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Old 02-28-2004, 12:48 PM   #41
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That would be Queen Elizabeth...
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Old 02-28-2004, 12:53 PM   #42
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...without makeup, of course - and without that fashionably requisite monkey she always had on her shoulder to offset her, um....... *cough* ..... beauty.
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Old 02-28-2004, 03:47 PM   #43
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The monkey's name was Philip, photos of whom he saved for really special occasions.
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Old 02-28-2004, 04:17 PM   #44
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But Philip had one very special photograph - it was of Bastich secretly enjoying an extremely graphically violent action game, Soldier of Fortune II, when instead he was supposed to be playing nothing but non-violent adventure games.
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Old 02-28-2004, 04:43 PM   #45
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Bastich, of course, vehemently denied the authenticity of the photograph, but the skeptical onlookers were not to be convinced.
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Old 02-28-2004, 04:51 PM   #46
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But it turned out that Bastich could prove his innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt.
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Old 02-28-2004, 04:57 PM   #47
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This was mostly due to his brilliant invention, The Bastichizer, which consisted of an aerosol spray can, a 'believe-anything-that's-told-to-you' chemical, a ladder, a paper clip, chewing gum, day old spaghetti, a love letter, and a rubber ducky.
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Old 02-28-2004, 11:30 PM   #48
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When you combine them you're left with a wooden plank with a rubber ball taped to the end.
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Old 02-28-2004, 11:36 PM   #49
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"Take these two items and call me in the morning," advised Erkki, who hadn't noticed how sexy Bob looked in his tight red dress.
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Old 02-28-2004, 11:53 PM   #50
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He sure did, even though he was in another story and had been devoured by a creature green with envy.
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Old 02-29-2004, 12:23 AM   #51
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But soon afterwards the creature turned blue with remorse and sought the help of Moos, a world famous psychoanalyst most noted for his large collection of moldy pie crusts.
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Old 02-29-2004, 05:13 AM   #52
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Moos, although he was world-famous, wasn't actually trained in the slightest in psychoanalysis.

Spoiler:
He? She? I have no idea, hope Moos doesn't get offended
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Old 02-29-2004, 05:23 AM   #53
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But he had read "Little Red Ridinghood" and knew what to do in order to rescue Erkki from the belly of the beast.
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Old 02-29-2004, 10:07 AM   #54
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To Erkki's luck, 'little red ridinghood' that Moos read was from polittickly correct bedtime stories.
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