Pasteurise, Pasteurise, Pasteurise.
You now have milk for your mroning coffee. Unfortunately, a new law has just been passed banning coffee as a hazardous stimulant. As you are harbouring a supply of this now banned substance, you are in breach of this law and subject to immediate arrest. In an especialy unfortunate turn, a mix-up in the paperwork means you are assigned to report on the proceedings for the issue of the warrant for your own arrest.
I wish that I hadn't bashed my left knee on the five at St Leonards on Thursday.
Spoiler:The five in question is a church bell whose weight is roughly equivalent to that of eight full-grown men. When you accidentally swing your knee into it, it doesn't move a great deal, nor is it made of soft yielding sponge.