[Catbert]

A punch in the face is very convincing.

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Wormsie

Let's say that your boyfriend should say something sarcastic to you implying that he is more manly (or better in any other way) than you are - trying to heighten his social satus in the relationship.

No one is perfect. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, their talents and disabilities. The trick is to accentuate your strengths and talents while downplaying or improving your weaknesses and disabilities.
The big question is this: Why would you waste your time with someone who plays such a crass game of oneupsmanship with a person they profess to love? You may have an issue or two of your own to deal with (as we all do), but clearly the person you're speaking of has much larger issues to come to grips with, most obviously a severe lack of self-esteem of his own. If the only way he can feel better is by making you feel worse, he's an emotional vampire who will suck you dry, and you should get away from him as soon as possible. You were not put on this earth to be some insecure asshole's whipping boy! You deserve better!

I'd be offended by that, but wouldn't know how to respond except by "I don't want you to say things like that to me. Stop doing it." And his reponse would be along the lines of "I was only joking" which is a clear cop-out.

By responding as you did, you're letting him know his remarks really bothered you and giving him just what he's looking for. Not playing his twisted game is the best response, either by ignoring him or leaving without saying a word. Either way, he'll get the clear message that behavior of that sort simply will not be tolerated, and he'll either shape up (unlikely, but possible) or go find someone else to abuse, which would be best for you in the long run.

ScottMate

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Thrift Store Scott

The big question is this: Why would you waste your time with someone who plays such a crass game of oneupsmanship with a person they profess to love? You may have an issue or two of your own to deal with (as we all do), but clearly the person you're speaking of has much larger issues to come to grips with, most obviously a severe lack of self-esteem of his own. If the only way he can feel better is by making you feel worse, he's an emotional vampire who will suck you dry, and you should get away from him as soon as possible. You were not put on this earth to be some insecure asshole's whipping boy! You deserve better!

Wormsie and I had already discussed this at great length, so it's just news to you. I've told him he knows better now, and it's to his best interest to move on and keep his ex at arm's length. I should know, I had the same experience with my ex years ago. It was obvious that he was both admiring and jealous of me in some ways, and he sometimes took opportunities at belittling me, often in front of his friends.

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

My dear, NEVER EVER underestimate the power of a good witty comeback. And yes, it IS constructive, because it's communicating to him that you know WTF you're talking about, and that he better not f#&k with you about it. It may not shut him up, but it will definitely make him think twice next time.

Isn't that true, Scottsie?

Too true. Don't take unnecessary crap from strangers, but never take unnecessary crap from the ones you love. Strangers don't know any better, but the people you love should!

Now, repeat after me: Trep is f#&king evil.

"Trep is f#&king brilliant!"

Actually, it's more like he lost you. Give credit where credit is due.

Hear, hear! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Now go find yourself a real man, a good man, a true man, a man who will love you for what you am!

Believe me, it was a challenge.

And one well-met, it sounds like. Good on ya, Wormsie!

ScottMate

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Wormsie and I had already discussed this at great length, so it's just news to you. I've told him he knows better now, and it's to his best interest to move on and keep his ex at arm's length. I should know, I had the same experience with my ex years ago. It was obvious that he was both admiring and jealous of me in some ways, and he sometimes took opportunities at belittling me, often in front of his friends.

I've been there myself. If I had a nickel for every time I should have told my first ex to kiss off and walked out the door without looking back, I'd be a rich man right now.
Not coincidentally, I was Wormsie's age during that relationship.

ScottMate

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I'm getting depressed with this thread. Must do something quick....

[starts thinking of the pistachio and tiramisu gelato combo he and big R bought a pint of yesterday that they will have for dessert after dinner tonight]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......

[Fairygdmther]

Wormsie, you're still very young - I don't know how old your ex is, but if he is more than a few years older than you, he took advantage of your good nature. If he is about the same age, he may not have known better than to do that.

You are an attractive and intelligent young man with much to offer. While it is hard to do a realistic assessment of yourself, you do need to do this, to see that you are worthy of respect and love. Your relationship with your ex proved that someone out there CAN love you, and even if it didn't work out for both of you, there was SOME good to it too. Don't regret the time spent with him - it was a learning experience, and a good one. Now you know better what to avoid in someone you want to get close to and trust. But you also know what it feels like to be really close to someone else, and just how vulnerable that makes you.

Recently you said you were learning to hold your head up high - I was so glad to see that - that shows you are growing in self-respect. Don't let this break-up undermine that new-found self-confidence. Recognize that your own respect is what made you realize that he wasn't for you, and that you deserve better than that. We all continue to grow, day by day, and relationships can either help or hinder that growth. Find a guy you respect and who will respect you, and you will continue to grow into an awesome guy like Trep or Scott, who know what they want and recognize it when they see it.

Hugs,

Lynsie

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Thrift Store Scott

Hear, hear! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Now go find yourself a real man, a good man, a true man, a man who will love you for what you am!

Absolutely! It took me what, eight years, but I found him he found me . The worst thing was that I had to agonizingly convince myself that I deserve him.

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

Wormsie, you're still very young - I don't know how old your ex is, but if he is more than a few years older than you, he took advantage of your good nature. If he is about the same age, he may not have known better than to do that.

You are an attractive and intelligent young man with much to offer. While it is hard to do a realistic assessment of yourself, you do need to do this, to see that you are worthy of respect and love. Your relationship with your ex proved that someone out there CAN love you, and even if it didn't work out for both of you, there was SOME good to it too. Don't regret the time spent with him - it was a learning experience, and a good one. Now you know better what to avoid in someone you want to get close to and trust. But you also know what it feels like to be really close to someone else, and just how vulnerable that makes you.

Recently you said you were learning to hold your head up high - I was so glad to see that - that shows you are growing in self-respect. Don't let this break-up undermine that new-found self-confidence. Recognize that your own respect is what made you realize that he wasn't for you, and that you deserve better than that. We all continue to grow, day by day, and relationships can either help or hinder that growth. Find a guy you respect and who will respect you, and you will continue to grow into an awesome guy like Trep or Scott, who know what they want and recognize it when they see it.

Hugs,

Lynsie

Didn't I tell you guys she puts the Mther in Fairygdmther?

[Fairygdmther]

Thanks, Trep, hon!

Lynsie

[Starflux]

Wish I had something to add to this thread. Good vibes go around here. Good for you, Wormsie =)

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

Wormsie, you're still very young - I don't know how old your ex is, but if he is more than a few years older than you, he took advantage of your good nature. If he is about the same age, he may not have known better than to do that.

He's 23, I'm 19.

Recently you said you were learning to hold your head up high - I was so glad to see that - that shows you are growing in self-respect. Don't let this break-up undermine that new-found self-confidence.

It hasn't affected it in general, we broke up nearly two months ago.

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by Thrift Store Scott

By responding as you did, you're letting him know his remarks really bothered you and giving him just what he's looking for. Not playing his twisted game is the best response, either by ignoring him or leaving without saying a word. Either way, he'll get the clear message that behavior of that sort simply will not be tolerated, and he'll either shape up (unlikely, but possible) or go find someone else to abuse, which would be best for you in the long run.

I didn't respond to any of that stuff.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Wormsie

I didn't respond to any of that stuff.

Which could go either way. He (and others with you) could have taken your unresponsiveness as a sign of passivity, thus making him believe he could easily step on you again. You were angry and hurt, weren't you? Dammit, express yourself, then!!!

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Which could go either way. He (and others with you) could have taken your unresponsiveness as a sign of passivity, thus making him believe he could easily step on you again.

Exactly!

You were angry and hurt, weren't you? Dammit, express yourself, then!!!

That's the way I think! With all respect to Thritftsie, I don't think not responding does any good.

[Wormsie]

Besides, if you let shitheads know that they are shitheads, and they decide to do something about it, the world will be a better place for everyone. Including you. Less shitheads to **** you around, more balanced people.

[Wormsie]

Oh, and thanks for all the ass-kicking and support, folks.

[Fairygdmther]

Any time, sweetie - Hugs!

Lynsie

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Wormsie

Oh, and thanks for all the ass-kicking and support, folks.

No problem. Now let's us go to a nice bar and make out over drinks while all the other guys watch enviously....