[Wormsie]

Spawning from this thread here...

Introducing yourself to others can be tricky. If you are the kind of person who desperately wants to impress, you might find it hard to make friends. Or maybe you are shy and overreact. Or maybe you just really aren't interested in others.

What's your best introduction one-liner so far? What's your worst? Are you one of the few people capable of being original and interesting, or do you just settle for the basic "hi"? When did you last meet someone with whom you became succesfully acquainted with? When was the last time introducing yourself to someone went horribly wrong?

Lot's of questions there.

So far my best/worst introductory line has been "I bought 24 condoms by accident today".

Spoiler:

Not really, but I have said that to people as a joke, and it worked.

EDIT: Introdoctions. Perfect.

[Wormsie]

I see Kingzjester is writing a reply to this thread. Very curious.

[Kingzjester]

I can't practice that sort of shit. All small talk that I do is powered by improv. It could be considered flirting when I'm talking to a woman, or arrogant posturing when talking to a dude or a policeman. I make fun of them and make fun of myself. It backfires seldom but when it does it does so horribly, usually when the other person has no sense of humour whatsoever (or when the other person is a policeman), and gives me no feedback on the jokes. So I just continue to stand there uncomfortably waiting for the feedback loop to end, trying to feel my way out via some emergency exit path.

[Fairygdmther]

I find something about their looks that I can comment on. Supposing that you got all dressed up for some event, and this person is in scuzzy jeans and a tee shirt. I'd say, "Damn I wished I'd worn that! You look much more comfortable than I feel!" I met a gal recently who kinda caught me staring at her. She looked at me kinda funny, and I just smiled, and said, "Your hair is so beautiful under that light! It highlights all the shininess, and makes it look so pretty!" She had real carrot-top red hair, but with her complexion, it was gorgeous on her. We chatted for 10 minutes just about hair color and complexion. At a bar, I might ask someone what they were drinking, as it looks interesting. Most people are willing to talk to you if you ask them a question, and actually seem interested. And smile! Smiling is a big opener. It shows that you're friendly and non-threatening.

Lynsie

[Kingzjester]

Originally Posted by Wormsie

I see Kingzjester is writing a reply to this thread. Very curious.

Wouldn't it be funny if I had left my computer on in that reply window for a few hours while I went to class?

[Melanie68]

I am horrible with first introductions. I need an excuse (I need something from them) or some common ground or a small detail (like Lynsie pointed out) to start otherwise I sound like a complete dork. I am horribly shy often and sometimes find in difficult to even make eye contact with someone (especially if they are male and attractive). I am horrible at flirting which accounts for my single status.

@Wormsie - Do you have a porn buddy? (God, I love that show)

EDIT: One of the rare successful lines I had: I was at a sports bar with a guy I was dating (he saw it as a friend he was having sex with) and there was a cute guy there who mentioned he liked Nirvana so I went to the juke box, picked out a Nirvana song and told him I played it for him (the guy I was with had left). We talked for a while, I gave him my # and he called the next morning. I never called him back because I was one of those STUPID females who thinks that if she stays with the guy long enough he'll eventually come around and realize how much he loves you, blah, blah, blah. The biggest f-ing regret of my life - not calling that guy back

[Swordmaster]

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

Most people are willing to talk to you if you ask them a question, and actually seem interested. And smile! Smiling is a big opener. It shows that you're friendly and non-threatening.

All true! I also find that the surroundings play a role in getting to know people: I have never been too good in chatting up people in a bar, it feels too much like a pick-up situation even if it is not. Pre-parties, on the other hand, are perfect places for making new friends: the music is not too loud so you don't have to shout, people are usually in a friendly and cheerful mood, everyone usually have a common friend or acquaintance so it's easy to come up with something to talk plus you can sit comfortably on a sofa with a glass of wine for hours if the conversation is engaging (if not, it is easy to excuse yourself too).

I don't believe in prepared conversation openers either, they tend to end up sounding memorized or forced. Something spontaneous about the situation or the person is usually the way to go.

[Jeysie]

1. What's your best introduction one-liner so far? What's your worst? Are you one of the few people capable of being original and interesting, or do you just settle for the basic "hi"?

Hmm. Well... I very seldom intitiate conversation with anyone (I'm far too shy and have a poor self-esteem).

If I do decide to start up a conversation with a stranger, my method is generally dependent on why I wanted to talk to that person in the first place. Nine times out of ten it's because I observe they seem interested in something I enjoy... they're studying a poster for a movie I've seen or am going to see, or they're reading a book I'm familiar with, or they're wearing the same T-Shirt I am (this actually happened fairly recently), or they're listening to a song I like, etc etc. In which case I obviously make some comment on the perceived shared interest.

The other one-tenth of the time it's because the person has showcased something I find worthy of notice and compliment, in which case I obviously compliment them.

(Maybe this is why I never get dates... if I ever want to "pick up" a guy, I simply walk up to him and say bluntly what I think about him, like "You know, you have rather nice eyes" or something, which usually weirds him out completely. Subtlety is not my strong point.)

So I don't really have a best or worst one-liner I can remember off-hand, and it's a matter of taste whether a shared-interest-comment or a compliment would be considered "original".

2. When did you last meet someone with whom you became succesfully acquainted with?

Depends on what you mean by "successfully acquainted", I suppose. The last person I met that I became actual friends with is my roommate, 7 years ago. (I know, kinda sad.)

3. When was the last time introducing yourself to someone went horribly wrong?

I don't think I ever screwed up any actual introduction itself. However, a few months ago while hanging out with one of my roommate's friends for the first time, I thought it would be fun to play some of my kooky music collection for him, including "Boot to the Head" and "Weeeeee (Gonads and Strife)"... only to find out later that he's a rather conservative Republican. Oopsie.

Also, for the longest time my roommate's mother thought I was an airheaded stuck-up ditz, thanks to my shy and stunted social skills.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by Swordmaster

All true! I also find that the surroundings play a role in getting to know people: I have never been too good in chatting up people in a bar, it feels too much like a pick-up situation even if it is not.

Someone once smiled at me and complimented me on my clothing in a bar. I told him to get lost. Maybe the pick-up-ish air was emphasized by the fact that he spoke Spanish and called me "darrrling". So don't talk to people in bars! You will only get yelled at, at least by me.

However, people touch me in bars, without any seeming attempt to pick me up. People I've only occasionally talked to touch me in bars. When I say bye bye to everybody when going home at three in the morning. They take my hand and stare at me in the eye: "Bye bye, Jussi".

And they've generally seemed more sober than me.

I don't mind, maybe it's just a common habit I haven't got quite accustomed to.

Then there's the hit-and-run ass-gropers, of course, but I don't mean them.

[Erwin_Br]

Myself, I'm not really shy. But I'm not a talker either. I just hate engaging in 'empty' conversations. If an interesting subject comes up, people can't shut me up.

I'm not good in pick up lines either. And I really hate them, too. I'd rather go for a more direct approach. Unfortunately not many women appreciate it. A bar isn't really the best place to meet women. At least, not for me!

--Erwin

[gillyruless]

Originally Posted by Erwin_Br

I'd rather go for a more direct approach. Unfortunately not many women appreciate it. --Erwin

You mean you bonk them on their head and drag them to your cave. Yea, not many women like that...

[Mattsius]

The last few weeks I've had the chance to meet a shitload (sorry, was the best word to describe it) of new people. In many ways it's been a new experience for me, at least in this scope. When I think back on it it's all been a big experiment for me, with varying results I might add. I've come to some conclusions:

I'm shy, but apparently not as shy as some other people, which is nice to realize. I'm much better at starting a conversation with a male than a female. Around women I get very shy and don't really know what to say. As long as either she or I get those first words out of our mouths it often works quite well for a while. I ask stuff like where you’re from, when you moved here (everyone are new uni students so they've moved here from somewhere), in what part of town you live, do you like it there and so forth. If she is from some place where I know people I often ask if she knows them and stuff like that.
It works for a while, but sooner or later you run out of things to say. No really awkward situations have occurred so far though because there are always so many other people to talk to, so you have an excuse to stop talking to her. I guess I should be trying to dig up something that we have in common which we could talk about, but that's not always so easy.

As for talking to guys that's mostly not a problem. You can talk about sports, the army (one evening I sat for hours and talked to a guy about it, so it works really well) cars, computers, politics (it's quite easy when I'm surrounded by political science students) etc. There's always a topic that interests both.
And since I'm not sexually attracted to men there's no tension and it makes talking so much easier. To an extent that also works with girls that I don't find too attracting though.

Oh, and I'm very bad at making eye contact with people. I'm trying to improve it, but it's a bad habit that won't go away just like that.

And just like most people some alcohol helps me to relax and that way become more talkative, but it's actually quite sad that you need a drink to loosen up.

[mag]

I'm not really shy as much as I am socially retarded. So far, the best line I've come up with is "Hi." Sometimes I even mix it up with "Hey," "Hello," or even a, "How's it going?" After that the conversation deteroriates rather quickly. Following my outstanding introductory line I might draw upon my deep-as-a-reflecting-pool knowledge of hum-an social behavior to try coming up with a topic the other person might be interested in like, "I like cake. Do you like cake too?" Or, "Tell me. What's your opinion on Schrödinger's cat?" Or maybe, "Why do hot dogs come in packages of 8 but hot dog buns come in packages of 10?"

Of course, that's assuming I say anything at all afterward. More often, what comes out is simply a series of incoherent grunts and gibberish noises.

As you may have guess, the success rate of this technique leaves something to be desired. There are a few kinks in the system that need to be worked out.

mag

[Erwin_Br]

One annoying little thing I forgot to mention about my social capabilities, or restrictions rather, is that when I'm talking with a beautiful woman I kinda... forget... what she's saying during our conversation. So we have a pleasant conversation until ten minutes later I ask her something I should've already known. This only happens with really beautiful women only, though.

--Erwin

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Depends on my gut instincts about a person. Usually I'm too shy to just go up to anyone and start talking (many of the people I've met in the past have been introduced to me, or introduced themselves to me). But in the most generic sense: "Pleasure to meet you. I'm Beiddie. I have to apologize in advance because I suck at remembering names and I'm going to forget yours two minutes from now, but I will remember how you look and what we talked about." This in itself immediately breaks the ice and puts us both at ease.

If I sense the person is attracted to me, I try to steer the beginning conversation to them and get them to talk about themselves first. If the person doesn't seem interested in me, I do very small talk and then say something like, "I'm sorry, but I just have to have another gin & tonic, that bartender makes an incredible one. I'll find you in a few and we'll really talk. Good to meet you again."

Originally Posted by Kingzjester

I can't practice that sort of shit. All small talk that I do is powered by improv. It could be considered flirting when I'm talking to a woman, or arrogant posturing when talking to a dude or a policeman. I make fun of them and make fun of myself. It backfires seldom but when it does it does so horribly, usually when the other person has no sense of humour whatsoever (or when the other person is a policeman), and gives me no feedback on the jokes. So I just continue to stand there uncomfortably waiting for the feedback loop to end, trying to feel my way out via some emergency exit path.

So what would you say to me first, then? Let's be honest, you sonuvabitch. I'm not a woman, but I find you strangely attractive (physically and intellectually). I'm a man, so you're supposed to try to show off how macho you are (lots of het men do this to other het men, but I'm not het). We're both educated and intelligent, but I know your bullshitting ways and you know mine. We're both artists and think a lot. You're sensitive yet tempermental and brutally honest, I'm often subtle but prone to fits of passionate expression or unapologetic empathy.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Melanie68

I am horrible at flirting which accounts for my single status.

Need some pointers?

Originally Posted by Wormsie

Someone once smiled at me and complimented me on my clothing in a bar. I told him to get lost. Maybe the pick-up-ish air was emphasized by the fact that he spoke Spanish and called me "darrrling". So don't talk to people in bars! You will only get yelled at, at least by me.

Need some more pointers?

[Melanie68]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Need some pointers?

Could always use some!

Thanks

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Erwin_Br

I'm not good in pick up lines either. And I really hate them, too. I'd rather go for a more direct approach. Unfortunately not many women appreciate it. A bar isn't really the best place to meet women. At least, not for me!

--Erwin

I don't mean to brag, but even though I'm very shy (especially in bars), as soon as someone tries a line on me I automatically see it as a game of strategy and play it with him (whether he wants to or not), and I usually win. I know I've won when I see the telltale signs - he gives me his phone number, he buys me not one, but two drinks, he starts to squirm in his seat, he starts touch me on my back or lightly rubs my arm, his eyes stay on me for very long moments, etc. In other words, I'm a very dangerous flirt.

Originally Posted by Melanie

Could always use some!

Thanks

Ask away.

[Jeysie]

I personally don't need tips on talking to guys... what I need is tips on having the guy find me *attractive* after I talk to him. I'm pretty good at getting the "Hey, you're a cool friend, let's hang out some time" sentiments, but never the "Hey, you're hot, I'd like to date you" sentiments. (IOW, I've had plenty of close male friends over the years, but none that fell in love with me... I'm just "one of the guys".)

As for you fellas who are having trouble talking to women... your confidence levels (not to mention your coherency levels) may increase quite a bit once you build the mental bridge of seeing women not as mysterious objects of desire to weasel into a bed, but as human beings to hold normal conversations with.

(Then again, I've never had a guy give me an actual pickup line, so my advice probably isn't entirely helpful.)

Side note: Am I the the only woman who always feels a little hurt by the pervasive attitude in society that men are the ones who have all the dating problems, and women have all the control? It's like if you're a man and you can't get a woman, well, you just gotta figure out how to talk to women right. But if you're a woman and you can't get a man, well, you're pathetic.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Melanie68]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Ask away.

[self pity]How do you get over the fear of rejection? I related to Jeysie's statement of a blah self esteem. Flirting is all about selling (metaphorically) yourself and believing in yourself as a product. It has to start there. I'm good at school not necessarily because I'm smart but because I can do that - it's a place with definition. Relationships - UGH - no definition. I probably come off sounding like a pompous twit and I'm not really like that - but it's hard to bring that across. I'm either pathetically shy or I say too much too soon. Blah.[/self pity]

Quote:

I really quite like being single. Except for the bit about not having a man.