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The bad jokes thread

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Joined 2019-03-26

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An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day. First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: “Please granny, don’t bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.”. The granny answers: “You know, I don’t have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.”

     
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Joined 2012-03-24

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UK Brexit ‘comment’ seen in a newspaper :

“LEAVE campaigners organised a go-slow on the M6 during last Friday’s rush hour. Who organises it on the other 51 Fridays of the year?”

     
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Total Posts: 310

Joined 2017-08-15

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A rabbi and a priest were neighbours, and there was a certain amount of friendly competition between them. If the Feldmans had their drive done up, Father O’Malley had to have his relaid, and so it went on.

One day the priest had a new Mercedes Benz, so the rabbi bought a Ferrari. When the rabbi looked out of his window it was to see the priest pouring water over the top of the car bonnet. He opened the window and shouted ‘That’s not the way to fill the radiator, you know.’

The priest replied “I’m christening it with holy water, that’s more than you can do to yours.’

A little while later the priest was noticed the rabbi lying in the road, hacksaw in hand, sawing the last inch of his car’s exhaust pipe.

     

Member of the NAALCB - (North American Anti- Lobster Cop Brigade) since 2019.

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Total Posts: 9

Joined 2019-04-12

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Why did the indie game developer have a glass of water?

He ran out of whisky. Frown

     
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Total Posts: 10

Joined 2020-05-27

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my god the best thread ever

     
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Total Posts: 165

Joined 2003-11-15

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Kirby_Thicc - 19 June 2020 11:02 AM

my god the best thread ever

Thanks for bringing it to my attention! Many really good bad jokes in here.

     

You can play my game Frasse and the Peas of Kejick for free! (AG review here.)

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Total Posts: 7816

Joined 2011-10-21

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How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

They don’t. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

     

Last played: Anna’s Quest (CPT) - 4.5/5 | Simon the Sorcerer II: The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe - 4/5 | Florence - 4/5 | Alice Trapped in Wonderland - 1/5 | The Hunt for the Lost Ship - 1.5/5 | The Talos Principle - 4/5 | Tex Murphy: Martian Memorandum - 3/5 | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc - 3/5 | Simon the Sorcerer (replay) - 4/5 | Portal 2 - 4/5 | Murder By Numbers - 3.5/5 | Heavy Rain - 3.5/5 | Disco Elysium - 4.5/5 | Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse - 3/5 | Freddi Fish and the Case of the Missing Kelp Seeds - 3/5 | Whispers of a Machine (CPT) - 4/5 | Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5

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Total Posts: 165

Joined 2003-11-15

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That’s possibly the saddest joke I’ve ever heard.

     

You can play my game Frasse and the Peas of Kejick for free! (AG review here.)

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Total Posts: 7816

Joined 2011-10-21

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I should have gone with “shoot the room” instead of “beat the room”.  Innocent


I could give an even darker / more offensive one. Grin
This one’s by British comedian Jimmy Carr:

“If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids…”

     

Last played: Anna’s Quest (CPT) - 4.5/5 | Simon the Sorcerer II: The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe - 4/5 | Florence - 4/5 | Alice Trapped in Wonderland - 1/5 | The Hunt for the Lost Ship - 1.5/5 | The Talos Principle - 4/5 | Tex Murphy: Martian Memorandum - 3/5 | Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc - 3/5 | Simon the Sorcerer (replay) - 4/5 | Portal 2 - 4/5 | Murder By Numbers - 3.5/5 | Heavy Rain - 3.5/5 | Disco Elysium - 4.5/5 | Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse - 3/5 | Freddi Fish and the Case of the Missing Kelp Seeds - 3/5 | Whispers of a Machine (CPT) - 4/5 | Beneath a Steel Sky (CPT) - 3/5 | 3 in Three - 3.5/5 | Puzzle Gallery: At the Carnival - 2.5/5 | The Fool’s Errand (replay) - 3/5 | The Dig (replay) - 4.5/5

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Total Posts: 165

Joined 2003-11-15

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I don’t find that one hitting as strongly. Don’t know why. (It’s a bit of a typical Carr joke though. I’ve been watching a lot of Eight out of ten cats does Countdown, so maybe I’m just used to it?)

     

You can play my game Frasse and the Peas of Kejick for free! (AG review here.)

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Total Posts: 4103

Joined 2008-01-09

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When some doctors were asked to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital…..

The allergists voted to scratch it.

The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.

The cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The microsurgeons were thinking along the same vein.

The neurologists thought the administration “had a lot of nerve”.

The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.

The otologists were deaf to the idea.

The parasitologists said, “Well, if you encyst.”

The pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!”.

The pediatricians said, “Grow up!”

The plastic surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”

The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The proctologists said, “We are in arrears.”

The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The radiologists could see right through it.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

     

Life isn’t just the front page.  It’s the comics, too.

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Total Posts: 4103

Joined 2008-01-09

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The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.  It was tense.

     

Life isn’t just the front page.  It’s the comics, too.

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