[Lee in Limbo]

Originally Posted by Squinky

Dear Lee,

I'll be waiting with open arms.* In the meantime, have fun with the logo-drawing. If that's possible, of course.

Yours in blogginess,
Aggsie

* Or at least, I would be if forum threads actually had arms.

*chuckles* I'll be looking for you.

[Panthera]

Ugh.. I feel like I'm just sitting here watching my life decline..

These last weeks I'm only getting more and more sad. There's a lot of things I should be doing, that I'm not, and I'm not even doing things I want to do, like playing the Tunguska demo or continue my Sims 2 Pets family..

I'm not going to school this year, for many reasons, one of them is that I don't feel at home in a class setting, the schoolsystem as it is now, is just built up to punish those of us that's actually cever, and understand things quickly. I'm tired of having to repeat something 5 times before moving on because I need to "really" learn it, and I'm tired of repeating things every year.. We're supposed to be progressing when getting older, and moving up in levels in school, right? I checked my High school reading list, half of what we're supposed to work with we had in primary and secondary school.. yes, even primary..

So this year I desided not to go to school, but rather self-study, and take the exams to get my grades. Then I could work in my own phase, and advance as quickly as I wanted.
Of course, I'm not doing anything.. I really thought I would do this, but Since I've bought the books, I've read the intro to each subject, made some copies of internet material, and written one page of notes..

I suspect some of the reason for me not working (besides my mental problems) is that I haven't actually done homework since second grade (primary) when you get great grades doing nothing (besides doing the assigments the day before they're due) it's hard to actually do it..

I'm also very upset over my sleeping pattern. I'm usually not going to bed before 5-6 in the morning, and sleep away the day. When I first get up around 4 a clock the day is gone, and to have time for everything I want to do (Witch mainly consists of watching tv) I stay up late, going into this bad circle. First getting up at four also makes it to late for me to do several of the things I should do, like call the school I'm taking the exams at, and ask when they are.

Getting up that late also made me miss my appointment at my phsycologist, nearly two weeks ago, and I've still not called her and explained. It's quite worrysome that she hasn't called me, normally she calls me every week, witch drives me nuts.. I also feel that she doesn't understand me at all, and whwn I talk to her, I just want her to go away.
I can't quit seeing her either, because I get money from the state only if I go to regular visits at the phsycologist, and undergo continous "treatment".

I've started lying to everyone again, I lie to my family, I lie to my BF, and I lie to my pshycologist about working with schoolstuff. Also I can't tell them that I'm being really stressed out by this traveling to and from.. I went to bodo in september for my little brothers birthday, now in october I went to my grandma, and in early november I'm going back for my littlesisters birthday, and then there's christmas. It feels like I've done nothing but travel, and when I settle down home, I have to leave again..

I feel like I'm just digging a very deep hole for myself, and the longer I continue, the harder it will be to climb out of..


I'm sorry for dropping this on you like this, I just needed to write this. The only ones I have to talk to would either get mad, or not understand me..

[rlpw]

Dear Panthera,
I didn't know you were a quitter? You have sat here and argued with me till I'm blue in the face and never backed down.

I think what you need is two fold. Now I'm not a proffesional so don't be a stickler here.

1: If you have a problem with self motivaion in your studies maybe your a type of person who actually needs a competitive atmosphere to accell. I have found that in a lot of people who cannot seem to bring themselves to do things on there own that if you stick someone with them that is doing the same thing it creates competitive motivation. My personal motivation is that I like to eat but that is another story.

2: If you are going to do something then do it! I do not know if they have this saying in your country but here it goes (and I am toning it down) 'Excuses are like buttholes, everyone has one and most of them stink'. Now I know that it's hard to look at yourself in a negative light but sometimes it is the only way to push yourself forward.

Well that's my 2 bits. Hope I didn't sound to rough and nothing but love fer ye kiddo. Now get out there and beat the world with your rubber chicken!

[Jelena]

((( Panthera)))

Reading about your situation makes me want to drive all the way to Norway and just HUG YOU!!!
In everyones lives there are ups and downs. To me it sounds that you've hit the bottom of a down period right now. It's tough to climb up all by yourself. Is there anyone who you can confide in to help you get back to some routines that will make you feel better? (Boyfriend, mother) Getting your sleep pattern back on track will probably make it easier to deal with the other issues you're troubled about.
Is there any chance that you can get another phsycologist since you feel it's not working out with this one?

I can't remember your age right now so I don't know at what stage in your education you are at the moment. In Sweden these last 10 years we've got a number of private schools open for everyone. Many of them (if not all) have a very individualistic approach to learning. One of them is called Kunskaps skolan (School of Knowledge) Each and every student work in their own pace and progress in the different subjects through levels. They take classes and exams when they need them and work very much on their own. This particular school is for grades 6-9. But I'm pretty sure you're older. Anyway, perhaps there are similar alternatives in Norway for your age. It sounds as that would be a school situation that would do you good. Like rlpw said: Perhaps you need the competitive atmosphere.

You need to take care of yourself Panthera!
Lena

[Panthera]

Thanks for actually reading the whole post..

As I said, there are many reasons for me not going to school now (I'm 18, and should have been on my last year of high school). I have a none-identified muscelour deciece, that makes it impossible for me to go to school every day in the week. I need special school structure (your grades are put down when you're not there every week, as one example) but since I haven't got a diagnocis, I can't apply to school for special structure. We have some private schools in Norway, but most of them are christian or cost extremely much money, witch is something, to say the least, my family doesn't have much of..

I tried going to a newly started private school last year (you have it in Sweden too, called John Bauer) but one of the problems was that since it started that year, it only had the first year of high school available, forching me to go that year again. That was really horrible for me, not only had I done everything two times before (in secondary and highschool) but the school's learning curve and method was made almost soley for ppl. with learning disabilities. And because it was very much based on group work, it demanded that I be more present than I was able too..

You're right I should probably talk to my phsycologist about switching, but I don't want to hurt her.. :S

Rlpw:
I'm completely aware that it's my fault that this is happening, and I know that I should just thuffen up and get on with it, but knowing this, and actually doing it is two different things. Often I don't even make exuses. I can sit down with the text book and notebook, and just watch it, being unable write anything. I can sit here with the computer, not doing anything, and think "I have to work with this, I can pick up the books, go sit on the bed and write, right now, I haven't got anything better to do", and I don't do it..

[rlpw]

Panthera, ^^ Poke poke then get up n do it girly!! Don't make me come over there!! (Sorry that's the father instinct in me! Jelena will have to do all the mothering I don't have that touch) I still think you need competitive learning which might not be available in your country.

[Melanie68]

You won't hurt the psychologists feelings. They understand people need to find the right psychologist and that people switch. It's part of their job.

I have found that I will keep things to myself thinking I don't want to burden someone or that they'll get angry but you will probably be surprised by the support you'll get. Sometimes getting things out in the open makes finding your path out of the situation easier.

Good luck. I'm thinking of you.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Panthera

You're right I should probably talk to my phsycologist about switching, but I don't want to hurt her.. :S

That's something you really shouldn't be afraid to do. She is a professional and must be able to deal with that kind of situation. Your job is to take care of yourself and put your interests and needs as priority one.

I'm sorry to hear about your muscular disease. And also to hear that the Norweigan schools aren't able to help you. It really makes me mad to hear that your education is put on hold because there isn't a "name" of your condition. Such a waste of your time and obvious talent!

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by rlpw

(Sorry that's the father instinct in me! Jelena will have to do all the mothering I don't have that touch)

That's great! You and I can be the forum parentsand annoy the hell out of all the others.
On the other hand perhaps not. I've had my fair share at home recently. My son's planning to buy a pair of jeans that costs $122.
Imagine the discussions!

[Panthera]

Thanks all of you for your support..

Jelena: I could imagine that discussion yeah.. Does he have any good reasons for why he must have those pants and not some cheaper ones?

I also spend a deal of money on clothes, but I only shop in cheap chlothing stores, so the most expencive item I've bought this year was a winter jacket costing 77$.

[rlpw]

Originally Posted by Jelena

That's great! You and I can be the forum parentsand annoy the hell out of all the others.
On the other hand perhaps not. I've had my fair share at home recently. My son's planning to buy a pair of jeans that costs $122.
Imagine the discussions!

That's not a problem for me. The words 'NO' and 'WE CAN'T AFFORD IT' come to mind. I have a method in raising my children, I refuse to make there life very comfortable so when they reach age of consent they will be running out the door.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Panthera

Jelena: I could imagine that discussion yeah.. Does he have any good reasons for why he must have those pants and not some cheaper ones?

He has turned into a very clothes-conscious young man. The reason he wants these pair of jeans is that they're cool.
I'm glad that he wants to look good, but as a student he really can't allow himself to spend his whole monthly allowance (expr?) at only one pair of jeans. We give him about $122 a month for him to buy all his clothes, finance his cell phone calls, gas for his moped, save up if he wants to buy something like a mp3-player, movie tickets etc etc. Usually it works fine. We haven't seen the end of this though. I can be very persuasive.

[rlpw]

Originally Posted by Jelena

He has turned into a very clothes-conscious young man. The reason he wants these pair of jeans is that they're cool.
I'm glad that he wants to look good, but as a student he really can't allow himself to spend his whole monthly allowance (expr?) at only one pair of jeans. We give him about $122 a month for him to buy all his clothes, finance his cell phone calls, gas for his moped, save up if he wants to buy something like a mp3-player, movie tickets etc etc. Usually it works fine. We haven't seen the end of this though. I can be very persuasive.

Well that's simple enough! When he runs out of money to pay his cell phone and gas his moped just tell him to 'use his pants to call someone' or 'ride your pants to school'. Sounds tough but the sooner they become responsible for there own money the better.
I have a much easier solution for my kids, I tell them if they want high dollar clothes to 'get a job, I'm trying to save up for when you leave'. Sounds mean but life isn't fair

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by rlpw

That's not a problem for me. The words 'NO' and 'WE CAN'T AFFORD IT' come to mind. I have a method in raising my children, I refuse to make there life very comfortable so when they reach age of consent they will be running out the door.

Well in order to make him conscious of money we give him a monthly allowance (se my previous post). We were constantly getting into huge arguments about what he wanted and what I though he needed. This way he gets to take responsibility for his actions and hopefully learn something along the way.

I know I really shouldn't argue with him for wanting to get those pair of jeans. I'm contradicting my own goal with this allowance by doing so. But this is Sweden. And he needs a new winter jacket and a new pair of winter boots. At least I think he does.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by rlpw

Well that's simple enough! When he runs out of money to pay his cell phone and gas his moped just tell him to 'use his pants to call someone' or 'ride your pants to school'.

Oh, you bet I will!

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Jelena

My son's planning to buy a pair of jeans that costs $122.

What?!?

Are they magic jeans? Do they grant wishes?

It might be time for you to drag out a few photos of absurdly expensive fashion items you bought that were the height of style for about ten minutes and then became hopelessly dated, never to be worn again.

I know whereof I speak: I still have a pair of purple nylon parachute pants that I paid $40 for in 1985. I have worn them maybe 5 times total. I keep them to remind me not to get sucked into the "but everyone else has..." syndrome.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Sage

Are they magic jeans? Do they grant wishes?

I think they attract girls!

[rlpw]

Sage said
What?!?

Are they magic jeans? Do they grant wishes?

It might be time for you to drag out a few photos of absurdly expensive fashion items you bought that were the height of style for about ten minutes and then became hopelessly dated, never to be worn again.

I know whereof I speak: I still have a pair of purple nylon parachute pants that I paid $40 for in 1985. I have worn them maybe 5 times total. I keep them to remind me not to get sucked into the "but everyone else has..." syndrome.

boy that takes me back!! how about some of those skin tight blue painter pants I used to have! Or.. dare I mention.. The Patchwork denim suit I just HAD to have when I was like 11 or 12!

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Jelena

I think they attract girls!

No, he hopes they will attract girls. Big difference.

Even our Trep, the biggest fashionista I know, will tell you that the most exquisite Dolce & Gabbana/Armani/Donna Karan ensemble is wasted if the person wearing it is lacking in personality. Sure, people will notice and appreciate the clothes, but they still won't pay any attention to the person inside the clothes.

Of course, explaining this to a teenager with an advanced case of the "gotta haves" is a study in futility. Maybe you should let him buy the magic girl-magnet pants and then you and Christer refuse to give him one more dime (or the Swedish equivalent thereof...a dime is 1/10th of a dollar) until it's time for him to get his regular allowance again.

Let him truly live with the consequences of his actions.

[Sage]

Originally Posted by rlpw

boy that takes me back!! how about some of those skin tight blue painter pants I used to have! Or.. dare I mention.. The Patchwork denim suit I just HAD to have when I was like 11 or 12!

Hehehe! I was morally certain that life would no longer be worth living if I didn't have a pair of patchwork denim flare-leg pants just like the ones Freddie "Boom-Boom" Washington wore on "Welcome Back, Kotter".

Despite my histrionics at the time, I didn't get them and yet life turned out to be worth living after all.