[Lee in Limbo]

Originally Posted by Squinky

That I seem to be one of the very few people on these forums who'd rather not publically discuss this topic; therefore, the majority of people have much less shame than I do? *shrugs*

Also, I have to say I have serious issues with the following earlier statement of yours:

I tend to think of you as a special case in this matter, love. But beyond that, I will say that you have expressed several times now that sex isn't an intrusive factor in your mindset. Taking you at your word (which I always do), I am therefore left with the impression that you simply don't have the same level of sex drive as most folks, including many of those who bear the standard of abstinence. I do know you require affection and comfort, but that your actual libidinous requirements are not a deciding factor in what sort of contact you require. I accept that from you, where I don't often do for others. I'll come back to this.

Originally Posted by Squinky

*grumbles and slinks away, feeling even more like a freak*

You are not unique in this regard, darling. But you are, as far as I can tell, in a considerable minority. Nothing for it, I'm afraid. But I'm disinclined to label you as a freak, particularly in a nominally repressed Judeo-Christian society that obsesses over abstinence and chastity, where to be determinedly and demonstrably sexual is often regarded as freakish behaviour.

Originally Posted by Squinky

I just find it extremely condescending and disrespectful to assume that people who choose not to have sex at certain points in their lives are repressed, and that they're somehow incomplete as human beings. I also personally disagree with sexual gratification being a "need", because that's not the case with me; I put sex in the "nice, but not essential for my happiness and well-being" category.

Sadly, it seems as though not many people agree with me on these fronts. Hence, I'm a freak.

This is the part where I offer hugs and sincere apologies if anything I said here offended you. I know it sounds trite, but I wasn't referring to you when I said it, though it can be said on principle that I should have taken you into account when I said it.

Now, as for my CV in this department, I have no letters after my name, so I am in no position to say with medically certified certainty what 'normal' sexual behaviour is or can be. What I can say from experience is that virtually every person I have met who attempted some form of chastity or abstinence generally found themselves in bad situations, owing to their determination to deny what for them were actually very strong sex drives. From what I could see, treating sex like a recessive personality trait tends to get you exactly what you were hoping not to achieve, but in the least expected and often most distressing way.

From your statements about sexuality not being a need, I gather that you do not experience the kind of longings that can lead to the sort of lashback against repression that many people feel is the ultimate and inevitable result of deliberately denying the sex one knows one desires. If abstinence and a highly controllable sex drive come perfectly natural to you, then I applaud you and ask that you forgive anything I might say that implies otherwise.

All of that said, I do still believe that abstinence in general is a very worrisome concept, and that most folks ought to come to grips with their sexuality, rather than deliberately denying it. The truth will out, whether you have an honest and complete awareness of your sex drive or not. Abstinence as a personal choice, particularly for a point in time when sex simply doesn't fit in your current lifestyle, can be a perfectly fine thing. We are not meant to be slaves to our sexuality either. However, abstinence as a moral conviction is often times proved horribly wrong, and generally leads to unplanned pregnancies and unhappy marriages, or worse, broken homes.

Abstinence is not to be trifled with, and most people ought not to mess with it. It does not work just because it's the morally right(eous) thing to do. It works (when it does) because it is a personal decision and a conviction that 'now is not the time'. I held that conviction myself until I was a couple of years older than you, and have abstained from sex at a number of times in my life since then, so believe me when I say I understand.

However, not everyone is as self-aware as me, and I doubt most folks feel the same way you do about their sexual impulses, either. Most folks have very simple and not particularly well thought-out ideas about the nature of their sexuality, and that ignorance most often does more harm than good. I believe that with absolute conviction. If people could learn to keep their morality and their sexuality apart, I truly beleive there would be a lot less religious extremism and misery due to sexual repression in the world today.

And with that, I am shutting up on this topic, unless and until you and I are talking privately, where we can actually get answers in a reasonable amount of time. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, love.
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And to the rest of you freaks, I apologize for this being such a closed discussion. You'll get yours, I gather.