[saucyminx]

Roommates from hell. Don't you just love them?

I'm seething from anger and fury right now, I am speechless. I don't even know where to begin with my story.

I've mentioned in previous threads that I have very problematic flatmates. Four of us living together. Two of them are very problematic - Roopa and Amy (yes the Amy that you saw in one of the pictures I've posted before).

Initially my problem with them was quite simple - I am a very efficient person, and I like things to be in order. Especially when all of us share the kitchen area where the stove has only two hot plates and a huge fridge. I'm quite sure you guys should understand my annoyance when selfish people pile up their things on the stove whenever you need it to cook dinner or not arranging the things in the freezer space and cramp it so much, you can't even put your own frozen goods. However these petty problems grew worse - from neglecting the trash routine to forgetting to turn off the water (and flooded the flat in the process) to neglecting security and always leaving the front door wide open for anyone to walk in freely.

(I am really tired, so my words might be jumbled up)

There are two rooms in the flat and two girls share one room. Amy and I, Malathi and Roopa. Anyways, I've pinpointed the worse culprit among all of us is Roopa (ironically she is the oldest among all of us - 26! Mal and I are both 24 and Amy's 19). And I've told her off too many times, starting with being polite at first to being frank. And surprise surprise - she never once wants to admit that it was her fault, even when I've witnessed it with my own eyes. Amy is quite irresponsible and always plays dumb. Malathi always listens to me when I am unhappy about something and works on improving it. I know I can be overbearingly strict, and I am quite harsh on the person that I reprimand - but I do believe that I am a very reasonable person and I know I am very fair. I always admit it when I am wrong and I don't mind doing it. I prefer to be frank and I like to have it out when there is a crisis rather than hiding it and pretend nothing is wrong.

The problem crops up because Roopa resents my authoritativeness very much. She believes she should be the leader that everyone should respect - only because she is the oldest among us. Sadly this is not the case as I have witness too many of Roopa's carelessness to put too much trust in her in handling flat matters. I sympathize with Mal for having to put up with her because Roopa doesn't seem to understand the meaning of respect and leniency - she doesn't seem to give a damn about Mal's privacy or comfort... Basically she bitches a lot but doesn't pull her weight about the place. And she resents me very very very much... as I keep telling her off (she has done way too many idiotic things, and I am not kidding). I mean, one can only have so much patience. Plus, she is an awful hypochondriac. As for Amy, even though she is my roommate, she is not my best friend as I find her to possess a very flighty personality and she does not respect my religion at all.

I don't want to mention any petty unimportant details, but I just need to vent. I've never realized how serious the situation has become. I knew how much Roopa resents me, but I had no idea to what length. Anyways to cut the story short, basically, somehow Roopa and Amy joint forces and decided to spite me for all the reprimandings I gave them for their carelessness. Look, I can handle bitchiness because I've studied in an all girls' school before and I do understand how mean girls can get. But what I did not expect was that Amy and Roopa both went to great lengths up to the extend of trying to find out my past life history - as in how good/bad my personal relationship with my parents, my ex-boyfriends, the people I went to school with before... Amy actually put up my picture on Friendster with hopes to get some dirt on me and Roopa tried to get chummy with my mum just to find out how do I get along with my family... all because they are not happy with me asking them to take their duties around the flat more seriously. I admit that I have a few personal details that I am not comfortable about sharing with people, so finding this out shocked the hell out of me.

I mean, WTF?! Do I really deserve this? What the hell did I do until they feel the need to invade my privacy to discredit and humiliate me to this extent? What's even weirder is that, not only is Roopa bitching about me, she is also copying the way I dress, the way I talk and the way I cut my hair...

I've spent the last hour crying (yes, I cried). I've been betrayed before, but this has to be the worse kind of backstabbing I've ever received. I have so many flaws and I am aware of my flaws. But at the same time, I am a very fair person and I've helped them out a lot when they needed it. And I do mean, a lot. See, how grateful people can be.

I am not naive. I am not stupid. I do know how the world works. But still, this situation stuns the hell out of me. The worse part is that I can't even confront them face to face because they always managed to excuse themselves from any confrontations. I am trying so hard to keep myself from packing their things up and hurling them out of the window.

Ok. Rant over.

[Maquisard]

Didn't read the entire rant, but the first paragraph seems bad enough. Condolences.

[saucyminx]

That's just the icing on the cake. It goes way deeper than what I mentioned above.

[Karmillo]

Wait, shes trying to find out every detail about your life and also looking & talking like you!?

Holy crap what if shes trying to steal your life or something like that?

[avatar_58]

Backstabbing...a demon I know well. Too well.

My life has made me bitter towards people and I find that I can't trust anyone but myself. I feel your pain with your situation, but its hard to give advice when I myself have a very biased view towards people like that.

Most of the 'friends' and people I knew in the past loved to betray me and leave me for better things. I never properly learned to deal with it and because of that I find it hard to trust even people who are supposed to be close to me. When I'm proven right about them (countless times) it hurts even more.

I can do nothing but offer an ear to listen. Hope things turn out okay.

[saucyminx]

Because she is sick.

*edit: She went to that length because I hardly talk about my personal life to anyone so I guess that gave her a clue that the only way to hurt me is to find out why am I so tight-lipped about my life. Why is it any of her ****ing business?

[SakSquash]

Kinda reminds me of Single White Female...cept you aren't single, nor are you white, though i'm pretty sure you're female.

Anyway, can you move out? I'm graduating soon so you can come here and we'll get a place together! I'm a wicked good roomie.

But seriously, I don't blame you. You shouldn't have to put up with such shit. If I were you, i'd try to move out. It's just a bad situation. Maybe you and the good roommate can get a place together.

[avatar_58]

Originally Posted by Mira

She went to that length because I hardly talk about my personal life to anyone so I guess that gave her a clue that the only way to hurt me is to find out why am I so tight-lipped about my life. Why is it any of her ****ing business?

Well it isn't any of her ****ing business. If I were you I would make that pretty damn clear to her.

[saucyminx]

I'd love to move out. But the hostel is the cheapest and it's included in the school fees. I can't move out into my own apartment outside because apartment rentals in Moscow are very expensive and they tend to double the prices for foreigners. I can't request for a new room in the hostel, either... they have a very dumb policy here about student placement.

I just wanna slap the crap out of Amy and Roopa, right now. I've never felt the need to slap anyone so hard in my life right now. I've put up with so much crap from them... even when Roopa stole my Latin notes, once. I've never met anyone as immatured as her, and at her age, it's disgraceful.

[SakSquash]

Can you get them kicked out?

[saucyminx]

I'd love to. Believe me. If I could, I would.

[jjacob]

Sounds awful, especially the copying and the 'stalking' (as in, trying to find out your secrets). My initial reaction would be - find a suitable, proportionate way to get back at them, show them you're smarter and more resistant than they think you are. I don't know if that's the smart thing to do, but you do need to show them you can be a mean bitch too. They're obviously trying to get you to leave or something, and that's awful beyond awfulness. They obviously think you're no match for the two of them, an you're going to prove them wrong. Perhaps this is wrong, but I know I'd do it if I were in your position.

A friend of mine had a (completely different) situation where his neighbours were sueing him for the noise his washing machine made (I'm not kidding), so the judge ruled he had to get a more silent one, setting him back 500 euros, but still, they were not satisfied and sued him once more, what's worse is that his noise was far less annoying than the drunken sounds his neighbours made at night (think neighbours from hell). So when I and him and a couple of other friends got together we came up with the (drunken) scheme of faking some voodoo stuff (again, not kidding here) to scare them off. We stuck some homemade voodoo dolls with pins on their front door, sprayed a ketchup mixture all over their garden and openly had a creepy 'sit-in' in their garden one night, and ofcourse, got caught while chanting more supposedly creepy voodoo stuff. We had no expectations whatsoever and thought it'd be more fun than effective. However, the next day the guy apparently slipped over something and broke his leg (creepy, I know, apparently make belief is a powerful thing), and a week later they dropped the lawsuit and were suddenly pretty kind to my friend - even keeping their late night noise to a minimum. I'm not proposing you do the same thing, but as you can see there are ways of getting back at them and turning the tables (is that the right expression? whatever). So dry those tears and use your smarts to solve this thing, you can do it!

[saucyminx]

The only good plan I can come up with is sit tight, be patient and play nice and hope that someday payback's gonna be a bitch.

[SakSquash]

Great plan.



































not.

[saucyminx]

Yeah I don't think so, either.

I'm just too enraged right now, it's hard to think straight. But I do know that I am going to tell Amy off. Tell her that I know she's been two-facing me and everything.

[Stoofa]

Poor Mira. There's not much you can do since you're stuck with those freaks. Anyway you could transfer to another house? Maybe document everything they've done? The Friendster page is especially creepy.

Those girls are acting like 12 year olds. I don't know how you haven't tried to throttle them by now.


Stories like this are why I always live alone, even if it's astronomically expensive it's worth my piece of mind.

[Karmillo]

Well one way to get them back is to get a friend and have them gain popularity, making their way up in life over a couple of years untill they are a well loved celebrity or leader or something. Then have them fake their death, make it look like an assasination and plant evidenc pointing straight to your room mates!

OH! be sure to show up at their court cases when they get their sentance, make sure they notice you standing at the back with a smirk on their face so they know its you

Then theyll know what its like for their past to come back and haunt them

[nikoniko]

That is truly, truly horrible, Mira. I feel so bad for you.

I've had some awful flatmates, but I can't say I've ever been in such torturous circumstances as yours. I always had my own room to escape to and recollect myself.

There was one guy who was pretty frustrating. He wouldn't wash dishes after he'd used them, so they'd just keep piling up in the sink until someone else would take care of it. Eventually I took one spoon, one fork, one plate, one bowl, one pot, and one cup up to my room to keep locked away, and whenever I wanted a meal I'd take my things out, use them, wash them, and bring them back up to my room. I suggested to my other roommates that they do the same and they did. Meanwhile, dishes kept piling up in the sink, until the inevitable day when there was nothing left for him to use.

He ate out for a few nights at restaurants until he ran out of money, and then he was finally forced to deal with his mess. That evening I heard curses coming from him that would make a sailor blush, and because the dishes were so disgusting he had to labor at them several hours before he was done. After that, I never found dirty dishes in the sink again.

That experience was enough to drive me crazy for a while, so it's hard even to imagine how furious you must feel having to deal with your roommates.

In such close quarters as yours, I don't know what you can do about your situation. Is there some chance you could rearrange your rooms so that you'll stay together with Mal, and Amy will get Roompa? Mal may not be perfect, but it sounds like you can at least deal with her. I know you might think that will make things worse, as Roompa and Amy are already teamed against you, but I suspect after a while they'll begin to hate each other and turn their attention away from you.

I also think you need someplace you can get away to yourself. Whether it's a cafe or some corner of a library or a couch in some forgotten lobby of the hostel, it's good to have a place to relax and breathe away from the people and situations which are getting to you. Obviously, that space is hard or impossible to find in your own apartment, so I think you should look elsewhere. If you can relax before coming home, it helps to deal with problems once you're at home, but maybe it's too difficult to go somewhere in this bitter Russian winter.

And are you sure there's no official you can turn to for help? Some of this stuff they've done has seriously crossed the line.

I'll definitely be sending all my best and warmest thoughts your way, and I really hope things improve.

[Melanie68]

Mira, vent but don't let your anger eat at you because then you won't think clearly to try and solve it. If you have an FPS you can load on the computer, you can pretend the person you're shooting is your two bad flatmates (just to get out your aggression). But then, take a deep breath. It sounds like your methods of communication have not worked with them. I'm am not a fan of revenge because it may feel good in the short term but I always worry that it'll come back to haunt you later - and I wouldn't want that to happen to you.

Is there a resident advisor in the hostel that you can turn to for help? Do you have any sort of mediation services on campus that you can ask for help? You say one of the girls has talked to your Mom. Have you told your Mom about it? I don't know what your relationship is like with her but she may also be a good ear and be able to help you out. Are these med school classmates of yours? Can you turn to the dean of students (if there is such a person at your campus) and explain your situation. And like Stoofa said, document as much as you can so you can back up your story as well.

The one girl (Roopa) sounds a little mentally unbalanced and unfortunately dealing with someone like that in a rational manner probably won't work.

That's all the suggestions I have. Sorry for such a shitty thing to have happened to you.

(((Mira)))

Edit: Wow, apparently I'm living with you now! (see NikoDoro's post)

Edit 2: Also, your Dad sounds like he is a deep well of wisdom - I hope you seek his advice too.

[artwking4]

I suggest giving all of your roommates sloppy wet kisses with lots and lots of tongue. Rinse and then repeat. They'll get off your back in a hurry. Try some groping as well, just to mix things up.

At the very least, they will avoid eye contact with you from now on. At best, group sex.