[Elena]

Aren't you a nice guy,Hammerite?

[MystGirl]

When I was growing up, I eventually started to realize, that I was getting crushes on both sexes. By the time I was 16, I was questioning my sexuality and not quite sure what I was. I did some "messing" around with a male boyfriend and a female friend, but didn't actually do anything more then that till my 20's.

My very first "time" was actually with a boyfriend I dated for about a year. He was a "virgin" too which was kind of nice, because he was patient and took things slowly. So we had a lot of fun figuring things out. He was very gentle and all that good stuff. Unfortunately, he had a bit of a problem "staying" a certain way for anything length of time, which did start to bug me eventually, because then I felt inadequate. (but since he was my "first" at the time, I didn't really know that some guys have that problem. I thought it was all me.)

The relationship ended because he wanted marriage and I didn't. That kind of sent my on a journey to re-explore the whole bisexual thing. My first time "real" time with a girl, was ok, but I didn't enjoy it much because she was a friend of a friend and I wasn't that into her. But at the time, I guess I just wanted to see if I just wanted to experiment with someone of the same sex, or if I could have an actual attraction to someone of the same sex. (I finally figured it out after more dating over the years)

This is always a favorite subject of mine. Interesting thread.

[Elena]

Exploring your sexuality and finally finding what you trully desire,is a journey to know yourself better and your friends.You will face your inner fears and desires,deal with matters "better left unsaid",and you will see who really wants to be with you for who you are and not what you represent,like a beautiful girl or if your job is a doctor etc.
If you like yourself,others can see that and will feel the same way too.
MystGirl,congrats.I guess you feel free now.

[Lee in Limbo]

Originally Posted by Squinky

It's because we're stupid and don't even know what we want most of the time.

I don't know about stupid (except on a case by case basis), but it does hold that we are all human, and our ideals rarely measure up to our experiences.

My first time was with a very caring and affectionate but extremely odd and awkward woman who was a handful of years older than me, but sadly, wasn't much more experienced. It wasn't horrible, but I felt I'd performed extremely poorly, and it was at least in part because we weren't very compatible. We broke up a handful of months later, though she asked me to sleep with her one last time, which was sweet, but didn't change my mind any.

Oddly enough, it was a good number of years later, and we started hanging around again. We had a brief fling one sweaty summer afternoon at her place that was so steamy, I was shocked that we fitted so much better than we had before. A handful of years of experience can really make a difference.

Incidentally, my first time was almost with a man, but again, incompatibility.

[Squinky]

That reminds me, for those of you who aren't as prudish and inexperienced as I am, to what extent does having prior experience actually matter? I ask because a) my parents waited until they were married, and they're still happily together after 25 years, and b) I don't really see much point in having sex just to be more experienced. Then again, I'm female (thus having to bear the brunt of the reproductive issues at stake) and I was raised in an arguably less sex-driven culture than my Caucasian peers.

Oh, and I also questioned my sexuality when I was a teenager... and wound up deciding that I can't find a label that fits, and that I don't really need one.

[Elena]

Squinky,times change and people change.Don't compare the time your parents met and the times we live in.It's complete different.Everything is moving faster.Even relationships.Many persons i know don't want to make relationships because it takes time to really know someone.
And about experience,for example even if you had only one boyfriend,you can be more experienced then othen who had more.Because when you start to know him,you will be freed from taboos.You'll explore and your body and your soul...

[Squinky]

Er... my parents met in the 1970's. As I understand it, things were generally moving fast in terms of relationships even then.

I should also point out that I know plenty of people of my generation who've only ever had one partner, married or otherwise, and plenty who, like me, still have their V-cards into their twenties. I just mentioned my parents because they've actually stood the test of time, whereas the future of my peers remains undecided.

[MystGirl]

Originally Posted by Squinky

Er... my parents met in the 1970's. As I understand it, things were generally moving fast in terms of relationships even then.

I should also point out that I know plenty of people of my generation who've only ever had one partner, married or otherwise, and plenty who, like me, still have their V-cards into their twenties. I just mentioned my parents because they've actually stood the test of time, whereas the future of my peers remains undecided.

Personally, I didn't technically lose my virginity till my late 20's. (should have specified that in my earlier post) I just wasn't ready for sex till I was older. Also, I was too afraid of an unwanted pregnancy or all the lovely STDs out there to just have sex for the sake of having sex. My mother taught me about condoms and safe sex quite early on in my life (in case I did decide to try something as a teenager), but I just wasn't ready emotionally. Even in my early and mid twenties, I couldn't fathom it yet. I had sexual feelings and I did some "messing" around with people as far as kissing, groping, etc. But I could never go all the way with someone till I met the guy I did lose my virginity with eventually. I think what I wanted first, was love. That made the sex so much better to me.

Now that I'm 34, I have just had sex for sex, and I don't always need love to have sex. But I must admit, sex does kind of miss something for me if deeper emotions aren't involved. I've never seen anything wrong with waiting on sex. I think it can actually make it better, in the long run.

Whatever an individual is most comfortable with in this area, is what they should do. To make themselves happy, not someone else. I think too many young girls have sex too early due to a boyfriend's pressure, peer pressure, and they end up regretting it later. I can't imagine being a teenager these days with our oversexed society. I'm a pretty sexual person, but sometimes, it's even too much for me. I give kudos to any person, who wants to wait until they are truly ready. It worked for me.

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Elena

Exploring your sexuality and finally finding what you truly desire, is a journey to know yourself better and your friends. You will face your inner fears and desires, deal with matters "better left unsaid", and you will see who really wants to be with you for who you are and not what you represent, like a beautiful girl or if your job is a doctor etc.
If you like yourself,others can see that and will feel the same way too.

Very well said, Elena!

[Risingson]

There must be a relation between adventure games and homosexuality, because this surpasses the average. Anyway, years later, do you want to know a story?

Yes?

Ok. I'm 30. I lost my virginity at 25, totally. I was so extremely closeted at first that I supressed the sex from any though. Later I tried to get used to heterosexual fantasies, get forced to it and so on, but no way. I didn't have any experience when I was a teenager, I didn't have any at the university, and only later, when this among many other things were just about to explode in a total mess of a life, I discovered a board and faced the truth. Yes, this isn't related to sex, but imagine, if you haven't lived it, what happens when suddenly all the real feelings of love, attraction and sex set free at the same time. Imagine, too, that this happens at the same time you start to know a lot of new people of new tastes that has nothing to do with the narrow circle that you knew before. I mean, that was the big bang itself inside my head.

So I fall in love, or so, with the first three guys I knew in the same situation. When the third rejection came, in a meeting of a board of "guys with the same situation", another guy showed interest in me. I liked him too, he was funny and had the most amazing pair of green eyes I can remember. Also a great nose. Anyway, two days after - a TUESDAY, I never went out on TUESDAYS - we dated, he made me drink lots of wine, and finally that happened. It was... amazing. Imagine me and my many insecurities - if I didn't have sex till 25 then it was because I wasn't interesting for anyone, or not? - walking with this guy through the oldest streets of Madrid, arriving to the place he was living, and when I arrived there... those seconds before and after that kiss is something I still can recall. Those smells of sweat and wine. The first time I was with a man naked. The first time I felt another skinny body. I slept there and went to classes directly the day after.

Pity that the insecurities were still there and I couldn't get used to go with a man younger but much more experienced than me. And many other things. I saw him only once more. Then I didn't date anyone for a year and a half, had an unstable and brief relationship that ended awfully, and ended single after that.

That's something I need to tell from time to time, and I felt this thread was great to do so.

[Jelena]

Thanks for sharing Risingson.

[bulldog]

Thanks for sharing Risingson

[Sage]

*Sage hugs Risingson*

Thank you for being so open and honest, Risingson.

[Elena]

Thank you,Risingson,for sharing.

[Risingson]

You're welcome! Emotional pornography is one of my specialities

[bulldog]

Originally Posted by Risingson

You're welcome! Emotional pornography is one of my specialities

woo-hoo

[AndreaDraco83]

That's really a shame that I found out only today about this thread! Where I was looking in the past months?

A lot of your posts remembered me a lot of my past situation. Those years of negation, repression and self-thought lies; of looking at other bodies with the urge of having a good excuse ready in mind; of doubts and second thoughts. I understand that this kind of path is necessary to mature, but I'm extremely glad that those years are finally over.

Anyway, I had two distinct "first" time: the very first was with a woman, a year older than me. It wasn't her first time, so she could drive me through it. It was nice and warm, but I really didn't feel anything. It was fun, but not the pleasure I imagined. We were in a six months relationship and then I figured out who I really was and I went to her to explain the situation. It was my first cold shower, the very first time I felt totally rejected: I thought that this wouldn't be a problem. "I like guys also" I said to her, and she - with an enormous look of disgust - told me that this was more than a problem, and asked me if I could repress those feeling. I was immature and stupid, and I said: "Let's try". Two months after, we broke up.

Then comes my second "first" time, with a guy nine years older than me. A friend of mine set us up, we went out for a pizza (real Italian pizza, mind you ) and then withdrew in a park. It was awkward, and - even if I was hugely turned on - the experience, all in all, was a letdown. But at least I knew that that was my "primary" road - and then arrived the crazy part of my life, the closest thing I'm about to regret: mindless sex with whoever, meaningless encounters with strangers. I felt like I was meant to devour such experiences, as if I had to reassure myself about who I was.

Now, after two years of total sentimental (and sexual solitude), I met a wonderful boy, younger than me and yet, on certain subjects, way more mature and adult than me. He's beautiful and has an intriguing mind that had totally beguiled me: I love him and I feel such a sense of protection toward him that sometimes I think that I would go through anything to spare him from suffering. It happened to me this very night to dream about another guy: even in the dream, after the dream-kiss and dream-petting, I felt guilty, abandoned the other guy and started searching my deserted city looking of my boyfriend. Maybe I need a shrink!

For the guys who were complaining about having to wait: it's really the best thing you can do, not to rush through this kind of things.

Ah, it felt like a therapy session! Thanks to anyone who was listening ^^

[Elena]

Andrea,thanks for sharing.
I can imagine how liberated you felt after findind out who you are..
Love CAN set us free...

[Jelena]

Thanks for sharing Andrea.

[MystGirl]

Originally Posted by Risingson

You're welcome! Emotional pornography is one of my specialities

Ditto.