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Old 12-12-2003, 09:21 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Kingzjester
I don't get what the big deal is with homosexuality. It is just like heterosexuality, only with more gay sex
that's a very dubya like post.* I'm scared.


In any case. At least being gay is an accepted sexual orientation, generally. Believe me, other minority groups have it worse.







* as far as the stating the obvious part goes
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Old 12-12-2003, 09:59 AM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamara
that's a very dubya like post.* I'm scared.


In any case. At least being gay is an accepted sexual orientation, generally. Believe me, other minority groups have it worse.
You mean like people who have sex with trees?



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Old 12-12-2003, 10:32 AM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamara
that's a very dubya like post.* I'm scared.
[...]
* as far as the stating the obvious part goes
You insult me, love. It is not what the post says that you should notice, but what it implies.
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Old 12-12-2003, 11:04 PM   #64
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Oh, I know, that's why I said it's in his style, rather the kind of message he'd actually like to give
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Old 12-13-2003, 07:20 AM   #65
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[ more unnecessary rambling removed ]
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Old 12-14-2003, 01:33 AM   #66
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Originally Posted by Kingzjester
So, ok. Abomination and death for fags. It is still not that bad. Snowmen have lived with abomination for ages already, and as far as death goes, mortality has been running at 100% for an eternity, so it is not such a shitty hand of cards when you look at it, thou abominable Finnish queer.
Aww, I love you too
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Old 12-14-2003, 01:30 PM   #67
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Dear Diary,

I'll keep it as brief as possible. Despite the last two or so months of sheer darkness for me both physically and mentally, I'm improving steadily. I know I'll be absolutely fine, it's just a matter of not rushing through it. I've been there before, and for a far longer time period, and had survived and triumphed. I consider myself relatively healthy in mind and spirit based on my natural reactive inclinations and ability to bend, like a strong reed, in the face of opposition. I am not made of steel, I am made of water and air, which are far more resilient, flexible, and malleable - in the end, I retain my essence. And isn't that what it means to stay to true to oneself?

Physically, I still tire rather easily and have to take my time doing things. This is good, because it's teaching me patience and to appreciate the nature of the process. Eventually I'll regain my original energy, and by then I'll have also gained this deeper appreciation for the epoch of otherwise fleeting moments. I am a true individual experiencing the profound phenomenon of self distillation.

This is the shit no one ever teaches you in school, when you're in your teens or early twenties and full of insecurities, inexplicable angst, zealous pontifications, and hypocritical jadedness - things you use as shields when you're younger because you haven't yet been really violated and worn out by the world. I've been through that period and understand. I've lived since then, deeply.

I smile, I smile quite a bit. But my smile is subtlely tinged with a mortal embrace, a knowingness. It's no ordinary smile. But then, I'm no ordinary person, either.
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Old 12-16-2003, 12:22 AM   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kingzjester
(I seem not to be able to get close to regular, mortal people)
Do regular normal people exsist then? Mortal, yes, but regular?
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Old 12-16-2003, 01:27 PM   #69
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Quote:
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Do regular normal people exsist then? Mortal, yes, but regular?
Why, of course they do! It is a popular cliché nowadays to suppose everybody's different and special and dandy. Whatta load of steamin' bullcrap! The regular, normal people I mention are the nice, humorless, wholesome people with no imagination whatsoever, the people who are in deep pain every time a situation requires them to think. There is way too many of these useless people around and it is only prudent to throw them into one easily manageable group.

Shit, I feel like I am repeating myself all the time. Let's talk about you and your Weltanschauung for a change.
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Old 12-20-2003, 03:04 AM   #70
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Life is beautiful. There's things such as cats, black-and-white photographs, groovy jazz, interesting indie artists, ice cream, delicious food, classical music, chocolates, music and love.

The Matriculation Examinations are getting nearer, as well as my yet unknown future studies. I'm considering studying acoustics at Helsinki University of Technology (my father was accepted there with excellent grades and my brother got in with sufficient points from the test, so it's a kind of noblesse oblige, not that I would care about that sort of thing) - the trick is that I just have to do well enough in the entrance examinations. In any case I have a lot faith in myself where the Matricuation Examination is concerned - I got one point from laudatur (the best possible mark) at the Swedish pre-preliminary examination, and a magna (the third best) from German. If I find a topic I'm interested in in the Finnish examination, I might get a laudatur from that as well.

Might.

In any case, it's Christmas now. So no studying - well, just a little physics.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Especially: jaf, myhrik, james, trep, ibrian and the rest of the ForeverDreamers, Kingz and emma. This year was MOST interesting, don't you think?
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Old 01-04-2004, 09:57 AM   #71
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Today I - sort of - finished Un Étang D'Automne. OK, so I used Babelfish to translate that, it probably became something illegible, but in any case, in English it's something like "Autumn Pond". (The final, printed version isn't done, just the one that uses my own sheet-music scribbles). As the name implies, it's a 'musical image', based on a real experience in the nature. Characteristic to my style, it's very minimalistic - the same chord is repelated occasionally at different octaves and accents. The rhythmic base is provided by a minor-second repetition, in normal 4/4, although I put in there one 3/4 just for variety. I littered it with expression marks, but left out my trademark, "molto expressivo". Instead I dictated the playing style as "moderato misterioso". I stole the whole thing from a flock of swans, actually. It's not a very good one, but I just somehow compelled to write it down - the performance of swans was so enchanting. Piano isn't naturally the best instrument for such a work, brass instruments rather, but I know about the even less than I know about the piano. So a symbolistic piece it is as well, albeit in a very unusual way. Heh. In any case, why should I or anyone else care what it originally was meant to be? Music is, after all, a very abstract art form.
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Old 01-12-2004, 05:29 PM   #72
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GreenJeanz hasn't shown her face around here in a while so I thought, why don't I share a little bit of self-loathing, written as a chastising tirade I give myself... Sorry, sorry, sorry, bad joke...



Ok, you need to get your shit together, man. This is not a traditional school and you don't want to do traditional stuff anyway. And yet the traditionality of your sculptures some people bring into question. Videotaping spinning hubcaps welded to a crutch with meaningless poetry read in the background in an annoyingly profound tone is what they deem groundbreaking. No, it's not. It's bona-fide crap.

What do you want to do with yourself? Do you have any prospects whatsoever? The bureaucracy, the hell on earth... And you have no money stashed aside for places like Cal Arts or Full Sail... Everybody and their monkey-uncle masturbate to this image of artists as poor dysfunctional suckers who starve and have no personal lives FOR THEIR ART! When in fact they are rich recluses who fell in love with Bohemian existence. Theo Van Gogh supported his brother AND Gauguin with his lucrative gallery business that held crappy Academic art that sold like hotcakes. And, you, you don't know how to deal with money. You never really tried to. Money scares you, you silly little motherfucker. That is probably the only reason you support socialism and want free higher education for all who qualify: you don't know how to handle money. You may know about trends of macroeconomics, and the crystalline lattices of diamonds but when it comes to paying bills and figuring how much money you need for life, day-to-day, you freeze, time and again. And when faced with these incapacitating problems, you don't try to solve them - hell, that would be too easy, you wretch - you try to avoid them! How fucked up is that! And the sorriest thing of all, you have pinpointed your problem, but you aren't trying to prevent it!!! Perhaps I just don't know how and am too fucked up to ask for help... it all seems so easy in theory: you take the money now, then go to school, then pay it off through the nose for the next 669 years. Something is doomed to misfire in that plan... What if big-name art schools are not panaceas that you imagine them to be?

You wanted a liberal education in the arts, not just simple fast-track school where they'll teach you ONLY how to design left flanks of milk cartons. You have nothing against milk carton designing, so it seems, but you hate the lack of wider learning you used to associate with higher education... and then you reach the university and realize that this is almost 'High School Part Two: the Sequel'!

Stop. Shaking. True, you have done all this crap, looked at art schools once before and you have broken telephones in ire and cursed at your parents... and that took you nowhere... stupid visa problems, stupid governmental regulations, stupid money that you don't have, stupid failing economy, stupid underdeveloped artwork... You don't want to be an artist, par se, you want to work in the entertainment industry. All euphemisms aside, you want to be a whore. Get your shit together! Stop wasting time and being useless! And swallow a fucking aspirin, our head hurts!

*Deep sigh*

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Old 01-22-2004, 02:37 AM   #73
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I'm afraid of desicions. I'm afraid that one day I will make a choice I cannot undo. But that's just bullshit, because I'm talking about studying now - whether I want to study acoustics or astronomy - it's quite simple to change college. I'm just so fucking fed up with my parents, it's like THEY are telling me what to do all the time, I'm way too dependent on them and will continue to be so, even monetarily, to some extent. Of course I could take things to my own hands. That would be best - I would be free. The only thing I'd need is a paying job.
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Old 02-04-2004, 10:58 AM   #74
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So. Tired. So. Tense. So. Very. Tense. I don't know of any headshops nearby. I need a pipe and some pot.
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Old 02-04-2004, 03:52 PM   #75
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Dear diary

My life's letmotifs for next weeks:
- Incubus: A Crow Left of the Murders -trick' or treat?
- 'What now?' dilemma
- To crave to crave to dare...
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:18 AM   #76
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Whee. School's out. I spend about six hours a day revising. I don't feel like I'm actually doing anything. When you spend your days in school, you always think you are doing all sorts of things, when in reality, you just run from one place to another and shuffle loads of papers. Revising is quite comfortable. You realise that this is it. I wake up between eight and nine, start revising around half past nine, until three or four o-clock. The rest of the day is free time. School isn't nearly this simple. If I feel like taking a break, I put on a CD and listen to one song. "Eikä kukaan koskaan menehdy kaivaten leipää, ruusuja, aurinkoa ja vapautta. Leipää, ruusuja, aurinkoa ja vapautta..."

The End.
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Old 04-03-2005, 06:50 PM   #77
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Dear Communal Diary (It's been a while since we used you last!),

I'm stuck in classes that require me to write papers for a grade and I cannot write papers for the life of me. The last paper I wrote took me all week of sitting in front of a computer screen to crap out five pages. I did nothing else during that week but stare at the empty Microsoft Word document. I've been told by others that I'm a decent writer, but I find that I am not creative in the least bit. I could always paint a photograph, imitate someone's vibrato, and analyze the hell out any film, frame by frame, but I cannot cannot cannot come up with a decent short story that doesn't end up reminding me of everything I've read for the past six months. I could not take a decent photograph unless I had a brilliant sunset with clouds perfect for reflecting the sun's various hues, while at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, and if I had five rolls of film to snap a pan of the whole scene from various angles. Then I might get a couple nice photographs, but I would consider them trash because sunsets are cliche.

That being said, my life does not depend upon my success as an artist, but I wouldn't mind being able to bullshit these papers a little quicker. I would love to have the ability to come up with a few great ideas for novels that I could write down in my journal that I could fantasize about writing out if only I had the time. Because of lack of creativity, I find a lack of motivation. Why should I do any work that I will end up never looking at again? I am prepared to fail at doing anything interesting with any work I do, but that is unacceptable to me at the same time. So I take on the title of slacker, procrastinator, pretend to occupy my time with social things, and ignore my drive to do something worthwhile. See, though I am not creative, I have the nagging itch to BE creative.

I'm currently trying to write a screenplay about two people talking past each other for a film class I'm taking. One tells a meaningful story while the other person nods while trying to concoct his/her own story to share. They use sweeping, intimate language to express their deepest feelings, wrapped up in colors, sounds, images accessible only to the person expressing those feelings. The story ends with the acknowledgment that although people will never be able to connect beyond sympathy, releasing inner turmoil through conversation at least provides a ritual purging, irregardless of whatever happens with the ideas once they leave the mouth. Good luck trying to realistically portray any of those ideas in a screenplay without directly talking about them.

Oh well. Back to the blank white screen of Microsoft Word.
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Old 04-04-2005, 04:27 AM   #78
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Good lord, this thread is ancient! I propose a mod to move Terabin's post to a new thread. I don't want to be reminded of my old diary entries here.
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Old 09-17-2005, 10:29 PM   #79
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Dear Diary,

My twen angst has a body count. Returned to my apartment and no one's around, because the new semester hasn't begun yet. Need to listen to some more weird music. Drink some more beer, look for a new flat in Sh*ttown, Middleofnowhere. This is me, last survivor of the Nostromo. Signing off.
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Old 09-18-2005, 12:19 AM   #80
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I miss adventure games.
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