[Squinky]

I'm amused that this is all coming from someone who's always going around and whining that he has no friends in LA because everyone's so superficial. I'm aware that this is yet another ad hominem tu quoque, but I still believe it's a relevant objection to make. If it's so easy, then go ahead and do it yourself.

All that aside, yes, of course I go outside, and yes, I talk to real people. The problem I have is, you know, actually getting past the "acquaintance" stage and making deep, enduring connections with others. If you've got any practical advice in that regard, I'd actually be more than happy to read it.

P.S. *insert something witty about a short stroll from Vancouver to Hamilton here*

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Squinky

I'm amused that this is all coming from someone who's always going around and whining that he has no friends in LA because everyone's so superficial. I'm aware that this is yet another ad hominem tu quoque, but I still believe it's a relevant objection to make. If it's so easy, then go ahead and do it yourself.

All that aside, yes, of course I go outside, and yes, I talk to real people. The problem I have is, you know, actually getting past the "acquaintance" stage and making deep, enduring connections with others. If you've got any practical advice in that regard, I'd actually be more than happy to read it.

P.S. *insert something witty about a short stroll from Vancouver to Hamilton here*

Oh my.

Alright, sorry I touched a bitchy nerve. I didn't know how hypersensitive you could be (sometimes a by-product of insecurities). I'll not bring it up again and you can stay the way you are by choice.

I'm 41 years old, Squink. I've had my share of a very healthy social life, romance, and great times with friends. I should remind you right now that I moved here to southern California to help my mother take care of my dad. He died of a heart attack one month after I moved here so that now, at 81, my mom is alone. I chose to stay to be with her. In part my social life suffered for it.

I have my work friends and we're fairly close. But other than that I found it hard to maintain new friendships here. Not because I may be picky, as you stupidly and ignorantly insinuated, but because of how L.A. is set up on many levels. So please get over your bitchy self and try to understand my situation as well.

So I'm sorry I got YOU so worked up.

[Squinky]

If you don't want people making ignorant assumptions about you, then maybe you should just stop making ignorant assumptions about others. And knock off the condescension. It didn't really do much for Kingz five years ago, and it sure as hell isn't doing anything for me.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Squinky, just drop it. Drop it, okay? F*** off.

That's what I get for trying to help. I'm sorry if I upset you. Sorry.

[Squinky]

Well, okay, if you really were trying to help, maybe we can try this again?

Originally Posted by Squinky

The problem I have is, you know, actually getting past the "acquaintance" stage and making deep, enduring connections with others. If you've got any practical advice in that regard, I'd actually be more than happy to read it.

Anyone can answer this, by the way.

[Merricat]

Separate corners.

I will say this: if you want to have a friend, you have to make room in your life for one. You have to be willing to put your vulnerability on the line. And you have to be willing to offer the same kind of support that you want someone to offer you.

None of that is news. I'm not trying to hand down wisdom, I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. All I'm saying is that friendship requires trust, and sometimes you have to just shut your eyes and jump. Sometimes you fall, but sometimes you don't.

That's all.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Thanks, Merricat. That's essentially a large chunk of what I was trying to get across, albeit imperfectly. You need some balls for most any kind of relationship. It builds character, good experiences and bad. Relationships show us what we're made of.

I'm not trying to hand down wisdom...

Please. Wisdom is exactly what we all need every now and then, even if we get annoyed with it. Wisdom is good for us but sometimes it takes a while - and even to the point of us screwing ourselves over because we didn't take it - for the wisdom to sink in.

When we were younger we always rolled our eyes whenever our parents or grandparents tried to give us wisdom. Guess what? We eventually become parents ourselves and end up realizing that our parents were right all along, we were simply too full of ourselves back then to know it.

[lumi]

Originally Posted by Squinky

The problem I have is, you know, actually getting past the "acquaintance" stage and making deep, enduring connections with others.

I don't know, are you maybe expecting too much? A friend is just someone you can hang out with and have fun, and someone with whom you can share personal problems/feelings. What Merricat said about vulnerability is true; you need to be able to embarrass yourself. It's something I myself need to work on, because too often I go the serious route when I know others are just joking around, and I end up not having any fun and it keeps me form connecting with others.

[tsa]

Friendships have to grow you know. That takes time. If you like someone, just ask him/her to go for a drink or something like that. If that works out you can do other things together. If eventually it turns out that you don't 'fit' together as well as you first thought, well, that's a pity but at least you tried.

[Merricat]

Squinky, don't be mad. You're a very funny, very clever girl. You have lots of friends here, so it stands to reason that you can have lots of friends outside this place. Honestly, I think it's harder to make friends when you're older, because your life is pretty much set in place--your job, your partner, where you live, what you do, and so on. When a person is younger, like you, the world is wide open. You can go anywhere and do anything, and you have no obligations, so you can say to someone "Hey, it's midnight, but I'm still wide awake. Are you? Let's get breakfast," or some such thing. The main thing, I think, is to show interest in people. I met my best friend in undergrad school at a scholarship party. She was wearing leopard pants, in contrast to the suits and skirts that swarmed the place. I took one look at her and thought, "That girl will be my friend." And she has been for 20 years.
You'll make a lot of friends in your life. Just don't forget the ones you have here, okay?

[Merricat]

Originally Posted by Merricat

You'll make a lot of friends in your life. Just don't forget the ones you have here, okay?

That may be the cheesiest thing I've ever written. Everything before it is worthwhile, though.

[Lee in Limbo]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Since you don't live that far from Lee, you should PHYSICALLY go and see him and hang out with him.

Actually, she lives on the west coast of Canada, where I live in Ontario. So it's kind of like a flight from LA (or perhaps Seattle) to Chicago (or more likely Niagara). We've actually met in real life one afternoon when she was in Ontario for a convention. She's very sweet.

That said, I think Deirdra is one of those people who needs to meet more people who actually have something to talk about besides the latest gossip or television show. Sounds to me like she's meeting just such people as this at her new job, which makes me very happy. I think she'll do fine.
____________________

And as for the lack of IMing with you, Deirdra, I've just been in a weird state lately where I haven't been trusting myself to react properly in IM. Just been a little offside for the last number of weeks, when I wasn't just super busy with that stupid guild. I'll probably start logging onto Googletalk again soon. I really only use MSN to track down a couple of friends when I need them for stuff. I'm almost never in there otherwise, and rarely to actually talk. Are you using MSN at work or something? I see you on there during odd hours. *hugs*

[Squinky]

Merricat, you rock my socks. Just thought you should know.

Originally Posted by Lee in Limbo

Are you using MSN at work or something? I see you on there during odd hours. *hugs*

Yeah, but mostly because I know a bunch of people on it, including some of my office mates. Ron uses Google Talk, though, so I've got that on too.

[Merricat]

Originally Posted by Squinky

Merricat, you rock my socks. Just thought you should know.

Thanks. Same to you.