Quote:
Originally Posted by Squinky
That I seem to be one of the very few people on these forums who'd rather not publically discuss this topic; therefore, the majority of people have much less shame than I do? *shrugs*
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I have to take a little bit of disagreement with this.
If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine... but I don't think shame or lack thereof is involved, because I don't think talking about this sort of thing is shameful.
Sex is a natural biological function, after all. If you're having sex or masturbating, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to talk about it, especially since most other people on the planet have done one or the other (or both). Sex tends to come off as the proverbial "thing (almost) everyone does but nobody talks about", and I think that's pretty silly and unhealthy.
There's a proper time and place for this sort of thing, just like every other discussion, but I see no reason why a section of a message board devoted to general topics doesn't qualify as such. In fact, a message board is a great place because it's easier to ignore topics you don't want to talk about.
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As for abstinence... well, I have a guy I was once in love with who was asexual. We clicked really well, and he was sweet to me and cared about me, but expressed a lack of interest in physical intimacy of any kind (and has never given me any reason to believe that's anything other than the truth).
So I found myself in the position of where if I wanted to date this guy, I'd have to never have any physical contact at all with him. And... I couldn't do it. I grew up in an affectionate household, used to kisses and cuddles and hugs and whatnot, and being deprived of that makes me lonely. It's not even just the pleasure/passion part of sex that I desire (though that's part of it), but just that I miss being close to someone. Physical closeness is just as important to me as emotional closeness.
Physical intimacy without emotional intimacy is empty... but emotional intimacy without physical intimacy is still at least somewhat lonely. It's like having to cut off part of myself from someone I love instead of being able to share completely.
So, I guess to me it would depend on why someone's choosing not to have sex. Choosing not to have sex because you haven't found anyone you have feelings for is one thing; that I practice myself.
But choosing not to have sex *at all*, even with someone you love... that I'd find a bit unhealthy... it says to me you feel you need to keep part of yourself apart from that person.
Peace & Luv, Liz
