[Squinky]

> Examine makeshift clothing.

You strike a statuesque pose and take a good look at yourself. You find yourself quite stunning, at least in a Fred Flintstone sort of way.

Meanwhile, Bambi begins to cry over the loss of his mother.

[Not A Speck Of Cereal]

> Bambi breaks down into a fetal position heap, sobbing uncontrollably

I rifle through her pockets for change and come upon a small jewel. I rub the jewel.

> A 200 foot tree full of stinky pink leaves erupts in front of you.

I climb the tree.

[Squinky]

Wait a minute. This is a text adventure, not a transcript of a cybersex session. Have you ever even PLAYED one of these things before?

> Sadly, no.

Oh. Okay. Well, the part after the ">" is what you, the player, type in, and everything that is not indented with a ">" is a response from me, the game. Also, you can usually only input one command at a time, although I might honour more of them if I'm in a good enough mood. Capice?

> Sure, whatever.

All right, so where were we again?

> Climb tree.

You climb about three metres up the tree of stinky pink leaves. Suddenly, a tiny little bird flies out of the tree and pecks at your hands repeatedly. You then let go of your grip in surprise and fall straight to the ground, where you then find yourself writhing in agonized pain.

[Hammerite]

> get up

Easier said than done, you spotty little sod!

[stepurhan]

> inventory

You are carrying a key, a map of Daventry, a whip (made out of a softened crowbar) and a tube of "Fix broken back from falling out of tree" ointment.

You are wearing a feather and a fedora made out of tinfoil (both in the same place.

> use ointment

[Hammerite]

Because the computer is fairly dirty minded, the ointment is used for an activity that, while being a good reliever of stress and fairly enjoyable, is hardly appropriate for this environment.
You feel more jumpy and agile, though you used half the bottle of ointment.

> use ointment to heal broken back.

[Not A Speck Of Cereal]

Where did you get that ointment? It smells like that stinky tree... wait a minute--vines are coming out of your spine!

> jumps into pond

[Hammerite]

The water drowns these mysterious animal vines, however, environmentalists have been alerted and are searching the cave for you!

> Pick up rock.

You pick up a nearby rock, and say: "them environmentalists are gonna geddit."

[Squinky]

The rock replies by slapping you in the face. "That's the worst pickup line I've heard since 'If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put your sister and I together,'" it screams. Then, it walks away, haughtily, leaving you alone and dateless with severe jaw pain.

> Sulk.

You sulk. Still, that isn't going to help you at all against the environmentalists.

[tsa]

> Inventory

You are carrying a key, a map of Daventry, a whip (made out of a softened crowbar) and a tube of "Fix broken back from falling out of tree" ointment. The tube is almost empty.

> use whip on environmentalists

The environmentalists turn out to be masochists as well. They pleed for more and forget all about the pond.

[Squinky]

> Make origami out of map.

You pull out the map of Daventry and fold it into a beautiful paper crane. The environmentalists ooh and aah in amazement.

> Throw crane into pond.

You throw the paper crane into the pond. The environmentalists jump right in after it and drown.

[Hammerite]

You also notice that one of the environmentalists dropped a map of the cave on the floor.

> Take map.

[Squinky]

The map moans in delight.

> Examine map.

"This won't hurt a bit," you tell the map, as you begin to scrutinize it thoroughly. Upon closer inspection, you discover that it is, in fact, a map of the grue digestive system. "Well, gee, this would have come in handy a LOT earlier," you mutter to yourself.

[Not A Speck Of Cereal]

A small section of the lower intestines glows slightly.

> holds up map to candle light

You discover where the rebels base is!

[tsa]

"O, no, there is a rebels base nearby!" you think. You decide to stay away from it as far as possible. Rebels bases are not safe for naked girls wrapped in still bleeding deer hide. Speaking of which, you feel very dirty and want to go home.

> exits

[Hammerite]

There is a gaping hole to your east, a gaping hole to your west, and a revolving door directly north.

> north

You go through the revolving door, but arrive in the same location, but more disorientated and feeling slightly sick.

[tsa]

> east

You jump in the hole. The weighlessness makes you vomit violently. As you fall into the fissure you know the book will not be destroyed as you had planned.

[Hammerite]

> cry

[tsa]

<sniffle> You are sad.

You fall into a pool of clear, warm water that breaks your fall. After you reach the surface again you realis/ze that you have lost all your posessions, including the deer skin you were wearing.

> exits

The shore is to the east, and close by

> east

After a few minutes you walk ashore. There is nobody here. A lush tropical rainforest can be seen south of you.

You hear the rumble of thunder in the distance.

[Giligan]

>Look at Chachapoian temple

A dark hole leads into a hillside.

>Make comment about competition.

"Forrestal was good... he was very, very good."