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The bad jokes thread
You’re raising them right, Timo! 
“Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.” -Bill Watterson
What do you call a stripper wearing a Santa costume?
A ho ho ho ! 
I enjoy playing adventure games on my Alienware M17 r4 and my Nintendo Switch OLED.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
The truth can’t hurt you, it’s just like the dark: it scares you witless but in time you see things clear and stark. - Elvis Costello
Maybe this time I can be strong, but since I know who I am, I’m probably wrong. Maybe this time I can go far, but thinking about where I’ve been ain’t helping me start. - Michael Kiwanuka
Why didn’t Kathy take a blowtorch to the sea of flowers?
Her Zippo was a little lighter.
Why didn’t Kathy take a blowtorch to the sea of flowers?
Her Zippo was a little lighter.
Now that’s really funny!
I enjoy playing adventure games on my Alienware M17 r4 and my Nintendo Switch OLED.
Not so much a joke, but a a line of text I found pretty funny:
“This article is about the hypothetical self-replicating spacecraft concept. For the side
game from Space Quest III, see Astro Chicken.”
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
A classic.
I enjoy playing adventure games on my Alienware M17 r4 and my Nintendo Switch OLED.
If you liked the gothic horror tales in The Dark Eye, these might interest you:
The pattern is called Poe-ka dots*.
*From the non-profit Out of Print.com, which promotes literacy programs. I have a couple of their t-shirts.
“Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.” -Bill Watterson
Why couldn’t the civil servant stop raving?
She was a technocrat.
I just played The Last of Us (Remastered) on the PS4.
Main character Ellie has a book of puns (titled “No Pun Intended: Volume Too”), and she takes it out a couple of times in the game to spew a bunch of bad puns and jokes.
I’ll list them here:
It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope. It’ll still be stationary.
What did the Confederate soldiers use to eat off of?
Civil ware.
What did they use to drink with?
Cups. Dixie cups.
I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap.
A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages?
A stalemate.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know-basis.
A moon rock tastes better than an earthly rock. Because it’s meteor.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.
3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
An algae bra.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Do you know what’s not right?
Left.
What does a pirate say while eating sushi?
Ahoy! Pass me some soy!
People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow…
You wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it was too cheesy.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, you idiot!
Why can’t your nose be twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re so pointless.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
I heard two peanuts walked into a park. One was as-salted.
A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, and it’s impossible to put down.
It’s not that the guy didn’t know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
I’m glad I know sign language. It’s become quite handy.
I forgot how to throw a boomerang. But it came back to me.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.
When the power went out at the school, the children were de-lighted.
Those fish were shy. They were obviously coy.
Those two men drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
‘Tis the C.
The midget psychic escaped prison. He was a small medium at large.
I’m inclined to be laid back.
Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.
The magician got frustrated and pulled his hare out.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
A criminal’s best asset is his lie-ability.
I didn’t have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.
I heard about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda. He’s lucky it was a soft drink.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who had issues controlling his pupils.
Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your genes.
The truth can’t hurt you, it’s just like the dark: it scares you witless but in time you see things clear and stark. - Elvis Costello
Maybe this time I can be strong, but since I know who I am, I’m probably wrong. Maybe this time I can go far, but thinking about where I’ve been ain’t helping me start. - Michael Kiwanuka
What is a pirate’s second favorite letter?
R, of course.
“Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.” -Bill Watterson
Which letter ranks third on the list of pirate popularity?
X marks the spot.
-_-
Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
I enjoy playing adventure games on my Alienware M17 r4 and my Nintendo Switch OLED.
Another one I got from my daughter:
Which mountain is always sleeping?
Mount Ever-Rest
The truth can’t hurt you, it’s just like the dark: it scares you witless but in time you see things clear and stark. - Elvis Costello
Maybe this time I can be strong, but since I know who I am, I’m probably wrong. Maybe this time I can go far, but thinking about where I’ve been ain’t helping me start. - Michael Kiwanuka
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