[stepurhan]

They feel lightweight against LOTR PhD but here is a selection of jokes brought to you by the number two.


Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"


Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."


Two atoms are talking:
"Help, somebody has stolen one of my electrons!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"


Two Eskimos, sitting in a kayak, were very chilly. To keep warm, they lit a fire in the craft, but it sank. They should have known. You can't have your kayak and heat it too.


Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


Two sausages are in a frying pan. One says, "Geez, it's hot in here isn't it?"
And the other one says, "Aaaaaah! A talking sausage!"


Two Pretzels were walking down the street.
One was assaulted.


Two vultures boarded an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looked at them and said, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion per passenger is allowed."


Two cows were in a field. One cow says, "Mooooo." The other says, "Jerk. I was going to say that."


Two grains of sand were walking together in the desert. Suddenly, one turned to the other and said, "Dude, I think we're being followed."


Two men were walking through the desert. They were nearly out of water when they saw three tents in the distance. The hurried over to see if they could get some water. In the first tent they were told, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." In the second tent, again, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." They went into the third tent and again asked for water only to be told, "I'm sorry we only sell trifle." As they walked on, one turned to the other and said, "That was a trifle bazaar."