[mouse on mars]

I've been talking to a person online for a few years now. We have never met but I was planing on meeting her in June in my Mid year holidays.

I have had numerous funny and intelligent and fun conversations with her. We share our similarities and differences to create a unique friendship. Sometimes it has been particularilly hard with me and her having issues with trust and the barriers online communication puts up.

On Monday I came online and i was immediately asked whether I would mind if a boyfriend could join us when I visited her in the summer (we have been planning this together for ages). I didn't know anything about the boyfriend and this was news to me. So i was saying "I dunno" I was afraid I was going to become a third wheel on my own expensive trip. In the end I agreed it would be okay but our chat that day didn't really go that great I was quiet and a little upset but i couldn't find the courage to say what I needed to say.

My friend doesn't really like it when i go all quiet cause it makes her think i'm mad at her. So she said I was being quiet. Then I tried to talk more but I think I just sounded awful.

I am happy that she has found a boyfriend. I was suprised though because I felt like I was the last person who knew about it (I'm supposed to be her closest friend).It's obvious I have always liked her and she knows this. I felt like I came across as selfish even though I was just a little sad. So I have been left hanging for days and haven't heard from her. I feel that horrible unresolved feeling and I need to let her know how I feel. I am the kind of person that doesn't like to argue and needs to talk things out straight away. She tends to disappear for ages or go really quiet and it really makes it much harder then it needs to be.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation with someone they care about (especially if it applies to online friends)?

[insane_cobra]

If you're only sad because you though you should've known about him as her close friend, then there's no simple answer. Maybe you're mistaking your relationship for something it's not. Give it some thought and if it really bothers you, you should definitely talk to her about it before you meet. Otherwise you might both end up having a horrible time.

If, however, you have romantic feelings for her, drop everything and move on. You're only prolonging the agony.

[Jeysie]

Well, I have recently been in a situation where I had been talking to someone online for years and thought we were friends - not close friends, perhaps, but good enough to enjoy being around each other - but then one day he just left and stopped talking to me (and the other folks in our group) and wouldn't give a reason.

I have to admit that I agree with Cobra up there... it sounds like you perhaps attached an importance to your online friendship that she didn't. It can be hard to gauge a person's real feelings online.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Karmillo]

Have you asked her why she never told you about him?

[Sage]

I think Cobra said what I think much more concisely than I ever could, so I have very little to add.
The thing is, different people place different amounts of value on online relationships. Some people take them very seriously while others consider them just a diversion. The anonymity that is part and parcel of any online relationship gives some people the courage to reveal intimate details of their lives that they'd never divulge in person, but that same anonymity means they can disappear forever without explanation.
It kinda sucks, but that's the way it is.