[syntheticgerbil]

INT. BRUCE WAYNE’S BEDROOM – DAWN

ON THE CUT Bruce sits bolt upright in bed, wide-eyed and sweaty.

BRUCE
(harsh breaths)
I-I can’t believe that… Oh my goodness, I can’t believe that- that happened. Oh my gosh almighty, I’m sweating like a gosh darned animal! I must… oh my, make my way to eat… oh, cereal, and clear my… head!

Bruce Wayne struggles up out of his covers and puts some Levi’s Jeans on backwards over his boxers and zips his fly up his butt crack. He digs through his wardrobe and finds an awesome yellow and blue tie die t-shirt, which he then wipes the sweat off his body with it and puts it on. He moves out the doorway.

FOLLOWING BRUCE

Walking slow through the hall.

INT. WAYNE MANOR – DINING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Alfred has brought an ironing board in the room and is ironing some lacy undergarment. Bruce knocks into the ironing board on his way to the pantry. Alfred then pushes the iron too hard and burns a whole in the lacy thing.

ALFRED
(annoyed)
Bruce Winston Wayne! You should really watch wear you are going. I rather fancy wearing that tonight, if you know what I mean.

BRUCE
(turning back from digging in the pantry)
I-I’m so… so sorry, Alfred. I think, I think today, that-that, I’m not…uh…

ALFRED
Not yourself, sir?

BRUCE
Yes, that’s… it. Do we have W-Wheat, Crunch-Crunchies?
ALFRED
(pointing)
They are right on the left there, sir. I swear, you must be blind as a bat.

BRUCE
(grimace)
Hah, very… very funny… Bat?

Suddenly, Bruce flies backwards on the floor holding the Wheat Crunchies. He starts squealing and convulsing violently. He hugs the Wheat Crunchies until they pop all over the dining room. Alfred runs to Brunce.

BRUCE
(screaming with eyes shut)
Oh god! Not the bat! Ahhhhh! He’s back!

ALFRED
(Holding Bruce’s head to his chest)
What bat, my dear Bruce? You are Batman.

BRUCE
(calming down)
I don’t want to be Batman anymore, I want to be Clark Kent… I mean, Bruce Wayne. I had this awful dream where a lot of hands, my hands, were grabbing me! That is crazy! I only have two hands and neither can come out of bookcases that I am on the other side of the bookcase on to grab myself with!

ALFRED
I know dear Bruce, but you have to understand that the world needs Batman… and I, I need Batman.

BRUCE
(knocks Alfred off of him)
Just get off of me you sick freak! You don’t understand how it is to be chased by yourself in your own dream! You don’t understand what it’s like to be Batman! You don’t understand what it’s like to have your parents killed by bats! Do you know what happened to my mother, Alfred, do you? Huh?!

ALFRED
(looking frightened)
Why my dear boy, I…

BRUCE
(looking away)
I watched her, Alfred. The first bat swooped down and bit my father. They all swarmed him. It was awful. Then he got up all furry and had fangs and was screaming these green supersonic waves which kept bouncing off of me and my mother, returning back to him so that he could sense exactly where we were. Then he bit my mother’s neck open while more bats swarmed both of them, finishing the job. I ran, Alfred. I vowed that day that I would spend the rest of my life dressed up as a bat, fighting crime and bats, because of what happened to my parents. Do you understand old man?!

ALFRED
Not to worry, sir, I am here for you.

BRUCE
(turning back to Alfred and walking away)
Good. Then I suggest to you that you go back around to prancing around in your frilly panties and let the man of the house be while he eats his Wheat Crunchies.

[Glenn Epic]

Woah! What is this?

[squarejawhero]

Funny yet surreal.

Is that avatar from Buckaroo Banzai, the film with the best '80's ending in then world ever?

[Sage]

Okay...now I've had my daily dose of bizarre.

ScottMate