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Terabin · 04-03-2005, 06:50 PM

Dear Communal Diary (It's been a while since we used you last!),

I'm stuck in classes that require me to write papers for a grade and I cannot write papers for the life of me. The last paper I wrote took me all week of sitting in front of a computer screen to crap out five pages. I did nothing else during that week but stare at the empty Microsoft Word document. I've been told by others that I'm a decent writer, but I find that I am not creative in the least bit. I could always paint a photograph, imitate someone's vibrato, and analyze the hell out any film, frame by frame, but I cannot cannot cannot come up with a decent short story that doesn't end up reminding me of everything I've read for the past six months. I could not take a decent photograph unless I had a brilliant sunset with clouds perfect for reflecting the sun's various hues, while at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, and if I had five rolls of film to snap a pan of the whole scene from various angles. Then I might get a couple nice photographs, but I would consider them trash because sunsets are cliche.

That being said, my life does not depend upon my success as an artist, but I wouldn't mind being able to bullshit these papers a little quicker. I would love to have the ability to come up with a few great ideas for novels that I could write down in my journal that I could fantasize about writing out if only I had the time. Because of lack of creativity, I find a lack of motivation. Why should I do any work that I will end up never looking at again? I am prepared to fail at doing anything interesting with any work I do, but that is unacceptable to me at the same time. So I take on the title of slacker, procrastinator, pretend to occupy my time with social things, and ignore my drive to do something worthwhile. See, though I am not creative, I have the nagging itch to BE creative.

I'm currently trying to write a screenplay about two people talking past each other for a film class I'm taking. One tells a meaningful story while the other person nods while trying to concoct his/her own story to share. They use sweeping, intimate language to express their deepest feelings, wrapped up in colors, sounds, images accessible only to the person expressing those feelings. The story ends with the acknowledgment that although people will never be able to connect beyond sympathy, releasing inner turmoil through conversation at least provides a ritual purging, irregardless of whatever happens with the ideas once they leave the mouth. Good luck trying to realistically portray any of those ideas in a screenplay without directly talking about them.

Oh well. Back to the blank white screen of Microsoft Word.

04-03-2005, 06:50 PM	#77
Terabin Tell me This is It Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Twin Cities, MN Posts: 538	Dear Communal Diary (It's been a while since we used you last!), I'm stuck in classes that require me to write papers for a grade and I cannot write papers for the life of me. The last paper I wrote took me all week of sitting in front of a computer screen to crap out five pages. I did nothing else during that week but stare at the empty Microsoft Word document. I've been told by others that I'm a decent writer, but I find that I am not creative in the least bit. I could always paint a photograph, imitate someone's vibrato, and analyze the hell out any film, frame by frame, but I cannot cannot cannot come up with a decent short story that doesn't end up reminding me of everything I've read for the past six months. I could not take a decent photograph unless I had a brilliant sunset with clouds perfect for reflecting the sun's various hues, while at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, and if I had five rolls of film to snap a pan of the whole scene from various angles. Then I might get a couple nice photographs, but I would consider them trash because sunsets are cliche. That being said, my life does not depend upon my success as an artist, but I wouldn't mind being able to bullshit these papers a little quicker. I would love to have the ability to come up with a few great ideas for novels that I could write down in my journal that I could fantasize about writing out if only I had the time. Because of lack of creativity, I find a lack of motivation. Why should I do any work that I will end up never looking at again? I am prepared to fail at doing anything interesting with any work I do, but that is unacceptable to me at the same time. So I take on the title of slacker, procrastinator, pretend to occupy my time with social things, and ignore my drive to do something worthwhile. See, though I am not creative, I have the nagging itch to BE creative. I'm currently trying to write a screenplay about two people talking past each other for a film class I'm taking. One tells a meaningful story while the other person nods while trying to concoct his/her own story to share. They use sweeping, intimate language to express their deepest feelings, wrapped up in colors, sounds, images accessible only to the person expressing those feelings. The story ends with the acknowledgment that although people will never be able to connect beyond sympathy, releasing inner turmoil through conversation at least provides a ritual purging, irregardless of whatever happens with the ideas once they leave the mouth. Good luck trying to realistically portray any of those ideas in a screenplay without directly talking about them. Oh well. Back to the blank white screen of Microsoft Word.