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-   -   Guess the game from the Amazon review! (https://adventuregamers.com/archive/forums/adventure/30259-guess-game-amazon-review.html)

hypermusician 12-30-2011 03:54 PM
Guess the game from the Amazon review!
 
How about a game where you try to guess a game from a vaguely written Amazon.com review? The poorer and more misleading the writing, the better. I'll start us off with this corker:

"This game has got to be the best RPG ever made on the PC. Its funny, Big, Easy and cheap. What more can you want in a game. (What more can you want in a Woman he he) You start of as a dead guy (yes a dead guy) with a huge forhead and he looks like he's got eliphantitis and you have to sell preimium transportation to people to the other side. Its a little complicated but you understand it as you go along. You find that all of the people you get coming to you have lost all their money to buy premium transport and it starts from there. Great game. Weeks of entertainment."

zobraks 12-30-2011 03:57 PM
I sincerely hope that's not Grim Fandango.

hypermusician 12-30-2011 04:02 PM
I'm afraid it is! Your turn to post a review.

zobraks 12-30-2011 04:07 PM
OK (but this one is going to be quite long):

Quote:
Originally Posted by some schmuck on Amazon.com
When I purchased this game, it was because of the rave reviews it has recieved by gaming magazines and organizations, as well as my own personal love of adventure games. It had been a long time since a worthy adventure game had hit the market, and I was looking forward to the stunning visuals and in-depth gameplay I had read about.

Well, the visuals did indeed impress me, and the voice acting was extremely high-quality, a virtual rarity for such games. And the game's story and characters are very in-depth. Indeed. VERY in-depth.

Believe it or not, this is where my major complaint with the game is. I do believe that story and dialogue are important for a good interactive adventure game, and ... (mysterious adventure) has it. In abundance. Perhaps a bit too much. The puzzles are inventive, the characters multi-faceted, the story captivating, and the background well developed. But after the game gets past the initial introductions, there are certain spots in the game where I found myself clawing my eyes out waiting for the in-depth dialogue to end. Do I want story and interaction? Yes. Do I want to spend forty-five minutes listening to two people drone on about the historical background of the game while I sit hunched over clicking the mouse every fifteen seconds to keep the conversation going? No. To be prefectly honest, I got about two thirds of the way through the game before I gave up and stopped playing. I was weary of the lengthy conversations going nowhere, and my carpal tunnel was really acting up.

Kurufinwe 12-30-2011 04:18 PM
Ooh, this is fun! :D The quote could fit most adventure games, but I'm going to guess The Longest Journey.

zobraks 12-30-2011 04:25 PM
2 Attachment(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurufinwe (Post 596804)
The Longest Journey.
That's it!
Attachment 3047
It's strange how a game's forte to one person is a major flaw to another person.
Attachment 3048
I couldn't disagree more with the (poor) Amazon reviewer.

diego 12-30-2011 04:32 PM
Let me guess, the next review will come from GK2?

Kurufinwe 12-30-2011 04:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diego (Post 596806)
Let me guess, the next review will come from GK2?
That's exactly what I was intending to do. I hate you. :shifty:


Finding a new quote is actually much harder that I thought it'd be. How about this:
I read many glowing reviews on this game, supplied by online sources, but recently found out that a lot of the reviewers didn't actually play the game, and were parroting what someone said. SO the commerical reviews tend to be all very similar. After playing just an hour of this game, it bored me to death but I still ploughed on with it, and at times found myelf falling asleep. The game is very slow, the characters flat, and the story is uninteresting. The writer of this game tried to induce some sympathy for XXXX's character but in my opinion it makes me hate her even more. XXXX's character movement is rubbish...she manages to walk and run, but when it comes to going up or down stairs, she moves like a 70 year old. The game is very poor, and should not be compared to The Longest Journey as it falls well short of that.
I love how the guy blames "commercial reviewers" for not having played the game, but he gives his opinion after playing for one hour.

diego 12-30-2011 05:02 PM
Syberia, eh?

ozzie 12-30-2011 05:03 PM
Syberia.

Edit: Damn, too late! :frown:

Kurufinwe 12-30-2011 05:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diego (Post 596810)
Syberia, eh?
I see what you did there.

And you're right, of course (as was ozzie, but a few seconds late).

diego 12-30-2011 05:13 PM
"One of the best games I have ever played. I hope you think so also. I never saw a game since this with real characters in such a love relationship.

When husband gets bizzare... I am afraid for the wife.

What is going on? What is she to do???

Goose bumps with this one.
Scared my nephews for years.*

* best part

ozzie 12-30-2011 05:16 PM
Phantasmagoria?

diego 12-30-2011 05:17 PM
Sure :P

ozzie 12-30-2011 06:06 PM
I'm sorry, but I didn't find a funny one so far. I don't won't to halt the thread any further, so I'll just post the best I could find:

So, I thought the whole idea of this game was great, until I played it. It's not fun when you sit, staring blankly at your DS screen for over ten minutes thinking of the answer to a problem.

Not far into the game I spent over a half hour with a paper and pencil figuring out mathematics.

Just not fun.

I understand and see how a puzzle game can be fun, but I don't want to have to whip out a calculator, protractor, computer, paper, pencil, erasers, text books, etc.. just to play this game.

fov 12-30-2011 06:16 PM
Professor Layton, maybe?

ozzie 12-30-2011 06:19 PM
Indeed!

skeeter_93 12-31-2011 01:04 AM
Woo I love this thread! I managed to guess them :D

zobraks 12-31-2011 01:36 AM
Enjoy it while you can, Skeeter, people will soon start to post the likes of China: The Forbidden City, Days of Oblivion, Operation: Weather Disaster, Master of Dimensions.
:P
I know I will (if I get a chance).
:devil:

skeeter_93 12-31-2011 03:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zobraks (Post 596846)
Enjoy it while you can, Skeeter, people will soon start to post the likes of China: The Forbidden City, Days of Oblivion, Operation: Weather Disaster, Master of Dimensions.
:P
I know I will (if I get a chance).
:devil:
Well lets hope you don't get the chance... Who am I kidding?:P

ozzie 12-31-2011 05:10 AM
Maybe we should limit it to the games featured on the Top 100 and the "you might also"-likes? At least for now because I also fear the oncoming obscurity... ;)

But maybe that'd spoil the fun. I dunno...

TimovieMan 12-31-2011 06:29 AM
This looks fun.
I wouldn't limit us to top 100 and 'you might also likes', though. Just use some common sense and don't go for games that only a handful of people have ever played...

diego 12-31-2011 06:43 AM
I'm against the limitation, because just like Top 100, "quizzes" of this sort are among other things, neat way to remind us or even find about some games we haven't heard of.

After all, even if you do find Amazon review of some obscure title, you can always give hints.

fov 12-31-2011 08:39 AM
Oh goodie, I'll post a new one in a bit.

EDIT: Okay I found a game with two really funny ones. Here's one of them...

Quote:
I give this game 2 stars because the people who made it basically made it in their house and now they're millionaires. I give them credit for that.

That still doesn't hide my secret irritation for this game.

Maybe half the fact is I don't know what the heck is going on. The other fact is that every now and then you get some character or maybe something that is supposed to be like a character, but in the end all you're doing is going through a series of backgrounds. If strolling through a museum sounds like "Die Hard" to you, then this is your game. My final complaint was it was essentially like a bad Zelda dungeon: endless puzzles, one after the other. Maybe its a thinking person's game, but it's still incredibly boring and repetitive. I'm surprised they didn't have a puzzle to open the box, and then another puzzle to get the CD key, and then the CD key was a puzzle, and then...

So yeah...just what the hell WAS going on?

Kurufinwe 12-31-2011 09:16 AM
That might be Myst, though I don't think there's anything that is even "supposed to be like a character" in Myst...

aimless 12-31-2011 10:42 AM
Oh, shoot, there was a one-off that was essentially made in a garage, by a married couple, I think, and now I can't remember the name of it!

fov 12-31-2011 11:48 AM
Yep, it's Myst, and I think the "characters" are the brothers in the books. :D

For a laugh, here's what some other reviewers said about it:

Quote:
Okay, i'll agree the game was a good alternative to the all the first person shooters out there, but what are you susposed to do with it after you've solved all the puzzles?

Call me crazy, but I think one of the most important factors of a good game is replay value and Myst just doesn't have this. When you get stuck on a puzzle, there's nothing to do but ask a friend who's beaten the game what to do next. And as i've asked before, What are you susposed to do after you beat the game? (and please don't say "you could always play it again", because if you do, i'll know you're truly a geek)

I know it would defeat the perpose of this genre of beautiful non-violent games but I would like to see a combination of Myst and Doom in the future. A game where you could kill a few monsters while you're between quests.
Quote:
What what game I'm describing. It's old, it's puzzling, and it's a blockbuster game. It's, you guessed it, Myst. And that is probably the easiest puzzle you'll get concerning Myst, too. Since it is a popular game that was released a quite a long time ago, you've probably heard of it by now. I'll just say this one thing: If you're deaf or impatient, AVOID. There is a puzzle that involves matching piano tones...heck, even if you're NOT deaf, it's still quite a puzzler! But don't fret...you can beat this game in FIVE MINUTES if you know how, and it can be found in the many game walk-throughs of the Internet. After all, with the difficulty of THESE puzzles, rest assured, you'll be looking for one!
Quote:
I got it as a gift from a relative and when I played it made no sense, I went everywhere, and it was just sooooo boring that I haven't played it since and that was 3 years ago.
Anyway! Kurufinwe, you're up!

Kurufinwe 12-31-2011 12:13 PM
The idea of a Myst/Doom mash-up is hilarious. Someone should develop that.

I've got a good one in store, but this one made me laugh so hard I just have to post it at once:
Okay, so to try and distract myself from the wait for Professor Layton's second game, I bought this. I have not seen any puzzles yet in this game. I am stopping in the middle of the 2nd case and returning this game for credit. The storyline is okay. [...] The dialogue is long and drawn out. Despite that, I finished the first case (of 5) in about an hour. Not a good value, in my opinion. [...] I would have stuck with it because I play at bedtime and so it would have been a good way to fall asleep. BUT the final straw was that in each of the cases there were women wearing their shirts 4 sizes to small and in the second case, the woman would even shake her boobs during certain parts of the dialogue.

jasonlblair 12-31-2011 01:55 PM
I'm guessing Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney.

Kurufinwe 12-31-2011 02:08 PM
April says:

Another PW review that I love:
This was purchased for me as a gift because I'm about 6 months away from being a lawyer. I know that this is a Japanese game, and therefore the portrayal of the legal system won't necessarily translate perfectly for people used to the US legal system. But I can tell you that if you're a US law student/lawyer, the only thing you'll do while playing this game is pick out all the things that are wrong/inaccurate and yearn to make this like a real game of legal strategy that would be super useful. As a result, I hated this game within the first 15 minutes.
Poor guy.


Anyway, your turn!

jasonlblair 12-31-2011 02:35 PM
This one's short but far too good for me not to use:


Quote:
I apparently should have paid more attention to the synopsis when I bought it, but I was not prepared to have my character crawl over extremely realistic bloodied rat carcasses to play this game. I lasted about five minutes before becoming so disgusted I had to quit. I assume teenage boys LOVE this - I did not.

Lucien21 12-31-2011 02:41 PM
Sounds like Bad mojo.

Lucien21 12-31-2011 02:49 PM
I thought this one was funny, but it's too easy so I blanked out some bits.

Quote:
A legendary title. P's moment in the sun occurs during the conversation by the stream. 'Don't drink it P, it's bad for you' represents G's overriding morality and concern, with the hint of homoerotic insecurities towards P. P rejects G's affections in favour of power - a common narrative type. G's homoeroticism is displaced towards B - P feels what is known as entanglement jealousy. P's lust for power is a vain attempt to displace his repressed desire for G. In the future we see P as an old man who falls for the girl in the flag costume - his heterosexual bias is the result of despair. P's diagnosis as a paranoid meglomaniac is woefully wide of the mark. P suffers from displaced love, and furthermore the soft homoerotic undertone of G's voice only accentuates P's sexual frustration. Entertaining and informative.

jasonlblair 12-31-2011 03:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucien21 (Post 596911)
Sounds like Bad mojo.
Indeed it is.

Oscar 12-31-2011 03:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucien21 (Post 596912)
I thought this one was funny, but it's too easy so I blanked out some bits.
Day of the Tentacle?

Lucien21 12-31-2011 03:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oscar (Post 596914)
Day of the Tentacle?
correct

Oscar 12-31-2011 03:36 PM
Try this one:

Quote:
I love strategy type games but this one seems redundant and boring. Fun level is a zero and not very creative or new, found myself saying after an hour or so "what's the freaking point". The graphics are simple choppy and appears to be written by elementary school children. It is a maze game that only would be for someone that has a photographic memory or you will find yourself making maps and notes. Open a door go in a room open three more doors go down track open another door its "Ridicules, boring & slow". Video games have come a long way since the 1980s but this is a reminder of what we left behind. Save your money if your like me and want to play games like Portal, Limbo,World Of Goo to just name a few that have the cool factor involved that an adult or children can enjoy.

zobraks 12-31-2011 04:17 PM
Rhem?

Oscar 12-31-2011 04:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zobraks (Post 596919)
Rhem?
Yes, it was Rhem 4.

zobraks 01-01-2012 04:32 AM
The following review is lengthy but (I believe) very interesting (with some viewes on a game that never occured to me):
(It's also a bit hazy, so if no-one gets it soon I'll post some more telltale stuff.)

Quote:
This game reminds me of those really bad survival horror playstation games. I say this because everything you do has to be precise. For example: You see a door and you can't open it. So you have to search high and low for a rubber band to place it on the doorknob. Still can't open the door, so you have to search high and low for something with substantial weight to balance on the rubber band, so that the rubber band can swing low turning the doorknob opening the door. Couldn't you just turn the doorknob with your hands? This example didn't come from this game, but it's similar stuff like. You can't do things without finding other stuff first. This can be long and frustrating... yet addicting if you're stubborn.

I wish you could do more than just point-and-click. The game is a bit eerie and at times I thought I was going to jump out my seat, but knowing all you could do is just point-and-click really takes away the excitement. There's no way you can go to combat with your fancy point-and-click trick. No no.. it's way too fancy.

A lot of the times I wasn't sure when was the right moment to click. The arrow of your mouse will turn into either a direction (left, right, or up) or a magnifying glass telling you that you can zoom either in or out. But you'd have to place your arrow directly over an item, and it's hard to identify interacting objects because they were random, at least in my opinion. My roommate thinks differently. You'd look at a table with a bunch of boxes on it, and you suspect there's something in there, you move your mouse the box on the left but your arrow doesn't change into the magnifying glass, nor does it change for the box on the right, but sure enough it changes for the box huddled inbetween a broken couch and empty bottles. And you'd have to be careful not to move the arrow so far up or down on the screen because black margin's will show up (containing objects you've picked up and can use).

I did enjoy having to find scraps of paper in various locations especially if they hold important information. My roommate hated this because that meant you had to read everything... and there was A LOT to read. But it made me feel like a real detective. My advice: make notes on everything you think is important. Just so you don't have to kill yourself trying to find that one scrap of paper in that abandoned and random place to figure out the combination of the lock to a room you need to go in.
P.S. It's not an obscure AG.


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