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You are here: HomeForum Home → Other → Chit Chat → Thread



   

The bad jokes thread

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Halloween Groaners

When a witch lands, where does she park?
In the broom closet

What exam does a young witch have to pass?
Spelling test

What is worse than being a 500 pound witch?
Being her broom

What did the witch eat at the beach?
A sandwich

What did the cat call the mice on roller skates?
Meals on wheels

Why did the vampire eat a lightbulb?
He wanted a light snack.

What do you call an overgrown vampire?
A big pain in the neck

What kind of gum do ghosts chew?
Booble gum

What does a ghost use to attach a fake beard?
Spirit gum

 

     

We don’t get smarter as we get older.  There is just less stupid stuff left that we haven’t already done.

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Joined 2011-10-21

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Two days late, but here’s my favourite Halloween joke:



I killed a vampire last night!
Or possibly a kid.
Either way, the wooden stake worked! Cool

     

Now playing: Blade Runner (post-CPT) | The Witcher: Enhance Edition (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) - 4/5 | Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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When someone with Mongolian and French ancestry gets bitten by a werewolf, they actually turn into an Australian every full moon.
Why? Because they’re a Khan-Garou!



Ugh, that’s as lame as it is clever. Tongue

     

Now playing: Blade Runner (post-CPT) | The Witcher: Enhance Edition (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) - 4/5 | Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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TimovieMan - 06 November 2018 03:38 AM

When someone with Mongolian and French ancestry gets bitten by a werewolf, they actually turn into an Australian every full moon.
Why? Because they’re a Khan-Garou!



Ugh, that’s as lame as it is clever. Tongue

Clever, but yeah. Some jokes have too much thought put into them.  Smile

     
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Total Posts: 2594

Joined 2004-08-02

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Saw this the other day:

Cheesiest pick up line ever

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 2594

Joined 2004-08-02

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Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine…
But catscan.

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 2594

Joined 2004-08-02

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone Smile

Why did the cranberries turn red?
Because they saw the turkey dressing!

What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Lucky

Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving?
A turkey because it is always stuffed.

What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food

What was the turkey suspected of?
Fowl play

 

 

 

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 7606

Joined 2011-10-21

PM

A guy walks into a crowded bar and slams the door behind him to quiet the place down. He unholsters his pistol and starts waving it around, yelling, “I have a Colt .45 with seven rounds in the clip and one in the chamber and I demand to know who the sum’bitch is that’s been sleeping with my wife!”

A voice from the back of the room calls out, “You don’t have enough ammo!”

     

Now playing: Blade Runner (post-CPT) | The Witcher: Enhance Edition (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) - 4/5 | Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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Total Posts: 3739

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To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles . . . U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married . . . They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a . . . dead giveaway.

If you don’t pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name . . . and a dress.

     

We don’t get smarter as we get older.  There is just less stupid stuff left that we haven’t already done.

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Total Posts: 7606

Joined 2011-10-21

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I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrödinger’s cat.
The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

     

Now playing: Blade Runner (post-CPT) | The Witcher: Enhance Edition (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) - 4/5 | Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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Total Posts: 30

Joined 2019-02-07

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You’ve brought CERN down with that one, citizen. How do you plead?

     
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Total Posts: 2594

Joined 2004-08-02

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Saw this and lmfaoed.

Archeology in Canada

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 3739

Joined 2008-01-09

PM

That picture made me laugh out loud, SoccerDude!  Grin Thumbs Up

     

We don’t get smarter as we get older.  There is just less stupid stuff left that we haven’t already done.

Total Posts: 4

Joined 2019-02-19

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SoccerDude - 16 February 2019 08:04 PM

Saw this and lmfaoed.

Archeology in Canada

Anyway, snow+car may look cute too.


     
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Total Posts: 7621

Joined 2012-01-02

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so this Chinese guy was in the U.S, hungry with only one buck in his pocket, he reads a sign on stand that says ‘hot dog for 1 dollar’ so he says to himself “we eat dogs in China, that’s a good treat for one dollar” he approaches the stand, orders the hot-dog, opens the sandwich, then shook his head and said “No ..no! but we dont eat that part of dogs” ..trum..tish!

     

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