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Old 03-08-2006, 12:29 PM   #41
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I'm gonna be brutally honest here. Jeysie seriously needs to get over herself first before she can give herself permission to do anything to progress.
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Old 03-08-2006, 12:59 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens
And you dropped out of school because....?
Because I was stupid, plain and simple.

Because I never had any friends because I was too shy to talk to people, and I got myself depressed when everyone else had lots of people to hang out with and I was always alone, even though I could have had plenty of friends if I hadn't been too scared.

Because I thought school was boring because I found I could literally could pass all my classes and get ceiling-level test scores by reading the textbook once and doing all the homework and goofing off the rest of the time. I mistakenly assumed that school had nothing to offer me then and I didn't need it.

Because my dad was a geek and my mom is not. My father was always the one who took interest in my schoolwork and the things I liked to do and was happy I got good grades and everything. When he died, I was left with my mom who, although she loves me dearly and she's a great woman whom *I* love dearly, doesn't understand or really care about any of the techie and geeky stuff that I enjoy. I talk about it and her eyes glaze over and she says "That's nice, dear." It's just not the sort of stuff she prefers to spend time on.

Of course, I found that none of the other students I talked to seemed to find my smarts and interests all that, well, interesting either. So I figured, what did being good at school and geeky stuff matter if nobody else gave a shit? I didn't realize how much it mattered until I got into the workforce.

And so on. Lots of stupid teenagery reasons that seemed to make perfect sense and be totally important at the time, but looking back now I realize how dumb they were, especially in comparison to the consequences of my choice. Which is why I regret making it so much.

Peace & Luv, Liz
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Old 03-08-2006, 01:04 PM   #43
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So then how is that affecting you today, aside from not being taken seriously by prospective employers? What are your plans to do something about it? Or have you decided to just be like this for the rest of your life?
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Old 03-08-2006, 01:20 PM   #44
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Jeysie
Isn´t there the possibility to get a loan with advantageous terms of repayment only for students? (terrbile translation maybe student loan is a better word) That´s how we finance our uni-studies in Sweden. Last time I took one was 2000 when I did 3 years of studying part time and working part time. I was 36 at the time.
And btw, I find your bosses who didn´t appreciate you organizing skills very strange ! Perhaps they were the kind of persons that were not happy if they´re being told or shown something superiour than what they accomplish themselves.
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Old 03-08-2006, 01:27 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens
So then how is that affecting you today, aside from not being taken seriously by prospective employers? What are your plans to do something about it? Or have you decided to just be like this for the rest of your life?
I don't see what I *can* do about it. I literally have no money to go to college... the most money I've ever had in my bank account at one time is a couple thousand. I just can't seem to get a high enough paying job to let me save up enough money.

If I could get a decent enough job to be able to afford to go to college... well... I wouldn't need to go to college to get a decent job then, would I?

I could go into debt, but I've seen first-hand several friends and family who have gotten their credit damaged and filed for bankruptcy and everything because they took on debt assuming they could pay it off and then later on something happened and it all got screwed up. I don't want to take on thousands of dollars in tuition debt unless I know for sure I can eventually pay it off.

Of course, that's ignoring the fact that even if I did have the money for tuition there quite literally is no sufficient bus service in my area that I could use to get to classes, I literally can't afford to own a car, and my roommate is gone almost all the time so I can't use his.

So I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life, but you can't make money and other resources pop out of thin air. I do the best I can with what I have available.

Peace & Luv, Liz
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"Maybe it's still in the Elemental Plane of Candy."
"Is the Elemental Plane of Candy anything like Willy Wonka's factory?"
"If it is, would that mean Oompa Loompas are Candy Elementals?"
"Actually, I'm thinking more like the Candyland board game. But, I like this idea better."
"I like the idea of Oompa Loompa Elementals."
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Old 03-08-2006, 01:27 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LenaJ
And btw, I find your bosses who didn´t appreciate you organizing skills very strange ! Perhaps they were the kind of persons that were not happy if they´re being told or shown something superiour than what they accomplish themselves.
In many companies this is the psychology. Many managers feel they have to always be the ones who wield authority through knowing more than their charges, when in truth the idea of management - the one that's most effective - is to take advantage of and channel your workers' strengths to the benefit of the company. In this case Jeysie's superior[s] failed to see how good she was in terms of organization and efficiency, so the company suffers and can't make progress because her talents were not used to its best advantage.
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Old 03-08-2006, 06:13 PM   #47
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Regrets?

Hmm, hard to say. On first glance, I would say I do not regret anything. Like has been said in this thread before, even my bad decisions are decisions which have brought me to this point in life where I am now - and so I do not regret them.

I just had a talk with someone I begrudged for an astonishingly long time on my scale of things (I normally do not begrudge people, and if I do, it lasts less than 24 hours, commonly) - two long months. I stopped begrudging her two months ago, or so - it's strange, the person IMed me today and said, "I cannot fathom why, but you interest me". And we got into a discussion about how she'd begrudged me far longer (more or less until today) for my reaction*, and how we were both being silly, and that we have a massive amount of respect of each other. It was awkward in that I feel frighteningly situated on the edge of a cliff now, teetering there, and one wrong step and I'll fall steeply - this person is very, very emotional, very moody, and extremely harsh, you see. I am, frankly, extremely surprised she would cease begrudging anyone. It is like... a bit like a soul bond, a relationship, somehow, we frighten each other, we don't like everything we do,... but we're compelled to appreciating honesty in the end.

At any rate, I apologised, of course, as I came to the conclusion I was being silly two months ago already; but did I regret it? I don't think so. That was an intense discussion which raised the hair on the back of my neck. It wouldn't have happened if there had been no dispute. I don't regret it, no. It was reactionary of me at the time, but I don't regret.*

I'm 21 now and I've had so many sections in my life already... so many things I saturated myself with to the point of feeling informed enough to leave it be forever. I am reaching that point with the moderation of forums, actually. I do not get the impression there is anything left for me to learn there. If anything, I am, possibly, regretting that I am not stopping right this second, but there are obligations I have - primarily, I promised one person on the board I would be around long enough to RP with them for two weeks. And I know just stepping away from moderation and not from posting there would just get people upset that I stopped moderating no, no, the few days that is still going to last me for is not something I'm particularily upset at.

Nah.

At most, I regret never having learning to summarise my thoughts. I still ramble incoherently, as in this post, rather than just saying "No".

It's interesting, though - I have no real financial worries. I'm so free as other people could only ever hope to be. I appreciate that freedom so, so much. And admittedly, I use it. I do what I want and what I think is right and I don't think there's ever been something to force me to do otherwise. It's wonderful. It's also a curse, sometimes; I have so much time to think that I've cycled through such a massive depression not too long ago that I've had people compare it to a midlife crisis. I find that somewhat amusing.

But either way, the point is, I'm so wonderfully free, and I love it. And I wish I could share it with the people who're dear to me.

...and now I've digressed.

Fact is, though, how could I regret anything in a life of freedom? I've made those decisions in my life myself, all the way through my life. I'm responsible for the good and the bad ones. But they've all shaped me, and since I am responsible, and since I like where I am headed, overall... no, I can't regret things.

* For the curious, the event in question was in a conference on Yahoo!Messenger with about ten people including me and this person in it, and I had my default font colour of choice, magenta/black 'hues' alternating, and she made fun of it. Since magenta is a very personal thing to me, I got defensive about it, though in a casual way - and that's where I went wrong, because it escalated from there, and ended with her saying something in which she referred to me as "darling". Now, she had no way of knowing this, but I detest being called 'pet names' by people I do not have a strong friendship bond to, so I blew up, insulted her, and left. Today, she apologised for having pushed me on, and I apologised for not having been clearer on the emotional importance of the topic, and for not having mustered the distance to say I do not appreciate being called a pet name.
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Old 03-08-2006, 06:15 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeysie
I don't see what I *can* do about it. I literally have no money to go to college... the most money I've ever had in my bank account at one time is a couple thousand. I just can't seem to get a high enough paying job to let me save up enough money.

If I could get a decent enough job to be able to afford to go to college... well... I wouldn't need to go to college to get a decent job then, would I?

I could go into debt, but I've seen first-hand several friends and family who have gotten their credit damaged and filed for bankruptcy and everything because they took on debt assuming they could pay it off and then later on something happened and it all got screwed up. I don't want to take on thousands of dollars in tuition debt unless I know for sure I can eventually pay it off.

Of course, that's ignoring the fact that even if I did have the money for tuition there quite literally is no sufficient bus service in my area that I could use to get to classes, I literally can't afford to own a car, and my roommate is gone almost all the time so I can't use his.

So I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life, but you can't make money and other resources pop out of thin air. I do the best I can with what I have available.

Peace & Luv, Liz
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ <-- thin air.
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Old 03-08-2006, 06:55 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens
In this case Jeysie's superior[s] failed to see how good she was in terms of organization and efficiency, so the company suffers and can't make progress because her talents were not used to its best advantage.
No, they did see and appreciate how good I was; they always praised me and everything. The problem was simply that I could observe that the way the business generally operated clashed with the way I generally did things. I could observe that people were having trouble finding files, I could observe that my boss needed stuff done in a different order than made sense to me to do it, etc.

And it's not just this one job either; I've worked in 12 different places, and had problems "fitting in" in all of them. After a while you start thinking maybe it is you that's the problem, after all. (shrug)

Tabacco: Interesting link, I'll look through it. Although I am a little put off that it says you need to already be enrolled in a school to apply for aid.

Peace & Luv, Liz
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Adventures in Roleplaying (Nov. 19):

"Maybe it's still in the Elemental Plane of Candy."
"Is the Elemental Plane of Candy anything like Willy Wonka's factory?"
"If it is, would that mean Oompa Loompas are Candy Elementals?"
"Actually, I'm thinking more like the Candyland board game. But, I like this idea better."
"I like the idea of Oompa Loompa Elementals."
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Old 03-08-2006, 07:19 PM   #50
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Jeysie, your problems seem to be more psychological than anything else.You need to get more self esteem girl, before you go do anything else in your life. It all starts from within you. If you believe you can do it, you'll find a way. But you need to want to do it. No one can want to do it for you, and no one's pity will be of any benefit to you or your future.
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Old 03-08-2006, 07:21 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoccerDude28
Jeysie, your problems seem to be more psychological than anything else.You need to get more self esteem girl, before you go do anything else in your life. It all starts from within you. If you believe you can do it, you'll find a way. But you need to want to do it. No one can want to do it for you, and no one's pity will be of any benefit to you or your future.
what do you think i've been trying to tell her all this time?!!! she's freaking pathetic!

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Old 03-08-2006, 07:29 PM   #52
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No, it's not self-esteem problems. I don't get down on myself when I do something and see that it has been useful/helpful.

But apparently you don't accept the things I've seen with my own two eyes with people having problems with the way I do things, and heard from people with my own two ears commenting on the way I do things, so feel free to believe whatever about me you want. It doesn't have any bearing on the actual reality. (shrug)

Peace & Luv, Liz
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Adventures in Roleplaying (Nov. 19):

"Maybe it's still in the Elemental Plane of Candy."
"Is the Elemental Plane of Candy anything like Willy Wonka's factory?"
"If it is, would that mean Oompa Loompas are Candy Elementals?"
"Actually, I'm thinking more like the Candyland board game. But, I like this idea better."
"I like the idea of Oompa Loompa Elementals."
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Old 03-08-2006, 07:31 PM   #53
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You're right, I don't accept them. And I'm done talking about it with you. You KNOW what you need to do, so that's your decision, whatever it is.

It all started with the decision to drop out of high school, now you've allowed its repurcussions this far into your life.

Good luck with yourself.
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Old 03-08-2006, 07:53 PM   #54
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Massachusetts grants for indvidual women
Massachusetts individual grants
Women's Grants & Resources
FinAid - Books About Aid for Female Students
The Foundation for Independent Higher Education
Higher Education for Lower-Income Women: A Real Route Out of Poverty
Understanding Financial Aid
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Old 03-08-2006, 09:40 PM   #55
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Also worth considering, if you're not sure about committing totally to college, is distance learning. I'm sure something similar to the Open University must exist in the US. Obviously, not as good as going to college fully - and I think going back full-time would do you a world of good! - however, even being enrolled on such a course is a reason for potential employers to look twice at you, and they might sponsor your tuition into the bargain.

Trep is absolutely right. You regret your decision, now's the time to do something about it. I see it's your birthday (happy birthday by the way - I'll leave someone else the honour of making the obligatory thread!), so now's a great time to start looking into your options seriously. Aim to have made huge progress by your next birthday. Do you really want to be in the same situation next year?

As I was going to say once your birthday thread surfaced, I really hope your life improves in your 26th year of existence - but it's down to you.

Sorry if this sounds a bit too much like a motivational lecture, but seriously! Come on! I hate to read about people stagnating, especially if it seems they could do much more to help themselves. The only reason I haven't said this before is that Trep has already said it, better and more forcefully.
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Old 03-09-2006, 12:48 AM   #56
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When I regret some choice I´ve made in the past I make myself think of it like this:

At the time of the decision it was the best choice for me from what I knew then. My intentions were good! I have to reconcile to the person I was and not let that put the present me down.

Jeysie, can that be an applicable way to think for you?
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Old 03-09-2006, 09:08 AM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeysie
No, it's not self-esteem problems. I don't get down on myself when I do something and see that it has been useful/helpful.
Of course they are self-esteem problems. You know how everything you say to us sounds like? Like a excuses. Bad excuses to not take the plunge and go back to college.

Come on, are you seriously trying to convince us that the bad bus service near your home is the reason why you're going back to college? Those are minor problems, not even worth mentioning until you're confronted with them. The real problem is that you don't have the balls to do it. Work on your self-esteem, learn to believe in yourself, and you will get there.

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Old 03-09-2006, 10:03 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeysie
No, it's not self-esteem problems. I don't get down on myself when I do something and see that it has been useful/helpful.

But apparently you don't accept the things I've seen with my own two eyes with people having problems with the way I do things, and heard from people with my own two ears commenting on the way I do things, so feel free to believe whatever about me you want. It doesn't have any bearing on the actual reality. (shrug)

Peace & Luv, Liz
With more education, you get to deal (usually in most cases) with smarter, educated people who would appreciate you more. To me it seems like you are overqualified for your job, so you are facing these morons who won't appreciate you, even if you automated their whole file system retrieval. That always happens when you are much smarter than the people you have to deal with. Again the only person who can WANT to change this is you. It definitely won't be easy, but you can do it if you put your mind into it.
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Old 03-09-2006, 10:11 AM   #59
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From what you've told us you seem like a very bright woman. Why not finish that final year of high-school to get into college? Here in the Netherlands there are tons of schools for "high school dropouts" and most offer a one year program to get your diploma (even if you still have two years to go), and they're filled with people your age, hell, there's even the occasional 40-year old that's going back to finish what he or she started decades ago. Having no money for college is no excuse, even if colleges in the US tend to be expensive; how do you think most students pay for that? They get a student loan! Not every student is a 'trustfund baby' nor a semi-professional basketball player - so nearly every student pays for it by getting a loan. Everyone does it, everyone pays it off - I never heard about someone getting into heavy financial difficulty paying off their student loans after college. Once you have a degree you get a job and usually pay it off within 5 years or less if you're lucky. When you have a degree you'll have no trouble finding a good paying job, it's that simple. Besides college is not just about getting a degree - it's a life-changing experience, socially, culturaly etc. it'll enrich you unlike anything else in life, ask anyone here who's in college or has a degree. I've just applied for a 4 year film academy study and I'm dying to get in
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Old 03-09-2006, 10:15 AM   #60
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Let's just cut through the bullshit here. You will seriously get farther WITH a college degree than without. It's also indispensible for your self esteem.
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