[Jeysie]

In honor of today being Worldwide D&D day, I thought I'd share some OOC quotes I dug up from my group's previous D&D related session.

"Quick practice battle, anyone, while we wait? You are standing in an open marketplace. The man before you has just slapped you with a glove and insisted you take back your remarks about his mother. Now."

"He grabs a wood axe from a nearby cart. He throws it at you."

"I dodge."

"He missed anyway, accidentally killing a bystander."

"I stand over the body of the punk, and recover the now blood-soaked lunch. I cast 'Purify Food and Drink' before returning the lunch to the little girl."

"Hell, you know! You have the 'traps' manual probably."

"Traps manual? Pish, nope. I did get a PDF with an entire dungeon full of traps in it, though. The round stone that you pried out of the Mummy's Tomb with the electric charge? That was almost identical to the one in the PDF. These blades are modified, though. If I ever mention anything about stuccoed walls, you best run screaming."

"Did we loot the corpse last week?"

"No, you didn't loot the corpses last week."

"Do you have any important thing to do? 'Cause I'll run inside and loot the corpses."

"Hold your horses, we'll get to the looting in a minute."

"I enter the bar and loot the corpses."

"Which corpse would you care to loot?"

"All of 'em if I can, else I'll begin with the one who got his skull crushed under the chair."

"Including the one that isn't dead... yet?"

"Oh, no, only the dead ones."

"BTW, does it annoy you when I call you the Brown Haired Lady? I wouldn't like to screw your mood every time I call you like that."

"You're an Orc. That's positively eloquent."

"Ach, stupid tear in my eye."

"Have you finished that bath yet?"

"Yup."

"He pops into the lobby looking... well... cleaner."

"I take a 'Look at me, I'm clean!' pose."

"I'm not entirely sure how you tell a green-skinned half-Orc is clean, actually."

"Just read 'stink less'."

"Yar! Everyone smelling good for the sewers adventuring."

"You know, I just realized that. We all bathed... to enter the sewers. Oops."

"Yep. BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"

(this one's still my personal favorite)

"I jump in the sewer, splashing in about 3 inches of mostly water."

"I wait for a gesture from the cleric and jump in the manhole."

"I jump into the sewer. 'Ladies Third!'"

"I climb down the ladder... there IS a ladder, right?"

"Wait. Did we all just jump in when there was a ladder?"

"I scream in frustration, 'DIE, DIE, DIE!!!', charge over, and try to frantically stomp the rats."

"Roll attack."

"Isn't it grapple?"

"I treated it as an unarmed attack."

"Besides, how do you grapple a rat? Pick it up and pet it?"

"I read somewhere that adventurers are Level 20 peasants."

"Yes, but are we on fire like peasants?"

He offers you the cake again. 'It's my birthday, so let's have some cake!' He tries to hand the cake to you again."

"Uh... no thanks, I just ate breakfast. I, uh..."

"Tried to read the name on the cake to see who's birthday?"

"Dude, if I was confronted in a sewer by a guy in a clown outfit handing me cake, I don't think I'd give a rat's ass whose name was on it."

"You reach the gold glint, and find a small pile of coins caught on a root that has grown into the pipe. 9 gold coins! And right then, you hear, 'Martha! Bring me the toilet paper...' BWOOOOOSH!"

"Sh*t! Literally!"

"A yellow liquid dumps out of the 1 inch pipe over your head, and mixes with the general sludge, but not before getting your head nice and wet."

"I search for more gold."

"I love our Rogue. 'I just got a whole ton of sh*t dumped on me. Eh, who cares? MORE GOLD!'"

"Calm down, kind citizen."

"We're, the, uh, Travelling Sewer Acrobats. This is our... costume, really."

"Hee, hee! 'Travelling Sewer Acrobats'...That's rich!"

"My bard might think fast, but I don't!"

"I finish showering, wrap in a warm, fluffy towel and head to the monk with the robes, out of sight of the rest of you."

"Your Charisma is poking through your towel."

"Your Wisdom is going to your pants, what's your point?"

Peace & Luv, Liz