Listen, guys, I know you just want to help, and I'm grateful, but this wouldn't work. I've got to remember the lessons I've learned. Let me tell you a story.
Around two years ago, I wanted to fit in with the people in my grade at school. They were all lovely people, who shared at least one common interest with me (music), and with whom I could occasionally share a conversation. But I was always an outsider, and I resolved to change that. I listened to their conversations, even when I wasn't interested, I walked around with them even though I didn't like them, etc. It was no problem at all to
pretend that I could get along with them, but it was a lie and I knew it. I figured the problem was that I wasn't trying hard enough.
We went on a three-day trip. Of course I came along- any excuse to spend as much time as possible with these nice people. On this trip, I wandered around with them as they went shopping, chatting, and generally doing nothing. They were strange to me, and their culture was strange to me, and even their language (to a certain degree) was strange to me, and I respected all that. Within half a day, I was not only bored stiff, but with the revelation that I no longer had any desire whatsoever to be with them. As a matter of fact, from that day forward I tried to look for ways to rebel against their principles and culture. They were nice people. But it was a lie.
My biggest regret from my long decade in school (apart from not burning down the buildings) is that I invested so much in socializing with other people. It led only to an empty heart and crushed hopes. In case my avatar does not make it clear enough, I am and will always be an outsider. I have learned to accept the role and be proud of it. When I am with a group of people who are not like me, I isolate myself from them. Not because of any fear or lack of skills or any such thing which may be said to require therapy, but because that is my most basic nature. (I can only assume that if I were to meet someone exactly like myself, I would cease to exist, so it's probably good that I've never met Jeysie.
) So when you suggest that I should look for strange people and ways of life in order to broaden my horizons, the idea's a bit absurd. That's just not the way I am.
