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The bad jokes thread

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Halloween Groaners

When a witch lands, where does she park?
In the broom closet

What exam does a young witch have to pass?
Spelling test

What is worse than being a 500 pound witch?
Being her broom

What did the witch eat at the beach?
A sandwich

What did the cat call the mice on roller skates?
Meals on wheels

Why did the vampire eat a lightbulb?
He wanted a light snack.

What do you call an overgrown vampire?
A big pain in the neck

What kind of gum do ghosts chew?
Booble gum

What does a ghost use to attach a fake beard?
Spirit gum

 

     

We lose ourselves in books.  We find ourselves there, too.

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Two days late, but here’s my favourite Halloween joke:



I killed a vampire last night!
Or possibly a kid.
Either way, the wooden stake worked! Cool

     

Now playing: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) | The Fool and His Money (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
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When someone with Mongolian and French ancestry gets bitten by a werewolf, they actually turn into an Australian every full moon.
Why? Because they’re a Khan-Garou!



Ugh, that’s as lame as it is clever. Tongue

     

Now playing: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) | The Fool and His Money (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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TimovieMan - 06 November 2018 03:38 AM

When someone with Mongolian and French ancestry gets bitten by a werewolf, they actually turn into an Australian every full moon.
Why? Because they’re a Khan-Garou!



Ugh, that’s as lame as it is clever. Tongue

Clever, but yeah. Some jokes have too much thought put into them.  Smile

     
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Saw this the other day:

Cheesiest pick up line ever

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Joined 2004-08-02

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Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine…
But catscan.

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 2590

Joined 2004-08-02

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone Smile

Why did the cranberries turn red?
Because they saw the turkey dressing!

What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Lucky

Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving?
A turkey because it is always stuffed.

What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food

What was the turkey suspected of?
Fowl play

 

 

 

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 7535

Joined 2011-10-21

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A guy walks into a crowded bar and slams the door behind him to quiet the place down. He unholsters his pistol and starts waving it around, yelling, “I have a Colt .45 with seven rounds in the clip and one in the chamber and I demand to know who the sum’bitch is that’s been sleeping with my wife!”

A voice from the back of the room calls out, “You don’t have enough ammo!”

     

Now playing: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) | The Fool and His Money (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles . . . U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married . . . They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a . . . dead giveaway.

If you don’t pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name . . . and a dress.

     

We lose ourselves in books.  We find ourselves there, too.

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Total Posts: 7535

Joined 2011-10-21

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I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrödinger’s cat.
The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

     

Now playing: Whispers of a Machine (CPT) | The Fool and His Money (on hold) | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (on hold) | Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy (3DS)
Recently finished: Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3.5/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5 | Return of the Obra Dinn (CPT) - 4/5 | Beavis and Butt-Head in Virtual Stupidity - 3.5/5 | League of Light: The Game (CCPT) - 3/5 | realMyst: Masterpiece Edition - 2.5/5 | Contradiction - 3/5 | Tex Murphy: Mean Streets - 2/5 | The Last Express - 3.5/5 | South Park: The Fractured But Whole - 4/5 | Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (replay, CPT) - 5/5

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Joined 2019-02-07

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You’ve brought CERN down with that one, citizen. How do you plead?

     
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Total Posts: 2590

Joined 2004-08-02

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Saw this and lmfaoed.

Archeology in Canada

     

Ignorance + Poverty = Crime, Ignorance + Wealth = Corruption, Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos, Ignorance + Authority = Tyranny, Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
Replace Ignorance with Knowledge:
Knowledge + Poverty = Satisfaction, Knowledge + Wealth = Civilization, Knowledge + Freedom = Creativity, Knowledge + Authority = Justice, Knowledge + Religion = Integrity

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Total Posts: 3663

Joined 2008-01-09

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That picture made me laugh out loud, SoccerDude!  Grin Thumbs Up

     

We lose ourselves in books.  We find ourselves there, too.

Total Posts: 4

Joined 2019-02-19

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SoccerDude - 16 February 2019 08:04 PM

Saw this and lmfaoed.

Archeology in Canada

Anyway, snow+car may look cute too.


     
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Total Posts: 7503

Joined 2012-01-02

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so this Chinese guy was in the U.S, hungry with only one buck in his pocket, he reads a sign on stand that says ‘hot dog for 1 dollar’ so he says to himself “we eat dogs in China, that’s a good treat for one dollar” he approaches the stand, orders the hot-dog, opens the sandwich, then shook his head and said “No ..no! but we dont eat that part of dogs” ..trum..tish!

     

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