The LOL! thread (formerly known as Joke Central) - Page 4

bulldog · 03-15-2007, 06:55 AM

teehee those short jokes are great.

*stepurhan* · 03-16-2007, 05:15 AM

Longer joke, but with a better(ish) punchline than the Purple Wombat one.

One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.

"Officer," he said, "what's going on?"

"You're under arrest," said the policeman.

"But why?" he asked.

The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

Trumgottist · 03-16-2007, 09:16 PM

Speaking of long jokes, does anyone know the one with three oranges and a piece of string? (I think that was how it was.) It was something about a man returning to a hotel room several times but I don't remember the details. I was almost told that joke once, but we ran out of time before he could finish it, so I never got to hear the end.

lumi · 03-17-2007, 11:41 AM

Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put two hyphens between the words Fish and And, and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, and after Chips?

SnorkleCat · 03-17-2007, 02:31 PM

Okay two bad jokes....

Q. If Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton, and Clarence Thomas were in a spelling bee who would win?

A. Dan Quayle...he's the only one who might understand that "harass" is just one word.

Aaaaaand....Shhhhhh....Jaco is asleep so I'm going to sneak in an Afrikaner joke...

Q. What do you call an Afrikaner under a wheelbarrow?

A. A mechanic.

*stepurhan* · 03-20-2007, 05:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trumgottist

Speaking of long jokes, does anyone know the one with three oranges and a piece of string? (I think that was how it was.) It was something about a man returning to a hotel room several times but I don't remember the details. I was almost told that joke once, but we ran out of time before he could finish it, so I never got to hear the end.

If it's the joke I think it is, then the punchline is .

Spoiler:
You have to be a monk to find out.

Squinky · 03-20-2007, 07:21 AM

Is it similar to the "I can't tell you; you're not a priest" joke?

Trumgottist · 03-20-2007, 01:36 PM

stepurhan: Sounds likely. Can you tell the whole thing?

*stepurhan* · 03-21-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trumgottist

stepurhan: Sounds likely. Can you tell the whole thing?

Tell? Possibly. Type? We'll have to see.

In the meantime, here is Dogpile's joke of the day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dogpile

A bore is someone who goes on talking while you're busy interrupting.

Squinky · 03-21-2007, 06:42 PM

Oh man, Dogpile. I remember using that in, like, 1998.

*stepurhan* · 03-22-2007, 05:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squinky

Oh man, Dogpile. I remember using that in, like, 1998.

They tend to use quotes rather than actual jokes a lot.

Random joke from another source.

What did the snail say as he rode on the back of a turtle?
Wheeee!

MoriartyL · 03-22-2007, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stepurhan

Longer joke, but with a better(ish) punchline than the Purple Wombat one.

One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever...

I don't get the pun.

*stepurhan* · 03-22-2007, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoriartyL

I don't get the pun.

There is a crime in America called

Transporting young girls across state lines for immoral purposes.

Intrepid Homoludens · 03-22-2007, 03:00 PM

Heh heh, I got it the first time, stepsie. I did that inward laughing with the head shaking and rolling eyes bit.

*stepurhan* · 03-23-2007, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Heh heh, I got it the first time, stepsie. I did that inward laughing with the head shaking and rolling eyes bit.

Figured the US based people would all get it straight off (and many of the other English speaking nations) Posted for MoriartyL and others who won't have heard of it.

New random one.

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

Intrepid Homoludens · 03-23-2007, 01:20 AM

LOL!!!

That was stupid but effective.

jacog · 03-23-2007, 04:43 AM

I have this strange urge to throw fruit.

*stepurhan* · 03-23-2007, 05:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jacog

I have this strange urge to throw fruit.

Then please feel free to do so. All my stand-up clothes are machine-washable.

Continuation of previous joke.

The man then goes into the toilet and, again, starts hearing voices. This one is much harsher and says things like "You're really ugly", "I bet all women hate you" and "Is that a tie or did you throw up down your shirt?".

Shaken the man returns to the bar and explains this further oddity to the barman. "I'm sorry sir" replies the barman, "That will be the condom machine. I'm afraid it's completely out of order".

jacog · 03-23-2007, 12:38 PM

* Readies an over-ripe plum *

:-)

Not A Speck Of Cereal · 03-23-2007, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stepurhan

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

That's it--I want my 15 seconds back!

03-15-2007, 06:55 AM	#61
bulldog Second Degree Black Belt Join Date: May 2006 Location: Georgia Posts: 6,086	teehee those short jokes are great. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Lord make my words as sweet as honey, for tomorrow I may have to eat them. “Pretty badass and tough and won't take crap from anyone” -Squinky

03-16-2007, 05:15 AM	#62
stepurhan Freeware Co-ordinator Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: South East England. Posts: 7,309	Longer joke, but with a better(ish) punchline than the Purple Wombat one. One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman. "Officer," he said, "what's going on?" "You're under arrest," said the policeman. "But why?" he asked. The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises." Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree

03-16-2007, 09:16 PM	#63
Trumgottist Game Creator Hobbyist Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Stockholm (or Gotland) Posts: 2,609	Speaking of long jokes, does anyone know the one with three oranges and a piece of string? (I think that was how it was.) It was something about a man returning to a hotel room several times but I don't remember the details. I was almost told that joke once, but we ran out of time before he could finish it, so I never got to hear the end. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Play my game: Frasse and the Peas of Kejick. The Special Edition is now available! (Mac OS X or Windows.)

03-17-2007, 11:41 AM	#64
lumi Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 2,120	Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put two hyphens between the words Fish and And, and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, and after Chips? Share Share this post on Twitter

03-17-2007, 02:31 PM	#65
SnorkleCat Explode the Universe! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 586	Okay two bad jokes.... Q. If Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton, and Clarence Thomas were in a spelling bee who would win? A. Dan Quayle...he's the only one who might understand that "harass" is just one word. Aaaaaand....Shhhhhh....Jaco is asleep so I'm going to sneak in an Afrikaner joke... Q. What do you call an Afrikaner under a wheelbarrow? A. A mechanic. Share Share this post on Twitter

03-20-2007, 07:21 AM	#67
Squinky Unreliable Narrator Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Le Canada Posts: 9,873	Is it similar to the "I can't tell you; you're not a priest" joke? Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Squinky is always right, but only for certain values of "always" and "right".

03-20-2007, 01:36 PM	#68
Trumgottist Game Creator Hobbyist Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Stockholm (or Gotland) Posts: 2,609	stepurhan: Sounds likely. Can you tell the whole thing? Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Play my game: Frasse and the Peas of Kejick. The Special Edition is now available! (Mac OS X or Windows.)

03-21-2007, 06:42 PM	#70
Squinky Unreliable Narrator Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Le Canada Posts: 9,873	Oh man, Dogpile. I remember using that in, like, 1998. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Squinky is always right, but only for certain values of "always" and "right".

03-22-2007, 03:00 PM	#74
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	Heh heh, I got it the first time, stepsie. I did that inward laughing with the head shaking and rolling eyes bit. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

03-23-2007, 01:20 AM	#76
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	LOL!!! That was stupid but effective. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

03-23-2007, 04:43 AM	#77
jacog Kung Fu Code Poet Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: South Africa Posts: 701	I have this strange urge to throw fruit. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ http://www.screwylightbulb.com/

03-23-2007, 12:38 PM	#79
jacog Kung Fu Code Poet Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: South Africa Posts: 701	* Readies an over-ripe plum * :-) Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ http://www.screwylightbulb.com/

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