09-13-2009, 10:12 PM | #181 |
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11-09-2009, 05:22 AM | #182 |
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree |
11-16-2009, 02:33 AM | #183 |
merely human
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For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians and French drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Being American is apparently what kills you.
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06-07-2010, 07:34 AM | #184 |
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Definitions of Marketing (from a business forum I'm a member of)
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says, "He's very rich. Marry him." That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me." That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?" That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich." That's Brand Recognition. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback!!!!
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree |
06-07-2010, 10:06 AM | #185 | |
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Quote:
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07-06-2010, 05:15 AM | #186 |
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Subtle communication
Courtesy of the Accountant Jokes and Fun blog
A student accountant in the US wrote to his senior partner asking for an increased salary. Dear Bo$$ In thi$ life, we all need $ome things mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ $tudent$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to the firm. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. Your$ $incerely, Norman The next day, the senior partner sent this letter of reply: Dear NOrman, I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that the firm is NOt doing NOticeably well at present. NOw the newspapers are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. Yours truly,
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree |
07-09-2010, 12:27 AM | #187 |
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Courtesy of the daily comics strip Strange Brew.
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree |
08-03-2010, 07:47 AM | #188 |
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These are all “top tips” from VIZ, a UK Comic.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
ANGLERS: Attach a helium balloon to your line and bait the hook with an acorn. Then sit under a tree and "fish" for squirrels. An upturned laundry basket would make an ideal keep-net, but don't forget to throw the squirrels back into the tree at the end of the day. TOWN COUNCILS: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind folk with pointy sticks. Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching. ORDINARY people. Make yourselves feel more important by carrying a bugle everywhere you go and sounding it before you enter. DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed. BEER bottle tops floated upside down in the bath, make ideal 'dinghies' for spiders. Flies can also use them as aircraft carriers. AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. MAKE shopkeepers feel like criminals and con men by carefully checking their change and holding bank notes up to the light before accepting them. Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. DOG owners. Don't waste money on a lead. Simply walk your dog backwards holding its tail. SMOKERS. 'Every cigarette you smoke takes 10 seconds off your life', health experts say. To combat this, at the end of every day work out how many seconds you have 'lost', and simply go to bed that much later, or wake up that much earlier the next morning. Hey presto! your lost time is returned. OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. TAKE your dustbin to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of. PUTTING just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner. MAKE PEOPLE believe you are magic by vigourously shaking a bottle of talcum powder when you exit a room, thus giving the impression of you disappearing in a cloud of smoke. |
05-16-2011, 11:39 AM | #189 |
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I've found this tread while searching something else on google.
Soo... LET'S DANCE ! |
05-17-2011, 01:31 AM | #190 |
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Rude Joke from an Accountancy forum. You have been warned.
An accountant was (unusually) having a very quiet morning. As there was no-one around, he shut his office door, and extracted from his briefcase his latest "top shelf" magazine containing some interesting pictures including "double entry". Feeling suitably motivated, he then proceeded upon a discreet engagement with "Madam Palm and her five lovely daughters". He was just about to "achieve his target" when his office door opened and in walked a client. With quick thinking, he popped open his petty cash tin, and made a swift deposit. "Good morning Mr Smith" said the client. "You're looking very pleased with yourself today!" "Well as a matter of fact I am" he replied. "I've just come into some money".
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree |
05-17-2011, 04:49 AM | #191 |
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05-17-2011, 10:21 PM | #192 |
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05-18-2011, 08:27 AM | #193 |
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05-19-2011, 10:33 PM | #194 |
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree Last edited by stepurhan; 05-19-2011 at 10:54 PM. |
05-27-2011, 06:15 AM | #195 |
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Updated joke from this news story. Updated version by plummy1 of Accounting Web UK.
An accountant goes to the doctor and says "Please help me doctor I'm obsessed with sausages" The doctor says " Don't worry the doctor says I like sausages myself" The accountant replies "Great do you want to come to my house and see my collection!"
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No Nonsense Nonsonnets #43 Cold Topic A thread most controversial, that’s what I want to start Full of impassioned arguments, of posting from the heart And for this stimulation all will be thankful to me On come on everybody it won’t work if you agree |