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The Official Compendium Thread Of “Thread Must Die!” Analysis Thread
—“Thread Must Die!”: A Criticism of U.S. Foreign Policy?—
by Jaremath Quintoflex
“Thread Must Die!” has become known as one of the last ‘great’ Threads of the Internet. For years, people have mused upon what it could mean—some insightful (I compel you to look at one of my old students, Gareth Gareth Lanesbrough St. Gareth, and his essay on “Thread Must Die!” as a feminist reinterpretation of Homer’s ‘Odyssey’), and some… less so (by which I mean Lanesbrough Lanesbrough Gareth St. Lanesbrough’s frankly tedious musings on “Thread Must Die!” as a manifesto for what he calls “Bastard Economics”).
In this essay however, I am to look at “Thread Must Die” as a criticism of U.S. Foreign Policy. Through the utilisation of various techniques—the refusal to conform to a straight narrative, frequent posts of “...”, and frequent red herrings (for example, I bring to your attention the many moments when posters said the Thread would die, and, of course, the fact that all of these proved inconclusive and the Thread remained)—does “Thread Must Die!” not echo many of the United States’ overseas conflicts.
Further clarification for this point can be found in the biographical background of Squarejawhero—the Thread’s originator. Squarejawhero was born in the midst of terrible conflict, conflict in which he once—in his memoirs “My Square Jaw, My Rounded Personality”—reported that he was traumatised when he witnessed first hand the now infamous Dunstable Cattle Explosion…
Read the full version of this essay and more at your local library!
It Shall Be the Death of Me - A Review of “Thread Must Die!”: A Criticism of U.S. Foreign Policy? by Jaremath Quintoflex”
Mr. Quintoflex’ perhaps groundbreaking paper deals with a very important subject - the Thread “Thread Must Die!”™ (later Thread), which, as he puts it, “has become known as one of the last ‘great’ Threads of the Internet.” A subject of great public discussion, surprisingly little academic research has been conducted about this subject. Of those works that have been conducted, too many have had the tendency of applying very conventional theories and connections to the phenomenon. So, this work by a more respected and more well-known academic, is an important new game-opener and provides a much-needed and novel outlook into this fascinating subject.
One criticism strikes the reader very soon though, casting a shadow of doubt over the academic value of this subject: for a reason unknown, the writer has omitted the use of citation, settling only for a bibliography. This decision doesn’t quite fit an academic research, but once the reader gets past it, it’s quite an enjoyable read by an expert of his field. Mr. Quintoflex also refers to a great deal of other very important names in the field, many of whom he has a personal connection with, which brings a good sense of community into the essay: you are in good company of respectable Thread scholars.
In the end, mr. Quintoflex delivers what he promises: a wholly new perspective into one of the most tintillating subjects of our generation. However, we are sure to see a lively discussion from it - the subject and its conclusions is bound to create as much torrid opposition as it does heartening approval. The connections drawn here will not be accepted by all, and only time will tell if this will prove out to clear a completely new path for perhaps the most contemporary field study of our day, or simply yet another attempt to draw connections where there are no connections to be drawn.
Humbertus S. Cornelius
BL, BS, LLM
CERN “Major Discovery imminent”
Scientists at CERN are “just days away” from discovering evidence of the elusive, and presently only theoretical, “Thread Particle”, sources say.
Professor Willem “Will” Willemson claims that a frequent pattern of 3 particles, similar to an ellipsis, have been found whilst cleaning the Large Hadron Collider following recent experiments into the investigation of the completely pointless Higgs-Boson particle, which is thought to be exactly twice the size of a half Higgs-Boson, which in turn is considered by many to be nature’s smallest wrestling move.
It is feared that the Thread particle may have leaked out of a hole in the internet into the LHC, where it found a natural home in a large body which goes constantly round in circles never getting anywhere and with no apparent end…
3.5 time winner of the “Really Annoying Caption Contest Saboteur” Award!