[Jatsie]

Originally Posted by Not A Speck Of Cereal

What a wonderful world we live in. Out on UrbanDictionary.com, a search on the term 'Fudginess' brings up everything from "a sweet loving name for someone your (sic) fond of" to "The homosexual word for 'turd' or a handjob".

And here I thought that turds and handjobs were mutually exclusive.

Gah, a man can't even construct his own word, to mean "a fudge like quality", without cretins preemptively corrupting it!

[stepurhan]

Originally Posted by RLacey

Finally... someone who understands!

Now get back to the kitchen .

You're on your own with that one.

Originally Posted by Jazhara7

I'm not really the person to slap people. But I've already kicked someone in the crown jewels in this week.

On balance I think men find being slapped preferable.

Originally Posted by Giligan

My family jewels are of iron. Your mere foot did not hurt them.

Look out! It's BatGil!

Originally Posted by RLacey

And, of course, it's a BBC programme. No advert breaks!

Yay the BBC!

[Giligan]

Steve, BatGil sounds way too much like BatGirl. We can't be risking that misinterpretation, can we now?

[RLacey]

Whatever.

[Giligan]

Just caught this over at iPlayah magazine. Thought you guys would appreciate it.

Originally Posted by iPlayah magazine

In this modern age we live in, rights are a major concern of everything we know - human’s rights, children’s rights, animal rights, geek’s rights - but no rights exist to protect game characters. In an age when game characters are being made more and more realistic, this will undoubtedly soon become a major issue. iPlayah’s Greg Sanders sits down with a member of the much-maligned army of Paxton Fettel, the antagonist of F.E.A.R., to discuss the problem.

iPlayah: Thanks for coming down, clone 658. I know you have a busy schedule.

Clone 658 (a.k.a. Headless goon): No problem, Greg. I snap up all the fame I can get.

iPlayah: Okay, we’re going to ask the obvious question here. Where is your head?

Headless goon: That g*d**m Point Man and his time-slowing thing. One minute my squad is wandering aimlessly through a room with generic machinery models, and the next minute, a shotgun blast. And then to add insult to injury, that bastard took my head and threw it as hard as he could off the skyscraper, at some car parked below. So it’s somewhere on the Armachan Technology Corporation’s front lawn.

iPlayah: What’s it like, not having a head?

Headless goon: It’s like living with a neurotic roommate for a semester.

iPlayah: Tell us about fighting the Point Man.

Headless goon: Fighting him? *sighs* Just last week, when I was on patrol, I found clone #482 nailed to the wall. Nailed to the wall! Just hanging there, suspended by a steel spike through his right eye socket. He looked like some g*d**m pin-up girl. Admittedly, it would have been nice if he was a pin-up girl, but the male genitalia kinda kills that.... Even though some guys like that sort of thing, it’d be wacked and all that, you know...

iPlayah: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Headless goon: No, not at all.

iPlayah: So what kind of goon are you, specifically?

Clone 658: I’m the blue kind, with the red helmet. I’m nastier and uglier, but just as easy to kill.

iPlayah: So you’re like Master Chief.

Clone 658: Master Chief? Come oooooon. All he ever did was fight alien invaders. I fight someone who slows time down. And once in a while, that kid Alma fries one of us. You should see it. Nothing but a skeleton and a blood drenching the walls, ceiling, and floors. On the plus side, we can use the blood pool as a skating rink, but only until it dries.

iPlayah: You guys play Halo games?

Headless goon: Sure. Where do you think we pick up all those one-liners like “He’s here!” or “Take cover!” or “Oh, fuck, there goes Kenny‘s arms! Somebody grab them!”? They don’t teach those in boot camp.

iPlayah: Looks like boot camp training didn’t help you much in combat anyway.

Headless goon: Well, if they had just once told me to not run out of cover towards him like the stir-crazy Scottish soldier in POW movies, I'd have done fine.

iPlayah: Do you feel short-changed, being a goon?

Clone 658: Oh, yeah. I never get the hot chick, I always get stuck with a bunch of idiots, I look the same as the rest of the guys... It stinks, you know?

iPlayah: But all the chicks die at the end.

Headless goon: Yeah, well, not all at the end. Sure, Wade got partially eaten, and that kills the sex appeal, but Jin lived until the expansion pack.

iPlayah: Jin was rather man-ish anyway.

Clone 658: Oh, yeah. Someone was hitting the testosterone injections alright.

iPlayah: But what sensible girl would want to get stuck in a relationship with a man who has, quite literally, no brains?

Headless goon: Hey! I have a brain, thank you very much. Everyone knows we he-men use our little brains for all necessary thinking, so losing my head wasn’t that big of a change.

iPlayah: How much of a disability is it, missing your head?

Clone 658: Oh, man. You have no idea, some of the stuff. I can’t even listen to my Rihanna albums, without ears.

iPlayah: If you need ears to hear, how are you understanding what I’m saying?

Headless goon: ...

iPlayah: Moving on...

[Hammerite]

i hope no-one kicks my crown jewels.

[Jazhara7]

Originally Posted by Hammerite

i hope no-one kicks my crown jewels.

Don't worry, you're not in any danger of getting kicked in any way by anyone of us.

And if anyone dares kicking you in the crown jewels, they're going to get in trouble with me.


-

[Hammerite]

excellent! my crown jewels are defended!

[AFGNCAAP]

Originally Posted by Giligan

I think not.

Originally Posted by stepurhan

Better not let Sartre hear you say that. He'll say you don't exist.

Surely you mean Descartes?



AFGNCAAP™. Replying to forgotten posts since 2003.

[stepurhan]

Originally Posted by Giligan

Steve, BatGil sounds way too much like BatGirl. We can't be risking that misinterpretation, can we now?

'Speaking for myself, I can risk the misinterpretation of people calling YOU BatGirl.

[Giligan]

Bugger it, where's mom when you need her? MOM!!

[Jatsie]

With the milkman.

[RLacey]

The manufacturers of my computer have told me to allow fifteen working days for repair. And it's been sitting in a queue at their place since arriving.

So much for getting my computer back.

[Jelena]

Originally Posted by Giligan

Bugger it, where's mom when you need her? MOM!!

Watching you deal with Stepsie yourself. Go get him Gil. I know you can do it!

Originally Posted by Jat316sob

With the milkman.

No, actually with the carpenter that works in our back yard.

[Squinky]

Originally Posted by Melanie68

~(_8^(I)

Homersexual!

[RLacey]

Quite.

[Giligan]

Originally Posted by Jelena

Watching you deal with Stepsie yourself. Go get him Gil. I know you can do it!

Yes, you're right. Watch me mercilessly parody you in my writing as you sit by helplessly, Steppy! Hahahaahaha!

[stepurhan]

Originally Posted by Giligan

Yes, you're right. Watch me mercilessly parody you in my writing as you sit by helplessly, Steppy! Hahahaahaha!

Well, I would sit by helplessly but I'm far too busy stripping down my AK-47 (which, as everyone knows is short for Avtomat Kalashnikova 1947) As piston-operated assault rifles go I think this is undoubtedly a classic, though possibly not as much as the Amerigo Cei-Rigotti, which could probably be considered the first assault rifle after it underwent extensive modification in the period from 1890 to 1900. Your HK 416 is all very well with its proprietary gas system and its free-floating 4 quadrant rail system (that can be installed and removed without the need for tools) but I'm still a sucker for the old tried and tested types.

I love guns me. Now I'm off to play the new extended edition of Gears of War with added grenade accessories for all the guns.

[RLacey]

O RLY?

[Jatsie]

YA RLY!