[Dasilva]

I wanted to know what everyones views on love is. Do you fall in love for the lust? excitment? To look cool? To be popular? What is it about love that defines you?

[Lucien21]

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
I through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I’m gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I’ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
I can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Let’s talk about love
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and I’m feeling so much love
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah

I wanna know what love is, let’s talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...

[Dasilva]

Did you write that?

[Lucien21]

Of course didn't you know I was really Mick Jones.

[Dasilva]

WOW! Look everyone I've talked to Mick Jones!!! *faints*

[Lucien21]

Here have a signed photo

[seebaruk]

Ah man, I love that tune! And the hair, wow....

[Melanie68]

In the words of Leo Buscaglia:

"One does not fall 'in' or 'out' of love. One grows in love."

Love is exciting but when it grows and becomes deeper and changes as the two people stay together, it becomes magical.

[Ninth]

Love is the only thing that's preventing me from dwelling is a sweet, hypnotic and heart-breaking nostalgia (for no reason at all), so it's definetely not overrated in my view. More like indispensable.

[Toefur]

Love is all that matters. And I really don't mean that in a sappy romantic-comedy kind of way.

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Dasilva

I wanted to know what everyone's views on love is.

It's the single most paranoia-inducing emotion I can think of. I'm not sure I've ever truly fallen in it, but I've definitely stepped in it a few times.

Do you fall in love for the lust?

At first, yes. Physical attraction is almost always the first stage, but sometimes more will grow out of that.

Excitement?

It's exciting without a doubt, but then so is playing Russian roulette. To the ones you think you're perfect for, you're invisible. To the ones who make your skin crawl, you're the hottest thing going. Trying to find a livable balance between those two extremes is the really exciting part.

To look cool?

Um...looking cool isn't really a motivation for me. Every time I've strived to look cool or put on airs I've fallen flat on my face, so I don't even try anymore.

To be popular?

There again, being popular isn't really a motivation for me. If one person appreciates me for who I am then I couldn't care less what the world at large thinks. If anything, relationships I've had in the past have lost me what few popularity points I'd managed to accrue.

What is it about love that defines you?

Raging disinterest coupled with an astonishing talent for picking the wrong ones to fall for? Monumental skepticism? Detatched bemusement? It really depends on when you ask me that question.

[Fairygdmther]

To me, love is the color that lights up a black & white world. It is the safe haven in a world of chaos; it is the consolation when you've lost everything else. When you're loved, you have direction in your life, and incentive to go on. When you lose someone you love, through separation, death, etc., you lose the very part of yourself that you entrusted with them. You are desolate, lost, and incomplete, and nothing seems worthwhile. You can't really "fall out of love", you only give up the fantasy world you created around the person, and begin to accept the reality, then find that you can't accept that after all.

To be in love is to be vulnerable, to open yourself up to pain, by investing trust in another. But without this investing of trust, you can never truly experience love, or life at its fullest, ie. you will only be a shell of a person.

Lynsie

[pinkgothic]

What an odd topic! Or rather, I find the questions very odd, because it goes very strongly against everything I feel regarding love... love and lust have nothing to do with each other for me - excitement is inherit to love, but how can it be a reason for it? - and I don't see what being cool and popular has to do with it... as in, I can't imagine how either could be a reason for love, because I can't see how love affects either.

Love to me is something that is defined by long-term positive interest - and so I love quite a few people, to various degrees. It is love that drives me to be furiously protective over my friends and to want to see them happy.

Scott said something about paranoia - I see that inherit to many, many people, so he's probably right, but I've never been able to feel paranoid about my loved ones, or my lusted after ones. I just can't relate. I fall in love with people due to their personality - I cherish them. I don't know if it's that I don't need them returning the emotion or if it's that I take them for granted - I assume it'll be one of them. Or it might be because I am polygamous, and split love and lust like that, and expect others to do the same - and it's very few people I both love and lust after, and I do believe the feeling is mutual with those people... and I can't see that changing.

I dunno. I think love is a great thing, and it has never been negative for me and I can't, truly, imagine a situation in which it would become painful, other than if a loved one died or was otherwise taken from me without chosing to do so themselves.

T'is a complex subject for me.

[Jeysie]

I'll assume that Dasi meant "romantic love"... because as Pink said, there's a fair number of different kinds of love that have nothing to do with lust.

I do think that lust is a fundamental part of romantic love... without it you just have a close friendship. But for me personally the true factor is personality... if I connect with someone emotionally the right way then lust tends to come along of its own accord.

For me lust and love tend to be connected... though I can find someone I don't love attractive, I usually am disinterested in trying to "consummate" that attraction since my not loving the person blunts the desire to just an appreciation. Conversely, as I said, if I love someone, I tend to automatically find them attractive.

If you're "falling in love" with someone just for the excitement, to be cool, or to be popular, then it is at best infatuation, IMHO. I think the base of true love is when you feel that someone complements your personality as best as possible, and you derive more happiness from interacting with them as a whole person than when you're not interacting with them, and from making them happy.

If you only desire someone because of some specific part of them... they do exciting things for/to you, they make you look good, or they net you lots of friends, and you would no longer desire them if they didn't provide those things, I'd hardly call that love.

I think that love in general is a good thing, though admittedly most of my personal experiences have been negative... all of my romantic love so far has been unrequited, and I've had some of my family members and friends that I loved die of illness.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Once A Villain]

I agree with Scott and others that physical attraction almost always comes first, but oddly enough the best relationship I've ever been in was with a girl that I was completely not into at first. I wasn't even going to call her for a second date, I was determined not too, and then I was convinced by some people that I could just be friends with her and that sort of thing (she was new to the area). I didn't find her attractive...in fact, I thought she was weird.

But the strangest thing happened... After hanging out with her and getting to know her I actually found her beautiful too. It was the strangest damn thing, and it hasn't happened since. I would literally look at her and think she was the most beautiful thing in the world, even though I thought she was totally not attractive at first. I guess sometimes (certainly not always) knowing what a person is like inside can actually transform them into a physically beautiful person on the outside.

Since that time it's always physical attraction and fireworks early, and nothing ever lasts because I find out that most of these girls are dumb as bricks. There are two girls I'm interested in now, but I find both physically attractive, and so I'm already thinking, "Ok, this will last a month at best...cool." But is it really cool? I'm 25...I should probably find "the one" before they're all married, divorced, cynical, etc.

[Melanie68]

Originally Posted by Once A Villain

I agree with Scott and others that physical attraction almost always comes first, but oddly enough the best relationship I've ever been in was with a girl that I was completely not into at first. I wasn't even going to call her for a second date, I was determined not too, and then I was convinced by some people that I could just be friends with her and that sort of thing (she was new to the area). I didn't find her attractive...in fact, I thought she was weird.

But the strangest thing happened... After hanging out with her and getting to know her I actually found her beautiful too. It was the strangest damn thing, and it hasn't happened since. I would literally look at her and think she was the most beautiful thing in the world, even though I thought she was totally not attractive at first. I guess sometimes (certainly not always) knowing what a person is like inside can actually transform them into a physically beautiful person on the outside.

Since that time it's always physical attraction and fireworks early, and nothing ever lasts because I find out that most of these girls are dumb as bricks. There are two girls I'm interested in now, but I find both physically attractive, and so I'm already thinking, "Ok, this will last a month at best...cool." But is it really cool? I'm 25...I should probably find "the one" before they're all married, divorced, cynical, etc.

Don't force yourself into marriage before you're ready either. If you feel like it's time to sow your oats, do it and then when you are ready, go for the long term relationship. I read somewhere that we all have a shopping list of who we look for in a mate and that as we get closer to being ready for a long term relationship (i.e. marriage), that shopping list (i.e. hair color, height, race, profession, money etc.) becomes less important. Those things draw you to someone but they don't necessarily make you stay.

Edit: I hate it when I give advice like I'm the most experienced person in the world. The old saying goes that wise men don't need it and the foolish won't heed it. Ignore that first sentence.

[Wormsie]

Originally Posted by Dasilva

I wanted to know what everyones views on love is. Do you fall in love for the lust? excitment?

This is so far how I've falen in love: you meet someone with whom you can have an interesting conversation (seeing at least some things eye to eye is an important factor in this) and who is very huggable and feels exciting (in an erotic sense). The physical contact came first, though.

To look cool? To be popular?

I'm not a ten-year-old teenage girl. Besides, two young men walking hand in hand are only popular in the minds of teenage girls...

What is love? Lynsie put it best:

Originally Posted by Fairygdmther

To me, love is the color that lights up a black & white world. It is the safe haven in a world of chaos; it is the consolation when you've lost everything else. When you're loved, you have direction in your life, and incentive to go on. When you lose someone you love, through separation, death, etc., you lose the very part of yourself that you entrusted with them. You are desolate, lost, and incomplete, and nothing seems worthwhile. You can't really "fall out of love", you only give up the fantasy world you created around the person, and begin to accept the reality, then find that you can't accept that after all.

To be in love is to be vulnerable, to open yourself up to pain, by investing trust in another. But without this investing of trust, you can never truly experience love, or life at its fullest, ie. you will only be a shell of a person.

No matter what, I'm glad I've experienced love...

[Fairygdmther]

Originally Posted by Wormsie

What is love? Lynsie put it best:

No matter what, I'm glad I've experienced love...

Thanks, sweetie!

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Love is possibly the most excrutiatingly intense experience we can ever feel. If God is the ultimate state of being, then love would be the next best thing. When we fall in it, drown in it, long for it so badly that we bleed inside, or plummet from the heavens because it was taken away from us, the experience is transcendent and unmatched.

To be deeply in love with someone who loves you deeply is to feel your souls embracing, holding onto each other tightly for dear life. Even when you're physically apart you feel their tug, their gaze, their heat. Negligible everyday things become heightened, sacred objects - his empty coffee cup, the smell of his recently worn shirt, the way he hangs his towel after showering, his wet toothbrush, the impression of his head on the pillow.

Love is a bracing rush, but an extended one. It's as if the entire universe has suddenly, unpredictably fixed itself on you as its center, and you at once feel contained and expansive.

Nothing even comes close to the unnerving vertigo you feel just before meeting your love on a second or third date. You almost want to turn around and run because it's so unbearable. And then you see his face up ahead and he smiles at you and his eyes lock you in place and the tension drains from your body.

To truly love someone is to hold their heart, their vulnerability, in your trembling hands and feel profoundly frightened for it, be in awe of it, worship it. You want to curl up beside it in a warm safe place. You are its custodian. Its existence nourishes you.

That's all I can post for now.

[squarejawhero]

Originally Posted by Once A Villain

I agree with Scott and others that physical attraction almost always comes first, but oddly enough the best relationship I've ever been in was with a girl that I was completely not into at first. I wasn't even going to call her for a second date, I was determined not too, and then I was convinced by some people that I could just be friends with her and that sort of thing (she was new to the area). I didn't find her attractive...in fact, I thought she was weird.

But the strangest thing happened... After hanging out with her and getting to know her I actually found her beautiful too. It was the strangest damn thing, and it hasn't happened since. I would literally look at her and think she was the most beautiful thing in the world, even though I thought she was totally not attractive at first. I guess sometimes (certainly not always) knowing what a person is like inside can actually transform them into a physically beautiful person on the outside.

Since that time it's always physical attraction and fireworks early, and nothing ever lasts because I find out that most of these girls are dumb as bricks. There are two girls I'm interested in now, but I find both physically attractive, and so I'm already thinking, "Ok, this will last a month at best...cool." But is it really cool? I'm 25...I should probably find "the one" before they're all married, divorced, cynical, etc.

I'm 28 and thanks be I didn't think like that.

*WHAPS Once upside the head*

There's always someone. The clue is to stop looking.