[Eureka]

I read an article on MSN about the "spanking debate." So, what do you think, should parents spank their kids?

Personally, i'd have to say no. I don't think that teaching your kids that violence solves all problems is the right way to go.

[SnorkleCat]

This is a slippery one...and perhaps I have no right to speak up, having no kids of the two legged kind. For what it is worth, however, I did raise a dog from puppy hood and I never spanked him or threatened him with a rolled up newspaper or anything like that. I used positive reinforcement and other such tricks to get him to understand consequences...so I am leaning toward a no vote. There are other, better ways to get your point across. I think that spanking has less to do with "correcting" a child and more to do with Mom or Dad blowing off some steam in an inappropriate way.

[Dasilva]

Spank? The belt was used on me if I ever did something naughty like steal some money form mommys purse.

I personally dont know, obviously my parents thought it was okay back in the days.

[Jelena]

We had this discussion in another thread about a year ago. I'm very much against spanking kids as a "parental technique" - oh I hate that word.
I believe in correcting the child without violence when it does something bad. If you take the time it takes to use other ways of correcting the child when it needs to be done I believe you can reach a whole different trust between child and parent. This trust will come in handy when the child grows up and the parent no longer can use its power.
Using spanking is IMO a sign of resignation or frustration.

[RLacey]

We've had this discussion before somewhere. I'm pro-smacking but not pro-abuse; most people here seemed to think that I was wrong to think that smacking could play a useful role in parenting.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by RLacey

We've had this discussion before somewhere. I'm pro-smacking but not pro-abuse; most people here seemed to think that I was wrong to think that smacking could play a useful role in parenting.

I believe that was me. Let's not go down that road again. It's OK to have different opinions. And I've offered to be the nanny of your household when that day comes. That means you won't have any trouble with your children.

[Stoofa]

I don't think you need to spank, but I do wish parents had more of an opportunity to learn alternative discipline methods. I mean, we tend to go by what we know, and if you were spanked as a kid violence is going to be your natural reaction to behaviour you don't like. My mother wonders why my sister and I used to hit each other so much when we were little, I'm sure it's because we learned that's how you're supposed to deal with disputes. (I should add that we might have been special cases because we weren't just spanked, we were also slapped, whipped with belts and hit with objects like wooden spoons and metal utensils.)

When I first got my kitten my first instinct was to swat her when she did something naughty, I had to think about it and devise other ways to teach her to be well behaved. I didn't want a kitten excited by violence or fearful of me.

[Squinky]

Only if they're being really really bad.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Squinky

Only if they're being really really bad.

And you believe violence will teach them to act better? Violent punishments will give the child associations. As an adult we hope the child associates the punishment with the bad behaviour. But it just might be so that the child associates the punishment with the parent. And where did that leave the parent?

[Jatsie]

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

[akane_t]

Something tells me that Japanese have no problem with spanking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pep8Joe2CPE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plSfKHZZwZ4

[Once A Villain]

Interesting topic, and yeah, one that has been on these boards before. I said "Yes" because that's how I was raised, and I think I turned out ok. I guess I basically agree with RLacey, and I think children can distinguish between abuse and a spanking. I certainly could.

I got hands, large wooden spoons, and belts across my backside as a child, and if I associate my parents with punishment then I've chosen a bizarre way of showing it. I love my mother to death and, if anything, I spend too much time with her and the rest of my family. In fact, my girlfriend kept warning me when I was about to meet her parents that, "You can't expect my family to be as close and fun as yours. Most families aren't!" Heh.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I'm firmly in the camp that believes a little corporeal discipline can be useful. Please, I come from an ethnic family, and my siblings and I were spanked by Nanay and Dad whenever we really misbehaved. Did we turn into abusive parents ourselves? NO.

We turned out to be very successful (albeit not necessarily perfect) loving parents, aunts, and uncles, as well as successful individual in our chosen fields (corporate, nurse practitioners, physicists, art/design, entrepreneurs, etc.), and in our social lives. None of my nieces and nephews who are now in their late teens and mid 20s are screwed up, we're a very close knit bunch.

It's my view that this whole debate on spanking is the latest fashion in politics, it's utter crap. Theories on good parenting come and go, and this seems to be the latest - how trendy is that? Growing up in an ethnic culture, I've seen parents discipline their little kids as needed, and unless it turns into regular physical and psychological abuse, the children grow up fine. I certainly did, my relatives and family friends did.

Mind you, I think there's an age that's too young for corporal discipline and it's probably up to the individual parent to determine that age for her child.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Once A Villain

I got hands, large wooden spoons, and belts across my backside as a child, and if I associate my parents with punishment then I've chosen a bizarre way of showing it. I love my mother to death and, if anything, I spend too much time with her and the rest of my family. In fact, my girlfriend kept warning me when I was about to meet her parents that, "You can't expect my family to be as close and fun as yours. Most families aren't!" Heh.

I'm not saying that every child who is punished violently associate their parent with the spanking. But as a punisher you don't get to decide how the child associates. A small child may very well associate the event with the parent and thus the parent accomplish nothing except making the child fear him/her. That's a risky path they're chosing IMO.
I strongly believe that my job as a parent is to be a role model and to guide my children towards a life where they can solve problems in a constructive way. Using violence as smacking/spanking to make them aware of bad behaviour is contradicting my philosophy.

I could write a lot about how to use positive consequences in parenting as well as school situations. Don't get me started.....

[samIamsad]

Still, I'm sure you'd make a WONDERFUL spanker. My mom's a kindergarten teacher and she had no problems to give me a good spanking from time to time. If rarely, but hey. I don't even remember if she did regularly at all, so it mustn't have been that serious a problem for me. Heheh, at one point she found out that she could get our sassy budgies to get back into their cage by threatening them with the almighty muddler. It's not that she ever used that thing on the little birds, mind you. Ah, funny times.

[bulldog]

I agree with Trep. I was brought up with spankings and I'm fine. My husband had spankings growing up and he and I both love our parents very much and we don’t associate discipline with one parent. We are thankful of how are parents brought us up.

[After a brisk nap]

I'm sure that some parents can spank their kids occasionally, for good reason, and without any lasting harm.

However, I don't trust parents in general to punish their children in a dispassionate manner. In the situations when kids have done something to be punished, a parent is likely to be frustrated, angry, and maybe not thinking clearly.

Kids pick up on that mental state, and if the parent acts on it by spanking, that teaches them that it's OK to become violent when you are angry (at least towards others who are in your power).

Anyway, how can you tell whether a parent is using a valid disciplinary technique or just hitting their child? No, far better to have spanking declared out of bounds, and then there'll be no doubt that it's abuse.

Besides, spanking is not necessary. Lots of parents raise their kids without physical punishment, and I've never seen any indication that those kids are worse off.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Did we turn into abusive parents ourselves? NO.

The most common is that you use the same methods that were used to you. Hopefully the spanking/smacking decreses for each generation. There are other ways of helping your child see what's right and what's wrong. I belive smacking is a a quick fix that the parent use in stead of the other, more demanding methods of reasoning or time outs or whatever works for you. I believe parents should take the time it takes to raise children. It's not an easy job.

It's my view that this whole debate on spanking is the latest fashion in politics, it's utter crap. Theories on good parenting come and go, and this seems to be the latest - how trendy is that?

To me violence is wrong no matter what.

I don't have one single friend who have raised their children with smacking. That's just out of the question. Our children grow up to be loving, caring and normal people too.
Isn't it better if it works out without the spanking?

[samIamsad]

Originally Posted by Jelena

To me violence is wrong no matter what.

Well, the world and nature don't work that way, but I don't want to turn this into a philosophical debate now, really. One of the most beauiful things in life is that it's entirelly up to you what you're doing and what you don't (as long as you're given the freedom of choice, that is...).

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Jelsie

The most common is that you use the same methods that were used to you. Hopefully the spanking/smacking decreses for each generation. There are other ways of helping your child see what's right and what's wrong. I belive smacking is a a quick fix that the parent use in stead of the other, more demanding methods of reasoning or time outs or whatever works for you. I believe parents should take the time it takes to raise children. It's not an easy job.

With due respect, why don't you sit down with my mother, my sisters, and my brothers, all of whom are parents, and talk to them about it and tell them it's wrong?

Then ask them to tell you of all the times they encouraged their children to be the best they can be (remember, we grew up to be achievers in our chosen fields as well as loving parents), and all the times when we got to together and the love flowed endlessly like milk and honey. THESE are your "...other ways of helping your child see what's right and what's wrong."

To me violence is wrong no matter what.

That's where I strongly disagree. Human nature is human nature, no one can ever deny that. Violence may be looked down upone by some cultures, but there is definitely room for certain kinds that can help build character through discipline. And THAT is what made me and my siblings what we are today.

I don't have one single friend who have raised their children with smacking. That's just out of the question. Our children grow up to be loving, caring and normal people too.

Isn't that implying that, because my own parents spanked me when I really misbehaved, you think I'm all screwed up? Or that my my brothers and sisters are screwed up?

Isn't it better if it works out without the spanking?

That depends on the individual situation. With due respect to yours, there are some cases with some parents and children where a little spanking can get the point across (without it, of course, turning into physical abuse).