Cruelty?
 

So I lend my (rather expensive) camera to my girlfriend, who swore she would be very careful with it, went to a party, left her bag in a corner for an hour, and came back to see that her cell phone, her money, and my camera had been stolen.

The thing is, that's the second time in two years that such a thing happens (her bag was stolen last year because she left it in a table in some bar, not to count the times when a scarf, and then a sweater, were stolen), so I'm not sure whether I should be mercyful and tell her that it's no big deal, even though I'm rather furious right now, or be harsh with her in the hope that she grows more careful and don't let this kind of thing happen again.

Also, I'm not sure whether I can morally be excused if I strangle her...

:shifty:

Thats why I HATE lending anything to people. You just can't trust them to take as much care of them as you would.

If she's that uncareful with material goods, then she won't mind you asking for a full refund of the camera's worth.

Well this time it wasn´t just people, it was his girlfriend. That sure makes it delicate business. IMO it always best to be as open as possible with feelings. But chosing the right words is really important. Words mean a lot.
Be merciful, but still tell your feelings. Would it work?:crazy:

I'd make her pay for the camera. If she refuses, small claims court baby.

Hehe. Well, the first thing she told me is that she would get me a better one, even though she's really short on the money.

But really, money isn't my primary worry here (that's the icing on the cake, so to speak). It's the lack of respect for my stuff that I resent. I mean, among all the persons I know, she's the one that's the more carefree with my things, even though she knows I get upset really easily over this things.

Geee, you´re sensitive!

If she were any kind of woman, she would have gotten me a new and better camera before even telling me it had been stolen.

Well, Ninth is a frenshman. Rumours say that they´re emotional and sensitive and even romantic....

Rumours also say they burn sheep and wear garlic as necklaces though :P

I agree with you Ninth, it's not so much the money but the fact she promised you she'd be careful with it then broke her promise. I'd be pissed off in your situation too, but I guess all you can do is hope she learns from this and respects her promises/your stuff from now on. Or dump her.

Dump the crazy putain! :crazy:

I can understand that your upset feeling is more intense when the person who lost your stuff is your closest one-your gf, rather than any one friend...surely you have the right to be mad at her especially it's not the 1st time. Be open and tell her how you feel will help the situation, remember it's for her own good too (if she changes this bad habit, she could save lots of money)

I had something similar with a drunken friend a couple of years ago - at the time he had just gotten fired from his delivery job and had no money, not even to pay his mobile phone bills, so he came to me at a party all down and depressed and asked me for my phone to call his girlfriend, whom he suspected of seeing someone else. I couldn't refuse (I can hardly, ever) so I gave it to him, and about half an hour later I saw him again, asked how it went and if I could get my phone back, and he told me that his girlfriend had dumped him over the phone and that he already gave me back my phone. He was so drunk he could barely stand up straight, so I decided to let it go for now and ask him about it the next day. I went around the party asking if someone'd seen the phone but no success. The next day he didn't even remember calling his girlfriend with my phone (let alone being dumped by her) and didn't believe me when I said he lost my phone, so something inside me just snapped and I got furious over it and he instantly promised to get me a new phone, which he did a week later. I felt kind of sorry for snapping at him and having to tell him his gf had dumped him at the same time, but since then he never lost anything ever again (whereas he used to lose EVERYTHING, from his wallet to his bike to his schoolbooks), so I guess he did learn something from the whole thing. This is ofcourse an entirely different story than you, but I would suggest getting atleast a little mad at her so she might be more careful in the future.

Ninth:

Thanks to the fact that I have a poor memory, I have on several occasions managed to set down my purse/bag/wallet/backpack/etc. and then walk off and forget about it until much later.

(Though I was very lucky in that in almost every case I got my item back with nothing stolen out of it. I did, however, once lose a jacket when I left it on the back of a chair in a bus terminal. Fortunately it was just a cheap second-hand windbreaker. But anyhoo.)

So, speaking as such a person, I think you should indeed be harsh with her and tell her you're not loaning her your stuff ever again unless it's staying in her house or you're with her while she uses it.

If she has a bad memory, then no matter how careful she tries to be, she's still likely to goof up on occasion. If she's simply careless, then you definitely don't want her using your stuff.

Peace & Luv, Liz

Am I the only one that thiks Ninth is being a selfish git.

After all she did lose her own cellphone and money at the same time. It's not like she meant to lose it.

It's only a camera. I'm sure she feels bad enough.

If in a few years she's losing the kids at a party you can get a bit more upset.

Then why'd you lend her the camera? Judging from her past history you must have known there'd be a chance your camera would disappear.

http://www.playerappreciate.com/imag...slap/Step1.gifhttp://www.playerappreciate.com/imag...slap/Step2.gifhttp://www.playerappreciate.com/imag...slap/Step3.gif

As advised here

Because he loves her.

Hmmm, interesting. Would most of you refuse to let your GF/BF borrow your things if they may not always be careful with them? I might tell my GF to be more careful but I don't think I'd ever refuse her.

I would, if it was something that I would very very angry with him for losing.

I'm angry against her because she was careless and made the same mistake more than twice, this time with the extra bonus of the losing not only hers, but also my stuff. Plus she was probably drunk, and I don't think one should get drunk when not able to deal with it.
Now, since she is indeed very upset, I obviously won't be really harsh (as you said, it's just a camera), but on the other hand I don't want the same thing to happen again in the past, mostly for her sake, but also out of principles (a bit silly, perhaps). So I'll don't want to say something like "It's no big deal", even if I don't think it's really bad, and even if I really want to console her.

By the way, she got stolen not only her money, but all her papers (credit card, etc...). And, as an extra, it happened in an engineering school party, so the thief has to be one of the guy at her school. You know, one of these guys who will start working and earning their lives well in two weeks. I'm sure they really needed the extra money. Bleh.

This week-end I'm driving 500km to move her stuff from Caen to Paris. At least that's one fewer camera we'll have to worry about moving. :shifty:

I'm an idealist, so I didn't for one second think that she would lose something after saying that she would be extra careful. :crazy:

I personally would refuse. There's a balance between being nice and being stupid, and IMHO lending things to someone who has a history of being forgetful/neglectful, even if they're a significant other, is stupid.

I know I have a bad memory and tend to lose things, so I would understand if someone told me I couldn't borrow something. Of course, I likely wouldn't ask in the first place because I know I have that tendency, and it would be unfair of me to make someone balance risking their stuff vs our relationship.

Lucien21:

No, quite frankly, I don't think Ninth is being selfish. Yes it's bad she lost her own stuff as well, but she promised to take good care of Ninth's camera and broke that promise by being neglectful and losing it. Ninth has every right to be upset. If you make a mistake you have to deal with the consequences.

Peace & Luv, Liz

Never, ever give anyone any special leniencies, even if they're your spouse, lover, or parents. This is the second time this has happened. You should draw the line and tell her your equipment (your electronic equipment, that is :P ) is now off limits to her, no exceptions. Things like cell phones and digital cameras aren't cheap, you know. And it's more than obvious that she's selfish enough to disrespect how valuable they are to you.

If she offers to replace your camera on her expense, let her. Don't feel guilty over it, it's she who should be feeling guilty and not you. From now on she should be having her own stuff stolen instead of yours or anyone else's because of her irresponsibility.

And if she throws a fit or refuses to talk to you, then that says FAR MORE about her than you. She should know better.

:) Have a nice day.

This is the second time this has happened. -> well, the other time what she got stolen was hers, so this time is the only one that she lost me something.
Besides, we're now living together (as of this week-end), so telling her that can't touch my stuff would be pretty strange... :)
And don't worry, she feels guilty aplenty already. :devil:

Hey, congratulations on moving in togethter! :)
You know, my experience of living together is that there´ll be plenty of times where you disagree or get disappionted on each other. One of my problems have been that I tend to "read minds" and also tend to think that my husband can read my mind. Well, we can not, neither of us.:crazy:

Communication is the answer to a good relationship. This camera business will probably in a while become something you laugh about. Maybe even tell your future kids about.;)
And now when you´re building a home together there will be a whole new situation of sharing all the things and taking care of them together. I´m very happy for you!/Lena

Thanks! It's not the first time we're doing this living together thing, but the previous time it had been for limited periods of time (5 months at most), while this time it's possibly... forever. (scary, that :crazy: )

And yeah, communication is really important, but fortunately that's something we manage to do pretty well (sometimes too well, I guess :) ), and the "Lost Camera Affair" is already something we laugh about (well, I laugh about it; she'd better not laugh too much :shifty: ;) ).

Good! Then you´ll be just fine. A silent relationship must be a nightmare.

;( You have NO idea.

Hey, I didn´t stir up anything did I? Not my meaning.... Sorry if I did.

Oh, don't worry. :) I was just putting in my 2 sense.

I'm doing better now.