.......

GreenJeanz · 09-25-2003, 01:58 PM

Hate to interrupt all the joy, and the happiness people seem to be having, but..
I'm seriously afraid. Of myself.

My hormones have been very very messed up and are just now adjusting, and I have been constantly suicidal the past few weeks. I thought I was getting better but I got bitchslapped by life again.
Let me list the things wrong. I want to give some perspective.

On top of the hormonal issue and my clinical and situational depression:

I was banned from a chat I go to constantly for being depressed, banned by someone who I thought was my friend and cared about me.
My head has been hurting almost every day.
My joints hurt like hell.
My mom is even more violatile.
My father is no longer speaking to me at ALL because we had an argument where he called me stupid, and lazy, and all kinds of other things.
An event occured which some people may be aware of the correlation to(Don't worry if you have no clue what I'm talking about. If you know, you know what I mean.)
My grandparents keep being bothered by my psychotic druggie no-good cousin and I am terrified that he will break in either there or here and harm me in a drug-influenced frenzy. I am to the point of barely sleeping and keeping a scalpel concealed at my bedside.
My trip to my best friend was delayed.
People are rarely there for me anymore. People don't do anything to cheer me up or make me feel needed or loved. I barely have anyone to talk to. There is nowhere I feel welcome.

Those are things which influence me to feel as I do. How do I feel?
I am convinced nobody would care if I died. I am convinced that there is no way out for me. I cannot even bring myself to kill myself, it's too much trouble. All I do is sleep. My dogs are even sad because of me, because I'm sad. All I do is worry and burden people. Here I am, burdening people even more with my pathetic moping.

Perhaps my reasons are lame to people who actually have lives...dunno. I don't know what that's like so who knows. *snort*

Zygomaticus · 09-25-2003, 02:04 PM

(((GJ)))

GreenJeanz · 09-25-2003, 04:29 PM

*hug*

I seriously am at the worst low point ever. I am ragingly suicidal right now, as in at this moment. I don't feel like anybody would miss me. I probably should rightly be dead...my life is pointless..bah..

Garyos · 09-25-2003, 06:25 PM

GJ, you're a wonderful, kind and funny person. Your biggest problem is that you're simply too good for your surroundings. I have no idea how you could solve your problem, but I'm sure that things can only get better............

((((((((((((((((((GJ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Wormsie · 09-25-2003, 07:14 PM

...some day, at least. (((Hugs GJ))) Remember, we care. One might think the people in the 'net aren't as real, but we are.

Starflux · 09-25-2003, 07:32 PM

*hugs*

,,There's a light, over at the Frankenstein place,
there's a light, burning in the fireplace,
there's a light,
in the darkness of everybody's life"

twifkak · 09-26-2003, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenJeanz

I don't feel like anybody would miss me. I probably should rightly be dead...my life is pointless..bah..

I doubt that my saying you're wrong would mean anything, seeing as how I'm relatively nobody in your world, but you're wrong.

Oh, and ((((((GJ))))))

Kingzjester · 09-26-2003, 05:52 AM

Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy now

Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy

Don't worry, be happy, Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy, Don't worry, be happy

...

Also, try listening to a little Bob Marley, lass.

Intrepid Homoludens · 09-26-2003, 06:06 AM

And the follow up to that, courtesy of TREP-FM:

Point of View by db Boulevard

"I don't have a cent
Will I pay my rent
And even my car doesn't work
Me and my man, he's the one
To die for, we have split up

Can't you see, life's easy
If you consider things
From another point of view
Ahhh, ah-ha yeah
In another way
From another point of view
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ahhh, ah-ha yeah
In another way
From another point of view

I see life and lights
All the colours of the world
So beautiful won't you come with me
I've seen birds and trees
All the flowers of the world
So beautiful won't you come with me

Ahhh, ah-ha yeah
In another way
From another point of view

Can't you see, life's easy
If you consider things
From another point of view
Ahhh, ah-ha yeah
In another way
From another point of view"

- db Boulevard

(Pssst! GJ, click the link to their site - very pretty!)

bigjko · 09-26-2003, 06:49 AM

I hope my cheering you up on MSN did something a couple of days ago. Everyone of the regulars here on the forums love you more than anything, I'm sure, and I'm no exception.

(((((((((((GJ)))))))))))

Kingzjester · 09-26-2003, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigjko

Everyone of the regulars here on the forums love you more than anything, I'm sure....

Well... um... actually....

justG · 09-26-2003, 07:40 AM

Yeah, and even some of the not-so-regulars, and newbies, like me.

Feel da luv... ((((GJ)))) <== If the # of parentheses used is indicative of the amt of luv, then I really meant to add many many many more, but I was afraid I'd freak out the ag server.

- gita

Kingzjester · 09-26-2003, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justG

((((GJ))))

I think that is supposed to be a hug (or at least so I surmize). It is exclusievly used in context of GJ. That is right: we have invented an digital subtitute for a hug - only for her.

Synonym · 09-26-2003, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kingzjester

I think that is supposed to be a hug (or at least so I surmize). It is exclusievly used in context of GJ. That is right: we have invented an digital subtitute for a hug - only for her.

Nah it's a hug-tool for use on anyone.

James · 09-26-2003, 08:34 AM

Chin up, be strong. You will get through any and everything you want to, if you believe. If you can't believe in that, believe in dreams, in hope, in faith - believe in something, and hold on that, cling to that. look with solace on the good person you are, how you don't deserve this pain. look with hope to the fact that it will pass, as all things do.

Dream Forever,
James.

Wajus · 09-26-2003, 08:46 AM

You think your life is half-empty but I think it's half-full.
(((GJ)))

"What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
Looking to turn this piss to wine.

They're both totally void of hate,
But killing you just the same.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
Considerately.

Venomous voice, tempts me,
Drains me, bleeds me,
Leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.

Without the skin,
Beneath the storm,
Under these tears
The walls came down.

And the snake is drowned and
As I look in his eyes,
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of those times.

I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me."

http://www.fnm.com/lyrics/trt_lyrics.html#fall

twifkak · 09-26-2003, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

Chin up, be strong. You will get through any and everything you want to, if you believe. If you can't believe in that, believe in dreams, in hope, in faith - believe in something, and hold on that, cling to that. look with solace on the good person you are, how you don't deserve this pain. look with hope to the fact that it will pass, as all things do.

Dream Forever,
James.

What he said.

GreenJeanz · 09-26-2003, 04:40 PM

Thank you everybody..*snuggles all*
I'm just..I dunno how to describe it.

I KNOW I ought to be having hope but I can't.

09-25-2003, 01:58 PM	#1
GreenJeanz JLC Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 152	....... Hate to interrupt all the joy, and the happiness people seem to be having, but.. I'm seriously afraid. Of myself. My hormones have been very very messed up and are just now adjusting, and I have been constantly suicidal the past few weeks. I thought I was getting better but I got bitchslapped by life again. Let me list the things wrong. I want to give some perspective. On top of the hormonal issue and my clinical and situational depression: I was banned from a chat I go to constantly for being depressed, banned by someone who I thought was my friend and cared about me. My head has been hurting almost every day. My joints hurt like hell. My mom is even more violatile. My father is no longer speaking to me at ALL because we had an argument where he called me stupid, and lazy, and all kinds of other things. An event occured which some people may be aware of the correlation to(Don't worry if you have no clue what I'm talking about. If you know, you know what I mean.) My grandparents keep being bothered by my psychotic druggie no-good cousin and I am terrified that he will break in either there or here and harm me in a drug-influenced frenzy. I am to the point of barely sleeping and keeping a scalpel concealed at my bedside. My trip to my best friend was delayed. People are rarely there for me anymore. People don't do anything to cheer me up or make me feel needed or loved. I barely have anyone to talk to. There is nowhere I feel welcome. Those are things which influence me to feel as I do. How do I feel? I am convinced nobody would care if I died. I am convinced that there is no way out for me. I cannot even bring myself to kill myself, it's too much trouble. All I do is sleep. My dogs are even sad because of me, because I'm sad. All I do is worry and burden people. Here I am, burdening people even more with my pathetic moping. Perhaps my reasons are lame to people who actually have lives...dunno. I don't know what that's like so who knows. snort Share Share this post on Twitter

09-25-2003, 02:04 PM	#2
Zygomaticus Liver of Life Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,317	(((GJ))) Share Share this post on Twitter

09-25-2003, 04:29 PM	#3
GreenJeanz JLC Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 152	hug I seriously am at the worst low point ever. I am ragingly suicidal right now, as in at this moment. I don't feel like anybody would miss me. I probably should rightly be dead...my life is pointless..bah.. Share Share this post on Twitter

09-25-2003, 06:25 PM	#4
Garyos AKA Morte Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Sigil Posts: 1,101	GJ, you're a wonderful, kind and funny person. Your biggest problem is that you're simply too good for your surroundings. I have no idea how you could solve your problem, but I'm sure that things can only get better............ ((((((((((((((((((GJ)))))))))))))))))))))))) Share Share this post on Twitter

09-25-2003, 07:14 PM	#5
Wormsie Doctor Watson Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: The Catacombs Posts: 4,736	...some day, at least. (((Hugs GJ))) Remember, we care. One might think the people in the 'net aren't as real, but we are. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Don't worry, I'm a doctor.

09-25-2003, 07:32 PM	#6
Starflux A Servicable Villain Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: the ocean spire Posts: 1,730	hugs ,,There's a light, over at the Frankenstein place, there's a light, burning in the fireplace, there's a light, in the darkness of everybody's life" Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Visit my webcomic Captain August!

09-26-2003, 05:52 AM	#8
Kingzjester Tactlessly understated Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Niceshire Posts: 2,045	Here's a little song I wrote You might want to sing it note for note Don't worry, be happy In every life we have some trouble But when you worry you make it double Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy now Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy Ain't got no place to lay your head Somebody came and took your bed Don't worry, be happy The landlord say your rent is late He may have to litigate Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy, Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy, Don't worry, be happy ... Also, try listening to a little Bob Marley, lass. Share Share this post on Twitter

09-26-2003, 06:06 AM	#9
Intrepid Homoludens merely human Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 22,309	And the follow up to that, courtesy of TREP-FM: Point of View by db Boulevard "I don't have a cent Will I pay my rent And even my car doesn't work Me and my man, he's the one To die for, we have split up Can't you see, life's easy If you consider things From another point of view Ahhh, ah-ha yeah In another way From another point of view Yeah, yeah, yeah, ahhh, ah-ha yeah In another way From another point of view I see life and lights All the colours of the world So beautiful won't you come with me I've seen birds and trees All the flowers of the world So beautiful won't you come with me Ahhh, ah-ha yeah In another way From another point of view Can't you see, life's easy If you consider things From another point of view Ahhh, ah-ha yeah In another way From another point of view" - db Boulevard (Pssst! GJ, click the link to their site - very pretty!) Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ platform: laptop, iPhone 3Gs \| gaming: x360, PS3, psp, iPhone, wii \| blog: a space alien \| book: the moral landscape: how science can determine human values by sam harris \| games: l.a.noire, portal 2, brink, dragon age 2, heavy rain \| sites: NPR, skeptoid, gaygamer \| music: ray lamontagne, adele, washed out, james blake \| twitter: a_space_alien

09-26-2003, 06:49 AM	#10
bigjko El Luchador Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 1,629	I hope my cheering you up on MSN did something a couple of days ago. Everyone of the regulars here on the forums love you more than anything, I'm sure, and I'm no exception. (((((((((((GJ))))))))))) Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ Use Verb On Noun - Adventure game inspired illustrations

09-26-2003, 07:40 AM	#12
justG The TitleLess Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: US Posts: 28	Yeah, and even some of the not-so-regulars, and newbies, like me. Feel da luv... ((((GJ)))) <== If the # of parentheses used is indicative of the amt of luv, then I really meant to add many many many more, but I was afraid I'd freak out the ag server. - gita Share Share this post on Twitter

09-26-2003, 08:34 AM	#15
James Prove it all night Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 730	Chin up, be strong. You will get through any and everything you want to, if you believe. If you can't believe in that, believe in dreams, in hope, in faith - believe in something, and hold on that, cling to that. look with solace on the good person you are, how you don't deserve this pain. look with hope to the fact that it will pass, as all things do. Dream Forever, James. Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible." - Thomas Edward Lawrence

09-26-2003, 08:46 AM	#16
Wajus (Va-yoosh) Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Poland Posts: 392	You think your life is half-empty but I think it's half-full. (((GJ))) "What's coming through is alive. What's holding up is a mirror. But what's singing songs is a snake Looking to turn this piss to wine. They're both totally void of hate, But killing you just the same. The snake behind me hisses What my damage could have been. My blood before me begs me Open up my heart again. And I feel this coming over like a storm again. Considerately. Venomous voice, tempts me, Drains me, bleeds me, Leaves me cracked and empty. Drags me down like some sweet gravity. Without the skin, Beneath the storm, Under these tears The walls came down. And the snake is drowned and As I look in his eyes, My fear begins to fade Recalling all of those times. I could have cried then. I should have cried then. I am too connected to you to Slip away, to fade away. Days away I still feel you Touching me, changing me." http://www.fnm.com/lyrics/trt_lyrics.html#fall Share Share this post on Twitter __________________ "To be! To be sure beats the shit out of not to be!" - John Belushi

09-26-2003, 04:40 PM	#18
GreenJeanz JLC Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 152	Thank you everybody..snuggles all I'm just..I dunno how to describe it. I KNOW I ought to be having hope but I can't. Share Share this post on Twitter

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