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Old 01-03-2006, 04:41 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Once A Villain
I agree with Scott and others that physical attraction almost always comes first, but oddly enough the best relationship I've ever been in was with a girl that I was completely not into at first. (...)
Funny, that's kind of similar to what happened with my girlfriend.
At first, I found her weird (not unattractive, just... weird), but the more I knew her, the more I felt both physically and, well, mentally, attracted to her.
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Old 01-03-2006, 04:53 AM   #22
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Some really neat replies there everyone. Theres not much I can add to all that.
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Old 01-03-2006, 01:51 PM   #23
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Love is going out for dinner with your wife on your 7th wedding anniversary and still enjoying it as much as when she was just your girlfriend.

I did that yesterday and it works for me.
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Old 01-04-2006, 04:06 PM   #24
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I hope it's about companionship.

I'll get back to you guys in a couple of decades.
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Old 01-05-2006, 06:10 AM   #25
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Eating chocolate is how I define love....

*runs away from pan-wielding SJH*
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Old 01-05-2006, 06:16 AM   #26
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Eating chocolate is how I define my average day.
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Old 01-05-2006, 06:18 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RLacey
I hope it's about companionship.
It is, partly.
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Old 01-06-2006, 12:25 PM   #28
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Love is a social construct, and can be learned. Compatibility and commitment are what hold a relationship, not necessarily love. Arranged marriages tend to have a higher success rate than "love" marriages, because they are more based on the above two than on an arbitrary conception of love. Usually, in such a case, the love grows after the couple gets married, rather than before.

Gee, I wish I could have an arranged marriage. It'd sure save me the trouble of finding a significant other, that's for sure.

Also, I find that love is also unlikely to last if it is pursued for selfish interests, i.e. so that I can be happy, avoid loneliness, etc.
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Old 01-06-2006, 02:09 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squinky
Also, I find that love is also unlikely to last if it is pursued for selfish interests, i.e. so that I can be happy, avoid loneliness, etc.
Ah, there's my egoism-is-good reflex coming up...

In the brief experience I've had, spanning four and a half relationships, two and a half which are still lasting at this time, and the one mental relationship of love that was ripped from me without any warning at some point early in its development (thus is not listed in the count of the others), I would claim the reverse.

I made my first two relationships out of selflessness and rational appreciation. They made both me and my respective boyfriends very miserable. The others I've done out of egoism - and it was the selflessness of the respective other person that caused the fissure in the other one I mentioned outside the lot.

Especially my relationship with BoyToy is very, very selfish.

Though, given that, my opinion on what is commonly perceived on "egoism" is that it's not... because making enemies never benefits the self. But, eh... t'is another topic
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Old 01-06-2006, 02:19 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkgothic
I made my first two relationships out of selflessness and rational appreciation. They made both me and my respective boyfriends very miserable. The others I've done out of egoism - and it was the selflessness of the respective other person that caused the fissure in the other one I mentioned outside the lot.
Well, in that case, your main goal is still to be happy, is it not?
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Old 01-06-2006, 05:09 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squinky
Well, in that case, your main goal is still to be happy, is it not?
In which case? You quoted two different scenarios If you mean that I always had the goal to be happy - no. I was genuinely uninterested in my own happiness the first few relationships. And it didn't work. Now, my main goal is certainly my own happiness/etc, and it works out great.
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Old 01-06-2006, 05:20 PM   #32
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Oh. Okay. I get what you're saying now. I think.

How do you define selflessness, anyway? To me, selflessness doesn't mean "being a doormat", and putting the happiness of your partner ahead of your own. In fact, I think that's worse than selfishness! Rather, I see selflessness more as being supportive of one another while doing something good for the world (e.g. raising children). It all goes back to compatibility, really; if one person is concerned with self-gratification and the other isn't, then the relationship fails, whereas if both are selfless and have a common sense of purpose, then the relationship is more likely to last. I hope that makes an inkling of sense.

As for whether the goal of happiness works... if you're still together 10/20/50 years from now, let me know and I'll promptly retract my statements.
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Old 01-07-2006, 08:40 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squinky
In fact, I think that's worse than selfishness!
I couldn't agree more. But IMO, it's still selflessness. The moment you consider yourself... you're not selfless. I'm very literal in my use of the two words.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squinky
As for whether the goal of happiness works... if you're still together 10/20/50 years from now, let me know and I'll promptly retract my statements.
Please pardon my slight cynicism, but I find that's taking the easy way out of the argument. If you don't think I've got the experience to back it up, please just say so, and don't make a statement like this afterwards, promptly negating everything discussed. I'm not angry or trying to blame you or something, this is simply my opinion of such statements.
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