[Flyboy]

Originally Posted by Hammerite

it gets really boring and depressing after a wile

I was single for two years and I agree, it can get depressing to be constantly thinking of the people you'd like to be with, but it's much worse to tell yourself that you're not good enough (not saying you've done this, but I did) and just cut yourself off from the opposite sex.

[Dasilva]

For me, a guy thats tall, can be playful sexually & romanticly, caring and romantic, not having the ''yeah Im hard'' image thats very popular in the UK. And the face is very important someone with delicate laugh lines. But tis only a dream, so far what I've had is quite opposite to everything I want.

[bulldog]

Originally Posted by Dasilva

''yeah Im hard'' image thats very popular in the UK.

really? that is a popular image in the UK, when I hang out with my brother - n – law (Mark) and from the friends that he has I haven’t seen that. is this attitude more prevalent over there or is it something that I just don’t pick up on since I am only in that circle when I with Mark? I have often wondered about the gay and lesbian side of things - meaning- what their feelings are. Do (you – meaning the gay and lesbian community) feel like an outcast, do you feel like you are discriminated against or what other challenges do you face? Mark and I are very close, (my husband jokes that Mark is my soul mate. My husband also says that if only Mark liked girls then we would be divorced and Mark and I would be married). Mark has always talked to me and been I feel honest about thing that he feels, but that is just his side I wonder how other gay men and women feel. I say all of this b/c I am curious and want to know more. I want to understand better.

[Aj_]

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Humour, deadpan, dark, word play. Not very religious, liberal, freethinking, but hopefully agnostic, leftist, with having a love or interest in science. Active, sport or exercise, but not for appearence's sake. Somethings that you love are things you find out when you get to know them.

Originally Posted by bulldog

What is the first thing that you notice about the opposite sex, their qualities that attracted you in the first place?

I give every location the same attention, but I *try* to maintain eye contact.

[Dasilva]

Originally Posted by bulldog

really? that is a popular image in the UK, when I hang out with my brother - n – law (Mark) and from the friends that he has I haven’t seen that. is this attitude more prevalent over there or is it something that I just don’t pick up on since I am only in that circle when I with Mark? I have often wondered about the gay and lesbian side of things - meaning- what their feelings are. Do (you – meaning the gay and lesbian community) feel like an outcast, do you feel like you are discriminated against or what other challenges do you face? Mark and I are very close, (my husband jokes that Mark is my soul mate. My husband also says that if only Mark liked girls then we would be divorced and Mark and I would be married). Mark has always talked to me and been I feel honest about thing that he feels, but that is just his side I wonder how other gay men and women feel. I say all of this b/c I am curious and want to know more. I want to understand better.

I'm sorry but I find it hard to make out what your points are?

[bulldog]

Originally Posted by Dasilva

I'm sorry but I find it hard to make out what your points are?

ok, let me try again. I want to understand more about the gay and lesbian community? you spoke of an "attitude" there in the UK. I'm wondering if the attitude you are talking about is something that you and your friends or other gay and lesbian people face on a regular basis.

I still might not be making sense . it all boils down to I am trying to understand the gay and lesbian community more.

[Hammerite]

Originally Posted by Dasilva

the ''yeah Im hard'' image

theres loads of those guys at my school.
how the hell do they get all the girls?
theyre morons.

[Melanie68]

Unfortunately at your age, girls go for the 'bad boy' or 'uber macho' guy and they sometimes never lose that idiocy.

Many women as they get older realize that those guys (better termed boys) are idiots.

[Jatsie]

Originally Posted by bulldog

You spoke of an "attitude" there in the UK. I'm wondering if the attitude you are talking about is something that you and your friends or other gay and lesbian people face on a regular basis.

I think that what Dasilva was trying to say, is that in the UK there is a certain proportion of the male population who try to propagate the image that they are "hard."

The most important thing to them is that others believe them to be tough, and to accomplish this they tend to be angry, confrontational, and just generally unpleasant.

It's part of this lovely "yob culture" we've been cultivating here in the UK.

[Jelena]

Hammerite
It's just what Mel said. But don't worry. The guys with a hard image/the idiots will not be the focus of attention for the smart girls. They go for nice guys.
When I was in your age (and I can see a similar pattern now for my teenage daughter) the coolest girls that were the mean queens of the school picked the bad guys. They ended up pregnant way too soon and never got anywhere in life.
I know this is a generalization, but I still think there's some truth to it.

[Hammerite]

They call me an emo because I haven't got a completely shaved head and I happen to wear a Sonic Youth shirt.

What makes it worse is that I hate modern emo music.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Hammerite

They call me an emo because I haven't got a completely shaved head and I happen to wear a Sonic Youth shirt.

Now, that I didn't understand at all.
What is an emo?
Why would you have a shaved head?
What's Sonic Youth?

This reveals how old and foreign I am I guess?

[bulldog]

Originally Posted by Jat316sob

I think that what Dasilva was trying to say, is that in the UK there is a certain proportion of the male population who try to propagate the image that they are "hard."

The most important thing to them is that others believe them to be tough, and to accomplish this they tend to be angry, confrontational, and just generally unpleasant.

It's part of this lovely "yob culture" we've been cultivating here in the UK.

oooooohhhhh ok, thank you for explaing so that I will understand.

[bulldog]

Originally Posted by Jelena

the coolest girls that were the mean queens of the school picked the bad guys. They ended up pregnant way too soon and never got anywhere in life.
I know this is a generalization, but I still think there's some truth to it.

that was my high school in a nut shell, and I picked the bad boys for a while and they treated me so bad. But look who I ended up with a geek , a computer geek none the less.... and he is the best thing that has ever walked into my life. so don't despair dear Hammerite high school will be over soon and see that way you can weed out all of the shallow girls and then move on to someone that will love you and she will take care of you.

PS – what is a emo ? shaved head very nice but emo ???

[lostwolfe]

Originally Posted by jelena

my favourite facial hair is a small beard [i think it's called goatee] together with a moustache. if the hair is turning grey it's even better.

ah. grey hair and a grey beard. i love both of those.

though, before i come back to that [because i wish to elaborate] - things i look for in men:

i like the inner parts of a man first. if he's intelligent, if he's funny, if he doesn't mind long conversations about all sorts of topics - all of that is good to me.

on the outside [and, particularly if i'm just looking] - i tend towards older men, usually who are larger than i am [rounder is a good plus, too ;)] - with the aforementioned grey hair. grey or greying is good with a /long/ beard for preference [and long hair, if that's included.]

if i can find both at the same time [inner and outer qualities] that's the cherry on top.

i've read the thread from end to end and i wish to comment that the "boy" culture is eveywhere, even in gay circles. there's a lot of "boys" in gay circles who go to some lengths to prove their manhood. [but then there's equal and opposite sides of that coin as well.]

[Squinky]

Originally Posted by Melanie68

Unfortunately at your age, girls go for the 'bad boy' or 'uber macho' guy and they sometimes never lose that idiocy.

This is all I have to say:



And for further recommended reading, go here.

[Jeysie]

Ho, ho! Squinky, I've lived that comic so many times...

But yes... guys might complain about how girls always go for the "bad boys" or the "macho types"... but then, guys always go for the popular, mean, and/or girly-girly girls, too.

Speaking as a geeky, nice, non-girly girl who loves men and has wooed many a geeky, nice guy (would never ever want to date a guy that was a bad boy or mister macho)... yet has only had exactly one guy agree to date her, ever, and that only because he was really lonely.

I'm not going to speak for Hammerite specifically, but I find that nine times out of ten when a guy asks "How the hell do [the jerks] get all the girls?", what they're really asking is "How the hell do [the jerks] get all the [really hot] girls?" while they completely ignore the plainer-but still-not-bad women who'd be happy to date them if they noticed...</rant>

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

but I find that nine times out of ten when a guy asks "How the hell do [the jerks] get all the girls?", what they're really asking is "How the hell do [the jerks] get all the [really hot] girls?" while they completely ignore the plainer-but still-not-bad women who'd be happy to date them if they noticed...

That's what I believe too.
It seems to me that the expression "nice guy" includes more nuances than I thought. To me nice guy=kind guy. It seems that nice guy means something of a timorous guy. I'm not sure if that's the best word to describe what I mean.

[Jeysie]

I generally think of "nice guy" as "good-hearted/kind guy" myself. However, when used in the old "girls don't like nice guys" argument, it generally has connotations of "gentlemanly", "respectful", "strait-laced", and/or "shy".

But anyway. Yeah, if I had a dime for every guy I heard say, "Why can't I find a girl who's geeky/plays D&D/likes sports/plays computer games/is a programmer/etc.," yet manages to completely ignore women who *are* like that (because they aren't total babes), I'd be rich.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Squinky]

For what it's worth, I, a geek girl, have never dated a geek guy. My only relationships to this date have been with arts fartsy writer and/or musician types.

Oddly, many male geek friends I have are/have only been in relationships with non-geek girls. Hmm...