[Intrepid Homoludens]

Dear Diary,

I'll keep it as brief as possible. Despite the last two or so months of sheer darkness for me both physically and mentally, I'm improving steadily. I know I'll be absolutely fine, it's just a matter of not rushing through it. I've been there before, and for a far longer time period, and had survived and triumphed. I consider myself relatively healthy in mind and spirit based on my natural reactive inclinations and ability to bend, like a strong reed, in the face of opposition. I am not made of steel, I am made of water and air, which are far more resilient, flexible, and malleable - in the end, I retain my essence. And isn't that what it means to stay to true to oneself?

Physically, I still tire rather easily and have to take my time doing things. This is good, because it's teaching me patience and to appreciate the nature of the process. Eventually I'll regain my original energy, and by then I'll have also gained this deeper appreciation for the epoch of otherwise fleeting moments. I am a true individual experiencing the profound phenomenon of self distillation.

This is the shit no one ever teaches you in school, when you're in your teens or early twenties and full of insecurities, inexplicable angst, zealous pontifications, and hypocritical jadedness - things you use as shields when you're younger because you haven't yet been really violated and worn out by the world. I've been through that period and understand. I've lived since then, deeply.

I smile, I smile quite a bit. But my smile is subtlely tinged with a mortal embrace, a knowingness. It's no ordinary smile. But then, I'm no ordinary person, either.