[lumi]

Originally Posted by Ninja Dodo

Once my housemate's sister and girlfriend were staying over for a week and I talked to them quite a bit. One morning they go "Christiaan!" as I walk through the hallway, so I go over to my housemate's room and the two of them are lying in the guy's bed (presumably with pyjamas on or something). So we talk a bit and then the girlfriend says: "Wanna get in?"

Now, the guy is actually sitting in the room... on the bed.

I kind of just stand there... "You mean, like, in the bed?"

There is a short silence.

... and then the guy goes, "Look he doesn't want to, leave him alone."

We talked some more, but er, well, that was weird.

I must admit I did actually kind of like his sister, but oh well...

That's gotta be really awkward.

I thought I'd share someone's post from another forum when they happened to be talking about a similar subject. I guess it's an example of what not to do.

I was dating this girl from work right after high school (20 guys asked, i was the only one she went out with because I asked to draw her). Anyway, she invited me over to her place for a 'movie night'. Remembering back now I was THE most naive retard ever.

I know the signs now, but back then I couldn't tell that she wanted sex and lots of it. She pulled me into her bedroom, I looked around, and walked out again to get a closer look at an aquarium. Much to her dismay we ended up watching the movie.

She rented 'the Godfather' which really is a long, boring movie (which was her plan, we'd get bored of the movie and eventually do it like rabbits). However, I'd never seen it and was fascinated the whole time. She kepts positioning herself in ways that would lead easily to making out (I only know this now, but at the time thought she was just uncomfortable and I kept moving away to give her space).

Finally, after the movie ended, she started to try the direct approach, but I got distracted by a wicked lego set. She thought that me moving over to play with lego was my way of initiating some sort of sexual game or something. That was not the case however, and she learned that after I built a house on wheels that could only be accessed by jumping through a propelor infront of a window.

eventually I realized I should probably head home as I had work the next day. She, understandably, broke up with me a week later. Only years later did I come to understand what she was trying to accomplish.

[Fairygdmther]

When the two people are at different levels of expectation of having sex, things can get very awkward indeed. And people can be hard to read. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just be direct about it? Yanno, like, hey, ya wanna have sex?

FGM

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by deadworm222

How come things like that never happen in my life?!

Huh.

What life? You're not gonna have a life until you say 'YES! DO ME!'.

Originally Posted by mtw

Only years later did I come to understand what she was trying to accomplish.

You moron!!

Originally Posted by FGM

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just be direct about it? Yanno, like, hey, ya wanna have sex?

No.

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

When the two people are at different levels of expectation of having sex, things can get very awkward indeed. And people can be hard to read. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just be direct about it? Yanno, like, hey, ya wanna have sex?

FGM

Did you see _Tootsie_, where Jessica Lange tells, um, "Tootsie", that the direct approach would be great . . . and then he tries it on her when he's not in drag, and she throws her drink in his face?

I think Trep's upset because the direct approach is not really flirting. Most of my flirting consists of arching my eyebrows. I know it doesn't sound too exciting--but then, if it looked like this, it might not be so bad, right?

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Well, my idea of flirting is more on the sly, subtle side than anything. Here's a story (and wormsie I may have already told you this one):

Several years ago, when I was living in Los Angeles and depressed over a bad relationship I had just left, I would go alone to my favourite bars and just sit and sulk and sip my martini. At this one bar there was a regular, a young goodlooking lad who was attracted to me and had been 'cruising' me every time I showed my face. Finally he got the courage to come up and start a conversation. What we talked about I don't remember, but I do remember that my depression acted as a kind of shield against him, there was no way he going to penetrate it (as it were). We talked for two hours.

I knew that he didn't have a car and was waiting for his friend to come pick him up. My shyness and friendliness egged him on and he kept giving me amourous gazes. But it was almost time for him to go, and when his ride came I could see he was sad about it and had to leave me. He gave me his phone number and began saying goodby, and before we both knew it he was softly rubbing my back and gazing at me again. But he caught himself and got embarrassed and said, "Oh, excuse me! I didn't mean to. I just....well, I had an awesome time talking with you, I didn't mean.......I'm sorry."

I straightened up, stared him in the eye, smiled at him with a single brow raised --> , and said in a low voice: "I'm not."

His face contorted in frustration and I saw his lips mouth the word 'DAMN!'. I had him cornered, his 2 hour investment looked like it would finally pay off, but.....HE HAD TO GO HOME!!!

[Fairygdmther]

Yeah, I know the direct approach doesn't work, but it would be nice sometimes to know what the other does want. I guess we all have some insecurities about getting to be close to someone new.

One other place I've had trouble is when a guy that's been a friend for sometime, suddenly comes on to me like gangbusters. It's like, where did this come from? You might not want to hurt his feelings, but you also don't want to be lovers with him. Very awkward! This has happened to me at least three times, and each time I didn't see it coming.

FGM

[Manhunter71]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Good. And be verrrrry flattered. Girls can have ridiculously high standards, you know.

Some advice for you straight guys. Let the girl think she's got the upper hand. Smiling, then looking away shyly, works wonders. Girls get turned off if you practically intrude yourself on them. Saying something like, "I'm really bad at this but, I just wanted to let you know that you made me smile. Somehow." works very nicely.

Hehe It always works for me; and I don't even need to put on an act!!

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

Yeah, I know the direct approach doesn't work, but it would be nice sometimes to know what the other does want. I guess we all have some insecurities about getting to be close to someone new.

But of course. You don't just go up to someone somewhere and say, "I wanna f#&k you. 'Cause like what happened to Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie will be the result. Unless it happens to be the kind of place where that directness is expected, even encouraged, and I personally don't care for that.

Have you seen North by Northwest? Remember the train dining car scene with Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint? That, to me, incarnates what flirting is. I think flirting can be an end in itself. And guess what?! If you are not desiring, not expecting, to go home with him/her, then the sky's the limit for how 'bad' you wanna get! Because it's a game, you both know it (hopefully). I've flirted with some of my best friend for years (male and female), and it's just damn wicked.

Flirting, I believe, is in a sense the art of just being your own charming self.

One other place I've had trouble is when a guy that's been a friend for sometime, suddenly comes on to me like gangbusters. It's like, where did this come from? You might not want to hurt his feelings, but you also don't want to be lovers with him. Very awkward! This has happened to me at least three times, and each time I didn't see it coming.

That's wot you get for just being yourself, sister!

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Manhunter71

Hehe It always works for me; and I don't even need to put on an act!!

Good! You're a genuine flirt, then...........

Oh, and FGM, one of my best friends I've know for ten years, and he's still in love with me, even though he already has a lover of several years. He and I still constantly flirt whenever we meet and have drinks, it's hilarious. One time I said to him, "I could fall in love you, but I'd hate to break this delicious tension between us."

[Manhunter71]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Good! You're a genuine flirt, then...........

Yes, I think I am - but most of the time it's not even flirting. It's just me acting naturally

[Fairygdmther]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Oh, and FGM, one of my best friends I've know for ten years, and he's still in love with me, even though he already has a lover of several years. He and I still constantly flirt whenever we meet and have drinks, it's hilarious. One time I said to him, "I could fall in love you, but I'd hate to break this delicious tension between us."

Now that's the kind of thing I meant about being direct. The gay guys I've known were very good at that sort of thing - they seemed to have a comfort level the straight men and women or even lesbian women just don't have about letting their wishes be known. (I used to hang out with a theater crowd that was males - 90% gay, and females - 50% gay, so I had many, many gay friends. Over a period of maybe 10 years, I got to know fairly well about 80 of them, and very closely, perhaps 20 of them.) I try not to stereotype, but one thing that I envied was the confidence with which they were able to flirt so openly and easily.

FGM

[LauraMac]

Seems to me there are several different things being discussed all under the label of "flirting"

Now I am a southerner - bred and raised. I am not talking about any broadstream notions in the negative sense. I am talking about a way of life that lives deep in many people from the warm sultry climes down here.

Many southerners are native born flirts. But in very non-gender based altruistic way. It has been called charm, warmth or even hosptality. To me flirting is what you do when you are challenged to bring a smile to a naturally grumpy person's face, have someone sidle up and tell you their secrets and they walk away feeling real good about it. It makes no matter to a true southern charmer whether it's woman, man, child or even a sad looking pooch - it's that point of intimate contact that arises when you focus in a real and totally absorbed way solely on another and most importantly that they feel the attention. And the point of it all isn't anything other than -- for at least a moment, you shared something intimate with each other. That to me is what flirting is.

Now appeal or attraction is another thing altogether and that is where you notice someone in a very specific way or in a way they wish you to see. That may or may not arise out of flirting. And it may be an intended or accidental consequence. What attracts me personally has often been the oddest of things and varied between individuals, times, events and my mood at that precise moment. This is why I think a line will never really work, because what works varies so much.

Then you have magnitism - which is where certain people just attract attention of all sorts without even trying to. They just always seem to generate heat and a certain energy where ever they go and whoever they interact with. Now that is sexy, attractive and who cares about flirting.

As for my fave flirting stories or encounters - well lean in close... give me a slow sweet smile, whisper, "tell me" and ... I will .... then again ...

maybe I'll just smile sweetly, laugh warmly and say "hey now you know I can't tell you all my stories, let's just talk about yours instead or better yet let's make our own"

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by LauraMac

As for my fave flirting stories or encounters - well lean in close... give me a slow sweet smile, whisper, "tell me" and ... I will .... then again ...

maybe I'll just smile sweetly, laugh warmly and say "hey now you know I can't tell you all my stories, let's just talk about yours instead or better yet let's make our own"

You BIG FLIRT!

Alright then. But the first round of drinks is on me, and you can reimburse me with intimations. But if those are potent enough, I just might retaliate. Do we have a deal?

< does not wait for Laura's answer, but instead turns to the bartender >

Al, whatever she's having, take your time making it. I will have the same.

[LauraMac]

Al, whatever she's having, take your time making it. I will have the same.

Hmmmm, lazily tilt my head and smile crookedly,

"Wait a minute Al, Hold that thought" I will grin like an imp and say

"Hey Trep, I gotta fun idea"

"I'll close my eyes, you whisper up a drink, feed it to me and I'll see if I can guess"

Then it'll be my turn with you,,,

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Well, my idea of flirting is more on the sly, subtle side than anything. Here's a story (and wormsie I may have already told you this one):

Apparently you have a thousand and one of those - nope, hadn't heard that one...

[mag]

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

What Trep says is true. If you come on too strong, she might feel threatened. Come on sweet and shy, even a tad bumbling, and you'll win a lot more.

hmmm...Well, I've definitely got the bumbling down. Maybe it's that sweet part that I'm missing.

Anyway, as for flirting, here's my best line. Are you ready for it? Okay. Here it goes: "Hi."

I came up with that all by myself. Feel free to use it.

mag

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by mag

I came up with that all by myself. Feel free to use it.

Hi.

[pinkgothic]

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

If you come on too strong, she might feel threatened.

You're saying that as though it's a bad thing.


Okay, so maybe I'm not normal. *sweatdrop*

[EasilyConfused]

Originally Posted by LauraMac

To me flirting is what you do when you are challenged to bring a smile to a naturally grumpy person's face, have someone sidle up and tell you their secrets and they walk away feeling real good about it. It makes no matter to a true southern charmer whether it's woman, man, child or even a sad looking pooch - it's that point of intimate contact that arises when you focus in a real and totally absorbed way solely on another and most importantly that they feel the attention. And the point of it all isn't anything other than -- for at least a moment, you shared something intimate with each other. That to me is what flirting is.

This is REALLY interesting LauraMac because I once had a (male, married) FRENCH friend explain to me that this is the attitude of the French toward flirting. They do it with everyone (and they do) just to foster intimacy. As someone brought up in Northern Virginia (which everyone who knows anything knows is not REALLY the South) I found it made me very uncomfortable--though Southerners don't. I wonder how they'd feel about being labelled the French of the US? I like it!

[pinkgothic]

As for me, I flirt too much. The problem with this is that it happens subconsciously, so I've no idea what exactly I do to flirt. So, I can't really contribute much to this thread.

But I can say this: Trep, that story you spoke of where the guy went on apologizing - I envy you bunches for such an encounter. Lovely.

Edit: Oh, and, I'm going to be gone for a month now. Cheers people. *glomps Trep and wormsie* I'm availible via eMail if anyone wants to harrass me, or via BoyToy. *G*