[Fairygdmther]

You do realize how vulnerable you are by inviting critique? Please understand this is not an attack on you personally. Your technique of speaking familiarly with your reader is a good one to draw your reader in, but then you lecture indirectly, eg, "authentic faux brick siding" and "genuine simulated wood shingles", pointing out pretentiously their materialistic exhibitions. Though the oxymorons are commonly used in advertising, they distance you the narrator from your characters in a very snotty manner. You are more forgiving with Mark, though less descriptive, of his black house, and yard gone to wild growth, in an otherwise traditional neighborhood of manicured lawns. This shows further your disdain for the "home in the burbs, 2 cars in the garage, 2.3 kids, all attending soccer, kung fu, and gymnastics". While you as author/narrator are free to express your own opinion, you might want to think about all who you will alienate from your rebellious stance. Then again, I don't know who your potential audience will be. Perhaps the traditional is so loathsome to you, that it doesn't matter. If this is the opening to a book, you may want to suck your readers in a bit more before espousing your views so openly. If it is to be a short story, then of course your picture must be painted earlier and with more clarity.

BTW I am not a teacher or literary critic - merely a voracious reader. These are just my opinions, and again, not an attack. Heed or ignore as you wish.

FGM