[Intrepid Homoludens]

Originally Posted by Trep

It's the story of my life that I've always been expressive. People have called me brave and honest and open. For me there's no other way to live and experience, I don't know how else to be. Unfortunately, sometimes I stumble on people who may not want to live that way. My partner is one of them. It's frustrating, 'cause I can see such potential in him. I spent most of last night awake in bed thinking about it.

This is a recent email correspondence I had with one of the guys in my group support session, which I just joined last month. Interestingly he's the quietest, least outspoken member. He's an old gentleman, tall and thin with fine ash hair and a pink complexion, and usually dressed in Wrangler denim jackets and jeans, the kind of weathered old cowboy type you associate with cattle ranches in the ranges of Montana. He also happens to be gay and living with H.I.V., with plans to move to Hawaii. I'll be meeting him for coffee this week so we can chew the fat and get to know each other. I have tons of questions for him already.

Anyway, I brought him up because it's one of those times when someone has responded to me and how I've chosen to live my life.

Everyone has their own little philosophy. It might be tied into their religion, or their culture. It might be reactionary, rebellious, or it might be laisser faire and 'que sera sera'. It might even be a cocktail of two or more states of existence and being.

What is your own personal philosophy? How did you come to develop it? What do you value? What do you think is good? What do you believe in? Has this state of being helped you, especially during bad moments in your life? How?

[SakSquash]

I don't know if I have one? I just try to live a happy life.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

What is happiness to you, then?

[SakSquash]

I don't really know. Things that make me feel I guess. I'm at that one stage in my life where i'm not sure my life has any meaning.

[Melanie68]

Personal philosophy: To live life as it comes. I try not to worry about what may happen (this doesn't always work) or what has happened in the past. I try not to worry about what others think of me or expect of me (I'm still working on this). I try to find the best in people even when they aren't at their best. I know I'm not always at my best but I'm still an OK person. I tend to worry about other people when I know of their troubles. I'm still trying to find a peaceful center in which I can be there for them without their troubles weighing on me.

How it developed: I have spent so much time earlier in my life trying to plan it and having it blow up in my face. Those times when my life went in unexpected directions were not always happy times but they were good in the long run. My life will go where it is destined to go.

What is good: When others in their imperfections give what they can of themselves to you. That is always a gift.

Belief: I believe in the inherent goodness of people and yes I believe in God (I wouldn't be able to explain that belief nor would I try to convince others why they should believe).

I think this philosophy is helping me. Although I am still struggling with how other people perceive me especially when I get into my more introspective, quiet and at times grouchy moods. When I am that way, I tend to withdraw and other people don't always know what to do with that. I'm sort of in one of those now and I'm not being very productive in anything (which is really bothering me right now).

[saucyminx]

Oh yeah. I do have my own personal life philosophy. It may sound rude to most, but here it is: Get over it!

I tend to dwell on stuff, the past, the future... so now whatever happens, let it happen and I'll just tell myself: Get over it! My flatmates are complaining because they can't make the flat more luxurious and they want more IKEA. Get over it! My groupmate, who hardly studies, complains I score better than her and it's not fair. Get over it! My colleague. who is still hung up on her ex with whom she claims she is soooo over (yeah right!). Get over it! My dad is not gonna send me any cookies for the Eid this Thursday. Get over it!... he said to me...

[Shodan]

Shodan's Key to Life

• Live not by other people's schedules and desires.
• Trust nobody but yourself. If a 'friend' makes a promise, assume they're lying. That way, when they screw up, you're spared the disappointment. If by some miraculous chance they do pull through, well, that's a sweet little treat for you. Not that it happens often. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO HOPE!
• Don't allow yourself to become too comfortable. Excess comfort leads to mindlessness. You don't want to be mindless, do you? If you feel you're beginning to breeze through life too easily, then move to a different city or get a new job. New stuff keeps the brain functioning.
• Regret nothing, and make no excuses or apologies for who you are.

[Phantom]

My personal life philosophy resolves around always doing things you enjoy. If you do things you enjoy, you automatically become happy. If you have the opportunity to enjoy yourself and entertain (or help) other people in the meantime, you should always choose that option above other ways of enjoyment. Be not afraid to try things you may enjoy.

Of course this doesn't mean you should skip things like work or school; rather you should actively look for a course or a job you enjoy, and you should not be afraid to take risks to find them. I'm confident there's one that suits you if only you would look hard enough. Most people simply need the income from work to enjoy themselves in their lives. There are unemployed people who just enjoy their life with the little money they have, and I respect that, but they're a minority.

Most people just don't enjoy themselves enough. I see them everywhere. They worry too much about things. They skip opportunities to discover new exciting things. They settle in their boring routines, moaning about how unhappy they are as they go. They need to look at life with a positive attitude, and they need to learn to grab every chance they get to enjoy themselves.

[squarejawhero]

I don't really know if I've got any philosophy of life. I've got a lot of opinions. But right now it's getting over the funk I've put myself in from years of working from home.

[pinkgothic]

It's busy changing ( thanks, Ninth, gillyruless and Trep ), so I can't just yet say, keep this thread alive another month or so for me, please?

[Fairygdmther]

I'm very much a pragmatist - if it works, do it. If it has some part you aren't comfortable with, either don't do it, or find a way to make it okay for you. Don't regret what you've done, do everything you can for those you love, and if it is not reciprocated, well, at least you will know you've done the best you can do. Don't live with the hindsight bit - like Mira, I believe in the "get over it" theory.

How I got here - I'm the youngest of five in my family. I watched my SOB of a father try to decimate my only brother and one of my sisters. Those two were always my favorites - I watched the other two - my oldest sister who lived in disdain of the rest of the world, and put everyone down whenever she could, and the remaining sister who lied her way through life, and expected everyone else to rescue her from her own stupid way of life. These two were the ones my father respected, for some reason. I learned to be somewhat like them outwardly to gain my father's respect, while inwardly I became more like my brother and other sister.

This became my "do what works" philosophy at age 5, when my father decided that my brother was a "fag" because he wasn't overly macho ( he was about 11 at this time), and Jean, who was honest and good natured, he called her "hey, stupe!" and would punish her for no reason. I had no trouble with living this dichotomy, because, even at 5, I understood that I could get away with it with my parents, and to the day that each of them died, they never knew that I was not who they thought I was. I learned my lessons well by watching, and learned not to overdo the imitation - I learned subtlety.

I did what I wanted to do, and lied to them as long as I could, but in the end I made them proud of me for doing my own thing, especially my father. In his eyes, disobedience wasn't what was important, but what you got from it was. If you could stand up to him in an interrogation, and defend your actions, you had passed mettle. He may have made me stronger by my using subterfuge, but that strength is not one I'm proud of - for me it was a necessity, and I got through it relatively unscathed.

As an adult, I've done a few things I've regretted, and only yesterday, did I come to terms with one that's haunted me since I was 22. I made my peace with that one, finally. And it was a biggie, too, so I feel good about that.

I don't as a rule give to charities, nor do I attend church (for many reasons). I give my money, help and love to people I care about. I'm skeptical about most charity foundations as to how much actually goes to those who need it. If I help those I love and care about, I know what the results are. I've paid for one gal's college courses, saved another from being evicted, helped another person avoid jail for not paying child support, and another leave a god-forsaken town to move out of state to a much better life for him and his young family. This is how I got my nickname of Fairygodmother (shortened because of AOL's then 12 character limit). I don't tell this because I want recognition, but merely to show where I'm coming from. This is part of my "doing what works for me".

Even if the recipient tried to abuse my goodwill, and it did happen a few times, I don't regret doing it, because I did it in good faith with that person. If they didn't deserve that, well it's their problem to deal with, I did what I felt good doing. When told that someone couldn't pay me back, I reply - "I don't want it back from you, someday when you can help someone else out of trouble, do it for me."

Most of all, my philosophy is to give of yourself to those you love. Giving's best reward is when you can make someone else happy.

Lynsie

[Jeysie]

I don't know if I really have a personal philosophy in terms of the way I live my life, but maybe I can try to expound on the type of person I try to be...

I try to be good to people. I am happiest when I feel useful, when I feel like I am bringing happiness and joy to others. I enjoy creating things, and trying to find beauty and joy in the universe.

I also try to emphasize honesty. I try to encourage people to think and to question, to try to look down deep and find their true selves. To follow what they truly believe instead of what others tell them to believe.

I feel these sorts of things for two reasons.

For one, I try to be practical, efficient, and logical.

I find that the various undertakings of life are far easier, more satisfying, and more successful when we all work together and devote ourselves to the fullest. When we work at cross-purposes and hurt each other, either intentionally or unintentionally, it does nothing but make getting things done much more difficult for everyone, and result in wasted time and effort.

I also find that it is far easier for us all to deal with each other when we are honest with our intentions. You then can plan your actions with accurate information, instead of having to hedge your bets and worry what will happen if someone has been lying to you.

The ability to try to see things for the way they really are ties into that. You can never achieve your full potential unless you can honestly know yourself, both good and bad. And you can't know the most effective way to apply yourself to the world until you honestly know *it* as well.

For two, I spent my entire childhood being bullied extensively, both physically and mentally. I can't blame all of my problems on the bullying, but I know that to this day it has left profound problems on the way I relate to myself and others. I wonder sometimes how much potential I lost to the effects of being bullied. I also know how badly I wished there was someone who could have spoken for me... seen someone being mistreated and stepped in to stop it.

As a result, I've developed something of a "sticking up for others" mentality... if I think I see someone being treated cruelly or unfairly I feel compelled to try to do something about it, if I can. And I've also vowed to try to never to intentionally treat anyone cruelly... I can't bear the thought of causing someone else the same pain I suffered.

I don't think I really believe in anything, at least, not in the sense of having faith. I just look at the world around me and try to find places where I can make it better, where I can create something. That's always been my greatest fascination... the idea of taking pieces of something and combining them together to make something better than the sum of its parts.

I have to admit that I don't think this philosophy has helped me at all in life. For every one thing you make better, there's a hundred horrid things to overwhelm it. It's disheartening being able to look around and see all the cracks and know you can't repair all of them.

It's also disheartening to know that I feel that if we could only cooperate and treat each other with dignity and respect life would be much happier and we could all have fun, yet I see we are always going around hurting each other and destroying things and making life needlessly miserable and unhappy. Why? I don't know.

Finally, I don't always live up to my own ideals. I can be ugly and selfish and sometimes hurt people I care about. And I have a lot of potential but every time I try to do something practical with it I fail miserably.

I suppose the net result of all this is the same as the net result of most of my philosophies... a bizarre sort of equilibrium made of contradictions and oxymorons.

Peace & Luv, Liz

I don't have one, I don't need one. I guess I just keep on steppin'.

[UPtimist]

Eh, Die another day.

Wait...

I mean Live and let die.

OK, I'll stop now.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I describe my personal philosophy as an intricate cocktail of various ideas, spiritualities, and states of mind. I grew up Catholic but my family was never truly devout, and I lost interest in the mechanics and cosmetic rituals of this religion (for years I was scared to death of saying 'goddamn' until one day when I was willing to risk my life using the Lord's name in vain just to see if I'd get struck by lightning; I've been saying 'goddamn' every chance I get with relish ever since).

I eventually slowly discovered the 'essence' of Christian spirituality - that is, that god is the pure 'manifestation' of all things good: love, hope, charity, beauty, happiness. I decided that all those mechanics and cosmetic rituals I hated when I was a kid were instituted by people of authority suffering from stupidity, ignorance, selfishness, and a lust for power over others. After that I became a little more spiritual, and emphatically no longer religious. Religion to me means following some dogma officialized centuries ago because some theologian who was paranoid and looked for any excuse to rationalize his fears, or a group of greedy men who wanted power and material possessions through crowd control (the Vatican has a shitload to answer for).

Interestingly enough I learned that many other spiritual beliefs - Hinduism, Buddhism, Muslim beliefs, Hari Krishna, Taoism, and others - shared many fundamentals, particularly love and compassion, two things I've always been automatically drawn to. I've been going around thinking that 'Good' is 'God' with an extra Oh!



My main philosophical beliefs are in Taoism and the Socratic inquiry. Taoism rejects anything unnatural - that is, anything that disrespects the workings of the natural world, its balance and harmony. A Taoist state of mind finds profound stillness and grace at the center of all things and lets the mind and body flow from there freely and of its own accord, in harmony with it. Any man who stops this flow, interrupts it, forces it elsewhere, will create nothing but imbalance and sickness, diseases, paranoia, wars, and other afflictions. According to author Benjamin Hoff, the modern incarnation of the Tao is Winnie the Pooh (though I'm more like Piglet, the little Tao that could).

What I love about Socrates' m.o. is that this way of life, this way of existing, may be agonizingly openended and even cryptic at times, but it makes up for it by being infinitely full of possibilities - to discover new things, and for betterment of the world and one's self. Life is one huge question mark, why not jump into it knowing you'll be richer and fuller coming out before jumping back in again?

It has never been my style to try and paint myself as better than anyone. I only know what I know at this moment and when I learn something new it still doesn't mean I should think myself better than anyone. What good would that do for me? It does, however, mean that I have something new to share with someone, and that makes me feel that I am better - that is, better than I was before this gift which I can share.

When I nearly died of a stomach infection years ago, it was during the time of the worst years of my life, and I had no one around who could truly help me. I did a hell of a lot thinking then, about my life. Was it worth living anymore? What kind of value did it have? What can and should happen to salvage it? If I committed suicide would that have solved it all? Or was it simply a coward's way out, considering all the other options available within reach?

Instead of reaching out for help, I reached in. Deep in. That's how I avoided killing myself. You can only sink so low in quicksand, and once you touch the bottom the only way out is climb up. It doesn't necessarily mean all your problems are gone, but it does mean that you know you have power to do something about yourself, and you grab it.

What can I do to make things better for myself and for others? To simply be that much more of myself to myself and to others. To simply be good.

[Glenn Epic]

Originally Posted by Shodan

Shodan's Key to Life

• Trust nobody but yourself. If a 'friend' makes a promise, assume they're lying. That way, when they screw up, you're spared the disappointment. If by some miraculous chance they do pull through, well, that's a sweet little treat for you. Not that it happens often. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO HOPE!

That's a painfull way to live

[samIamsad]

Perhaps... I'm intrigued, though.

[Jeysie]

I missed that little tidbit.

Shodan's "don't trust people" and "expect the worst" bit is exactly the way I operate. If you always prepare for the worst you'll be set if it does happen, and pleasantly surprised if it doesn't.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I say that if you always prepare for the worst that's just as good as expecting the worst. I don't subscribe to the 'never trust anyone' mindset, partly because I've gone through a period of not trusting anyone. It's no better than trusting people, but no worse, either. And yeah, I think I'm an authority enough to say this. It's essentially a 'half empty glass' attitude. Trying to live my life while always looking over my shoulder is not living.

Let's see, I've had my heart broken, I've been abandoned, betrayed, double-crossed, survived periods of depression, gone through times when there was no one whose shoulder I could cry one, and I nearly died. I didn't transcend all that by not trusting anyone, I transcended all that by sustaining hope that someone will come along who I can trust - to hug me, help me, and understand. And that happened many times and I'm thankful - to myself, most of all - that no matter what happens, I must never ever give up.

[Starflux]

Originally Posted by Intrepid Homoludens

(for years I was scared to death of saying 'goddamn' until one day when I was willing to risk my life using the Lord's name in vain just to see if I'd get struck by lightning; I've been saying 'goddamn' every chance I get with relish ever since).

Hah, I'm right there at the moment! My whole life I've been terrified and was offended by people saying Goddamn (in Dutch: "Godverdomme", which means something slightly else; you're cursing yourself instead something randomly else), until a few months ago when I realised I had been agnostic for quite some years and thought: if there is a God, he's not going to charge me for this. He'll look at how I've been to other people and treated myself and the world. I'm not quite comfortable swearing yet, because I don't like to in the first place, but I don't fear it anymore.

Related, I will NEVER swear with cancer. Unfortunately, our Dutch society has the knack to throw around diseases (in lieu of, for instance, genitalia). But I'm way too scared of it. Don't want the confrontation. I'm pretty vexed to death for it, so I'm a bit superstitious about that one. Maybe it'll go away, but I find it extremely offensive if someone just throws those things around.

Regardless, my philosophy. I don't really have a motto or anything, but there are certainly things that I try to uphold.

I believe very strongly in that every human being has the power to change himself. You're not a victim of life, you control it. That doesn't mean that environments and exterior forces don't have an effect on who you are but that in the end, I have the power to choose my own destiny. I try to live empowered by this thought.
(I think this flows out of the fact that I have always been underestimated due to my short size and appearance. I've always had to battle to get respect and in the end I always harvested what I had sowed, and got acknowledgement.)

I am also very open about everything and freely donate my trust. I refuse to be hurt if this trust is betrayed, because I will give everyone a chance, the benefit of the doubt. Should this turn out to be a failure, I'll know it for the future and it will only hurt the aggressor, not me. I can do this, because I don't want to feel shame for any aspect of my life.

(All this sounds very secure and bold, but in real life it turns out to be quite a bit more a case of tugging and pulling and insecurities popping up, but that seems only reasonable.)

And I always want to be optimistic. I feel that is the best way to become happy in life. Cynism only hurts this, and my vision on the world. I'm not living in an illusory world -I know very well the tragedy that occurs worldwide and locally and it affects me deeply- but I, again, refuse to let this affect my optimism. Theatrical wallowing in sentiments aside, there is an unstoppable knowledge in me that Good will overcome all.

Thank you.