Made-up Conversations
 

Beat The Champ said in another thread "My friends and I like to get into these embarrassingly private but made-up conversations in elevators and other small places where strangers can't help but overhear."

What an excellent idea for a thread. Respond to my sentence below with something that's either going to sound outragious, humorous, or otherwise odd to a casual listener.

"I dropped by to see Bill and Melinda today."

"You don't remember Melinda? Perhaps you know her better as John"

I presume the plan is to a response to one and set up a new feed line so

"I'm not going shopping there any more"

"When I tried to wear the Speedo over my jeans, they kept looking at me funny. I just can't deal with that."

***

"So, I saw her again tonight."

They assured me the snails were already dead. But anybody can lie about that.

I don't care, I'm still getting my stuff from them.

"Whatever, it's YOUR kidney."
__

"I always loved their pies."

"Yes, that Mr Sweeney in Fkeet Street always got the best cuts"
----
"Then I pressed the green button and you know what happened next?"

"The hair dryer went to full blast with afterburner, no?"

***

"A funny thing happened to me on the way to the grocery store."

"Did you see the clown with the herring as well? It made me wet my pants!"
__

"So, where are they, Riggsy?"

"no their balls where hanging on the wall"

_________

"So did you see that old Horse"?

"No. I lost my retinas in 'Nam, remember?"
_____

"Do you remember... that time... in... in Nadersbrooke?"

"No, that must have been when I was stripping"

___________________


Have you ever looked at a spider close up?

"Of course I have. It's been here for five bloody years, now could you PLEASE pull the bastard off of my face."
______

"Shit! That was a close one!"

Let's hope we don't have to eliminate anyone else for eavesdropping on our conversations.
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And that's when I finally realised.

"Really? It's not a hugely hidden twist that Bruce Willis is dead, and surely you didn't have to wake up at 2:45AM, exactly seven years since you first saw that film, and call me to tell me that you realised the twist!! DAMN YOU!!"
___

"I haven't slept in days."

Really why? It must be from all the crack you smoked last week


How does that sausage taste?

"To be honest, it reminds me of that time I went bungee jumping with Celine Dion."

***

"Do you think a thirty-year age difference really matters all that much?"

"Only if she's twelve..."

***

"My microwave stopped working this morning"

"must be from all those live pigeons you like to explode in there"

***

"look at this red spot on my elbow"

"Yeah, that was a real close one back at that tanker!"
__

"Look at this white spot on my bedsheet."

You are feeling sleepy, very, very sleepy.
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Can you believe what happened at the Brit awards?