Text parser game - Page 4

seebaruk · 03-20-2006, 01:35 AM

>Check company directory

You scan the company directory. Yep, the only 2 employees are you and Bob. So it's up to you to uncover the dastardly plans of the company directors! Time to suit up and kick some ass!

>Pick up AK47, ammo rounds, grenades, combat knife, Pretty Polly Accessory Kit, and stapler

cardician · 03-20-2006, 05:03 AM

Wow, this really took a bizarre turn over the weekend at times didn't it? I agree with limiting the "dream" sequences. Just silly.

> Pick up AK47, ammo rounds, grenades, combat knife, Pretty Polly Accessory Kit, and stapler

Well you would, except you don't see any of these items, nor have you ever seen any of these items before. Your desk job would be much more interesting with access to these items though wouldn't it?

Wait, you do see the Pretty Polly Accessory kit and the stapler actually. Realizing its better than nothing, you pick them up and slip them into your pants.

"YAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!", you scream as you accidently staple your member to your leg. You hop around for a bit in utter pain before slowly dropping to your knees and passing out.

> inventory

You're currently carrying:

wallet
a Mars bar
unsigned letter of resignation
locket

> regain consciousness

Sorry to break convention but I just wanted to relist what we're currently carrying for informational reasons.

*stepurhan* · 03-20-2006, 05:25 AM

? regain consciousness

You regain consciousness to find that you've ended up slumped right under your desk. You can hear voices coming from somewhere nearby probably from the two people attached to the feet you can see under the edge of your desk.

"Definitely not in here."

"Dammit! I instructed the Bob-bot to send them up to us so we could make the final measurements before replacing them"

"Don't sweat it! The lazy bugger's prpbably just skived off to get a fresh supply of those Mars bars its always munching on. It'll come up to see us soon. You mark my words."

The feet (presumably with people attached) head out the door of your office closing it behind them. So they really DO want to replace you with a robot. What are you going to do?

>Crawl out from under desk

seebaruk · 03-20-2006, 05:54 AM

> Crawl out from under desk

You stumble to your feet, pausing only to bang your head on the edge of the desk. You rub your head, cursing, then stare down at your groin. A thin trail of blood seeps from your staple wound. No bouncy fun for you tonight, if you get out of here alive. Suddenly, you freeze - the footsteps that had previously been fading away were suddenly getting louder. Whoever was in here before was coming back! Before you can react, the door swings open...

"I coulda swore I heard..." comes a voice, and in walks....Mr T! "Hey!" he yells, his eyes locking with yours. Behind him in the corridor stands a short stocky man with a weird moustache.

"Hitler??" you gasp, shocked. "...And Mr T! I should have known it was you two behind this dastardly plot!"

Mr T advances menacingly...

> Throw locket at Mr T

cardician · 03-20-2006, 06:22 AM

> Throw locket at Mr T

You realize that Mr. T is not wearing any of his trademark ridiculous looking bling. So you pull the locket out of your pocket and toss it at him. His robotic sysems quickly react and catch the locket. Unfortunately for him, the robotic Mr. T is no compatible with the gold in the locket and he spontaneously combusts in a huge fireball!

"WOOOOO!!!!", you shout.

Robotic Hitler is now blocked from getting into your office by the large burning form of Robotic Mr. T. You think quickly about how to escape this situation.

> climb out window

Jatsie · 03-20-2006, 07:07 AM

> climb out of window

You attempt to exit via the window, but immediately notice a rotund Hermann Goering on the fire escape barring your way. Behind you you hear the mechanical Führer advancing as he goose steps across the flaming wreckage of Mr.T.

> Panic

seebaruk · 03-20-2006, 07:17 AM

>Panic

AArrrrrrrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

>Soil pants

cardician · 03-20-2006, 07:45 AM

>Soil pants

You quickly soil yourself with fear of your current situation. What are you going to do now? Then an idea hits you! Man evolved from monkeys, what do monkeys do besT?

> throw feces at robot hitler

RLacey · 03-20-2006, 08:27 AM

> Throw Faeces At Robot Hitler

Bracing yourself for the smell that you know won't wash away, you rummage around in your pants and remove a steaming wad of faeces. You throw it in the general direction of the Robot Hitler, hoping that this will achieve something worthwhile.

You miss.

Robot Hitler is moving towards you; you need to escape!

> duck under Hitler's goose steps and leave through the door.

seebaruk · 03-20-2006, 08:34 AM

> duck under Hitler's goose steps and leave through the door.

Cursing your wimpy throwing abilities and the fact that your hand now smells like roadkill, you lunge forward and roll under the robots gangly legs as it lurches towards you. Unfortunately you land in the pile of faeces you just threw, and skid into the burning Mr T. Your trousers are now on fire.

> Remove trousers

Karmillo · 03-20-2006, 09:40 AM

> Remove trousers

As you quickly pull your trousers down you realise It wasnt fesces in your pants but...

Burning Engine Oil!

While your crotch is aflame you wonder how this could get worse
Just then the cuts in your wrists start bleeding again...

Wait, that cant be right....
You ponder about escaping down the hall but you spot at the end...The naked guards! They look pretty pissed about something, but all you can remember is blacking out...

>Get Bearings

Jatsie · 03-20-2006, 09:53 AM

> Get Bearings

You look at a calendar and notice it's the first day of Spring. Everything suddenly makes sense, it's springtime for Hitler!

> Distract naked SS officers guarding the corridor

Karmillo · 03-20-2006, 09:58 AM

> Distract naked SS officers guarding the corridor

You fling your flaming trousers at the guards but instead of distracting them you blow off half of the building!
This is insane!

apparently theres no atmosphere outside as the gaping hole in the wall starts to act as a vacume, everything is being sucked out!

This is just too random for you, you decide to end it all

C:\>Format

RLacey · 03-20-2006, 10:06 AM

C:\>Format

You format your computer's hard drive, insert the boot disc and wait to see what loads up...

Pirates of the Caribbean
AN EXCITEMENT-FILLED ADVENTURE GAME BASED ON THE POPULAR FILM AND RIDE.
Copyright 1765 Disney Inc.

---Sinking Boat---

You remember the storm. You remember hitting the reef. Then you remember spotting an island in the distance.

Your small boat, the Jolly Herring, drifts past a rocky outcrop. Several skeletons are hanging there, staring down at you from where their eyes should be. The boat continues its journey towards the docks.

It's a good thing that the port town was nearby, because you're taking on water fast! Too fast, in fact - you'd better bail out the water!

>

Karmillo · 03-20-2006, 10:09 AM

>Daydream about Treasure

So are we doing it on post for a command and one post for a description now?

RLacey · 03-20-2006, 10:12 AM

>Daydream about Treasure

You cast your mind back to your days as Captain of the Black Pearl. Were the rumours true, you wonder? Had they really found the Aztec gold that you were seeking when the crew mutineed?

You realise that, while you were daydreaming, your ship was becoming submerged under water. Scrambling up to the top of the mast you manage to keep yourself from being submerged as the boat glides into port, and you step off onto the docks.

"Excuse me, Sir," comes a voice from behind you. "There's a one shilling payment to leave your boat here."

>

Karmillo · 03-20-2006, 10:15 AM

>Ignore voice

RLacey · 03-20-2006, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karmillo

So are we doing it on post for a command and one post for a description now?

Hopefully. Helps to keep the story from getting too stupid too soon.

Jatsie · 03-20-2006, 10:35 AM

> Ignore voice

The Harbour Master, raising his voice incase you didn't hear him the first time, repeats "There's a one shilling payment to leave your boat here."

>

Phantom · 03-20-2006, 10:46 AM

> inventory

I dropped out of the previous adventure because the dream thing kinda pissed me off.

Please no deus ex machina's this time. No waking up from dreams and no overly random plot twists. No 100 consecutive events after one command, it's not like that in real adventures either. Things should get silly and funny, but only with small steps at a time.

03-20-2006, 01:35 AM	#61
seebaruk Chris Barraclough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London Posts: 2,437	>Check company directory You scan the company directory. Yep, the only 2 employees are you and Bob. So it's up to you to uncover the dastardly plans of the company directors! Time to suit up and kick some ass! >Pick up AK47, ammo rounds, grenades, combat knife, Pretty Polly Accessory Kit, and stapler Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Games and Tech journo, and broke-arse author of Bat Boy (UK Authors Prize 2010 Winner), Crack (Page Turner Prize 2011 shortlisted) and Dead Dogs (nominated for the Dylan Thomas Sony Reader Award). Check out www.chrisbarraclough.co.uk for promotions and giveaways. Twitter: Seebaruk

03-20-2006, 05:03 AM	#62
cardician Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 123	Wow, this really took a bizarre turn over the weekend at times didn't it? I agree with limiting the "dream" sequences. Just silly. > Pick up AK47, ammo rounds, grenades, combat knife, Pretty Polly Accessory Kit, and stapler Well you would, except you don't see any of these items, nor have you ever seen any of these items before. Your desk job would be much more interesting with access to these items though wouldn't it? Wait, you do see the Pretty Polly Accessory kit and the stapler actually. Realizing its better than nothing, you pick them up and slip them into your pants. "YAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!", you scream as you accidently staple your member to your leg. You hop around for a bit in utter pain before slowly dropping to your knees and passing out. > inventory You're currently carrying: wallet a Mars bar unsigned letter of resignation locket > regain consciousness Sorry to break convention but I just wanted to relist what we're currently carrying for informational reasons. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring!"

03-20-2006, 05:25 AM	#63
stepurhan Freeware Co-ordinator Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: South East England. Posts: 7,309	? regain consciousness You regain consciousness to find that you've ended up slumped right under your desk. You can hear voices coming from somewhere nearby probably from the two people attached to the feet you can see under the edge of your desk. "Definitely not in here." "Dammit! I instructed the Bob-bot to send them up to us so we could make the final measurements before replacing them" "Don't sweat it! The lazy bugger's prpbably just skived off to get a fresh supply of those Mars bars its always munching on. It'll come up to see us soon. You mark my words." The feet (presumably with people attached) head out the door of your office closing it behind them. So they really DO want to replace you with a robot. What are you going to do? >Crawl out from under desk Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree

03-20-2006, 05:54 AM	#64
seebaruk Chris Barraclough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London Posts: 2,437	> Crawl out from under desk You stumble to your feet, pausing only to bang your head on the edge of the desk. You rub your head, cursing, then stare down at your groin. A thin trail of blood seeps from your staple wound. No bouncy fun for you tonight, if you get out of here alive. Suddenly, you freeze - the footsteps that had previously been fading away were suddenly getting louder. Whoever was in here before was coming back! Before you can react, the door swings open... "I coulda swore I heard..." comes a voice, and in walks....Mr T! "Hey!" he yells, his eyes locking with yours. Behind him in the corridor stands a short stocky man with a weird moustache. "Hitler??" you gasp, shocked. "...And Mr T! I should have known it was you two behind this dastardly plot!" Mr T advances menacingly... > Throw locket at Mr T Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Games and Tech journo, and broke-arse author of Bat Boy (UK Authors Prize 2010 Winner), Crack (Page Turner Prize 2011 shortlisted) and Dead Dogs (nominated for the Dylan Thomas Sony Reader Award). Check out www.chrisbarraclough.co.uk for promotions and giveaways. Twitter: Seebaruk

03-20-2006, 06:22 AM	#65
cardician Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 123	> Throw locket at Mr T You realize that Mr. T is not wearing any of his trademark ridiculous looking bling. So you pull the locket out of your pocket and toss it at him. His robotic sysems quickly react and catch the locket. Unfortunately for him, the robotic Mr. T is no compatible with the gold in the locket and he spontaneously combusts in a huge fireball! "WOOOOO!!!!", you shout. Robotic Hitler is now blocked from getting into your office by the large burning form of Robotic Mr. T. You think quickly about how to escape this situation. > climb out window Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring!"

03-20-2006, 07:07 AM	#66
Jatsie Lovable rogue Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Great Britain Posts: 6,378	> climb out of window You attempt to exit via the window, but immediately notice a rotund Hermann Goering on the fire escape barring your way. Behind you you hear the mechanical Führer advancing as he goose steps across the flaming wreckage of Mr.T. > Panic Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "Jatsie is amazing." - Jazhara "My mental image of Jat is a gentleman sitting in a leather armchair, wearing a robe. The light in the room is dim and strangely he's not sitting in front of a computer, but next to a small, round table with a box of cigars on." - Jelena Gay-Nerds.com

03-20-2006, 07:17 AM	#67
seebaruk Chris Barraclough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London Posts: 2,437	>Panic AArrrrrrrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! >Soil pants Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Games and Tech journo, and broke-arse author of Bat Boy (UK Authors Prize 2010 Winner), Crack (Page Turner Prize 2011 shortlisted) and Dead Dogs (nominated for the Dylan Thomas Sony Reader Award). Check out www.chrisbarraclough.co.uk for promotions and giveaways. Twitter: Seebaruk

03-20-2006, 07:45 AM	#68
cardician Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 123	>Soil pants You quickly soil yourself with fear of your current situation. What are you going to do now? Then an idea hits you! Man evolved from monkeys, what do monkeys do besT? > throw feces at robot hitler Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring!"

03-20-2006, 08:27 AM	#69
RLacey The Thread™ will die. Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 22,542	> Throw Faeces At Robot Hitler Bracing yourself for the smell that you know won't wash away, you rummage around in your pants and remove a steaming wad of faeces. You throw it in the general direction of the Robot Hitler, hoping that this will achieve something worthwhile. You miss. Robot Hitler is moving towards you; you need to escape! > duck under Hitler's goose steps and leave through the door. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ RLacey \| Killer of the Thread™ I do not change to be perfect. Perfect changes to be me.

03-20-2006, 08:34 AM	#70
seebaruk Chris Barraclough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London Posts: 2,437	> duck under Hitler's goose steps and leave through the door. Cursing your wimpy throwing abilities and the fact that your hand now smells like roadkill, you lunge forward and roll under the robots gangly legs as it lurches towards you. Unfortunately you land in the pile of faeces you just threw, and skid into the burning Mr T. Your trousers are now on fire. > Remove trousers Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Games and Tech journo, and broke-arse author of Bat Boy (UK Authors Prize 2010 Winner), Crack (Page Turner Prize 2011 shortlisted) and Dead Dogs (nominated for the Dylan Thomas Sony Reader Award). Check out www.chrisbarraclough.co.uk for promotions and giveaways. Twitter: Seebaruk

03-20-2006, 09:40 AM	#71
Karmillo woof Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: NOT REALLY RIGHT HERE Posts: 4,750	> Remove trousers As you quickly pull your trousers down you realise It wasnt fesces in your pants but... Burning Engine Oil! While your crotch is aflame you wonder how this could get worse Just then the cuts in your wrists start bleeding again... Wait, that cant be right.... You ponder about escaping down the hall but you spot at the end...The naked guards! They look pretty pissed about something, but all you can remember is blacking out... >Get Bearings Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "I've got nothing to lose! Except for...well everything."

03-20-2006, 09:53 AM	#72
Jatsie Lovable rogue Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Great Britain Posts: 6,378	> Get Bearings You look at a calendar and notice it's the first day of Spring. Everything suddenly makes sense, it's springtime for Hitler! > Distract naked SS officers guarding the corridor Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "Jatsie is amazing." - Jazhara "My mental image of Jat is a gentleman sitting in a leather armchair, wearing a robe. The light in the room is dim and strangely he's not sitting in front of a computer, but next to a small, round table with a box of cigars on." - Jelena Gay-Nerds.com

03-20-2006, 09:58 AM	#73
Karmillo woof Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: NOT REALLY RIGHT HERE Posts: 4,750	> Distract naked SS officers guarding the corridor You fling your flaming trousers at the guards but instead of distracting them you blow off half of the building! This is insane! apparently theres no atmosphere outside as the gaping hole in the wall starts to act as a vacume, everything is being sucked out! This is just too random for you, you decide to end it all C:\>Format Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "I've got nothing to lose! Except for...well everything."

03-20-2006, 10:06 AM	#74
RLacey The Thread™ will die. Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 22,542	C:\>Format You format your computer's hard drive, insert the boot disc and wait to see what loads up... Pirates of the Caribbean AN EXCITEMENT-FILLED ADVENTURE GAME BASED ON THE POPULAR FILM AND RIDE. Copyright 1765 Disney Inc. ---Sinking Boat--- You remember the storm. You remember hitting the reef. Then you remember spotting an island in the distance. Your small boat, the Jolly Herring, drifts past a rocky outcrop. Several skeletons are hanging there, staring down at you from where their eyes should be. The boat continues its journey towards the docks. It's a good thing that the port town was nearby, because you're taking on water fast! Too fast, in fact - you'd better bail out the water! > Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ RLacey \| Killer of the Thread™ I do not change to be perfect. Perfect changes to be me.

03-20-2006, 10:09 AM	#75
Karmillo woof Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: NOT REALLY RIGHT HERE Posts: 4,750	>Daydream about Treasure So are we doing it on post for a command and one post for a description now? Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "I've got nothing to lose! Except for...well everything."

User Name		Remember Me?
Password

03-20-2006, 10:12 AM	#76
RLacey The Thread™ will die. Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 22,542	>Daydream about Treasure You cast your mind back to your days as Captain of the Black Pearl. Were the rumours true, you wonder? Had they really found the Aztec gold that you were seeking when the crew mutineed? You realise that, while you were daydreaming, your ship was becoming submerged under water. Scrambling up to the top of the mast you manage to keep yourself from being submerged as the boat glides into port, and you step off onto the docks. "Excuse me, Sir," comes a voice from behind you. "There's a one shilling payment to leave your boat here." > Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ RLacey \| Killer of the Thread™ I do not change to be perfect. Perfect changes to be me. Last edited by RLacey; 03-20-2006 at 10:18 AM.

03-20-2006, 10:15 AM	#77
Karmillo woof Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: NOT REALLY RIGHT HERE Posts: 4,750	>Ignore voice Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "I've got nothing to lose! Except for...well everything."

03-20-2006, 10:35 AM	#79
Jatsie Lovable rogue Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Great Britain Posts: 6,378	> Ignore voice The Harbour Master, raising his voice incase you didn't hear him the first time, repeats "There's a one shilling payment to leave your boat here." > Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "Jatsie is amazing." - Jazhara "My mental image of Jat is a gentleman sitting in a leather armchair, wearing a robe. The light in the room is dim and strangely he's not sitting in front of a computer, but next to a small, round table with a box of cigars on." - Jelena Gay-Nerds.com

03-20-2006, 10:46 AM	#80
Phantom Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Belgium Posts: 466	> inventory I dropped out of the previous adventure because the dream thing kinda pissed me off. Please no deus ex machina's this time. No waking up from dreams and no overly random plot twists. No 100 consecutive events after one command, it's not like that in real adventures either. Things should get silly and funny, but only with small steps at a time. Share Share this post on Twitter Last edited by Phantom; 03-20-2006 at 10:53 AM.