[Ninth]

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

Thank you, Ninth. Now there are some French flirting skills at work, my friends.

LauraMac, I think the French are consummate flirts. The problem is that my somewhat less flirtatious nature found it a bit overwhelming. To be flirted with while asking for ketchup from the teller at McDonald's seemed unecessary . . . multiply that by almost every interaction you have, and by the end of the day, someone like me wants to go hide! :eek:

(Someone like Trep is in heaven. )

Well, I do like to give a girl a smile when I'm interacting with her (and maybe a compliment, if I know her). That's mostly because sometimes she smiles back, and a girl's smile makes the day brighter.

[LauraMac]

Hmmm that sounds really like they totally disregarded who you might be and what you might like. Some people adore a rompy fun exchange, while to others what feels cozy and makes them feel special is a serious chat or even just a quiet side by side looking at the stars.

If you were made to feel uncomfortable that was sadly someone who for that moment at least (not wanting to generalize their whole pesonality) who just wanted attention and didn't care about your own ways and personality. Because if flirtation is about moments of intimacy - then anything that doesn't consider who you are isn't intimate - it is intrusive and possibly manipulative.

I certainly can understand how that sort of behavior would be off setting and even over whelming. Not nice, I would think.

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by LauraMac

If you were made to feel uncomfortable that was sadly someone who for that moment at least (not wanting to generalize their whole pesonality) who just wanted attention and didn't care about your own ways and personality. Because if flirtation is about moments of intimacy - then anything that doesn't consider who you are isn't intimate - it is intrusive and possibly manipulative.

Well, I don't discount cross-cultural differences--in some societies for example that "personal space" zone is larger or smaller. The French folks I know like Ninth seem to thrive on that little extra zing in the day that comes from friendly flirtation--it just tired me out.

Now Southerners . . . their charm always works on me.

[Ninth]

Originally Posted by LauraMac

Hmmm that sounds really like they totally disregarded who you might be and what you might like. Some people adore a rompy fun exchange, while to others what feels cozy and makes them feel special is a serious chat or even just a quiet side by side looking at the stars.

If you were made to feel uncomfortable that was sadly someone who for that moment at least (not wanting to generalize their whole pesonality) who just wanted attention and didn't care about your own ways and personality. Because if flirtation is about moments of intimacy - then anything that doesn't consider who you are isn't intimate - it is intrusive and possibly manipulative.

I certainly can understand how that sort of behavior would be off setting and even over whelming. Not nice, I would think.

Well, in this case it's not flirting anymore. It's, erm...hitting on? Chatting up? (can't seem to find the proper word)
Flirting is all about sharing.

[LauraMac]

Now Southerners . . . their charm always works on me.

Hey, that is nice - *big smile* You feel charming to me yourself, Virginia isn't THAT far north. And you know being southern is more a state of mind then a place of origin.

[Christina]

Well, this just happened to me yesterday, which is why the discussion of this thread caught my attention. My story isn't really about flirting though, it's more along the lines of FairyGDMs say what's really on your mind school of picking up girls.

I was exiting the mall, going back to my car and there was a guy sitting on the curb having a cigarette. He was a worker that was unloading a shipment of merchandise for one of the stores.(I had seen him doing that on the way in.) Anyway, I walk past him and he just matter-of-factly demands, "Give me your number." I just stop dead in my tracks and turn around dumb founded. This guy is just dead serious and the only thing I can think to say is "Ummmm.........No" and I continue on my way to the car.

Now, this guy actually wasn't too bad looking, but come on. You'd at least think I'd get a "hello" or something first. As FairyGDM said, sometimes it is nice to just know what is on someones mind, but overall, nope, no, not the way to go about it. Take note guys.

[mag]

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

LauraMac, I think the French are consummate flirts. The problem is that my somewhat less flirtatious nature found it a bit overwhelming. To be flirted with while asking for ketchup from the teller at McDonald's seemed unecessary . . . multiply that by almost every interaction you have, and by the end of the day, someone like me wants to go hide! :eek:

They're actually not always like that. That was just for you because the French recognize what a lovely lady you are.

mag

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by mag

They're actually not always like that. That was just for you because the French recognize what a lovely lady you are.

Now how did I manage to provoke an international flirt-fest? If you and Ninth saw me in real life you probably wouldn't find me flirt-worthy, but then again, I do have a HUGE smile, and it's going out to both of you and to LauraMac as well for being so sweet.

By the way, deadsie and Swordmaster--and everyone else--studies have shown that the actual way people indicate interest in a stranger is to look at them, look away, and then look back. :eek: If you just look at them and look away, it seems like you were staring at something weird about them until they noticed you--gotta look back. And the same study I read said that women do the classic things even unconsciously--tossing their heads (it makes your hair move) and tilting their heads to show off their necks (shows vulnerability, if you're presenting your neck to someone.) (Wait, wasn't I the one ranting about gender studies in some earlier thread?) Anyway, I do all that (not excessively, but now that I know about it, I catch myself doing it), and also, I hate to say, I'm a big one for the arm touch. I touch guys on the forearm if we're talking and I think things are going well and I want to express interest--like, just in passing, while I'm talking, not some long, lingering thing. To be honest, I HATE it when men do this to me (touch my back or shoulders or arms) if I'm not interested, so I probably shouldn't do it--but on the other hand, if I am interested, in them it's a killer! 8-)

Christina, I've been thinking about that story, and that is just . . . WEIRD!

[mag]

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

If you and Ninth saw me in real life you probably wouldn't find me flirt-worthy, but then again, I do have a HUGE smile, and it's going out to both of you and to LauraMac as well for being so sweet.

Now what could I possibly see in real life that would take away from how wonderful you are here?

mag

[jjacob]

Originally Posted by mag

Now what could I possibly see in real life that would take away from how wonderful you are here?

mag

Now that's the art of flirting

Mehh, I'm no good at it but I still make girls happy

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

By the way, deadsie and Swordmaster--and everyone else--studies have shown that the actual way people indicate interest in a stranger is to look at them, look away, and then look back. :eek: If you just look at them and look away, it seems like you were staring at something weird about them until they noticed you--gotta look back.

*looks back at Swordie*

*notices Trep is flirting with him, too*

*looks back at Trep*

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by mag

Now what could I possibly see in real life that would take away from how wonderful you are here?

mag

Awww . . . (blushes) . . . looks away . . . looks back.

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by jjacob

Mehh, I'm no good at it but I still make girls happy

Now what does THIS mean? Trep was right that this thread is not for the faint of heart!!!! Whew!

By the way, I agree with everyone that shyness is great. I'm quite a shy person myself (though I don't seem it, even in real life), so if I meet someone who seems even MORE shy, I'm more likely to approach them, because then I can draw them out and feel a little more confident. On the other hand, pleasant self-confidence (not arrogance) is a very good thing. (Inconclusive shrug.)

[Bastich]

I've never had to flirt. Women always approach me.

I ask how much, give the specified amount, and off we go...

[mag]

Originally Posted by jjacob

Now that's the art of flirting

Amazing how much easier it is online, isn't it?

Of course, I also like Strong Bad's style: "Women, form a line to my right for make-outs. Dudes, form a line to my left for high fives."

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

Awww . . . (blushes) . . . looks away . . . looks back.

Right back at you, baby.

mag

[BoyToy]

I never really understood the concept of flirting. Well, thinking about it now, it's probably a mutual ego-fortification and charisma/effect-probing (testing your market-value). Which would explain why I never really liked it. Yet I probably subconsciously do it myself, occasionally.

Point is, I don't like saying things (e.g. making compliments) for the effect (e.g. to make someone smile or feel good). I like saying things because I mean it (which doesn't mean I wouldn't care for the effect).
Also, I think, when I say things in a probing or enigmatic manner, that's because I want to learn something about my peer from their reaction. It's kind of a meta-communication thing.


Anyhow, I guess there's many different definitions for 'flirting'.

Originally Posted by Trepz0r

[...] eye contact

I don't know if that classifies as flirting, but I really like looking into people's eyes. Especially people I don't know, cause you can see so much through a person's eyes (though sometimes I can't see anything).
Sometimes, when someone dares to keep the contact for a moment, there can be eyes that virtually paralyze, magically electrify, and make you feel like free-falling. That's a pretty orgasmic feeling. Naturally I love that, but I can only do it when I feel really confident about myself.

Originally Posted by Wormness

At the age of 16, I fell down the stairs of a bus. Does that count? I think my spine was hurt.

*reads the thread title*

Oh. *goes away*

If something hurts, that's a good indication it is actually there.

Originally Posted by Trepzomaniac

Doesn't it? It's her way of saying, "Fvck you, man. I can check your hot ass out just like you men keep checking our asses out. Deal with it. I want you."

I love it.

Yes, it is cool. But according to the given definition ("without serious intent", 2a in the M-W dictionary), it's not flirting! It's much more than that, and I like that kind of maturity.

Originally Posted by Manhunter1771

I think this post should be - "sex please! we're British!"

That's actually something I like about British girls. They seem to have "I like fucking" written on their forhead.
And I really don't understand what you guys all find about German girls. Many of them seem to have a "Fucking me is something you'll have to earn" attitude written on their face.
But maybe I'm just imagining all this. Maybe foreign people are naturally more interesting? (Which, of course, would be a mutual effect - thus amplifying itself.) Sex is a very instinctive thing. *shrug*

Originally Posted by Trepoludus

No.

Well, I think it should be somewhere inbetween. For instance, the guy in Christina's post was simply proving he's a dork. But on the other hand, I do think most men and women are behaving rather childish, when it comes to talking about the matter of sex.

Originally Posted by MartiniSulk

But those moments are exactly when people will come up to me and try to engage me

But that's something which hardly ever happens to straight men, I guess?

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

[...] and also, I hate to say, I'm a big one for the arm touch. I touch guys on the forearm if we're talking and I think things are going well and I want to express interest

OH! The arm is one of the most overlooked erogenous zones, in my opinion! It always makes me melt...

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by Mag

Amazing how much easier it is online, isn't it?

No kidding. In real life I'd probably be staring deep into the heart and soul of my beer.

Originally Posted by BoyToy

I never really understood the concept of flirting. . . . Which would explain why I never really liked it. Yet I probably subconsciously do it myself, occasionally.

What are you talking about--you're one of the biggest flirts around here?!!?!?

Especially people I don't know, cause you can see so much through a person's eyes (though sometimes I can't see anything).

Isn't it freaky when there's nothing there? :eek: :eek:

But maybe I'm just imagining all this. Maybe foreign people are naturally more interesting?

I think you're imaginging it. The "exotic other" as a friend of mine put it is pretty compelling to a large group of humanity. I knew a really dorky Australian who dated amazing American women just because he was Australian. Etc.

[mag]

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

No kidding. In real life I'd probably be staring deep into the heart and soul of my beer.

That's impossible. With someone like you the only problem is trying to choose from all the good things about you to talk about.

mag

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by mag

That's impossible. With someone like you the only problem is trying to choose from all the good things about you to talk about.

Now you are undermining your own credibility. I can only assume it's intentional.

Plus in real life (unlike online), at least at first, and when flirting, I like to talk about the other person. There's no bigger turnoff than a person who comes up to you with a great line (such as "Hi." ) and then proceeds to yammer about himself for the next hour. Men, take note: ask her about herself--anything about herself. (Adjust the sentence for gender preferences as applicable.) This is the single biggest complaint I hear from my female friends--it usually takes 3-4 dates before a lot of guys will express any interest in us or our views. I think it's just nerves, but it can be a killer!

(Wait, if I like to talk about the other person, but I want the guy to ask me about me . . . then I am as usual . . . confused.)

[BoyToy]

Originally Posted by EasilyConfused

No kidding. In real life I'd probably be staring deep into the heart and soul of my beer.

What are you talking about--you're one of the biggest flirts around here?!!?!?

You are only imagining this.
Seriously, I must have sounded pretty hypocritical then?
But I dunno, really. *shurg* Well, as long as nobody feels hurt, it's fine.

Isn't it freaky when there's nothing there? :eek: :eek:

Yes! More freaky than mummys!
I'm actually sometimes a bit scared of those kind of people. Or at least I like avoiding them.

I think you're imaginging it. The "exotic other" as a friend of mine put it is pretty compelling to a large group of humanity. I knew a really dorky Australian who dated amazing American women just because he was Australian. Etc.

*lol*
You might well be right. I don't really have a conclusion about that.
Also, another factor contributing to that impression of mine, might be that, when I am in a foreign country, I myself have a different attitude than when I am at home in my all-day life?