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Old 06-09-2006, 06:19 AM   #1
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As the local socially-challenged misfit, it is my duty to make a fool of myself. Therefore, I would like to talk about telephones.

I've always hated getting phone calls, and I've always dreaded making them. For the past few days I've been pushing off an inevitable phone call I'm supposed to make (not about something negative or anything, just an ordinary phone call), and this has allowed me to consider this a bit. I think I know now why I don't like phone calls. I now think that it's not just me (though I certainly have more of a problem than others) - feeling awkward is inevitable, and the only question is how well you can learn to get over it and ignore it.

You see a bunch of people you know talking, and you want to join in. You can't just barge in and change the topic to frogs. You've got to pay attention to what they're saying and wait for an opening. (An "opening" being an opportunity to add something to the discussion.) This is probably the most basic social rule- we have it beaten into us by repetition, and understandably feel awkward when it is broken. Obviously I don't need to tell you any of this, but bear with me- I have a point. Say you want to talk about a specific topic- you can try to push the conversation in that direction (and you will do so more forcefully depending on how much you think these people will be interested in hearing what you have to say), but maybe they don't want to hear about frogs. This is their conversation you've pushed yourself into, and they will have no problem indicating (either verbally or through body language) that they're not interested.

A phone call does not work like this. First of all, you can't wait for an opening because you have no idea what the person on the other end is doing. You force your way in. This has all the tact of physically pulling one of your friends away from their conversation and yelling at them, "WE WILL TALK ABOUT FROGS NOW!". It may be that the person wants to hear from you. But you can't know. To intensify the problem, I have to sit through lots of rings, each one reminding me of my guilt over this. Then you start talking, and it's not the person who has just (potentially) been inconvenienced but the caller who is given the right to control the conversation. So if (s)he is inconvenienced, there's no way to know because it would be impolite of him/her to try to end the conversation so early. This makes it doubly awkward for the caller, because there's no way to know whether the other person is bothered by the call!

In other words, I just hate phone calls.
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Old 06-09-2006, 06:24 AM   #2
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i agree with the fact you hate phone calls, i really think there's something daunting about picking up the phone and ringing someone, maybe it's the fact that the person might not be in and the fear of not being accepted will occur? maybe it's the thought of using your muscles in your face to talk? maybe it's the fact that you have things to do and on the phone you limited to what can be done and the probability is your going to be there for a long time? all of these reasons together and more is what is what on the phone, and it sucks. writing a letter is a lot more fun.
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Old 06-09-2006, 06:29 AM   #3
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I agree. There is nothing awkward about letter writing.
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Old 06-09-2006, 06:44 AM   #4
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I'm one of those who spent hours on the phone when I was a teenager. Just like my daughter does now. That is, when she's not chatting online with her friends. Or actually meet them.
My parents and the rest of the relatives live in the north of Sweden so phoning them has been the only way to hear their voices for long periods. I'm also a very chatty person (and has been since I learned to speak) so I kind of like talking on the phone. But now when e-mails have become such a convenient way of communication I have reduced my phoning. Especially to those out of the country.
And as a matter of fact, today I got a phone call from one of my dearest friends who has worked in South America for year. We have e-mailed all this time she's been away and that has been a good way of keeping in touch. But to hear her voice again was truly special.
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Old 06-09-2006, 06:52 AM   #5
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-


Oh.

I guess it's just me then.







Well, that thread didn't last long.
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Old 06-09-2006, 06:58 AM   #6
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I don't like making phonecalls to strangers, like customer services people, etc.

I don't know why, but I'd just prefer to correspond via post or e-mail.
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Old 06-09-2006, 06:59 AM   #7
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You're not alone; I hate phone calls too. I don't like having people who might be total strangers call me for reasons which I don't know until I pick up the phone and plunge into talking. That's why I usually let the answering machine take care of it.

I also hate feeling rude by bothering other people with my own phone calls, so I make as few calls as possible.
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Old 06-09-2006, 07:16 AM   #8
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Oh I guess it's just me then....
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Old 06-09-2006, 07:16 AM   #9
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Whenever I have to get in touch with companies, I usually go for the email option instead of the phone. I hate phoning up amenities companies etc, they seem to put you on hold for ages then you end up speaking to about three or four different people who give you different answers (Orange especially, ****wits the lot of em!)

I prefer face to face if possible, they can't **** you about so much then, and you can get your point across a lot easier.
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:00 AM   #10
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Moriarty, I think I tend to be more like you. I hate to make personal calls, because I never know if it's a good time for them, and I hate to be rude. Also if someone asks me "what's new?" - there is nothing that will make me go blank faster than that.

Working in the medical profession, I can easily make professional calls, as long as I know exactly what I need to say to the Doc or family or whomever.

If I do have something to chat about, and I have with Trep and with Scott, and I know that they are available, because I've PM'd them here, then it's much easier - and both of them are very easy to chat with.

Lynsie
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:24 AM   #11
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I also got problmes with making phonecalls, often if I have to make a important phonecall, I usually postpone it as most as possible, dunno why...
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:27 AM   #12
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I currently have a skype phone to make up for my lack of land and cell phone.
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:31 AM   #13
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I got a Skype phone at my parents place to, they got one when my sister moved to Sweden, now they can phone her for free..
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:31 AM   #14
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Just get over yourself, Moriarty. I used to be terrified of going out by myself, crippingly self-conscious and all. Then I got so f***ing sick of it - sick of missing out on the world, on making new friends - that I literally forced myself to carry my journal and book to the cafe and read and write - in public!!! - for a few hours on my days off. It worked, after several weeks I wasn't making excuses anymore not to head out the door. And then after that I forced myself for a few months to go out to the bar for a beer by myself. Amazing, strangers would come up wanting to talk to me, and I developed a relationship with the bartenders (I'd bring them Lindt chocolat truffles and they occasionally bought me drinks).

I'm still shy today and could never just walk up to someone and start talking, but I'm nowhere NEAR as f**ked up as I was years ago. Oh, and as far as phone calls, screw that! At least you're not in the same room with them, right?
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:35 AM   #15
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I have to do a lot of over the phone interviews, so i've gotten past the whole shy thing.
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:37 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens
I'm still shy today and could never just walk up to someone and start talking
*surprised look* That's hard to believe from getting to know you on this forum Trep!



Am I the only one who is as chatty in real life as I am here?
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:40 AM   #17
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This is a forum, after all. We are not in the same room together. The shyest people in the world could still be incredibly outspoken and gregarious so long as they don't have to deal with talking to strangers face to face. If we were at a bar you would have to be the one to come to me and introduce yourself.
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:41 AM   #18
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My reasons for disliking talking on the phone differ, but I already detailed them in the What Are You Afraid Of? thread. Boils down to lack of being able to read body language and read lips to tell exactly what's being said, yet you still have the discomfort of *immediate* conversation that isn't in written form.

Gives me no end of trouble with jobs... I've been supposed to call various people in search of getting a new job for weeks now and I'm just nervous about doing it.

What's worse is that I come off *horribly* on the phone. I used to have a job where answering the phone was one of my duties. Eventually my employers had to "fire" me from answering the phone because the customers all complained I sounded rude, bored, and/or incompetant, when in fact I always tried to be helpful, pay attention, and knew what I was talking about. *sigh*

Granted, I have almost as much trouble in person with people constantly misreading what I meant to say and be, but it's worse on the phone.

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Old 06-09-2006, 11:47 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens
If we were at a bar you would have to be the one to come to me and introduce yourself.
I will, don't worry!
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Old 06-09-2006, 11:48 AM   #20
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O god.

< hides under the table alongside Moriarty >
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