[Terabin]

I'm quite happy entering my senior year of college at Saint Olaf in Minnesota. I had a whirlwind summer in Norway singing, working at a camp counselor thirty miles south of Glacier in Montana, and dropping my sister off at college in DePaul. A week and I'll be singing again, which I miss dearly. This year in college I'll finally be living with people I WANT to be living with. Sophomore year I roomed with a good friend from first year who I did not co-exist well with, and last year I was mixed up in Resident Life business. I've been single for about a year now after a long-term relationship ended and am looking forward to growing personally and enjoying the college life in my last year of undergrad. I've also started dreaming about the future plans, which is incredibly exciting. Living in Chicago with a high school friend for a year and then graduate film studies.

I think since the relationship ended I've finally had some time to start creating an inner life. I hope to be a more stable person for me and for others. Taking some time for yourself really DOES help.

[Jeysie]

Well, this is an interesting topic for a thread.

I personally am not very happy.

I have a lousy job, a non-existent love and social life, and several physical ailments I can't get to clear up. I have no real talents or skills worth mentioning, either. The only thing that keeps me sane is my best friend/roommate, but even there we're starting to have a few fundamental oppositions of opinion on some things.

It seems like every other mid-twenty-something I know is either married with a good job, or making good progress on being that way. I feel like I've just been treading water ever since I left school 9 years ago.

There's nothing in my life that's *horrible*, I have to admit. We scrounge up enough money to keep the rent paid, the fridge stocked, and the cat fed. None of my physical problems are debilitating. And yet it all feels kind of empty right now, and no signs of changing any time soon.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Fairygdmther]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Well, this is an interesting topic for a thread.

I personally am not very happy.

I have a lousy job, a non-existent love and social life, and several physical ailments I can't get to clear up. I have no real talents or skills worth mentioning, either. The only thing that keeps me sane is my best friend/roommate, but even there we're starting to have a few fundamental oppositions of opinion on some things.

It seems like every other mid-twenty-something I know is either married with a good job, or making good progress on being that way. I feel like I've just been treading water ever since I left school 9 years ago.

There's nothing in my life that's *horrible*, I have to admit. We scrounge up enough money to keep the rent paid, the fridge stocked, and the cat fed. None of my physical problems are debilitating. And yet it all feels kind of empty right now, and no signs of changing any time soon.

Peace & Luv, Liz

Jeysie, we all have times in our lives that are lulls, boring and tiresome with no end in sight. Then all hell breaks loose and we again wish for calmer times. LOL Things will change, that's one thing you can be sure of. Find something you enjoy doing, reading, skiing, women's volleyball, whatever, and join in with others, like a club or sport group. You'll make new friends, enjoy yourself and have something to look forward to each week. It doesn't have to be something expensive, just something you do enjoy doing. Maybe even bike riding, or walking, but pick something you can do with others, and you'll find enjoyment in talking about your joint passion for the hobby, and it will open up new worlds for you. It can help break up the doldrums you are now in.

Lynsie

[Jeysie]

I do have a couple hobby groups I hang out with each week, but they're all online. All of my hobbies are geeky, and I live in a mostly geek-free zone where I am. (Plus geeks don't socialize in person all that often anyway. )

I've thought of trying to find a local D&D group to join offline, but I can't afford a car, and trying to get around at night on the bus is nigh impossible. (sigh)

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Fairygdmther]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

I do have a couple hobby groups I hang out with each week, but they're all online. All of my hobbies are geeky, and I live in a mostly geek-free zone where I am. (Plus geeks don't socialize in person all that often anyway. )

I've thought of trying to find a local D&D group to join offline, but I can't afford a car, and trying to get around at night on the bus is nigh impossible. (sigh)

Peace & Luv, Liz

Are you near Springfield? I come from Massachusetts, though near Boston. is there something you could do that would take you outside for some fresh air? Walking, hiking in the Berkshires? Bike riding? You need to get into something different than you usually do. The exercise is exhilarating, and is healthier for you too - something like bird watching or mushroom collecting, or something kooky, even.

Lynsie

[SoccerDude28]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Well, this is an interesting topic for a thread.

I personally am not very happy.

I have a lousy job, a non-existent love and social life, and several physical ailments I can't get to clear up. I have no real talents or skills worth mentioning, either. The only thing that keeps me sane is my best friend/roommate, but even there we're starting to have a few fundamental oppositions of opinion on some things.

It seems like every other mid-twenty-something I know is either married with a good job, or making good progress on being that way. I feel like I've just been treading water ever since I left school 9 years ago.

There's nothing in my life that's *horrible*, I have to admit. We scrounge up enough money to keep the rent paid, the fridge stocked, and the cat fed. None of my physical problems are debilitating. And yet it all feels kind of empty right now, and no signs of changing any time soon.

Peace & Luv, Liz

Hi Jeysie
Sorry to hear that you are not very happy, but don't worry, there's always sunshine at the end of the tunnel.
Do you have anything you would like to be working? I suggest you take classes, maybe at night, and just pursue what you like doing. Like my uncle
said, there is no age too old for learning. My co-worker hated his job, so he quit completely and went for a PHD in business (and this is a guy with a PHD in mechanical engineering, and working in the IT industry).

As far as your love life, I suggest what Lynsie said. Attend sports club, go to social events, and meet people. Through the people you meet, you get to maybe meet their friends, and then low and behold, you will end up with a boyfriend. There are also some online services you can use to meet guys, although I would be more careful in using those. I know 2 people who actually got married through online services, and even here on these same forums, at least 3 or 4 folks met their significant others online.

So yeah, I truly believe that life is just how you look at it. It can be pretty tough, but don't let that get you down. Once you find someone special, you will look back at these days, and say to yourself: "What was I thinking "

[Aj_]

Sounds very familiar indeed. I like FGM's advice, I'm as geeky as you can get but there is a lot of fun you can have outside in the open air, even if you don't like exsertion there is fun to be had.

[Jeysie]

FGM: I'm *in* Springfield. So no walking through the Berkshires for me. I did grow up in Pittsfield, and the fact that you can walk everywhere is one of the few things I miss about the place. In Pittsfield you could walk near anywhere in the city in 45 minutes or less. In Springfield you walk for 45 minutes and end up not much of anywhere interesting.

My problem with exercise is that I'm horribly unathletic... I'm completely awful at most sports. Not to mention I usually have little to no physical energy. I do like to swim, but I have no money to join the Y or anything.

As for classes, considering that depression is a big factor in why I left school in the first place, I'm not sure it'll result any different now (even if I could afford it...)

(shrug) I suppose something will come up sooner or later, I just hope it's sooner!

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Fairygdmther]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

FGM: I'm *in* Springfield. So no walking through the Berkshires for me. I did grow up in Pittsfield, and the fact that you can walk everywhere is one of the few things I miss about the place. In Pittsfield you could walk near anywhere in the city in 45 minutes or less. In Springfield you walk for 45 minutes and end up not much of anywhere interesting.

My problem with exercise is that I'm horribly unathletic... I'm completely awful at most sports. Not to mention I usually have little to no physical energy. I do like to swim, but I have no money to join the Y or anything.

As for classes, considering that depression is a big factor in why I left school in the first place, I'm not sure it'll result any different now (even if I could afford it...)

(shrug) I suppose something will come up sooner or later, I just hope it's sooner!

Peace & Luv, Liz

Is there a branch of the public library near you? Libraries often have fun things to do. You might even want to volunteer to read stories to the kids on a Saturday afternoon. If you have to walk there, you will at least get some fresh air doing that.

BTW - there was an old flick, the Reincarnation of Peter Proud, that takes place in Springfield, Mass. If you haven't seen it, you might want to rent it.

Lynsie

[Terabin]

volunteer work sounds like a good suggestion to me - local food bank, anything involving kids, spending time at a retirement center. Something else that might be cool is gardening or cooking if you could get into either of those.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

My problem with exercise is that I'm horribly unathletic... I'm completely awful at most sports. Not to mention I usually have little to no physical energy. I do like to swim, but I have no money to join the Y or anything.

As for classes, considering that depression is a big factor in why I left school in the first place, I'm not sure it'll result any different now (even if I could afford it...)

(shrug) I suppose something will come up sooner or later, I just hope it's sooner!

Okay, you! Whatever excuses you give yourself to miss out on good things, they are exactly that - excuses. Lack of money is no excuse, neither is sucking at sports. Put it in perspective: you have no money because you didn't advance yourself in school to be taken more seriously by potential employers; you suck at sports because you never applied yourself at sports, simple as that. Now the flip side:

• You can work a fairly decent paying job and start saving money to go back to school with the help of student loans and grants (if you want to go back to school), or simply find someplace to work and slowly climb up the ranks to make a little more money. Live within in your means, never outside them. You see people all the time who have their expensive sportscars, their million dollar homes, their Prada outfits, and they're not necessarily happy, are they?
  
  Sign up at your local YMCA for fitness classes, but since you can't even afford that, call them anyway and tell them exactly your situation and ask them if they can refer you to any kind of free program where you live. Start at the very beginning, with others just like you (who use the same excuses you use), who completely understand you because of it. It's no effort at all to make a date with one or two of them to meet for a two hour bike ride on a Saturday, or a brisk late autrumn walk/run on Sunday morning before coffee and a cheap lite breakfast somewhere where you can form a camaraderie.
  
  Manage your state of mind and emotions with regular counseling sessions. Though you're living a more 'simple' life (i.e., humble income level), you actually still have a great amount of resources available to you. Go online and look up the benefits of your home state in terms of public services (like insurance that can cover mental health), and you can also ask around and will find there are support groups in your area (free or very cheap). The idea here is to surround yourself with others just like you to foster a feeling that you are definitely not alone and - this is the magic - they need YOU as much as you need them.

And in case you missed my post above:

Originally Posted by Trep

Do something, anything, good for yourself every single day. I mean it, every single day. It could be anything at all - going out very early in the morning for a jog or a stroll and watching the sun break the horizon, or treating yourself to gelato, or paying someone a compliment (yes, this actually makes you feel better!). The road to happiness begins deep inside and works its way out. Be honest with yourself.

[Jeysie]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Put it in perspective: you have no money because you didn't advance yourself in school to be taken more seriously by potential employers; you suck at sports because you never applied yourself at sports, simple as that.

Heh. While I agree with the school concept (I was a natural straight A student, just never finished), some people are just naturally unathletic.

Gym class was nothing but constant frustration because I could never do anything right no matter how hard I tried. The ball always sailed through my hands, I always tripped over my feet while running, and I've gotten smacked by balls, bats, rackets, and other various equipment more times than I can think of. I have a horrid spacial sense, especially with regards to moving objects. There's gotta be at least a couple people here who know what I mean.

There were very few sports I found fun instead of a complete nightmare... floor hockey and archery, mainly.

You can work a fairly decent paying job and start saving money to go back to school with the help of student loans and grants (if you want to go back to school), or simply find someplace to work and slowly climb up the ranks to make a little more money. Live within in your means, never outside them. You see people all the time who have their expensive sportscars, their million dollar homes, their Prada outfits, and they're not necessarily happy, are they?

I make ~$200 net a week if I'm lucky, so I assure you I'm not living outside my means. I currently am a file clerk in a small family business, and that's the best non-retail job I've landed so far. I have no desire to be a manager, which is about the only "up" you can get in an office. (Plus, well, it's the family that's the higher-ups anyway.)

I'm not really interested in returning to school, truth be told...

For one, I learn better at my own pace and finding hands-on practical applications, rather than the average high-school/college class with endless lectures and going over the same material ten times. I attended college for a stint several years ago, but got disillusioned (plus I didn't even know what to major in) and left.

Ironically, I love to learn! I love finding new info, love doing research, and love figuring out how stuff (usually software) ticks. But most of my classes made learning feel so completely boring.

For two, I'd need a job while going to school anyway, so it seems pointless to invest time and money when I won't see a benefit for 6 or more years and I'll be in the same crappy jobs during the interim anyway. Plus my roommate has a college diploma, and he's still had a devil of a time finding a decent job.

If I had spare money I might take a programming class or two... but I'll likely just try to teach myself instead.

Anyway, this is getting way off-topic, isn't it?

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Melanie68]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

...some people are just naturally unathletic.

Gym class was nothing but constant frustration because I could never do anything right no matter how hard I tried. The ball always sailed through my hands, I always tripped over my feet while running, and I've gotten smacked by balls, bats, rackets, and other various equipment more times than I can think of. I have a horrid spacial sense, especially with regards to moving objects. There's gotta be at least a couple people here who know what I mean.

There were very few sports I found fun instead of a complete nightmare... floor hockey and archery, mainly....

I am not an extremely athletic person either. I sucked at gym class in high school too (I still hate volleyball to this day). A friend of mine talked me into playing a little bit of soccer last year which was OK but not my cup of tea. If you aren't a team sports person, it's OK. I personally like hiking, walking, biking that fit more with my introverted personality. Start doing a little something you like and you'll feel a little better and maybe want to do more. I get so f*&#ing down a lot because school is really sapping me and when I don't get enough sleep and don't eat well, it compounds it. So I completely understand feeling depressed. It's important to get enough sleep, get a little bit of exercise, find a job you love and know most importantly that you are a special and important person because of who you are and not what you do (Mr. Rogers said something similar but I can't find the quote). Also, as Intrepid said, talking to someone else about it will help too.

Good luck.

[Manhunter71]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Heh. While I agree with the school concept (I was a natural straight A student, just never finished), some people are just naturally unathletic.

Gym class was nothing but constant frustration because I could never do anything right no matter how hard I tried. The ball always sailed through my hands, I always tripped over my feet while running, and I've gotten smacked by balls, bats, rackets, and other various equipment more times than I can think of. I have a horrid spacial sense, especially with regards to moving objects. There's gotta be at least a couple people here who know what I mean.

There were very few sports I found fun instead of a complete nightmare... floor hockey and archery, mainly.



I make ~$200 net a week if I'm lucky, so I assure you I'm not living outside my means. I currently am a file clerk in a small family business, and that's the best non-retail job I've landed so far. I have no desire to be a manager, which is about the only "up" you can get in an office. (Plus, well, it's the family that's the higher-ups anyway.)

I'm not really interested in returning to school, truth be told...

For one, I learn better at my own pace and finding hands-on practical applications, rather than the average high-school/college class with endless lectures and going over the same material ten times. I attended college for a stint several years ago, but got disillusioned (plus I didn't even know what to major in) and left.

Ironically, I love to learn! I love finding new info, love doing research, and love figuring out how stuff (usually software) ticks. But most of my classes made learning feel so completely boring.

For two, I'd need a job while going to school anyway, so it seems pointless to invest time and money when I won't see a benefit for 6 or more years and I'll be in the same crappy jobs during the interim anyway. Plus my roommate has a college diploma, and he's still had a devil of a time finding a decent job.

If I had spare money I might take a programming class or two... but I'll likely just try to teach myself instead.

Anyway, this is getting way off-topic, isn't it?

Peace & Luv, Liz

Hey Liz,
I understand how you feel - I was a major geek at school - I had a couple of reasonably close friends, but on the whole I really disliked the whole school experience. I eventually dropped out halfway through my A-levels and got a crappy job in a lab. After a few years I decided to try academic life again and eventually got into a Chemistry degree - unfortunately that didn't last because of girlfriend troubles (it didn't help that her father was one of my chem professors ).
A few years after that I tried Uni again, but funding problems led to another failure
So, I dropped out again and after a failed business venture I finally got a horrible job as an insurance investigator - which brings me to the present day.

Although life is shit and I have the crappiest job in the world, there are certain things that make life slightly more enjoyable, such as adventure games and chatting to like-minded people on this forum

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Melanie68

I am not an extremely athletic person either. I sucked at gym class in high school too (I still hate volleyball to this day). A friend of mine talked me into playing a little bit of soccer last year which was OK but not my cup of tea. If you aren't a team sports person, it's OK. I personally like hiking, walking, biking that fit more with my introverted personality. Start doing a little something you like and you'll feel a little better and maybe want to do more. I get so f*&#ing down a lot because school is really sapping me and when I don't get enough sleep and don't eat well, it compounds it. So I completely understand feeling depressed. It's important to get enough sleep, get a little bit of exercise, find a job you love and know most importantly that you are a special and important person because of who you are and not what you do (Mr. Rogers said something similar but I can't find the quote).

Hmmm, I would never recommend competitive sports to anyone feeling down and saying they suck at sports. Instead, I prefer things like solitary cycling (or cycling with a friend), swimming, running, skiing, hiking - anything where you're not expected to win or prove yourself to anyone, which is not the point here. The point is that doing active things is proved to literally make your feel better, about yourself, your attitude.

I myself had my share of periods of serious depression, and let me tell you, doing nothing about it and feeling sorry for yourself is not gonna do shit for you. Nothing. How long, I asked myself, must I feel like this? And do I really deserve to feel this way? Do I?

Also, as Intrepid said, talking to someone else about it will help too.

Also, doing good things for others helps tremendously. It's amazing, the looks you get from others that convey 'thank you for helping me be happy'. Hell, I'm much closer to my mom these days than I ever was, and it was simply because I'm now making her feel like I really need her to keep me happy, thus she feels a sense of worth because she's needed.

[Jeysie]

It's nice to know I'm not the only person who has nightmares about volleyball. (shudder) It's also nice to see someone else who finds Chemistry interesting... erm, despite the failed degree.

Anyhoo, maybe we need a new thread about "Things That Make Me Happy". Like one of those positive thinking journals.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Manhunter71]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

It's nice to know I'm not the only person who has nightmares about volleyball. (shudder) It's also nice to see someone else who finds Chemistry interesting... erm, despite the failed degree.


Peace & Luv, Liz

I think the way you feel about volleyball is similar to how I feel about rugby - I hated it at school, and because I was rather, er.... portly as a child I was forced to play on my local team as well (my Mum thought it would do wonders for my self esteem to take part in some team activity )

With regard to Chemistry - it's one of my favourite subjects, along with History and Psychology.
Another reason for dropping out of uni was also due to the fact that you had to do all your lab work as part of a team (shudder!)
I was always a loner so anything involving teamwork gave me a panic attack

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Manhunter71

With regard to Chemistry - it's one of my favourite subjects, along with History and Psychology.

I promised myself I'll do Psychology more seriously and take a few classes. I need it for my writing. But instead of Freud (whose ideas, imo, are overhyped) I wanna focus more on Jung and Otto Rank. Their ideas are far more fascinating and, in some ways, seem more in tune with feeling human, with all its mysteries and beauty.

[Melanie68]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Hmmm, I would never recommend competitive sports to anyone feeling down and saying they suck at sports. Instead, I prefer things like solitary cycling (or cycling with a friend), swimming, running, skiing, hiking - anything where you're not expected to win or prove yourself to anyone, which is not the point here. The point is that doing active things is proved to literally make your feel better, about yourself, your attitude.

I agree with you on the team sports thing. My friend is extroverted and very good at team sports and I gave it a try because I wanted to give it a fair hearing. When she asked me to do it again, I said no for precisely the reason you said. But she has also been a great friend in many other ways and my life the past year has been much better.

I myself had my share of periods of serious depression, and let me tell you, doing nothing about it and feeling sorry for yourself is not gonna do shit for you. Nothing. How long, I asked myself, must I feel like this? And do I really deserve to feel this way? Do I?



Also, doing good things for others helps tremendously. It's amazing, the looks you get from others that convey 'thank you for helping me be happy'. Hell, I'm much closer to my mom these days than I ever was, and it was simply because I'm now making her feel like I really need her to keep me happy, thus she feels a sense of worth because she's needed.

I've come to the conclusion that the best people in your life are those that don't allow you to wallow in self pity and don't indulge your self righteous anger. Having someone constantly agree with you doesn't help you learn and try new things and it doesn't challange the status quo you have put yourself in.

Also, helping others as a way out of depression is very true! Depression in and of itself is narcissisitic in that the focus is on you and why you are so sad. When you help others it takes that focus off of yourself. I say those things but I don't follow my own advice but I think I am better at recognizing when I am swimming in the cesspool of my own self pity and I try to get out of it ASAP!

I want to say too, Intrepid, that I'm glad you are feeling better

[Melanie68]

Yet another resurrection......

I've been feeling better about things in life.

I've decided I don't care about what people expect of me at school. I need to do what's right for me, work at my own pace and enjoy my time as a grad student. What got me in trouble before (and kept me in my previous lab too long) was trying to do what other people expected of me.

I've been working out more - walking (except when the shin splints kick in) and going to the gym on campus (they built a new one!).

I've been trying to quit smoking - I know, BAD ME!! I'm making some headway.

It always seems that when you start working on these things in your life, you start to feel that emptiness. I live alone (except for the dog, 2 cats and the rat) and haven't been in any kind of a relationship for over 2 years (the last one was not good for me). I've been very lonely. Some of that I can take care of by seeing friends but I want to be in another relationship. The AG forums have really helped too. Even though I can't see you all in person (and I would SO love to do that), it is a highlight of my day to be on the forum.

I'm gunshy to start another relationship because of the last one. I met him 2 days before I got a call from my Mom (in 2001) saying she and Dad are separating (after 35 years of marriage) and I needed someone in my life. I was basically someone on the side (and I knew it but thought I could handle it at the time). If I had felt better at the time, I would never have gotten involved. I think part of it is I still feel stupid for getting involved in the first place.

So right now, I'm happier than I've been but feeling blah and lonely tonight. Thanks for letting me spill some angst. It's always much appreciated.


Flowers for everyone at AG.