[RLacey]

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

Hush, Jazhara. If they go on, we have an excuse to torture them later

I have armour with a +10 to defence and poison resistance, and magic missile!

Do your worst! I said do your worst!

[pinkgothic]

Ahahaha! Freeform will be your downfall.

[pinkgothic]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Anyhoo. Can I share? Is this a private thread? ;P

Please do! And no, respectively. I was hoping this thread would catch your interest

Originally Posted by Jeysie

As Pink found out the other day, I RPG online with a small group of old friends.

For everyone else's record, we found out that we'd been frequenting the same damn IRC network to play, too. (irc.darkmyst.org) I found that rather amusing - and of course ridiculously convinient!

Originally Posted by Jeysie

One Half-Orc Barbarian who is dumb as rocks, loves wine, was trained in an all-girls fighting school, and is surprisingly sweet and very bad at intimidating people (which earned him the nickname of Orc Bunny).

*strangely reminded of Zork: The Grand Inquisitor*

Originally Posted by Jeysie

As you can probably guess, "serious" is not in our vocabulary.

I think you should post more SQ quotes here to make your point a little clearer still

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Another fellow is playing a small hovering medical droid with an inferiority complex whose warranty expired about a week ago.

Oh dear! What did that do the the poor thing's inferiority complex? It didn't commit suicide? *chortle* Very nice detail.

[Jeysie]

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

Oh dear! What did that do the the poor thing's inferiority complex? It didn't commit suicide? *chortle* Very nice detail.

LOL! OK, yes, my sentence structure was a little odd there.

What I meant was, he's a droid whose warranty is expired (basically he has a 10-year warranty and he's now about 10 years and a week old ) *and* he has an inferiority complex. Since my engineer has a *superiority* complex, we get along pretty well.

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

I think you should post more SQ quotes here to make your point a little clearer still

I am happy to oblige, dear Pink. Please excuse the lengthiness.

Just for reference, I'm Ah'Choo the engineer, MP-X301 is the medic droid, natch, and Roy is the Sarien bounty hunter. And this all takes place on a starship cruise liner.

In-Character Quotes:

***

"You do not wish the diagnostics to be finished?"

"Screw the diagnostics, Richards will have my ass if this shindig doesn't go as planned. Get up there and fix that light ASAP!"

"Very well, then. Since extracting your 'ass' would be a painful procedure, I shall spare you the trouble and attend to the broken light." Ah'Choo gives a salute and heads towards the door to go repair the light.

Matt mumbles to himself. "Pfft. Damn Vulgars."

***

Of course, since MP-X301 is effectively property, he doesn't get paid anything... and can't leave... and the Doc frequently has him perform the disgusting menial tasks often called for on a cruise ship full of senior citizens... but all in all, it's better than getting melded down for scrap.

***

MP-X301 sets down the instruments and heads to Jenkins' bed to replace the bedpan and clean the old one. Jenkins looks at him amusingly.

"Hey, Shorty, why doncha change the oil while you're at it? Heh heh!"

MP-X301 pulls some petroleum jelly out of the fridge, puts on a glove and says, "Of course, sir. Where would you like it?"

After getting no immediate reaction, MP-X301 continues, "Well, guess you don't want the oil change after all, sir. I'll just put this away... do you need any additional assistance?"

"Don't get sassy with me, you bucket of bolts, unless you want to pull some overtime. I've got plenty more where that came from!"

***

The disposal chute encapsulates the waste in a plastic polymer container, then jettisons it from the ship. The canister hurtles through the cosmos at unbelievable speeds, before plunging into the atmosphere of a nearby planet in a raging ball of fire, finally impacting and leaving a stinky crater and a nice even coat of flaming urine across the backyard of a Mr. Krink Talbot of Thatisol 8.

***

A green, 14-armed bartender greets Roy with a solemn nod, then goes back to polishing glasses... and pouring drinks... and wiping down the bartop... and ringing up the register...

***

As MP-X301 enters the hall he approaches Nancy. "Anything I can do to help?"

Nancy looks down from the stage, and makes a "tsk" sound. "OH-kay, WHO let the *droid* in here? We're trying to set up a CULTURED atmosphere here, people, not run a garage sale!"

"...I guess you don't need a hand, then... Sorry for offering to help." MP-X301 wanders off in a random direction.

Nancy looks like she's about to admonish him, but then gets distracted by something else. "Hey, HEY, we do NOT put the tables next to the kitchen! No! Bad crewmember! Bad!"

***

MP-X301 meanders around the banquet hall, trying to avoid the movers before they mistake him for an ottoman.

***

Ah'Choo heads to Supplies, gets a new bulb, puts the faulty bulb in the nearest "Bad Parts" receptacle, and returns to the banquet hall.

Behind her, as she leaves, a robotic arm reaches out of a panel in the wall, opens the receptacle, picks up the bulb, and places it gently into the "Spare Bulbs" container.

***

"OK. I wanted to keep this secret, but, the friends and I are playing this stupid silly little game, where we are all given plastic air guns and a person's name, and we must *kill* the person whose name we got, and when it's done, the player we just killed gives us the name of the person he was hunting... 'til one of us survives the game."

The purser stares at Roy in mock interest. "REally? How quaint. Well, mister person man, I'm afraid I just can't help you. If you don't know his name, you're out of luck."

"You're not really helping, you know that?"

The purser's voice is dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, I'm SO sorry, sir! Allow me to bend over backwards to fulfill your EVERY inane desire."

***

The panel chirps up, then speaks with a badly-synthesized voice. "YOU... HAVE... ZERO... NEW... MESSAGES. BEEP." MP-X301 notes with amusement that the computer speaks the word "beep" instead of actually beeping.

***

"He, uh... *gulp* he did, huh? Well, uh, maybe you could, you know, go back and tell him, uh, you know, that I was just... er... ...borrowing! Yeah, I was just borrowing the money! I was gonna bring it right back, I swear!"

"Swearing is not an option."

***

"You're, uh... you're gonna shoot me now, aren't ya?"

"Only if you don't give me other choice."

"Crap."

***

Ah'Choo shouts, "Please, remain calm! In the event of an emergency, your seats can be used as a flotation device!"

***

"My primary responsibility is to the health and well-being of the crew, ensuring their ability to slave away at making corporate profits."

***

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Jeysie]

(Sorry for the double-post, but I had to break things up)

Out of Character quotes:

***

"NO TIME TRAVEL. Not right now, at least. I'm not about to open THAT can of worms without some experience under my belt. You know what they say...give a PC a time machine, and say goodbye to any sort of plot you may have had planned."

"I thought they said, 'Give a PC a time machine, he goes insane for a day. Give a PC a busted time machine, and he goes insane for a lifetime!'"

***

"BRB, pit stop."

"Hey, I didn't narrate any bathroom breaks!"

***

"I should walk up to the activities director with my cheap bowtie and proudly strut in front of her for a few minutes, just to get her glare again. Cultured my foot... this is gonna be Cultured in the 'cheese' sense, not the 'social' sense."

***

"Let's see what will happen..."

"The Sariens attack! Nah, too easy."

"Something bad happens because I didn't finish my diagnostic."

"Something bad happens because I missed a spot in that bedpan."

***

"You might want to fix that light before [the passengers] get here."

"Ah'Choo does the whole 'fixing the light' thing."

"You retrieve the antigrav platform, levitate up to the panel, open the panel, replace the bulb, close the panel, float back down, and return the platform to its slot, all while forcing the narrator to relate all of this to you as you do it."

***

"Several cardboard boxes on tables near the doors, with the word "Loaners" written on them in black marker, contain dozens of cheap black bowtie clipons."

"Wait a sec... that's all they are loaning is just the TIES? So, there are going to be people in hawaiian shirts and the like with these cheap ties on them. Bwahahahahahaha!"

***

"Suddenly, the light in the room grows dim. Outside the transparent roof above, the distant stars are blotted out by a *massive* shape moving past. The sheer size of the... thing, coupled with the angle of the light, makes it difficult to make out clearly. It is definitely very big, however. Very, very big."

"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a Vogon Constructor Fleet!"

***

"The corridors beyond are totally devoid of people. A tumbleweed rolls lazily down the nearest hallway [of a space ship]."

"Whoa, tumbleweeds on board! Maybe I'm not giving that activities director as much credit as she deserves..."

***

"Does a toolbox have a flashlight, BTW?"

"No, it doesn't. Flashlight sold seperately."

***

"Phoenix Dark looks at the wounds, trying to recognise what kind of weapon could have done that"

"Multiple carbon scoring marks on the walls make it clear that whoever did this didn't bother to be precise. Most of the corpses look as though they dies in a fighting stance, bearing uniforms that mark them as the ship's security team. Strangely, their weapons are nowhere to be seen."

"Kleptomanic armed rampaging aliens, probably."

***

"Ah'Choo lays down on the floor and pulls a couple of the dead bodies over her and lays still, listening."

"I grab some of the charred flesh, smear it onto the side of my chassis, then shutdown all externally visible signs of activity. I make sure I'm on the floor and sitting sideways first. Before doing so, I remove one of my arms and hold it in my other arm in an artistic pose, as though it was knocked off in the damage."

"Phoenix Dark takes handful of blood and organs from the nearby corpse and try to be convincing in his death. And by this I mean disguising as best as I could"

"Oh, for pity's sake, we're all playing dead. Smeared in goo, arms akimbo, the works."

"Okay, you're all dead."

"I love the way we always end crap filled or blood filled in any games we play."

"This has got to be the weirdest idea we've come up with yet."

***

"The aliens finish their conversation, and move towards the southern corridor. As they do, you catch a clear glimpse of blood-red metal boots as they march away from your position."

"Blood red metal boots? Oh no! Sounds... Sarien!"

"What's that? I think I heard one of those bodies jump to conclusions!"

***

"What do you make of that, gentlemen?"

"Sarien. All the pods are guarded. And they have ears too."

"How do you know all this?"

"Because... because... I'm really a WOMAN!"

***

"We just need to work on your thrown-around-by-impact acting. I want each of you to watch some Classic Star Trek episodes next week."

"Hey, I did pretty good, even though I shouldn't be affected by the ship shaking."

"Well, that's because you're not a real droid, but a guy wearing a droid costume with his lower body digitally edited out."

***

"But, anyway, the ball's in your court now. You're on a ship full of hostile aliens, but feel free to go sightsee."

***

"OK, just for future reference, what do I have in my toolbox to work with?"

"Screwdrivers, wrenches, various similar tools, a soldering iron and soldier to go with it, and a small portable welding torch. And maybe some other stuff that I haven't thought of yet."

"That's 'solder'."

"Yeah. You don't have a soldier in there."

"Darn."

***

"Well, I suspect the first thing we should do is getting tools to enter the Sarien ship. Once there, you hide while I run around the ship naked looking for a nice place to find all size fitting Sarien costume, while pretending a stolen costume prank, and I head back to you with costumes. And from then we'll improvise."

***

"Well, we could try and make our way to the engine room using the Jeffries Tubes... I always wondered why Jeffrey was always in those stinkin' tubes."

"Actually, they're called Murphy's Tubes in this universe. Partly in honor of Scott, and partly because Murphy's Law necessitates their use."

***

"By the way, what was that white powder?"

"That would be the remains of those who got blasted by pulserays."

"Oh, wait... it WAS disintegrated crewmembers!"

"White powder is made of people!"

***

"I'm gonna get one of those 'Baby on Board' signs and change it to read 'Sarien on Board'."

***

"Nancy didn't come out *quite* like I wanted. I was aiming for the frustratingly-cheerful type, and yet she wound up being more the 'stuck-up bitchy' type. It's hard to convey that overly-cheerful tone of voice in text, I guess."

"Well, Frustratingly Cheerful types don't usually insult things that offer to help."

"She came off as the sort of people I used to work with who would plaster a smile on their face and be friendly and nice even as they'd really rather just kill all the customers."

***

"One note about the 'cliche villians': they're not quite as cliche as you might like to think."

"Yeah, I suspect 'em to be in fact, pukoids using sarien armors and language to give 'em a bad reputation, and eventually, I'll be busted when I'll start to run in the Sarien ship hallways naked."

"Er... no, they're Sariens."

***

"I made listen rolls for you all, and MP-X301 is the only one who heard the Sariens approaching. Ah'Choo and Roy failed the check miserably."

"Really? How bad?"

"MP-X301 rolled a natural 20. The DC was 15. Roy rolled an 8 with no mods. Ah'Choo rolled a natural 1."

"Oh geez. Even in the Space Quest universe I suck."

"Good thing there's no critical miss for skills."

"Yeah... 'Not only do you NOT hear anything, your eardrum suddenly bursts for no reason.'"

***

"In response to your question about how it feels to be DM... ...THE POWER!!! IT *FILLS* ME! I AM YOUR LORD AND MASTER! FEAR MY WRATH! BOW BEFORE MY EVERY WHIM! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (/murray)"

***

"Anyway. I actually used to speak a lot like Ah'Choo does. Somewhere along the line I stopped geekspeaking so much. I have fallen! I no longer can converse in formal geek! *weeps bitterly*"

"Geek speak is sexy when a girl does it."

"I think it could find that sexy if I could understand it."

"You don't have to understand it. Watch a foreign porn film... the language is different, but the moans and groans are universal."

***

"I dunno, as fun as it was playing my whiny ditzy bard, I wanted to play in the other direction for a little while."

"I dunno, I definitely miss the boobs..."

"Look, I had a petite bard. She's not amazingly endowed in the boob department."

"No, I mean [your bard] HAS boobs. Vulgars are flat-chested."

***

"I wonder how one tells a female Vulgar vs a male Vulgar."

"Look in its genes! ...you're lucky, at least. Try asking Roy about Sarien genders and sexuality some time. Or not, since [the Sarien's player] doesn't know. And neither do I. Actually, that's one of the world's running gags: no one has any idea how Sarien genders and reproduction work except the Sariens themselves. And they don't talk to strangers. Roy technically knows, but he can't tell you, for reasons... he can't tell you."

***

"I've never had the opportunity to study a Sarien before. Would you mind if I questioned you a bit? Culture, customs, mating rituals, shoe preferences?"

***

Peace & Luv, Liz

[pinkgothic]

I just rediscovered some of my Ravenblack Vampires history and since it sucked me in I got the terribly insistant urge to share. It's not chat RPG as such, but it is online (and was written up there, in dialogue), so here goes:

[...]

Three cult members slipped into the pitch dark cellar and began to light candles. The vampire they had left on watch was prowling around and grinning slightly.

"Heh heh heh, ah lads, you missed some quality screamin' earlier. This one don't even need to be touched to scream, I figure she ain't quite right in the noggin."

Urtgar put down the thick leather bag near a carefully drawn pentagram and grinned nastily "She’ll have plenty more practisin' at screamin' afore we're done with 'er. She say anything at all yet?"

The sentry nodded, "Yeah, I fink it was a name, she said 'Zyan' a few times afore she passed out again. In between the screams and the 'no's" He cackled evilly, his eyes flashing in the candlelight.

Moving around the pentagram Urtgar lit all 10 of the candles, one at each point of the star inside the pentagram and one at each midway point of the sides. Moving inside the pentagram he checked the four shackles were firmly attached to the floor. Looking up, his eyes staring hungrily, he growled "Bring her. Tonight we’ll find out whether she can tell us what we need to know, and whether she can give us what we need to have."

Two of the cultists picked up the still unconscious girl and carried her into the pentagram, quickly affixing the four shackles to her wrists and ankles. The chains were strong, and ought to hold a vampire even at the peak of their strength, although this had not been fully tested. They were certain however that between the four of them they could prevent the girl from doing anything. And they did have all this Holy Water...

Urtgar opened the bag and pulled out a vial, which gleamed in the candle light. Stepping into the pentagram he placed his hand under the girls chin, lifting her head from the floor and he spat in her face. He wasn’t going to waste any of this water if the girl wasn’t awake to feel it...

*

Neike had not fallen back into unconsciousness properly, but to call her state conscious was an overstatement aswell. She hovered between the two, seemingly having spent more energy than she would have had availible for use.

As the name 'Zyan' was spoken by someone other than herself, it tugged at her mind, causing her to open her eyes halfway, struggling with her eyelids. Were these vampires around her Immolators? The question came up, but it did not burn within her with any passion at all - it made no difference.

Her head snapped to the side as Urtgar spat at her - purely a reflex, she didn't have the will to struggle, not right now, not whilst suspended in the mists of some twilight state. But there was still life in her and given some time to find itself, she would surely respond.

Void of the energy to do so normally, she let her eyes speak for her. They said: "What do you want?" and "What is the point of this?", and also "You understand nothing."

"...nothing." she said weakly, staring at Urtgar, that single word having found it's way past her lips with surprising ease. Noticing this, she gave it another try, feeling it the truth and thus finding it would need explicit stating, and so her lips parted slightly again and she said: "You understand nothing," in a single breath, laced with barely any tone.

*

“You hear that lads? We don’t know nothin’. I don’t you about youse, but I’m hurt.” He turned his glittering eyes back to the chained girl, his mouth split into a terrifying grin, his teeth bared.

Around the pentagram the three vampires laughed. The youngest stepped forwards and balled his hands into fists “Cummon Urtgar, burn ‘er, make ‘er writhe! It’s what we’re here for, come on!”

With a snarl Urtgar flicked some Holy Water at the youngster who jumped back out of range growling. The other two looked at the youngster and the older barked “Keep your mouth shat you littul runt. There are no names here, and the vampire in the pentagram sets the pace. You’ll get your turn dammit.”

The youngster subsided into some half formed grumblings, but said nothing more out loud. Urtgar looked down at the girl and leaned down and licked her face from chin to temple. “I’m sorry for my compatriots little lamb, but see youse are here for a very specific reason. Our leader got hisself all burned up by your clan, and we’re looking for a name. We want to know who put the contract out on Ferrian, and we knows that you knows. But before we see how well that little tongue o’ yours works, let’s show ya what happens if ya keeps shtum, eh?”

The Holy Water vial was uncorked and some of the contents had been flicked at the young vampire, but enough remained, and as Urtgar gently drizzled it over Dread’s scalp he laughed to hear the hiss of burning flesh. The blood from the burning dripped down under the pentagram, and spread out, although for some reason it did not seem to spread beyond the edges of the pentagram. The candles began to turn red and the flames changed until they too seemed to have taken on the aspect of the vampire’s blood.

Leaning down Urtgar whispered into her ear “Scream for me sweet’eart, let it all out. We wants to hear you scream.” With that he stood up and watched as the blood flowed into the candles, exultation shining from his face, and around him the others pulled in closer, desperate not to miss any of the show…

*

Reality was reclaiming her properly, slowly. It tugged her out of her drowsy, mentally exhausted state and gave her strands of willpower to lash out with as she pleased. She felt distinctly puppeteered, and even before anything happened, her face scrunched up to a quiet snarl expressing her discontent and lack of agreement.

It was one of those strands of willpower she flung at Urtgar as he leant down, a growl, but her body didn't join in, leaving it to be a weak jitter. Her mind set - she was used to pain, and she had nothing left for taking, so even if her clan were wiped out leaving her without a codex, she would not speak, regardless what the question. And then the question arose. A name?

The holywater stung - she had almost forgotten it's taste and feel, but here it was, surprising her with it's vicious, acidic self, etching into her almost effortless, and the pain was there, the pain was real, and for a moment, she almost obliged, her lips parting to cry out - but then her mind snapped into place around the pain, locking it down, shielding her mental core from the damage. It was unpleasant, but bearable, and she bore it, her eyes squeezed shut.

A name? They would have to do better than that.

Right now, in this state of mind, it was debatable whether she knew what they were talking about.

*

This wasn't right. It burned, it made her bleed, and yet she didn't move, didn't scream. The others were looking at each other in confusion, then at Urtgar. He simply stood, watching her, waiting for a reaction. Each of them had felt the burn of holy water, for it was part of the initiation into the cult that a few drops were sprinkled onto the chest.

But to take a whole vial without flinching, or crying out... urtgar stepped back, snarling. "This ain't right boys, somethin' else is at work 'ere. We'll test it, see how far it can go."

Reaching down he opened the sack and threw each member a vial. Stepping back into the circle he uncorked his vial, hearing the pop as the other 3 uncorked theirs too. "On my mark... pour"

Four vials of holy water were splashed onto the girl, who staill lay bound and helpless on the floor. That amount of Holy Water sent up slashes which hit each of the four all of whom splang back, howling at the burns which seemed not to effect their prisoner.

Urtgar howled with the rest, clawing at hi skin to make the sensation stop. As the feeling subsided he looked at her and he waited for a sign, any sign that she had at least felt that...

*

Somehow their words registered, causing her to twist in her bonds as her chest shook with weak but hearty laughter, stemming herself against their worldview even as her own crumbled. The burning sensation was almost enough to knock her out, and the acid etched into her, drawing out memories, memories of bliss and caring, of hope, of friendship, of belonging...

'Do you know what is given to you?' it echoed in her mind, resurfacing within her. 'Can you appreciate the depth of the gift? You are seeing the obvious only. You dare not go deeper. You dare not go deeper. You dare not go deeper...'

She let herself fall, still laughing, her skin bubbling and the pain intense, but it paralyzed nothing, it cleared her mind, and she embraced it. Still laughing, she obliged. She went deeper.

Silence and darkness.

[...]

[pinkgothic]

(continued from above because it's all so fudging huuuge)

'So what has this portion of your life taught you?' It felt like Mictian, like a warm embrace, as though the words were sung with the pride of warriors, as though he was here now to feed on her realisations. She could not reply, her body done away with, her mind blank, drowned in thoughts that were nothing but emotions, so she simply listened, accepting the judgement, knowing it was in tune with her own mind and there would be nothing to debate. 'Freedom is something you can learn easily - freedom from norms, from the power of others. You are an individual. Yet you cried and you wanted help. You writhe and squirm away from this responsibility over yourself. That is you. You are so afraid to lose your identity that you have never dared to forge one. And now here we are. Do you want freedom? Can you deal with it?' The representation of a voice softened slowly to a background whisper of chaotic, nonsensical words, meshing into one another to form the sound of a waterfall. And then, the chaos formed sense and it spoke: 'I am proud of you, my childe. Your choice is one of strength. But this is not the end. It will be hard to keep that resolve. It will be hard. It will be hard...'

The second passed, and she fell back into her laughter, finding her strength in the pain, throwing her head back and laughing, all whilst her eyes leaked the tears of a rudimentary emotion describing the generic effects of pain.

She had the energy to speak, it bubbled into her laughter, intensifying it until the sizzle of her flesh was barely audible, but she had nothing to say... no statement that her laughter was void of.

[...]

The plotline that's part of starts with the second post of this page of my history thread. If anyone really ends up caring, a few more quick pointers to what's going on:

Zyan Quetzal/Zerachiel Aquila is the person who founded the Splinters of Dusk (a/k/a gekkonids, a clan of mercenaries/assassins). He was an ex-Immolator, and the Immolators thought they'd killed him. He was rather, um. Evil? Well, he sent a lot of spies into the Immolators post-leaving, anyway. Almost did a lot of damage. He's an NPC.

Mercurian and Narayan Steele are Immolators, more precisely, the founders. They're daywalkers and NPCs. Mercurian is the one who's always had to deal with the spies and all, and the clan (the gekkonids) did not get much more polite over the years until very recently (2002). Except, having almost a century of experience saying otherwise, Mercurian isn't going to trust the gekkonids. His brother does and keeps trying to scheme an alliance.

The Temple of Secrets is another clan in Ravenblack Vampires, and they're folk the gekkonids, OOC get along with well, but the gekkonids also attacked their leader, Ferrian, IC, once. OOC, we folk got invited over to RP, and Ferrian and I began to RP my captivity under his guidance.

Edit: Oh, and I forgot Mictian. Mictian d'Avarice is the person who got her into the gekkonids (IC - OOC I founded the clan, but nevermind that ), he's her mentor. He's the one that went to Narayan to get an alliance rolling.

The gift she's referring to is that she's been drained of her blood with Holy Water by her own clan before (her companion put a contract out on her), which taught her a lot about pain and bearing it, and freeing herself from restrictions and fear.

I probably forgot someone else, too, but for now, I'll leave it at this. If someone really wants to know, they can always ask if something is unclear

[Jeysie]

My own RPG session dealt with a torture this time around... sorta.

After running around trying to find supplies to enact our plan to stop the Sariens who had taken over our ship we finally got stopped by an announcement from the head Sarien bad guy dude saying he'd tortured the Captain into setting the self-destruct, and all the pods had been jettisoned, and we were going to die in 20 minutes, have a nice day.

So after the Sariens beat feet off the soon-to-explode ship we then went around trying to deactivate the self-destruct. We finally ended up back on the bridge where the barely-alive Captain lived long enough to croak out "Rosebud", then finally kicked the bucket.

After a few moments of flailing around in false starts we finally hit on the idea of watching the security video of the torture to see if we could pick up any clues on the self-destruct protocol codes.

So you ended up with two characters, both of whom are fairly sensitive and semi-pacifistic, watching the Captain being tortured...

The video now shows a pair of armored Sariens dragging a struggling Richards onto the bridge. They roughly shove him into the captain's chair, where the apparent leader of the Sariens begins to address him with various threats.

The dialogue between the Sarien commander and the captain consists of repeated requests for the destruct code and threats on behalf of the former, and repeated obscenities from the latter.

After several failed attempts, the Sarien commander produces a briefcase from somewhere, and opens it to reveal an array of strange tools and gadgets.

The Sarien selects a particularly nasty-looking device, grins evilly at the captain, then holds it towards him and presses a button. The angle of the shot puts the back of the chair towards you, making it impossible to see exactly what is happening... however, judging from the desperate flailing and blood-curdling screams on Richards' part, it can't be pleasant.

So after our characters finish making various gagging noises after seeing this, we then end up progressing to...

After skipping several minutes, the video returns to the Sarien torturing his prisoner. Finally, the captain weakly mimes surrender.

Just as Richards begins to speak, however, the video cuts into static...

The static cuts to a view of a helmetless Sarien. He speaks with the same voice you heard over the PA earlier.

"Nice try, weaklings. We anticipated this, and encrypted the segment of video that could otherwise have spared your lives. So sorry."

"I'd tell you the decryption code, but... oh, would you look at the time? Got to run."

Fortunately for us the decryption code ends up being "Rosebud". So we end up being able to save the day, albeit with horribly scarred psyches. Of course, the one character who might have actually enjoyed watching all of this was busy running around the ship at the time and missed it.

And this started out as a *light-hearted* game.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[tabacco]

+6 thread of

[pinkgothic]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

So after our characters finish making various gagging noises after seeing this, we then end up progressing to... [snip]

Oh wow! I left just at the wrong time, didn't I? That's hilarious!

Originally Posted by Jeysie

And this started out as a *light-hearted* game.

Hey, you're tweaking reality a bit. Show us some quotes You KNOW it was lighthearted. Remember? "Khaaaaaaan!" and "Insert key to continue", and the likes. Not to mention psychological scarring tends to amuse me anyway ... erm...

[Jeysie]

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

Oh wow! I left just at the wrong time, didn't I? That's hilarious!

Yeah, you left right after we watched the video of the bridge crew being slaughtered by the Sariens, and right before the Captain got tortured. You poor deprived woman.

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

Hey, you're tweaking reality a bit. Show us some quotes You KNOW it was lighthearted. Remember?

Well, OK, again, your wish is my command. I've cooked up a sampling of quotes. Although I'm still not sure these are "light-hearted"... we were definitely in a morbid and demented sort of mood.

Before I dump more quotes on y'all, though, I have something you guys might like, especially since a couple of the quotes mention it. One of our players has a completely delightful artistic style, and he's drawn all our characters.

Ah'Choo, the Vulgar Engineer

Phoenix "Roy" Dark, the Sarien Bounty Hunter

MP-X301, the Medic/Pilot droid

Anyhoo. On with the quotes, now.

***

"I referred to attacking with a shocking grasp device and pinching the monster's butt instead of just grabbing on and shocking him. Of course, what I failed to mention was the fact that the DM then pointed out that his butt was not pointed towards me, followed by multitudinous speculations as to what I HAD pinched instead."

***

"He really goes to great pains over his characters. I whip off a backstory in 10 minutes."

"You mean like your 10-page-long Bash history?"

***

"I do a backwards somersault, run up the wall Matrix-style, flip over the heads of everyone in the room, land directly behind Jeysie, and... EXPLODE! (pause) I exploded at you. Or did you fail to notice?"

"I am ignoring the entrails."

"I plan to keep getting you in more and more outrageous ways. Next time, I'm thinking a cow suit."

***

"So, 'I say we go in the building there and slay everyone in it, then we'll go in the building on the other side of the street and kill 'em all too' won't be a valid plan, right?"

"It's valid, it's just going to be an extremely short campaign."

***

"Every time one of my characters have killed something it's either by pure luck or by really weird planning."

***

"Now that I'm done ranting, the MP droid pic kicks butt. I like the pirate bandana thingy and the scariest-looking Bedpan Cleaning Tool I've ever seen."

"I was first aiming for a duster kind of bedpan cleaning tool. then you wanted it to be high tech, with a motor, so I drew some weird shape, which looked insanely like a futuristic gun handle and the rest came, and I gave it a laser pointer to be more absurd.

"Then I added the suitcase for more 'I am a professional hitman' kind of absurdity. And I like the way when it's reduced, MP looks like a complete wicked weirdo."

"And [MP is] not?"

***

"Also, you know, if we fail to deactivate the self-destruct, I wonder if there's a way to separate the explody bit out of the ship."

"Chop off the engines? Well, it might at least keep us alive, and we can always hope to at least have maneuvering engines."

"Like the Enterprise in Generations. We separate the Bridge, and land on a planet, adding millions of animals and plant in the body count."

***

"Who brings their minivan with them on a cruise ship?"

"People on the HMS Titanic brought their cars."

"Yeah, and look where it got them."

***

"What self-respecting cruise ship would be caught without a luxury limo for the VIPs?"

"Maybe it's in one of those limo we'll find the rumored booty."

"Well, it worked that way for Leo."

"Who's Leo? And what worked?"

"Leonardo Decaprio. In Titanic. He found 'booty' in the car."

***

"I say we all head to the holo deck and finish our lives in holographic form, we'll have a farm, with bunnies, lot of bunnies... Roy will slay medieval peoples with his gun and Ah'Choo will studies the bunnies and MP will clean our chamber pots."

"Well, no... but I might go to the holodeck and have it bring up program 'Space Quest: Exodus' and fast forward to find out how we survive the autodestruct, a la SpaceBalls."

***

"After an exhausting search, you uncover a pair of smelly underwear crammed into the pocket of one of the pairs of pants."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. You found underwear. Is there a problem?"

"Sorry, for a second, the idea to clone Slim from remains in his underwear, then kill the clone and collect my bounty crossed my mind."

***

"You don the spacesuit, feeling very much like an amusement park mascot character in doing so."

"Roy put on his jetpack while he's there."

"You now resemble a green, reptilian Buck Rogers."

"Never seen Buck Rogers."

"I.E. with the spacesuit and jetpack, you look like a science-fiction space hero."

***

"MP-X301 enters the bridge."

"LOOK BRIDGE"

"Golden gate!"

***

"The turbolift doors *whoosh!* open, as usual. As you step out of the lift, a scene of total devestation greets you. The dead bodies of most of the bridge crew lay strewn about the room, exhibiting various states of internal organ displacement. Many of them are draped over the numerous control consoles, having apparently been shot where they stood operating the ship.

"The captain's chair is turned towards the front of the bridge. You can't see much from here, but it appears that someone is sitting in it."

"I'll check the Captains chair and then try to fire up navigation, Ma'am."

"I'll see if I can figure out where to deactivate the self-destruct."

"I'll loot the bodies."

***

"The captain struggles to say something... '...Rosebud...' And with that, he slumps back, dead."

"Geez, what a cheesy reference."

"I was originally going to go with '...Kahn...'."

"KAAAAAAAAAHN!!!"

***

"Computer, disable self-destruct, command code, 'Rosebud'?"

"Suddenly, everything blows up! Everyone dies! ...insert coin to continue."

***

"Computer, disable self-destruct 2 minutes from now, command code, 'Rosebud'."

"ERROR: IMPROPER COMMAND CODE SYNTAX."

"/msg Computer disable autodestruction help"

***

"Can you replay the bridge video pickup from when the Sariens accessed the bridge?"

"If only you had the necronomicon, you wouldn't be checking the video backup"

***

"The main viewscreen changes again. This time, it displays what appears to be security video footage, complete with grainy picture and bad angle adjustment."

"If this was a real Scifi movie, the video backup would be taken from the actual camera filming the movie"

***

"A jolt rocks the ship (in the video), accompanied by a muffled *BADOOM!*. Many of the crew fly helplessly around the room. See, THEY know how."

"Does that mean Ah'Choo and MP will get a +1 charisma bonus to 'fly around the room' skill check?"

"From seeing a REAL fly around the room? Yeah!"

"You need a skill like that actually. Specific to the Redshirt class."

"Yeah, it's a new skill check, 'FlyingAroundTheRoom'. No, wait, it's a Feat! Advanced Flying Around the Room!"

"Wait, I'm not spending my feats on some FlyingAroundTheRoom feat!"

"Man, could you imagine the fun you'd have to fly around like this? I bet with the feat, you'd be able to fly around without actual shock on the ship. No, wait, a Greater Fly Around feat that allow you to not fly around when everyone does, with a 19 CHA requirement, for Captain only"

***

"As the crew stares in horror, a massive shape appears onscreen. It appears for all the world to be a giant green bug, made of metal and bristling with weaponry. The twin eyes of its bridge windows stare directly at the crew."

"Can I fast-forward yet? This isn't the part I need."

"Fine, ruin my fun."

"Well, we're on a time limit here. We can't afford to spend all 15 minutes left watching the movie."

"It's the inflight movie!"

"Yes. 'Bridge Crew Torture XII: Now It's Personal'"

"And, of course, 'Bridge Crew Torture XIII: This Time It's REALLY Personal'"

***

"BTW, does [the bridge security video] have audio pickup, too?"

"Yes, you can hear the slaughter in Octophonic Surround Sound."

***

"MP-X301 sticks his bedpan cleaning tool in his audio receptor, starts to shake it about, then thinks better of it. He puts away the bedpan tool and uses a finger instead."

"There's nothing like a good ear cleaning with laser pointing."

***

"Well, at least I know how we can get buckazoids. We can sell this video pickup [of the bridge crew being slaughtered] to New Hollywood."

***

"Computer, fast-forward another five minutes."

"Kreeeeeee-Reeeeeee-Reeeeeee-Reeeeeee-Whirrrrr-WHIIIIIIIIIINE!"

"I feel like I'm in Spaceballs. 'Where are we now?' 'We're at now, now.'"

***

"IMPACT IN 24 SECONDS. HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS."

"Computer, send to Public Address system: 'All hands, brace for impact!'"

"Anyone want to bet that after impact, that's when the PA announcement will go out?"

***

"The dialogue between the [Sarien] commander and [Captain Richards] consists of repated requests for the destruct code and threats on behalf of the former, and repeated obsceneties from the latter.

"After several failed attempts, the Sarien commander produces a briefcase from somewhere, and opens it to reveal an array of strange tools and gadgets."

"Kinky."

"Something tells me that if this game had a Lovecraft Sanity score ours would be going down a few notches after watching this."

***

(Continued in Part 2)

[Jeysie]

(Continued from Part 1)

***

"The Sarien selects a particularly nasty-looking device, grins evilly at the captain, then holds it towards him and presses a button. The angle of the shot puts the back of the chair towards you, making it impossible to see exactly what is happening... however, judging from the desperate flailing and blood-curdling screams on Richards' part, it can't be pleasant."

"MP-X301 would be slightly sick to the stomach, if he had one. MP-X301 hangs his head under the Navigator station and simulates some gagging and retching sounds from some of his patients."

"Was that trip really nessecary?"

"It was totally in character."

"Dude, we're watching a freakin' torture here. I think we're entitled to a bit of retching."

***

"Dang, and I'm missing the [bridge video torture] show."

"Yeah, you're the only one who'd enjoy it. That's what you get for running off."

"Yeah, seeing all this would surely have given me a +1 bonus to the next intimidate and torture roll skill check."

"Meanwhile I'm going to suffer stat losses for being nauseated for a while."

***

"Anyway, sorry to interrupt the video. Please continue."

"You hear fast forwarding sounds."

"Hey, why are we fast-forwarding?"

"Because the torture goes on for about 20 minutes."

"Oh, OK. Yeah, let's get to the money shot. (pause) I can't BELIEVE I just said that."

"That is SO wrong."

***

"IMPACT IN 13 SECONDS. WHEE."

"MP-X301 suddenly wonders if the probe [we're about to impact] is very large."

"Too late to wonder now, Droid-Man."

***

"After skipping several minutes, the video returns to the Sarien torturing his prisoner. Finally, the captain weakly mimes surrender. Just as Richards begins to speak, however, the video cuts into static..."

"I suddenly want to kill [the GM]."

"Why do I get the feeling we're not meant to actually survive this campaign?"

***

"IMPACT IN 2 SECONDS. SO LONG."

"MP-X301 grabs onto the Navigation console."

"Ah'Choo braces herself on the nearest chair."

"A thunderous shudder shakes the ship. Alarm klaxons begin sounding again. Okay, Fly-Around-The-Room checks, everyone!"

***

"Can I get external scans and pilot the ship without interrupting the decryption sequence?"

"Sure. You're just lucky you didn't ask it to make some tea."

***

"Off to the toilet for a minute, whanever you do, don't explode the ship"

"Okay."

"BADOOM!"

***

"I wonder how Roy's doing. ...I wonder *what* Roy is doing."

"He's on the toilet."

"Very funny."

"If I was really, I'd never appologized you for ramming this probe"

"Yeah, that'd be one heck of a mess."

***

"The video pops back into being on the screen, from the same juncture it ended before. With the volume still cranked up, you can clearly make out Richards speaking a series of complicated numbers."

"Computer! Copy paste what the captain say!"

***

"'Three... seven... f... FOUR...' He falls silent."

"374? That doesn't sound so complex."

"That's the joke, guys."

***

"Congratulations, you've just survived your first ever space catastrophe. what are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to Robertaland!"

***

"While doing so, I search the bodies of the remaining crewmen for anything useful. ...or should I say, crewmen's remains."

***

"You then stack the bodies like firewood on the side of the bridge."

"Er, hopefully slightly more respectfully than that, but OK."

***

"Computer, access ship's log, new entry."

"ERROR: LOG ONLY ACCESSABLE BY AUTHORIZED BRIDGE PERSONNEL."

"Figures."

"Told you, next thing we got to buy is the Necronomicon."

***

"Search check."

"GameServ: MP-X301 rolled 1d20: 20 <Total: 20(+3) = 23>"

"Maybe you'll find dirty underwear too."

"After searching for a moment, you find the long-lost Sceptre of Ultimate Knowledge wedged between the communications console and the wall. As you pick up the sceptre, you see a small plaque on it bearing the words 'Made in Hong Kong'. You ascertain that the sceptre is indeed a piece of mass-produced souvenier trash. It was probably left by some wayward tourist."

"MP-X301 keeps the sceptre.... never know when that gullible life form might pass by."

***

"Could have found a moddie on the Captain's head. For a +5 to captaining."

***

"Roy sits in a chair allowing him to put his feets somewhere in a comfortably fashion and opens can of LeGuinness Stout."

"Yeah, I gave him a 6-pack of beer. Bottoms up!"

"Want one, Ah'Choo? Are your cells powered with beer, MP?"

"Oh lord, let's not go there."

***

"None of this would happen if we had the Necronomicon. Dang, this is the first thing I buy once we reach the civilization."

***

"NEGATIVE. ATMOSPHERIC ENTRY POSSIBLE, LANDING IMPOSSIBLE."

"Oh, landing is always POSSIBLE... It just might not be very pretty."

"In other words, if it can enter atmospheres, it's only to brutally crash on the planets."

"I smell a plot device."

***

"Computer, display odds of crew survival of an emergency planetary landing."

"The computer hums for a while, then responds: YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW."

***

"I think MP's job will be to play Solitaire on the main screen, I bet it make the experience 0.00000012 times more interesting."

"Stop peeking at my screen, Roy!"

***

"Ah'Choo enters the coolant tank compartment. And we might as well stop there all dramatically."

"You want to quit? NOW?"

"Yeah, throw us on a bat ending, with some aliens bathing in the radioactive goo"

"Aww, man. But we're just getting to the good part! Of course, we're *always* just getting to the good part..."

***

"BTW, I need to pee. BRB."

"Jeysie, when I said there was a leak in the coolant tank, that's NOT what I meant..."

"I think the whole coolant leak had psychological effect on her."

***

"It will, we won't die like this. Now what amaze me is that the sarien dude said the next planet was 30 minutes away."

"Don't question reality. Just ignore the descrepancy like a good little puppet."

"Your reality sucks! I'm off to the holodeck where I kill bunnies and where coolant doesn't leak!"

***

"I liked the fact that we knuckled down and started getting some work done. By the way, OOC, did my plan of ramming the Sarien Probe make any difference?"

"You'll have to wait and find out next session. You'll be getting your very first cutscene."

"Awesome! Like in Maniac Mansion!"

"Don't be a tuna head."

"I use the chainsaw on [the GM] and find I have no gas."

"Sorry, the gas is in a different game."

"I think she's trying to say all we'll get is the Contrived Extravagance to crash on the planet, and there will have a mansion next to it that will get all the lights turned on and a sloppy commodore 64 music will begin."

***

"Although I kind of miss poor Captain Richards now. We didn't get to talk to Richards long enough for him to prove to be an idiot like the rest of the crew."

"Yeah, exactly. So, Richards is somewhat presumed to be intelligent and caring, even if he isn't really."

***

"Anyway. Did I miss anything important [after accidentally getting booted]?"

"[GM's log] Well, now that Jeysie is gone, it's time to award the XP."

"Thanks, I love you too."

"*hugs* We wuv you."

***

"You successfully disabled the self-destruct sequence without getting yourselves killed, and also managed to get this heap moving again. For that, you all get... ...350xp."

"850 + 350 =... 0... Ah, screw that. LEVEL!"

***

"Jesus! I just heard the mother of all thunderings out of the blue! The freakin house shook!"

"'Scuse me. :} "

***

"I passed days on the game [Adventures in the Galaxy of Fantabulous Wonderment], hours to fish and trade ressources and fight other ships and thinking what to do next in the sunken city."

"Dude, any game that lets you smuggle illegal pornography to earn money is O.K. by me."

***

"I only have 40 lbs. All of those mostly being junk, except for the beer, the armor, the gun and the beer. Oh, yeah, and I have antacid and "medecines". Combined with a can of beer, I could create a nuclear strike in a can and have hours of fun. And waste a can of beer."

***

"I might ditch my bedpan cleaning tool."

"It took me hours to draw it, you're keeping it 'til the end"

"Yes sir."

***

"I just picked Martial Arts lv2 Feat for now."

"I picked the More Detailed Narration feat."

***

"I have a +10 in Repair now. So of course we'll be leaving anything that actually needs repairing."

"Leaving?"

"I get the feeling we'll be sans ship soon."

"Really? What gave you that idea?"

"I dunno. The fact that the only place within coolant leak distance is an unknown planet with no orbital bases and no way to land the ship properly?"

***

"I dunno, I have the feel I'm the only one in the Party who do not really share the same goal as you."

"A bit of dissension doesn't hurt, it keeps things interesting. I mean, I can't insult or argue with MP, it's no fun."

***

"I simply wonder, if we finally manage to get a ship, what will we do, while I wouldn't mind looting this whole ship and selling tons of stuff and finding Worf to head butt him (It's a childhood fantasy I guess), I have the feel both of you will want to suicide crash in the sarien's ship windshield."

***

"Yeah. When one is repairing, unless if a head crab drop from the ceiling for the others' personal enjoyment, there's not much to do. Why do you think I insisted twice to follow you down there.

"Actually, the second time it was a romantic opportunity to drink all this beer in your Vulgar company, with the radioactive goo reflecting in your Peter Falk-esque eyes"

***

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Huz]

Great thread! It's reminded me all about one of my great, past addictions. Yes, I too was addicted to the online RPG... one in particular.

The game was a MUSH, a 'live' RPG server where you can walk around rooms and interact with others in realtime - much like a MUD, but without the combat. This was in 1999 or so, and I spent entirely too much time online, at a time when Internet access was charged by the minute. Looking back, I think in many ways it was a good thing that I was unable to spend too much time there, because it allowed me to retain a lot of the mystique about the game that I probably wouldn't have held onto otherwise. Hearing about in-game events second-hand made them sound so much more alluring!

It was a great game, but it collapsed under its own success in the end. It had so many hugely enthusiastic players, who really cared about the in-game universe and the ongoing storyline, that the administrators (who were, after all, unpaid volunteers with a finite amount of free time) found it difficult to cope. Eventually they decided to 'crack down' to make their lives easier, which of course made the game far less free-flowing. Players became essentially puppets in the grand schemes of the administrators, and any player who attempted to leave their own mark on the storyline - which is, of course, the modus operandi of many RPG players - found themselves on the wrong side of the admin. And of course, it's precisely those enthusiastic players who are the lifeblood of any RPG. It didn't last too long after that.

I must admit I've skimmed over this thread a little, but I'll give it a proper read sometime tomorrow, when it isn't 4am. I'll probably have to look at some old log files too.... sigh!

[pinkgothic]

Huz: It seems I've been blind for your past 300 odd posts (not counting Chit-Chat). You're from Manchester? You realise I'm going to attempt to use you as a good excuse to pop up there again, right? If not, let me spell it out to you: I <3 Manchester. It's an obsession. Don't ask why, because it's not based on rationale

Great. People stalking just to visit a city. That's really going to boost my social skills.

*closes gob and runs off to university*

[Huz]

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

Huz: It seems I've been blind for your past 300 odd posts (not counting Chit-Chat). You're from Manchester?

I only moved back here about a month ago - and anyway I think I was pretty vague about my location before that. I had it listed as "Space City" or something.

You'll be glad to know it's been raining non-stop for the past 48 hours - is that the Manchester you know and love?

[pinkgothic]

Originally Posted by Huz

You'll be glad to know it's been raining non-stop for the past 48 hours - is that the Manchester you know and love?

The Manchester I know and love has an aura I know and love the weather is secondary! Though I was most impressed by the sunny days, where the sky burnt down blue at me and I was wondering where the strength in hue came from.

...wow, I'm making my own thread drift off-topic.

pinkgothic

[Huz]

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

...wow, I'm making my own thread drift off-topic

Yes you are. I wish I could post some roleplay logs to drag it back on-topic, but I had a look a few nights ago and I couldn't find any. All I could find were logs from my days admin-ing a game, with angry filenames like "ADMIN LOVE-IN (JOKE).txt" and "THEYRE ALL WANKERS.txt".

My top tip: never admin on a game where the admin hierarchy hasn't bedded in. And especially not one where the game owner has a classic type A personality. Someone resigned every week I think.

What's your story with Manchester anyway? I think it's a hard place to love, to be honest!

[pinkgothic]

Originally Posted by Huz

All I could find were logs from my days admin-ing a game, with angry filenames like "ADMIN LOVE-IN (JOKE).txt" and "THEYRE ALL WANKERS.txt".

Ouch. Story of my life. Fact is, people never appreciate administrators and moderators. Well, except hither, anyway. It's something one either deals with, or should probably resign from. Except doing latter means no one will do it

C'mon, you have to be able to find quotey goodness?

Originally Posted by Huz

What's your story with Manchester anyway? I think it's a hard place to love, to be honest!

Well, I wish there was a story. I was there over a weekend so far, to watch Howard Devoto in 'Words and Music' (in the Bridgewater Hall), and the city just sucked me into it's aura. Before said weekend I'd only "been" to Manchester fleetingly once, namely when I had to change my plane on a flight back to Hamburg, and back then, there was a shiver that ran down my spine in the hour I was there, which I remember with much pleasant fuzziness in my belly. And the weekend was no different.

I don't know, it's like I'm a different person there. I just feel at home. It's the only city in the world where I go up to strangers without hesitation to ask for the way.

[Jeysie]

Heh. The more I hear, the more I'm glad my group is just a tiny little informal thing.

In any case, I could help by spamming some in-character stuff this time, but I'd also like to hear Huz's stories myself.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Huz]

Originally Posted by pinkgothic

C'mon, you have to be able to find quotey goodness?

I know I can find some quotes - I'd quite like to see them myself now! - but they're not with me here. Sadly.

Unless I can find them by rooting through these backup CDs I have...

Before said weekend I'd only "been" to Manchester fleetingly once, namely when I had to change my plane on a flight back to Hamburg, and back then, there was a shiver that ran down my spine in the hour I was there, which I remember with much pleasant fuzziness in my belly. And the weekend was no different.

I don't know, it's like I'm a different person there. I just feel at home. It's the only city in the world where I go up to strangers without hesitation to ask for the way.

Are you from Hamburg?

In which case, that's quite ironic. I was there for just under a week - half with work, half by myself after my colleagues had gone home - and I loved it. I enjoyed it far more than any British city I've been to. Everything was so clean and efficient, the culture seemed relaxed, and I thought it was a beautiful city in general. The nightlife was awesome too, especially the fact that the S/U-bahn ran all night at weekends. Despite the fact that one of the British friends I made there couldn't quite figure out the etiquette for chatting up girls - he kept getting pushed away by their friends despite not being drunk - we went out every night and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! Many conversations were had about how much safer and friendlier it seemed than the average British night out! Not being able to understand much German probably helped, though, we had to concede.

In other words, perhaps we should swap.

If you're not from Hamburg then er... ignore those two paragraphs I suppose. Isn't the Lufthansa plane from Manchester to Hamburg cute and tiny?