Regrets?
Hmm, hard to say. On first glance, I would say I do not regret anything. Like has been said in this thread before, even my bad decisions are decisions which have brought me to this point in life where I am now - and so I do not regret them.
I just had a talk with someone I begrudged for an astonishingly long time on my scale of things (I normally do not begrudge people, and if I do, it lasts less than 24 hours, commonly) - two long months. I stopped begrudging her two months ago, or so - it's strange, the person IMed me today and said, "I cannot fathom why, but you interest me". And we got into a discussion about how she'd begrudged me far longer (more or less until today) for my reaction*, and how we were both being silly, and that we have a massive amount of respect of each other. It was awkward in that I feel frighteningly situated on the edge of a cliff now, teetering there, and one wrong step and I'll fall steeply - this person is very, very emotional, very moody, and extremely harsh, you see. I am, frankly, extremely surprised she would cease begrudging anyone. It is like... a bit like a soul bond, a relationship, somehow, we frighten each other, we don't like everything we do,... but we're compelled to appreciating honesty in the end.
At any rate, I apologised, of course, as I came to the conclusion I was being silly two months ago already; but did I
regret it? I don't think so. That was an intense discussion which raised the hair on the back of my neck. It wouldn't have happened if there had been no dispute. I don't regret it, no. It was reactionary of me at the time, but I don't regret.*
I'm 21 now and I've had so many sections in my life already... so many things I saturated myself with to the point of feeling informed enough to leave it be forever. I am reaching that point with the moderation of forums, actually. I do not get the impression there is anything left for me to learn there. If anything, I am, possibly, regretting that I am not stopping right this second, but there are obligations I have - primarily, I promised one person on the board I would be around long enough to RP with them for two weeks. And I know just stepping away from moderation and not from posting there would just get people upset that I stopped moderating
no, no, the few days that is still going to last me for is not something I'm particularily upset at.
Nah.
At most, I regret never having learning to summarise my thoughts. I still ramble incoherently, as in this post, rather than just saying "No".
It's interesting, though - I have no real financial worries. I'm so free as other people could only ever hope to be. I appreciate that freedom so, so much. And admittedly, I use it. I do what I want and what I think is right and I don't think there's ever been something to force me to do otherwise. It's wonderful. It's also a curse, sometimes; I have so much time to think that I've cycled through such a massive depression not too long ago that I've had people compare it to a midlife crisis.
I find that somewhat amusing.
But either way, the point is, I'm so wonderfully free, and I love it. And I wish I could share it with the people who're dear to me.
...and now I've digressed.
Fact is, though, how could I regret anything in a life of freedom? I've made those decisions in my life myself, all the way through my life. I'm responsible for the good and the bad ones. But they've all shaped me, and since I am responsible, and since I like where I am headed, overall... no, I can't regret things.
*
For the curious, the event in question was in a conference on Yahoo!Messenger with about ten people including me and this person in it, and I had my default font colour of choice, magenta/black 'hues' alternating, and she made fun of it. Since magenta is a very personal thing to me, I got defensive about it, though in a casual way - and that's where I went wrong, because it escalated from there, and ended with her saying something in which she referred to me as "darling". Now, she had no way of knowing this, but I detest being called 'pet names' by people I do not have a strong friendship bond to, so I blew up, insulted her, and left. Today, she apologised for having pushed me on, and I apologised for not having been clearer on the emotional importance of the topic, and for not having mustered the distance to say I do not appreciate being called a pet name.
