Worst ever reviews
 

Ever read a review where you are left in no doubt that the reviewer absolutely hates the game? Not just "if they'd done this a bit better it would have worked" but really "why are they wasting our time with this?"

My all-time favourite was a review that Games Domain did of Sacred Ground. (Sadly no longer extant unless someone can tell me of an archive) The full review text belaboured several problems they had with the game (the most memorable being the time-keeping system. Asking a queston took a set amount of time regardless of how long a response was. Travelling from location to location took no time at all. So going across town and asking one question took less time than going next door and asking two) but the summary box encapsulated their feelings nicely.

Pros - None that I can think of

Cons - Sacred Ground. All of it.

So has anyone ever seen a more dismissive review than that? And does anyone who's played the game(s) in question think the review(s) are fair?

Just found one on Gamespot for a game called "Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing" - and their summary is:

"Just how bad is Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing? It's as bad as your mind will allow you to comprehend. It is so disturbingly bad that even its budget price tag seems like a slap in the face. It really makes you wonder if the company that put out this dreck even took so much as a half minute to glance at the game that it was releasing. The game's readme file does assert that the game was thoroughly tested on various PCs, but the end result seems to suggest otherwise. The fact is, even if you tried, you couldn't play Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing the way it was seemingly intended to be played, and even if you could, you wouldn't want to."

hehehe. :D

Read

Ok, not as dismissive, but my god, they really are unfairly biased against adventure games, and especially Myst-type games, it seems.

Sure, they may not like the game, but if you consider yourself a professional writer, you just don't belittle yourself with a piece of shit article like that.

Which game :confused:

Oops, I put the wrong link in.

It's an Aura: Fate of the Ages review. You can also see it in the news section of our very own AGs site. Yes, the whole review. The news post is also titled "The World's Shortest Review"

I think it's so short because that website takes it's reviews from a paper magazine (PC Zone UK, I think), and such short reviews are not uncommon in print. Which is why the only print-based magazine I read these days is Retro Gamer.. :)

Well, it could've been short and informative. Instead it just mocked the game and adventure games in general, in three paragraphs. One of which, the shortest one, was about the game itself.

BacardiJim's review of Traitors Gate 2 is quite amusing - HERE.

Summary:

"But enough about what’s wrong with TG2, let’s look at the positive aspects. It is mercifully short, with most of the game time spent either retracing your steps because of game bugs or beating your head against the wall over some of the puzzles and action sequences. There is no story to distract your attention from your surroundings. It is varied enough to appeal to a variety of masochists, regardless of their gaming preferences. The uniform drabness of the scenery can be very soothing. The awkward controls allow you to exercise the fingers of both hands. And it gives those folks who didn’t like the first Traitor’s Gate the opportunity to feel smug. All for a mere $30."

:eek:

Of course, BJ has been officially smacked by a certain developer who made a certain game that BJ most certainly didn't like.

Which game / developer :confused:

Well, I sure read lots of positive reviews over AWFUL games. I'm gonna give you the best example of it: Dreams to Reality.
This was a rather obscure, and I mean it, game by Cryo (BOOOOOOOO!) that featured an horrendous new-age plot (a boy who could enter the world of dreams gets kidnapped by a merciless corporation... say what?), bug filled gameplay (cameras got crazy while you were flying, you would die just because you wouldn't have a key to open the door, you couldn't hit enemies on cliffs, you couldn't use a weapon more than 5 seconds, etc), sweet 3dfx only graphics (which I was never able to enjoy, even when I actually had a Voodoo 2), ATROCIOUS acting, etc.

And the reviewer said: 'it's one of the most beautiful Tomb Raider alternatives out there, there's just some clipping in the graphics, but except for that it's perfect: 91%'

I was young at that time, naive... I wasted 25€ for that piece of crap. I confess I would have been happier with Big Rigs (which is, in my opinion, one of the finest game this year... YOU'RE WINNER!).

Where is BJ? He kind of disappeared after that Moment of silence incident at Just Adventure. Randy (JA site/forum owner) had to lock the thread. I hope he's only taking a little break.

He's on the JA list of *former* reviewers. That should tell you something.
Garotted by his own rhetoric, just like BJ himself predicted.

I'm going to move this thread into general gaming because not all of these reviews are of adventures. I personally loved the news item about the world's shortest Aura review. :)

Please, let's also try to stay on topic and not get into a discussion about reviewers and who we do and don't like. I'd hate to see my name dragged thru the mud. :D

-emily

Check out Game Revolution's interactive review of Survivor (the game). I'm guessing they didn't like it.

http://www.game-revolution.com/games...m/survivor.htm

Edit: Whoops, in my hurry I didn't read the topic very carefuly. Nevermind then.

I remember the review of Broken Sword II on GamesDomain. The "pro" line said .

It's better than in PC Gamer USA where they gave it a 17% just because they didn't like the graphics and the puzzles were too hard. Their reviews of Far Cry, Doom 3, and probably Halflife 2 also sucked.

Looked OK to me (and since when has any thread adhered to the original subject anyway?)

Made me laugh out loud anyway. Even the Minimum System requirements includes "a death wish" :)

PC Gameplay, the biggest games magazine of Belgium, used to completely thrash bad games in their early days. Some of those reviews were hilarious to say the least.

The worst i've ever seen was PCZone's review of 'Big Brother: The Game' some shameful cash in attempt based on the first series of Big Brother UK.

And the final score? 1% out of 100.