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Old 06-25-2007, 06:30 AM   #1
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Default The Super Chit-Chat Official Text Adventure You Bastards!

Basically, this thread runs like a big text adventure.
I'll start.

You are in a cave.
It smells like onions.
What do you do?

> Turn on torch.

(now carry on, and help develop an epic plot)
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Old 06-25-2007, 08:18 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerite View Post
Basically, this thread runs like a big text adventure.
I'll start.

You are in a cave.
It smells like onions.
What do you do?

> Turn on torch.

(now carry on, and help develop an epic plot)
And see the walls covered in green slim. You hear off in the distance the sound of water dripping...drip...drip....drip.... and you hear the faint sounds from above that echo through the cave.
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Old 06-25-2007, 09:09 AM   #3
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You have been eaten by a grue.
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Old 06-25-2007, 09:38 AM   #4
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You are now inside the grue's stomach.

> Poke stomach lining.
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Old 06-25-2007, 10:21 AM   #5
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Upon poking the stomach lining, the Grue growls and something suddenly comes down through his throat.

The Grue has taken some Alkaseltzer.



-
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- "esc(x) cot(x) dx = -csc(x)!" Dennis added, and the wizard's robe caught on fire. "Gosh," Dennis said, "and some people say higher math isn't relevant."

>>>Inventor of the Mail order-Assassin<<<

And *This*...is a Black Hole - BYE!
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Old 06-25-2007, 10:23 AM   #6
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> f*ck grue (Am I the only one who always used to try something like that?)

The grue continues taking some Alkaseltzer, and you're the only one who always used to try something like that indeed.

> damn

That's not a verb I recognize.

The grue further continues taking some Alkaseltzer.
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Old 06-25-2007, 10:27 AM   #7
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In the Grue's stomach, you're slowly drowning in Alkaseltzer.


You will have drowned in 10 turns.



-
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- "esc(x) cot(x) dx = -csc(x)!" Dennis added, and the wizard's robe caught on fire. "Gosh," Dennis said, "and some people say higher math isn't relevant."

>>>Inventor of the Mail order-Assassin<<<

And *This*...is a Black Hole - BYE!
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Old 06-25-2007, 10:50 AM   #8
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> Climb up esophagus.

You try with all your might to climb up the grue's esophagus. Unfortunately, you slip and fall right back into the Alkaseltzer-filled stomach.

You will have drowned in 9 turns.

> Look around.

Floating around in the Alkaseltzer is a key, a crowbar, a map, and a small rock, presumably remnants of a previously-digested adventurer.

You will have drowned in 8 turns.
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Old 06-25-2007, 11:51 AM   #9
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> examine rock

Upon closer examination, the rock is in fact a rolled up ball of tinfoil covered in bacteria. It feels heavy.

You will have drowned in seven turns

>unwrap tinfoil

Inside, you find a ball of something that looks like chocolate. Before you can eat it, it dissolves in the alkaseltzer and is absorbed into the lining of the grue's stomach. This sets off a heavy shudder, and you feel yourself slipping further downward.

You will have drowned in six turns
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Old 06-25-2007, 12:43 PM   #10
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>shape tinfoil into fedora.

You will feel much less silly now, seeing as what you're about to do.

>use crowbar on gnarled knob in esophagus opening.

The sudden influx of alkaseltzer and stomach acid has softened the crowbar, allowing you to make a whip out of it. You climb up, and are now hanging above the bubbling gruel.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:00 PM   #11
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Though you're not out of the Grue's guts quite yet, you feel safe for the moment in your current position.

>Unroll Map

Daventry? You have never heard of such a place. Perhaps its owner was the unfortunate soul whose floating possessions now crowd your inventory. Just as you begin to feel sorry for the poor fellow, you notice a blue cap bubble up to the surface. A red feather is sticking out.

>Grab feather

You were able to reach down just far enough to snatch up the feather with the tips of your fingers.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:01 PM   #12
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> Tickle esophagus with feather.

With a sudden lurching noise, you find yourself violently ejected out of the grue's mouth, then landing sprawled out onto the cavern floor. You then realise that owing to the bubbling gruel digesting all of your clothing, you are now completely naked.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:05 PM   #13
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>Cover genitals with feather

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that the tiny feather could, in fact, provide ample cover for your private area. Perhaps there is a more productive use for it, however? After all, it already saved you from certain death within the grue.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:06 PM   #14
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> Cover breasts with feather.

What? You're a girl? But girls don't play adventure games!
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:09 PM   #15
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There are a large number of orks approaching you.

>flash your norks to the orks
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:25 PM   #16
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I don't have any norks. I'm an adventure game.
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Old 06-25-2007, 02:09 PM   #17
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>let grue get a good luck at you

The mere sight of a pasty white adventure gamer kills the grue instantly.

>use tinfoil hat to make better accomodations for decency

It looks odd. Fortunately, you're still in the cave alone.
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Old 06-25-2007, 02:28 PM   #18
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>Take a better look around cave

A wizard appears before you.

You suddenly realize that you are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarves. What will you do?

>Melt wizard

What do you want to melt him with?

>Throw thermal pod

You do not have this item in inventory. But yeah, we liked that movie too...
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Old 06-25-2007, 02:29 PM   #19
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> Accuse game of racism.

Oh, so I see you're taking issue with my referral to you as pasty and white, now are you? Well, you know what? It's not easy coming up with a player character who fits the description of every person who could conceivably play this game. Sometimes, a game has no choice but to go with the established majority, okay? Yeesh!

> Use bell hooks on society dominated by white male heterosexuals.

bell hooks seems to be indisposed at the moment. You'll have to explore the radical space of the margins another time.

> Go north.

Sadly, your compass got digested by the grue's stomach fluids, meaning that you have no idea where north is. You therefore find yourself walking in whatever random direction tickles your fancy.
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Old 06-25-2007, 03:36 PM   #20
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>start to feel cold.

You must be heading north.

>realize that you must be on one minute space rock, if you're feeling the effects of going north immediately.

Yeah....

>cloth yourself more adequately

You go to a small clearing, and stand still, smiling. After a while an animal - a deer perhaps - appears from out of the trees and watches you cautiously. You continue to smile at it, your eyes soften and shine, and you seem to radiate a deep and universal love, a love which reaches out to embrace all creation. A wonderful quietness descends upon the surrounding countryside, peaceful and serene, emanating from you. Slowly the deer approaches, step by step, until it is almost muzzling you, whereupon you reach out and snap its neck, and skin it for its hide.
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