Jeysie, I have to hand it to you- that was very inspirational. Not once while reading it did I ask myself how to shoot it down. Now that I'm replying, on the other hand, it is apparent that I have no lack of good arguments with which to do so:
- It is always possible to withdraw further, so your picture of a situation "where you have to deal with people without being able to withdraw from them" is unrealistic.
- The unhappiness I had a few days ago about my upcoming birthday was quite mild and in fact has already passed. On the other hand, my previous life experiences make it indisputable that this type of trip would push me into full-fledged depression. The part of that three-day trip I neglected to mention was the part where I was banging my head repeatedly as hard as I could just to see if anything would happen.
- I have no idea where to start such a journey, nor where to go from there.
- I have no desire to be "mature". I see so many adults suffering under tedious jobs and lifestyles, and so used to it that they've forgotten what happiness ever was. The thought that I may someday be one of them is the sort of thing that keeps me up at night.
...but I won't use them. Because I believe you. I think you may be right about me, and I may be wrong. I believe you because you have acknowledged the truth that I would not enjoy this experience, given me an intellectually satisfying explanation for it, and because, well, I imagine that if I were to speak to myself from the future, I'd be using the exact same tone of voice I've just heard.
But I still won't do it. If you were here physically to force me into it, and could whisper in my ear lies of "It's only..." and "This isn't
like those other..." and "
Don't miss...", I would jump at the opportunity, because I'm the sort of gullible fool who would do that. When the people in my grade at school said I should come, I came. If you were here physically, I'd throw all the lessons I've learned to the wind and follow you on this senseless quest. And...
With your permission, I'm going to stop myself there. I'm sorry, very sorry. This is just the way- Oh god, I'm stupid. Putting on this act, instead of... Should I edit? No, of course I'm not going to edit. I'm not rational- that's the point! But it's juvenile and spoiled and it's the truth. I'm not going on anything like this, and that's not open for discussion. Maybe if it were something simpler, something where I have a floor to stand on. I'm sorry. I'm...
I'd really better wrap up this post before I make a fool of myself. Oh, wait, I already have. Well, thank you. Thank you all.
Oh, and by the way, call me Mory, okay?
