cocaine in any form, so don't quote me on that last bit.). The point is that if you snort any kind of powder through your nose, you get a much stronger effect than the normal effect if you were to swallow it in tablet form. It's similar to how fires in bakeries where flour is floating in the air is much more dangerous than fire in a place without any kind of dust in the air. Or how Minced meat spoils much faster than a slab of steak meat, because any mould that might attack it has a much larger attack area on the minced meat.


Still, this argument "Ritalin has a similar effect to Cocaine" is one used much too often by people opposed to giving kids any kind of medication, while leaving out the important detail of "when snorted through the nose as powder". Seriously, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to give kids medication, if it can be avoided. But telling lies and half-truths and thus taking advantage of the fact that people are gullible fools that much rather believe what someone tells them because they are scared of thinking too much and too lazy to check the facts before they panic (that's how Wars happen, you know. By one guy telling many people that that country or those people over there are bad and different, and the people not taking the time to check the facts or at least *THINK*. Back then they at least had the questionable excuse of not having the Internet [I don't want to list the fact that people are by nature afraid of everything that's different. It is simply a fact, but it's not an excuse, because if you stop to think, you can override it easily.]. But *WE* have the Internet, so there's no excuse to not do your frigging research already, morons! >_< ) is something I despise.

Seriously, I want to throttle the author of that episode. Hard. I am not saying he had any intentions of turning any people away from giving their children medication if they require it. (The following stuff used to be in parentheses, but seriously, that would have been a long parentheses even for *me*) Of course, this medication is not necesarry for survival. But remember how I say that anyone in my skin would go mad in the fraction of a second or die trying, because my mind is so insane? Well, I truly believe that, but also in part due to the fact that I feel very close to madness if I forgot to take my medication on some days. You cannot comprehend how it feels to not be able to remain seated for a minute, even if you want to, because you're just so restless. I remember how while in the clinic to get my dosage adjusted they kept me without medication for a week to be able to make an estimate how much I might need. Or at least, that was the plan. After half a day - *HALF A DAY* - they couldn't stand it any longer, and gave me some medication again. And we're talking about people who look after kids getting their medication adjusted as a job, seven days a week [it's on station, so yes, we're there even at night]. They're used to nervous kids, as taking the kids off the medication for about a week to get an impression of how much might be needed is standard procedure for this process. And they got defeated by one little kid, after not even a day. Yes, it's that bad with me. And now imagine you're not merely looking at that girl that a second ago was sitting ["Sitting" used here for lack of a better word, as she was constantly looking around, hardly able to look at what she was doing, close to jumping up and immediately sitting down again] at the table doing a puzzle, and is now in the pillow corner, trying to find a comfortable - no, wait, she's already moved on from that, and is now trying to build something out of LEGO. And it looks like she won't be able to remain with that for long either. It's rather annoying, and seriously, she doesn't look very happy either. So yeah, while not necessary for survival, it does help to preserve the nerves and sanity of everyone involved, including the child itself. Alternatively, you could go out with the child and let it use up all of that power so that exhaustion calms the nerves at least a bit. But few parents were prepared for that when they planned [or not] children, for if they had been, they would probably have considered getting a greyhound or some oher dog breed that needs lots of exercise every day instead, as it's much more cost intensive, and puts a lot less stress on one's nerves. So "normal" kids have lots of energy too? Multiply that by 10 when thinking of an ADHD kid, and despair, thank you very much. (This is where abovementioned parentheses would have ended, by the way. I told you it would have been too long, even by my standards.). I think he just read it somewhere, and thought "Hey, this would be a cool thing to put in to have House say. Because obviously this is something a doctor said." Yeah, right. I'm repeating myself, but: Do your frigging research, moron!

(Continued in my next post [that's the second one after this one])

[Hammerite]

My house has a roof.

[Jazhara7]

Yes, this is a touchy subject for me, or rather one that just gets brought up every time someone hears "ADHD" or just realises I take medication, and then want to tell me how evil and bad it is, and how I'm basically taking Cocaine (remember, I've been taking a completely different medication for years already. But those people don't even realise there's different medications for one disorder. ). It's not as if I go around telling people "Hey, I have ADHD and take medication for it.". In fact, I rarely ever tell that about me, because seriously, it's not what I identify by. But it also occurs that someone tells about someone else, and I correct them, and before I realise what's happening, they're spouting things they've "Heard". I can't help but correct them. Even if I don't mention I have ADHD (and usually I don't mention it), it's still a thing that greatly annoys me.

And seriously, House, the guy who is constantly on pain medication addiction of which and abuse of it seems to be common enough for doctors to write a warning about? That's Hypocrisy.

Sorry for the rant Aggie, but since I don't know the author of that episode, venting was the next best thing to tracking him down and giving him a loving throttling of the neck as "Thank you". *eyetwitch*


-


*by the way, I just realised it might seem I'm addicted to the medication, if I get so nervous without it. I can assure that I am not, and since the person in question when it comes to addiction is the last one you'd trust, I can assure you that my doctors would agree I am not addicted. What I listed above was when I was younger, in a time where the ADHD restlessness was coupled with the natural energy of a child (or rather, teenager). Also, I think the week that half day might just have been one of my bad days, though it's still quite impressive that I managed to bring people who supervise such kids daily to their knees in half a day. On bad days, I have good days, and bad days. On good days, I can forget my medication, and not feel nervous at all. Other days, I notice immediately when I haven't taken it. Also, sport does indeed help. Or just something that requires my attention and is coupled with some movement. Often on Thursdays I've found I'm rather restless, even with my medication. Thursdays I have Archery practice, though, and whenever I come back from it, I always feel much more calm, just from having had to concentrate on hitting the target. Also, I should not forget to drink enough liquid, as lack of liquid makes me more prone to be nervous. Also, luckily the restlessness goes down a bit once you grow out of childhood, though it's always there. But overall, I can live without the medication. These days it's mostly just for the bad days when I can't stand being in the same room with myself even if I just ran a mile and am completely exhausted. You know, the "Defeating-Professionals-in-less-than-a-day" days.

[Jazhara7]

Originally Posted by Hammerite

The ducks seem to like grey bread, if the survey I conducted is reliable.

Grey bread it is then. Let's go feed the ducks!



-

[Merricat]

Originally Posted by Squinky

Above all, I hate the division we as a society have created between the sciences and the arts, the left brain and the right brain, reason and emotion, thinking and feeling. They tell me I'm gifted for being able to understand both, but I can't believe them, because it feels so normal to me. I get annoyed when people claim that since they're on one side, they can't possibly have anything to do with the other, like little kids who refuse to touch members of the opposite sex because they've got cooties. Grr.

I don't buy into that division. I love number games, various sciences, and history, in particular, but I disappointed my genius father by becoming a writer rather than a research scientist, professor, doctor, or attorney. And I didn't marry until I met a man who was as brilliant as my father (and could keep up with me), but was also emotionally wise, with a great sense of humor. I think those boundaries are artificially and arbitrarily imposed by people who want to pigeonhole others so they can forget about them. Rise above it.

[Squinky]

That means there may yet be hope for me. Thanks, Merricat.

[tsa]

A colleague of mine is a brilliant scientist, and he also won a prize at a prestigious movie festival with his home-made short animation movie. On top of that, he is also a very nice guy. You're not alone Squinky

[Squinky]

And thank you too, tsa!

[tsa]

Jaz, I have a heart condition and I also occasionally meet ignorant people and people who don't/can't understand why I have problems with certain things. I am very open about my condition. Not that I tell everyone who wants to hear it about it, but if people ask me to do things I can't, I explain them why I can't do them. Most people are OK with it then.

[Jelena]

Jaz
I understand you wholeheartedly. I've worked with children with ADHD and realize what a great help medication can be to help the child focus and concentrate. We also have close friends who have a child in his late teens with ADHD. He takes medicines to help him through his teenage years and so far everything has worked out great. I don't know the situation in other countries, but here in Sweden it's not that easy to get Ritalin or any other medication for ADHD. If you get it, you really need it.

About House MD...well he's supposed to shock us, no doubt about that. I'm sure the writers have offended lots and lots of people with mean Dr House comments.

[Lee in Limbo]

As Jelena said, Jaz, House is not a nice guy. In fact, as fictional MDs go, House is a right @$$hole. That's the attraction, apparently. He's sort of the Quincy of modern medical shows. He'd probably lose his license to practice if he pulled that crap in real life. And yeah, that ritalin crack was uncalled for.

I'm currently taking ritalin myself, though I'm still not sure exactly how much help it's giving me. It does seem to be helping somewhat. But meanwhile, it would never occur to me to use ritalin as an upper. I have a problem I'm trying to get a handle on. The last thing I want to do is develop another problem because I want to misuse my medication. The writer who scripted that line for House to deliver was being extremely cynical.

[Merricat]

The problem with Ritalin in the U.S. is that it's over-prescribed. I don't watch the show, so I don't know if that's the issue that it was trying to address. But over-prescription is a problem here, and while I know that Ritalin works handsomely for some, it is not a behavior cure-all drug and should not be given to children who don't actually need it.

[Jazhara7]

Thanks for the support everyone, I appreciate it. My problem wasn't so much with House saying it, but rather in the context he said it. It was more of a side comment, and beside really getting me riled up, it also felt out of character the way he said it: It felt more like the annoying one-liners that Horatio guy makes at the beginning of every bloody episode of "CSI: Miami". Don't know those? Here's a collection. Seriously, it was exactly like that "Ritalin...Cocaine for Kids" and SWITCH SCENE! >_< I know House is an a-hole, but I like his character partly because he's rude, obnoxious, and doesn't care if people are shocked at his actions. That's the whole point about house. But that line, the way it was implemented, was just...not House. I mean, I am sure it's something that he'd say without a second thought if he thought it to be true (which it isn't entirely, as I mentioned above.). But as a one-liner in that way, it was just...wrong. I don't get easily offended by what he says, because I know it's just fiction. That goes for all characters. Getting offended by a fictional character in a fictional setting is in my book as bad as disliking an actor because you dislike one of the characters he played (For example, I can't stand Jean Luc Picard in Star Trek - I just can't stand the character for reasons I myself can't put my finger on. But that doesn't mean I dislike Patrick Stewart, just because he played the character). The actual thing that got me angry was, apart from the fact that now even *more* people will throw it at me when they somehow learn that I have ADHD, but rather that it just didn't fit the character - so the writer's to blame.

Originally Posted by Merricat

The problem with Ritalin in the U.S. is that it's over-prescribed. I don't watch the show, so I don't know if that's the issue that it was trying to address. But over-prescription is a problem here, and while I know that Ritalin works handsomely for some, it is not a behavior cure-all drug and should not be given to children who don't actually need it.

The context of the conversation was that a mother (number one patient of the episode in question) was supposedly taking the Ritalin prescribed to her kid (she got the prescription for her child without the knowledge of the husband, which I guess was to serve as another shock factor, as apparently they both agreed to raise their child without any supposedly harmful stuff like medications, too.), while looking after the kid. And no, the kid never got to take any Ritalin herself.

I know what the situation is like in the US. It's slowly gaining more public attention in Germany too, though luckily it's not over-prescribed. Back when I was diagnosed, ADHD was unknown even to many doctors. I didn't get diagnosed by my regular doctor, but rather an actual Professor of Child Psychology. And he doesn't just throw those diagnoses out lightly either. Also, there are more kids diagnosed with ADHD these days here in Germany, not because it's "fashionable" (it's not *that* well known yet.), but rather because we just got out of that phase where it was practically unknown. In the future the same problems as in the US might arise, though I still hope we can avoid that.

But yeah, the issue with it in the US was not what it was trying to adress. It was a stupid comment that had nothing to do with the issue in question: It was *not* the kid taking it, it was the mother taking it. And she was taking it like you're supposed to take it, by swallowing the stuff, and not snorting it through here nose as powder. The comment could, and *should* have been left out, and nobody would have noticed any difference. It didn't serve any purpose in the episode at all.


-

[Lee in Limbo]

Dear Aggie

It's surprising how much story there is left to tell in MetFall that I hadn't really thought through completely before. I'm almost writing stuff just to see where it goes and how it connects up with the rest of the story. Which is to say, I sort of know what I'm doing, but some of this is just occurring to me for the first time, like a facet I overlooked even though I knew it was there.

In trying to minimize the assets early on, I skipped a tangent that is proving to be very rich, and really helps out another part of the story (perhaps a few different parts, actually) that was giving me trouble before. It's almost a whole other story entirely, except that it intersects with the other parts of the story and presents a plausible alternative to the singular path I've already laid out.

In conclusion, sometimes those annoying setbacks that threaten to break your heart really can be a gift in disguise, if you just pick up the ball and move on after the dust settles. What does not kill you...