[Jeysie]

Originally Posted by Phantom

Come on, are you seriously trying to convince us that the bad bus service near your home is the reason why you're going back to college? Those are minor problems, not even worth mentioning until you're confronted with them.

No, it's not the only problem, but it's kind of hard to deny it is a problem when you do the logistics and find that you literally can't get there from here. What do you suggest I do, sprout wings and fly to my classes? Walk 3+ hours back and forth from them? Spend $20 each way on a cab every day?

Originally Posted by SoccerDude

To me it seems like you are overqualified for your job, so you are facing these morons who won't appreciate you, even if you automated their whole file system retrieval.

Right, I'm *so* overqualified for these jobs... that's why they're the only jobs I can get, since every better job requires degrees, training, and experience I DON'T have. How can I be overqualified for a job when I've looked through all the listings time and time again and every better job requires qualifications I don't have?

Look, I'm really, really sorry I brought all this up, and I'm not interested in talking about it any more, so please go focus on someone else now. I've already dealt with all this whole "Despite the fact that all your research shows that the reality is that you can't do X because you need Y and there's no current feasible way to get Y, all you have to do is wish hard enough and wave your magic wand and Y will suddenly appear" stuff from plenty of other people.

All it does is make me feel more like crap because it's blatantly obvious that there's tons of easy solutions that everyone else can find without any effort... meanwhile I look and research and do the math and I just don't see how it's supposed to add up. Just points out further that if I was just like everyone else I wouldn't have any problems, since it would all work and make sense to me.

So, I'm just going to drop it, thanks.

[MoriartyL]

Sorry to break up the Jeysie-bashing, but I have a question.

What's the point of regret anyway? I don't get it. Say you make a mistake. It's past. Regret just brings it back to the present, prolonging its impact. Regret won't change anything; It'll just make you suffer. Since when is suffering the sort of thing a sane person should seek out? You could argue that such self-inflicted punishment teaches you not to do it again in the future, but in that case there's nothing at all to regret, because without the problem this improvement would not have happened! So what, exactly, is the point, and why should I have any respect at all for people who choose to regret past decisions?

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Look, I'm really, really sorry I brought all this up, and I'm not interested in talking about it any more, so please go focus on someone else now.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin

So, I'm just going to drop it, thanks.

Well, then....

"It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before... to test your limits... to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Have you ever even considered that we got all over your ass over this because.....we love you? If we didn't give a shit do you even think we'd pay attention to all your self flagellating rants about the state of your life? After all, why DID you post about all your problems? For sympathy? Well, sister, you got your sympathy, and more. A lot more.

And yet I find it so ironic that, despite all of us believing in you, the most important person in your life doesn't and has given up. And that person is you.

Originally Posted by MoriartyL

What's the point of regret anyway?

"To regret the past is to forfeit the future" - Chinese proverb

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

No, it's not the only problem, but it's kind of hard to deny it is a problem when you do the logistics and find that you literally can't get there from here. What do you suggest I do, sprout wings and fly to my classes? Walk 3+ hours back and forth from them? Spend $20 each way on a cab every day?

One of coolest guys I ever met when I was living in Oregon was this fellow originally from Indiana. Several years ago he was a highly successful manager, earning a six figure income, married, and with two daughters. But all that was shattered when he was diagnosed with AIDS and he lost everything. He moved to rural Oregon so his sister there could take care of him. Today he is doing well and is studying web design and communications and will have a new degree in a year. How does he do it? Through the very same way you're reading this post: the internet. He is studying for his degree online.

[MoriartyL]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

"To regret the past is to forfeit the future" - Chinese proverb

Thank you, Mr. Fortune Cookie.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I love torturing you.

Oh, and you're welcome.

[SakSquash]

I don't believe in regret. As long as I'm alive, I must be doing something right!

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Oooh! THAT is definitely quotable.

[jjacob]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

No, it's not the only problem, but it's kind of hard to deny it is a problem when you do the logistics and find that you literally can't get there from here. What do you suggest I do, sprout wings and fly to my classes? Walk 3+ hours back and forth from them? Spend $20 each way on a cab every day?

I don't know, get a motorcycle or a cheap 200$ moped or even a bicycle or something? 3 hours walking means about 15 to 20 miles right? That's easily doable with any of the aforementioned modes of transportation (bike or moped = 30 mins. bicycle = one hour). I really don't see the problem here.

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Right, I'm *so* overqualified for these jobs... that's why they're the only jobs I can get, since every better job requires degrees, training, and experience I DON'T have. How can I be overqualified for a job when I've looked through all the listings time and time again and every better job requires qualifications I don't have?

You may not like it, but it's reality and if you really want to get a better job just go get a degree!

Originally Posted by Jeysie

Look, I'm really, really sorry I brought all this up, and I'm not interested in talking about it any more, so please go focus on someone else now. I've already dealt with all this whole "Despite the fact that all your research shows that the reality is that you can't do X because you need Y and there's no current feasible way to get Y, all you have to do is wish hard enough and wave your magic wand and Y will suddenly appear" stuff from plenty of other people.

I don't recall anyone mentioning a magic wand or wishful thinking. Everyone here has tried to offer real solutions.

Originally Posted by Jeysie

All it does is make me feel more like crap because it's blatantly obvious that there's tons of easy solutions that everyone else can find without any effort... meanwhile I look and research and do the math and I just don't see how it's supposed to add up. Just points out further that if I was just like everyone else I wouldn't have any problems, since it would all work and make sense to me.

So, I'm just going to drop it, thanks.

So because you live 20 miles from college and you're reluctant to get a student loan you feel you're somehow living in a tiny corner of the world where it's not possible to get an education? If so, I seriously feel sorry for you, because in that case it's blatantly obvious you're envisioning obstacles that are overcome fairly easily.

[samIamsad]

Originally Posted by MoriartyL

Since when is suffering the sort of thing a sane person should seek out?

I wish I knew.

[Phantom]

Originally Posted by MoriartyL

Sorry to break up the Jeysie-bashing, but I have a question.

What's the point of regret anyway? I don't get it.

Every emotion we feel has a good reason for existing.

Regret is what prevents you from making the same mistake twice. You learn from it. But you shouldn't let it dominate your thoughts in the present. Regret is something to notice, learn from, and then stash away in a dark corner of your brain.

I regret a lot of small things in my life. Getting extremely drunk and breaking some teeth driving on the way home with my bike, for example. It sucks, and it's something I carry with me for the rest of my life (I got some false teeth now). I regret it, and learned from it. I still get extremely drunk every now and then, but I learned to drive really, really slowly on the way home in order to prevent accidents like that from ever happening again.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Phantom

Regret is something to notice, learn from, and then stash away in a dark corner of your brain.

< whispering > "Milaaaaaaa!!!! Milaaaaaaaa!!!! Why did you let us die?!!!!!" < /whispering >

[Jeysie]

Trep: I've thought about getting a degree online, but like I said, I know several business owners and recruiters and everything, and none of them take online stuff seriously. They want traditional certs from well-known brick-and-mortar places.

Besides, if all I wanted to do was learn online, there are a bajillion places I could do that for free. In fact, I have worked on trying to teach myself some computer stuff. Everything I know about computers is self-taught; I have literally never once in my life taken a computer class that didn't teach me anything I hadn't already learned myself. (shrug)

And online learning would only work for my computer aspirations anyway. At least 50% (probably more) of science learning is hands-on lab work and experiments, which you can't replicate online.

Originally Posted by jacob

I don't know, get a motorcycle or a cheap 200$ moped or even a bicycle or something? 3 hours walking means about 15 to 20 miles right? That's easily doable with any of the aforementioned modes of transportation (bike or moped = 30 mins. bicycle = one hour). I really don't see the problem here.

It's OK, I didn't provide enough information. Both my roommate and I wish we could have bicycles. But I live in a small second-floor apartment with literally no room inside the apartment to store something the size of a bike. We have no real basement. We do have a front second-floor porch, but we have to share it with neighbors who are constantly having parties and random people over all the time. Finally, we live in a neighborhood where my roommate has had his car vandalized on several occasions and even stolen.

If I owned a bike or moped it would be literally ruined or gone within a few days of my bringing it home.

Originally Posted by jacob

I don't recall anyone mentioning a magic wand or wishful thinking. Everyone here has tried to offer real solutions.

Yeah, solutions I've already thought of and determined they won't work for me. And when I post actual, live, observed evidence why they won't work, everyone still tells me it's all in my head.

It's like I'm sitting here staring at a huge wall, and everyone else is telling me, oh, well, if I only thought the same way they do and I tried hard enough, I could find that secret passage in the wall that is currently invisible to me. So I get frustrated and feel like crap, because people tell me these solutions, I try them out and they DON'T WORK and then everyone else tells me it's because I'm not trying hard enough.

It's exactly like how I was in gym class as a kid, and I'd be playing baseball or something, and no matter how hard I followed all the instructions and held my arms and legs the right way and stared at the ball so hard I'd need a microscope to see any closer, I'd still miss hitting it. And then the teacher would give me an F because I "wasn't trying hard enough and if I just put in more effort I'd be good" even though I was trying as hard as I f***ing could and it still wasn't working. And of course, everyone else in the class can hit the ball just fine, so I'm the only one who sucks at the blatantly obvious.

THAT'S how this sort of stuff makes me feel, and that's why I'm really, really sorry I brought it up and I want to drop it.

[MoriartyL]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

THAT'S how this sort of stuff makes me feel, and that's why I'm really, really sorry I brought it up and I want to drop it.

Sounds to me like regret. Maybe we should discuss this. In fact, I think the hostility on these boards is also only in your mind. See, you have no self-esteem, which is why you're hallucinating all these posts which put you down. So the solution is obvious!: Get some self-esteem, and completely reinvent yourself into someone sane, like, say, Intrepid Homoludens, and then all these imaginary voices will go away. It's all in your head...

Edit: Oh, and you might have noticed I have no "advice" for you. As you can see, I have learned an important lesson from my own thread, and for that reason I no longer regret it.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by MoriartyL

Sounds to me like regret. Maybe we should discuss this. In fact, I think the hostility on these boards is also only in your mind. See, you have no self-esteem, which is why you're hallucinating all these posts which put you down. So the solution is obvious!: Get some self-esteem, and completely reinvent yourself into someone sane, like, say, Intrepid Homoludens, and then all these imaginary voices will go away. It's all in your head...

OOhhh! Are you getting back at the forumites for all the good advice we gave you. Sweet revenge.....

[tabacco]

Originally Posted by Jeysie

It's exactly like how I was in gym class as a kid, and I'd be playing baseball or something, and no matter how hard I followed all the instructions and held my arms and legs the right way and stared at the ball so hard I'd need a microscope to see any closer, I'd still miss hitting it. And then the teacher would give me an F because I "wasn't trying hard enough and if I just put in more effort I'd be good" even though I was trying as hard as I f***ing could and it still wasn't working. And of course, everyone else in the class can hit the ball just fine, so I'm the only one who sucks at the blatantly obvious.

You're overthinking it, just like with the baseball story. If you think too hard about how to hit the ball, it's going to pass you by before you get around to swinging at it. Stop focusing on petty reasons why you can't go to college and just do it!

To say that you can't go because your apartment is too small to store a bike is just ridiculous. Move closer and get some damn financial aid. To be honest, if you have a chance to fix something you regret doing and refuse to do it (or make excuses to avoid it) then your posting about it just comes across as trolling for pity.

Stop thinking about where the damn ball is and just take a swing at it!

[playing_games]

There are financial aid options available to needy students. Does your mother have high income or asset? If she doesn't, I can see you qualifying for various grants (not loans) available like these:

Originally Posted by financial aid info from web page of Middlesex Community College

* Federal Pell Grant: Grant from the federal government to undergraduate students (with no prior bachelor’s or professional degree) with high need. These grants are based on the student’s enrollment status.
* Federal Supplemental Educational Opportunity Grant (SEOG): Grant from the federal government to undergraduate students with high need. Priority of this grant funding is given to students who are Pell Grant recipients.
* MASSGrant: Grant from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to full-time (12 credits or more each semester) undergraduate students who are residents of Massachusetts and demonstrate exceptional financial need. Recipients cannot have a prior bachelor’s or professional degree. (Application deadline for MASSGrant is May 1.)
* Tuition Waiver: Need-based grant aid from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to undergraduate students who are residents of Massachusetts and have no prior bachelor’s or professional degree.
* Cash Access Grant: Need-based grant from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to undergraduate students who are residents of Massachusetts and have no prior bachelor’s or professional degree.
* Part-time Grant: Need-based grant from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to undergraduate students enrolled in six to 11 credits each semester. This grant is for Massachusetts residents who have no prior bachelor’s or professional degree.

I didn't use a single dollar to pay for my tuition when I went to college in the early 90s. My family had no assets and our income was under $20,000. Both my brother and I did not have to use a single dollar to pay our tuition. Things are a lot tougher now than it used to be but if your mother doesn't have a lot of assets or high income, you might qualify for grants (not loans).

Even if you fail to obtain loans, getting student loans is not as dangerous as you seem to think. I financed my MBA study with student loans. Once again, I didn't have to use a single dollar of my own money to get my MBA. My loan balance at the time of graduation was over $25,000 but thanks to extended repayment option (20 years) and low interest rates, my monthly payment wasn't even $250 a month. I was able to refinance my student loan at even lower rate and now my monthly payment is around $170.

You won't be able to explore these options unless you are admitted to a school and you start working with the financial aid office at the school. I went to Rutgers and I've got to tell you that the people at the financial aid office at Rutgers were some of the nicest people that I have ever run into anywhere. They sat down with me and patiently went through all the options available to me until we finally found a way for me to get an education even though my family at the time was as much in financial trouble as you seem to be in now. You will not know what type of assistance and opportunities are available to you unless you put yourself in a position where it is possible for other people and the system can help you. Apply to a school. Get accepted and try to see if you can actually pay for it and get an education. Even if there's no way, what have you lost? The application fee, some time, and some leg work. That's it, right?

My family came to the States from Korea when I was 17. We had $2,000 to our name at the time and a half of that was gone within days of our arrival because we had to pay the security deposit for the apartment we were renting. My parents did not speak any English at the time. We obviously had no car. I even saw my mother crying at night (she was trying to hide it but we were living in a small apartment so she really couldn't) because she had no clue how we were going to survive. We somehow managed to survive though. Both my parents somehow managed to land jobs and worked themselves to death. My mother had two jobs at one point and worked 14 hours a day and one of the jobs was a graveyard shift (from midnight to 8 AM) at a plastic bottling company. I still to this date can figure out how she was able to stuck with doing that for two years.

I do see that you have a lot of difficulties but I have to say, no matter what, you are in a better position than my mother was. She's not particularly smart or extraordinarily talented. What she had had though is the will to survive, the desire to flourish, and the willingness to work as hard as she can to succeed. Hope this doesn't offend you but you might want to sit down and calmly take a look at yourself and where you are and figure out why your life seem to be stuck where it is. It might just very well be that it's yourself and not the obstacles you seem to find everywhere that's holding you back.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Hmmm, I seem to have caught something before it got edited.

[playing_games]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

Hmmm, I seem to have caught something before it got edited.

Shup up, you. That's what you get for using Outlook to do your spell check.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Don't worry, I'll never tell. I love secrets. They're so sexy.